Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
The sand sank a little beneath us as we sat.
Trace’s head rested on my shoulder, and my heart squeezed at the easy contact.
It wasn’t lost on me how vulnerable and raw everything still was between us.
She wasn’t ready to trust me again, but she was doing it anyway.
She was taking her badly bruised heart, handing it to me, and hoping I wouldn’t stomp on it again.
I wouldn’t. But she couldn’t be sure of that.
I kissed the top of her head, lingering there to breathe her in.
“So what else is new?” I asked.
She paused for a moment and then started laughing hysterically, tears in her eyes. “Sorry,” she choked out. “That’s just such a mundane question after everything that’s happened.”
I chuckled and tucked her in closer to me. “I know. But I’ve really fucking missed asking you those mundane questions.”
She smiled up at me. I felt like the luckiest fucker in the world when she snuggled into my side.
“Well, let’s see,” she started. “My mom is trying to sell my soul to my record label.”
A protectiveness burned in my chest. “What?”
“I mean, not literally my soul, but my next five albums, which is basically the same thing.”
I pulled away so I could look down at her. “You can’t do that.”
She gave a noncommittal shrug. “I know that.”
My eyebrows shot up, waiting for her to continue. When she met my eyes, she sighed and curled her knees into her chest.
“I just haven’t said as much yet.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“Fear? That I’ll never be able to sing again.”
“You will, Trace.”
She smiled. “You know what being with you reminds me?”
“What?”
“That I need to face my fears head on. Not give them any power.”
Something inside my chest expanded.
“When we’re done here, maybe I can finally watch your documentary,” she added.
“You’re the only one I want to show it to,” I said, meaning it.
She looked out at the ocean. “You know, I almost went to see it in Denver. I had a free day there after my show, and they were doing a screening at a small theater in Boulder. I asked one of the publicists at the label to get me a ticket. I got dressed to go and everything, but in the end I stayed home. I couldn’t get myself to watch it. ”
I groaned and covered my face with my hand. “I was at that screening.”
She laughed. “No offense, but I wasn’t exactly excited to see you at the time. I probably would have bolted if I’d seen you.”
“At least I could have chased you.”
“Because that went so well for you at the reunion.”
I faltered, thinking back to the group dinner where I’d been sitting across from her, choking on my own air. She couldn’t even look at me. Then she’d run out of there, and I’d blown my chance.
“Guess I need to learn to run faster,” I said.
She giggled. “Like you aren’t way faster than me already.”
“Maybe it’s more of an endurance thing, then.”
She stared at me.
I sighed and slung my arm back around her. “As much as I want to push all of the heavy conversation behind us, there is one last thing I need to bring up.”
“What?”
“An engagement? Seriously?” I let my disapproval coat the words.
Her forehead crinkled before her eyes went wide. It was all the confirmation I needed. Fuck, I’d really been hoping that had just been a rumor. I couldn’t believe it was true.
A laugh of disbelief slipped out of me. “Seriously, Trace? You were going to get engaged at the end of this?”
“I don’t know. I doubt I would have really gone through with it,” she mumbled.
Heat rose in my chest even at the thought.
She sighed. “There was so much pressure. From every angle. Brady. My mother.”
The heat in my chest turned to full on fire. I sucked in a breath to cool it.
“It’s not like it would have been a real engagement or anything…More of a publicity thing. And Tripp’s nice enough. Sweet. Genuine. I figured we could date after this and see what happened.”
“No,” I barked, the territorial side of me winning out for a second.
She rolled her eyes and laughed at my display. “This was obviously before you showed up and steamrolled over everything.”
“Being engaged is serious to you,” I said, trying my best to quell the jealous monster currently raging inside me. To think that if I hadn’t shown up, she might have had another man’s ring on her finger? It was too much to take.
“I know. But…a lot of things have felt out of my control lately. My music. My image. You.” She glanced at me when she said it. “I just figured I’d go along with it. You know I hate fighting.”
I sat up so that our faces were only inches apart. “The last time I saw you, you were going to fight for what you wanted. You were going to write the songs you wanted to write. You were thinking about leaving your label and starting over. What the hell happened?”
She shrugged. “Maybe I’m scared.”
I ran a hand along my jaw. “You’re stronger than that, Trace.”
“I know. I’ve had to be.” The way she stared at me saying those words said everything. I felt about as small as an ant.
“I’m assuming your mother is on board with all of this?” I asked.
“You know she is. Path of least resistance to me being a star.”
I groaned. “You need to get some space from her.”
“It’s hard.” Her voice was quiet. It occurred to me that a big part of the reason she hadn’t done anything she had said she was going to do was because I had abandoned her. Heartbreak could be a hell of a setback. I could attest to that.
“I know I’m supposed to be strong and independent.
And I know I truly don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t left me behind that day.
But it’s hard to feel like you’re giving up a dream.
All I’ve wanted since I was little was to sing professionally.
And now I’m doing it. How can I just walk away? ”
“You’re not walking away. You’re doing it on your own terms. Fame isn’t worth shit if you aren’t happy.”
She paused to think about that.
“Are you happy?” I asked.
“Not really.” Her eyes met mine. “I almost was.”
My head fell back as she effortlessly delivered that blow. It hurt.
“You can do it without me, you know? Stand up for yourself,” I said.
She shrugged. “I can do whatever I want to, with or without you. But it’s hard not having any support, no one on your side. I thought I could count on you.”
“You can.” My words were forceful.
“I hope so.”
I cupped her cheeks—soft compared to my rough hands—and brought her mouth to mine, kissing her slowly.
“I love you.” I hoped it sounded like the promise that it was.
She sighed. “Will things always feel so heavy between us?”
“I don’t know. I hope not. I know I feel a hell of a lot lighter since I have you here in my arms again.”
That made her smile. Actually fucking smile. I pulled her to me, holding her tight, bottling sunshine.
Then I kissed her again. I still wasn’t used to it.
I’d missed it so much. She tasted sweet and perfect.
Her lips were soft. A low groan built in my throat as she melted into me.
My arms wrapped around her, securing her to me.
I wanted this forever. There was nothing I was surer of than that.
I hated that she didn’t trust me, but at least I could take comfort knowing that with every day I showed up for her, she’d believe it a little more.
I pulled away to press kisses to her cheeks and her forehead, running a hand up and down her arm. No one else got this side of me. It was only for her.
When I noticed the goosebumps trailing along her arms, I tugged off the button-down shirt they’d forced me to wear for dinner. I still had on a T-shirt as I slipped the shirt over her head, covering the thin straps of the small dress she had on.
“Hey!” She laughed and squirmed before her blonde waves popped out of the collar. I kissed her forehead.
“We should probably go back, huh?” She frowned, wrapping herself in the huge sleeves of my shirt.
I glanced behind me, an idea forming. We’d already royally broken our contract, after all. What point was there in rushing back only to be punished?
“Actually, I have a better idea.”