19. Katie
19
KATIE
Dallas’s mouth comes crashing down on mine and it wipes every thought from my head.
I’m not sure if we’re arguing and mad at each other, or not.
Right now, with his lips pressed against mine and his hand cupping my jaw to tilt my chin just the right way, it seems irrelevant.
His tongue brushes against my lips and I open for him. Any resolve I had before is gone. I virtually melt into him as he kisses me.
He’s gentle, but also completely in control. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s not afraid to prove it, exactly the way I remember.
My fingers clutch at his shirt. The hand that held onto his chest to keep him away, now pulling him closer and helping to hold me on my feet as my knees wobble, threatening to give out completely.
He pulls away, but only for a breath before he presses another kiss to my cheek and breathes into my ear. “We don’t want you to go, princess. Give us a chance. A chance to make new, better memories.”
Reality comes crashing back in and I shove Dallas away.
“I can’t,” I say. “I’m leaving, hopefully by winter. It’s probably best if we just forget about the friend thing.”
I spin around and climb back over the railings, leaving Dallas staring after me. I don’t care. I need to keep the distance. I’ve managed to avoid him most of this week, I should be able to manage it for another few months.
Even if all I really want to do is crawl back into his arms.
I am not being that girl again. I’m not just going along with everything because a gorgeous man convinces me he loves me. Not that Dallas is anywhere close to loving me, but I still can’t change my plans for him. I can’t.
Aurora wanders over to me once I’m far enough away from Dallas. I hear him sigh, then the crunch of gravel under his boots as he strides back across to the storage shed where he begins unloading the ute.
After yesterday’s argument with Dallas that had him kissing me before I stormed off like a petulant teenager, I didn’t see him again for the rest of the afternoon.
It’s not unusual. I was already trying hard to stay out of his way.
We’ve blurred so many lines that creating distance between us seems like the best course of action .
When I propositioned Dallas last week I’d been exhausted from the emotional upheaval of seeing Max, of seeing Flynn, and from bawling my eyes out over Toby.
That’s why I’d tried to kiss Dallas. Nothing else. I just lost my marbles for a bit there.
So I’ve stayed away from him all week. Now though, I don’t know what he’s asking of me, especially after what happened in that moment yesterday when he his lips came down on mine.
When I arrived at the main farm house for dinner last night, I realised my luck in avoiding him had run out when I saw his boots by the door.
We survived the meal without drama though, and Dallas left early when Sadie started to droop, her first week of school obviously catching up with her.
I spent the evening sitting on the back porch of the house with Olivia, a bottle of wine between us.
It was the perfect night.
This morning is not so great.
I slept in Willow’s room, not wanting to drive back to town after drinking, and when I enter the kitchen, I find Violet standing over the sink filling lamb bottles. Sadie is on the porch, pulling her boots on. I’ve clearly overslept.
“Oh, hey Katie,” Violet says when I step up beside her.
I can tell immediately that something is off. I take her in, the rough ponytail, the rumpled clothes, the red eyes that are far too glassy.
“Here,” I say, taking the milk jug from her. “Sadie and I will take care of the lambs, then I’ll take her with me for a couple of hours. ”
“Oh, no, Katie, it’s fine.” Her voice wobbles though and I know it’s not okay. I wrack my brain for the date and try to remember if it has any special significance. I can’t recall anything, but I know from my own experience that the grief plays on its own schedule.
“Vi, it’s okay. You deserve a little break. I don’t mind hanging out with Lady Sadie. Don’t worry about it.”
She smiles at me, one that reminds me so much of my grandma. It tugs at my heart. “Thank you, Katie. We’re so lucky you’re home.”
That statement tugs at my heart too, but in a totally different way.
I turn back to the lamb bottles as Violet makes herself a coffee, then I head outside where Sadie is waiting, surrounded by a small flock of orphaned lambs. She loves feeding them every day and she’s named every one of them. We had to spend a significant amount of time convincing her we are capable of taking over feeding duties while she’s at school.
Once the lambs are taken care of, Sadie and I head down the driveway. She reaches up and wraps her small fingers around mine.
My heart isn’t ready for it. Not today.
With being confronted by Violet’s grief and Sadie’s joy, my own emotions are all over the place.
“Can I trust you to stay right here while I work with Aurora?” I ask Sadie, leading her up onto a platform that overlooks the yard where Aurora is.
Sadie nods solemnly. “I promise,” she says. “And I’ll be super quiet and not move so I don’t scare her. ”
I reach out and tug at one of her pigtails. “Good job.”
