18. Dallas
18
DALLAS
Falling asleep wrapped up in Katie was probably a terrible idea.
Scratch that. It was definitely a terrible idea.
Not only am I supposed to be creating distance between us, but Olivia and Flynn stumbled into the house sometime in the early hours of the morning and saw us tangled together on the couch.
They must have, because when I woke up again at 3 a.m. and carried Katie to bed, with her snuggling into my chest in a way that made me not want to let her go, Olivia was already there.
I tucked Katie in beside her best friend and since Flynn had claimed the spare bed, I returned to the couch and stretched out, trying to ease the crick in my neck from curling around Katie for several hours.
Later that morning, when everyone finally emerged, with Flynn and Olivia rather worse for wear, and Katie looking bright-eyed and refreshed, our sleeping arrangements weren’t mentioned.
No one has said a thing in the week since that night.
I should be glad for it. I should appreciate that Flynn has kept his mouth shut and not brought it up. I fully expected him to joke about it, to tease us, to expect a complete update on our current relationship status.
But he hasn’t said a word and I’m desperate to talk to somebody about that night.
The first night I spent with her, I’m happy to keep to myself. But the second one … so many things came up that I want to know more about. I want to dig deeper and uncover her.
I keep wondering why she said she can’t give me long term. She said she wants to be able to, and there’s something in the way. Something that’s stopping her.
She’s kept her distance over the past week, going about her farm duties and spending time with the horse Flynn brought back with him.
When we cross paths, she doesn’t mention anything that happened that night either. She treats me like she always has, but she’s softened. Her outright mocking is now just gentle teasing. Not that it happens often. She seems to be using Flynn and Olivia as a pretty effective buffer between us.
The school bell rings and startles me out of my thoughts. I’m leaning against a tree outside of Sadie’s new classroom, waiting for her to finish her first week of school.
She’s taken to school like a duck to water, though she’s absolutely exhausted. Every afternoon she excitedly tells me about everything they did that day in class, then passes out half way through eating dinner. We haven’t even been eating at the main house with Violet and Olivia because Sadie can’t stay awake that long.
Violet tells me it’s normal. At first I was hesitant to believe her, and fretted about there being something wrong, some illness I needed to take her to the doctor for.
“Daddy!” Sadie yells in my face as she runs up to me, flinging herself into my arms.
“Heya, Sadie girl.” I wrap her up and feel her immediately snuggle into me. It’s the best feeling in the world.
“She’s had a great week,” Sadie’s teacher says, following the herd of children out of the classroom, making sure they each find their parent.
Miss Hayes, is young for a teacher. I think this is her first year teaching. Her dark hair is pulled up into a ponytail and she smiles at me. “She’s settled in really well and is getting used to the routines. She’s a great kid, always trying to help. She’s been telling us all about the farm.”
I grin. “Yeah, I bet you know far more about Porridge than you ever wanted to. The lamb I mean, not the breakfast.”
She laughs. “I always had lambs as a kid, I remember what it’s like.” She pauses. “Sadie mentioned Katie, someone who works on the farm. I’m assuming she means Katie Barton?”
“Yeah, she does.” Apprehension fills me as the teacher absorbs my words. Katie seems to think everyone in Kauri Creek hates her and this feels like a test.
“Oh, I didn’t know she was back. Can you tell her I said hi and that I’d love to catch up with her? ”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” I must look as confused as I feel because she continues.
“Katie and I were at school together, though she’s a bit older.” She hesitates. “She might not remember me, but I always thought she was super cool, and nice.”
I smile, filled with a warmth I wasn’t expecting.
“She is the coolest,” Sadie says, agreeing with her teacher. “I love her.”
“I’ll let her know,” I say. “Thanks. Sadie’s had a great week.”
Miss Hayes smiles. “We’ll see you again Monday. Bye, Sadie.”
“Bye, Miss Hayes,” Sadie calls. She doesn’t even pause for breath before she continues. “Daddy, can we get ice cream?”
I laugh. “Sure, Sadie girl. Let’s go.”
We eat our ice cream at the park and Sadie plays for a few minutes before we head back to the farm. Her eyes are already starting to droop by the time we park outside the main house.
Violet meets us on the porch, taking Sadie from my arms. “Come help me make dinner, sweetie,” she murmurs to Sadie, who I’m pretty sure is going to be doing more napping than helping.
I don’t really want her to sleep so close to bedtime, because she’ll want to be awake half the night, but I’m pretty exhausted myself and just appreciate Violet taking Sadie for a few hours while I finish some jobs. “Join us tonight, Dallas,” she says to me. “You look like you need a break too. ”
I rub at my jaw and feel the rasp of stubble. She’s right. “That’d be good. Thanks Violet. I’ll just go finish up.”
I climb back into the ute and continue down the driveway, pulling up outside the storage shed on the opposite side of the yards to the barn and stable. I have a tray load of fencing supplies and native trees for planting, which I somehow have to fit into the schedule over the next week or so, before the plants all die.
“Hey, cowboy,” Katie calls from the yards. I hadn’t even noticed her as I drove down the driveway. She’s with the new horse, standing in the middle of the yard. The horse is wearing a halter, the rope held loosely in Katie’s hand as she runs a brush over the horse’s coat. Olivia and Flynn tell me she’s making good progress, but I haven’t witnessed any of it myself until now.
Katie wanders over to the railing, and the horse trails along behind her. Clearly she’s built some trust there.
“How was Sadie’s first week?”
“It was good. She’s probably asleep already.”
Katie laughs as she unclips the lead rope and climbs over the railing. She leans on it beside me. “It must be such a huge adjustment for a little person.”
“Massive,” I agree. “Also, her teacher, Leah Hayes, asked me to say hi and if you remember her she’d like to catch up sometime.”
“Leah is Sadie’s teacher?”
I nod and lean against the fence too. Immediately I feel the hot breath of the horse puffing against my neck.
“Stay still,” Katie says, her voice low. “She’s not been near anyone else yet. ”
I freeze. I was about to push away, but Katie looks so excited to see the horse near another person. I shove down my own feelings about being this close to a horse. At least there’s a solid railing fence between us.
“That’s super cool that Leah is her teacher. I didn’t know she’d come back.”
“Yep,” I say, trying hard not to throw myself away from the horse.
“She was sweet.”
“Still is as far as I can tell. Sadie adores her already.”
Some emotion crosses Katie’s face, but it’s gone in a flash and I’m left wondering if I imagined it. I’m probably wishful thinking but it looked like jealousy.
“I’ll bet,” she says and I can tell she’s fighting to cover up the emotion, whatever it is.
“She adores you too, just so you know. She told Leah that she loves you.”
“I love her, too.” Her voice is so quiet I can barely make out the words over the huffing of the horse breathing down my neck. “I’m going to miss her. Probably more than anyone.”
“You’ll miss her?” My brain stops functioning. My heart freezes. The only way she’ll be able to miss Sadie is if one of them isn’t here, and Sadie isn’t going anywhere. “You’re leaving.” It’s not a question and we both know it.
“Eventually. Not yet. I need to save some money first.”
I finally step away from the horse, throwing a hand up to grip the back of my neck as my stomach plummets. The horse tosses her head at my sudden movement and skitters across the yard away from us. I don’t have it in me to care .
“What happened to you being so determined to prove yourself? To show you belonged here? That you wouldn’t let Olivia down?” I spin back to face Katie, my desperation turning to frustration. “What happened to all that, princess? Was it all just talk?”
The shock on her face at my outburst quickly settles into the hard lines of anger.
“I wish I could stay. If I could just live out here on the farm and pretend it isn’t a part of Kauri Creek then I would, but I can’t. I’m trapped here. I need a place I can put down roots and actually grow. I’m never going to get that here. It’s all caught up in the past and I refuse to live in a place where people hate me for something I didn’t even do. I don’t want to be here because it makes me remember. And I don’t want to remember.” Her voice finally gives up and breaks. “You don’t get the right to accuse me of anything, cowboy. I already told you I can’t be what you want, because I know I can’t stay. I can’t get involved. I won’t do it to Sadie and I won’t do it to you.”
A tear spills over and streaks down her cheek. She’s breathing hard, her face flushed and fists clenched at her sides.
“Princess,” I say, my voice soft as the frustration evaporates at the sight of her pain. I step close.
She raises a balled fist and presses it to my chest, right above my heart. It’s not a gentle caress. It’s a warning.
I ignore it.
“Princess.” I say again, reaching up to swipe away the tears that continue to fall. “You know the good thing about memories? You’re always making new ones. ”
“I’m aware of that,” she grumbles, still holding me at arm’s length with the fist against my heart. Symbolic really.
“So, if you don’t want to go, make new ones. Make new ones here, with Olivia and Flynn and Sadie … and me.”
“It’s not that easy. And who says I don’t want to go? Maybe I do want to go. Maybe I can’t wait to get out of this place.”
“You just said if you would stay you could. God, you’re so stubborn it’s infuriating.”
“See, you don’t even want me here. You said the other day that it would be easier if we never saw each other again.”
“Fuck’s sake, princess, that was after the first night. Not after the rest of it. Not after I got to know you and you kept calling me cowboy like it didn’t drive me insane, or maybe you called me that because you know it does, which now that I know you is probably more your style. You’re fucking gorgeous and sassy and incredible. Of course I want you to stay.”
I’m breathing hard now too, staring down at this infuriating woman who I do not want to let go. She’s looking straight back at me, tear stained cheeks and fury in her gaze.
Fuck it.
I throw caution to the wind and put it all on the line as I bend down and press my lips to hers.