I climb over the railings and drop lightly to the dirt. Aurora is on the other side of the yard, munching on the hay Olivia must have given her this morning. When she sees me she nickers and immediately heads in my direction.
I grin. The joy of seeing the horse beginning to trust me overriding the already emotional morning I’ve had.
I clip the lead rope onto her halter and give her neck a solid rub. Aurora nuzzles into me. We walk a few laps of the yard, with Aurora keeping pace beside me. It feels like she’d follow me anywhere. On our third lap I glance up and see Sadie staring at us over the top rail, her eyes wide with awe. I stop beside where she’s watching.
“Would you like to meet her?”
Sadie’s eyes widen further. She nods, then stops. “Can I?” she whispers, and I can’t tell if she’s worried about scaring the horse or if voicing the question is going to stop her being able to.
“Of course. Come here.”
Sadie climbs over the top railing, moving nice and slowly. She’s so aware of Aurora and any time the horse fidgets, Sadie pauses, waiting for her to settle again. I reach out and grab Sadie from the railings, holding her in my arms. Aurora is standing back, her lead rope stretched long between us, while she eyes up the new addition to our team.
“Hey, pretty girl,” I croon to the horse. “This is Lady Sadie and she’d like to meet you. Think that’s a good idea?”
The horse puffs out a breath, and takes a tentative step forward.
“Hello, Aurora,” Sadie says quietly, copying my soothing tone. “It’s so nice to meet you.”
The horse takes another step and as Sadie reaches out her hand, Aurora stretches her nose towards her.
“Sadie?” The voice behind us comes out sharp, and both little girl and horse pull back, moments before making contact. “What’re you doing?” Dallas asks.
I close my eyes and let out a breath as Sadie curls into me, the hand she had reached out for the horse wrapping itself tightly around my neck. “He’s going to be mad at me,” she whispers.
That has my eyes flying open again. “Why?”
“Because I’m not supposed to go near the horses.”
“He won’t be mad at you, Lady Sadie,” I say softly into her hair as she clings to me.
“I don’t want him to be mad at you either,” she says as I reach the railings and balance her feet on them.
“Don’t you worry about me. I can handle it.” I give her a smile and she scrambles over the top of the fence, landing back on the viewing platform beside her father.
“What’re you doing down here?” He asks her. “I thought you were with Violet.”
“Violet needed a moment,” I say, climbing the railings to put me on a better height with Dallas. I don’t need him literally talking down at me while he’s telling me off. Because I know it’s coming.
Yeah, I know Sadie isn’t allowed to ride. I didn’t know she wasn’t allowed near the horses at all.
“So, you brought Sadie to the horses? ”
I look pointedly at Sadie while he talks, then jerk my head off to the side. I’m sure Sadie knows what’s going on when Dallas asks her to stay where she is, but at least she doesn’t have to hear it.
“You’re upsetting her,” I whisper shout at him when we’re far enough away that Sadie doesn’t have to hear us arguing. “She’s absolutely fine.”
“You had her in the yard with a half wild horse,” he snaps.
“She’s not half wild and I was holding Sadie. I would have kept her safe.”
Dallas is breathing hard, glaring down at me. “I’ll take her back to Violet.”
“No, you won’t.” I straighten. There’s no way I’m going to even get close to his height but I’m not going to let him bulldoze all over me. “Violet needs some time to herself.”
“She’s fine to have Sadie. She has her every day. She’s never said she needs a break.” He doesn’t sound certain though, it’s like he’s trying to convince himself.
“She’s not going to ask you for one when she’s having a bad day. She probably just wants to shove all the grief down and carry on anyway. But she needs a morning off. I told her I’d take care of Sadie, and I will. ”
Dallas’s eyes soften a little when I talk about Violet. “I don’t want her near the horses,” he says, his voice low and stern.
“She loves them,” I say. “And she’s good with them. Why can’t you give her a chance? Keeping her away from them isn’t going to do you any favours later. She’s surrounded by them every day.”
“She’s not going near the horses. She can be with me while you finish with Aurora.” He turns and strides away, back to where Sadie is leaning over the railings, cooing down at Aurora, who’s watching her carefully, but taking slow steps forward. Dallas pauses as he takes in the sight, then shakes his head, as though he’s removing the image from his memory, before going over and lifting Sadie down from the platform, talking with her in voices too low for me to hear.
I sigh. Whatever. I let myself back into the yard and approach the horse. She nickers at me again, and gently butts me with her head.
“Come on, sweet girl. Who needs him anyway?”