7. Evan
CHAPTER 7
Evan
I don’t know how long it’s been since I had anyone visit this house. I’ve been nervous about Tian coming over all day, racing back from the office to make sure the place was in order. I realised too late that yes, it’s tidy, but it was as if I could see everything with fresh eyes.
What I saw was a sad and lonely life.
Before I could spiral too deep into melancholy, I forced myself to start cooking. Again, I haven’t prepared a meal for anyone else in years. But I always did enjoy puttering around in the kitchen and hosting. This evening, focusing on not burning anything kept my sanity in check until I heard the door knocker.
As soon as I saw Tian I was just so happy that I forgot for a moment to be anxious he’d feel horribly unwelcome in my draughty old house. But then he’d surprised me by bringing his boyfriend—his actual Daddy—Sai along and…well…
During my wild days I slept with a lot of guys, but I have always had a weakness for sweet, joyous younger men. One glance at Sai told me that he’s undoubtedly a Dom and his presence at my house was purely meant to remind me that Tian is his and I had better treat him right. I’d guess he’s in his mid-thirties, so younger than me but not young, and as a Daddy I’d assume his usual taste ran to sweet subs like Tian, not older men with no interest in being dominated.
Yet I was immediately attracted to him.
It had wrong-footed me for sure, primarily because the only person I want to be thinking about tonight is the beautiful Tian. However, there was something about seeing this Daddy and little together that drew me in.
Physically, they contrast each other nicely. Sai is taller and dark skinned—I’d guess he’s of South Asian origin—whereas Tian is small and pale. But there was something I saw in their mannerisms during our brief time together as well. The way Tian moves is light and delicate, whereas Sai radiates strength and calm confidence.
When I shook his hand, I knew from that moment I wanted to impress him.
Not my usual behaviour at all.
I’m probably just keen to explore how they operate as that’s what I’m looking for myself. A boy to be a Daddy for. It can be a tricky balance and I’m no doubt looking to study Sai and Tian as a couple. Or a throuple, I guess. Sai said he’d be returning with Jude, their other partner, later on.
I want to know how three people navigate a relationship. Two is difficult enough. I want to talk about everything. But I’m painfully aware that Tian and I have only agreed to this one evening, at least for now, and Sai probably isn’t interested in anything with me beyond checking that I’m going to take care of his baby boy properly.
Which I fully intend to do. But as soon as Sai leaves, it suddenly dawns on me that this is really happening and now I’m the one that’s supposed to be in charge. But then Tian comes skipping over to me across the room and makes grabby hands for his bag.
“I brought some things with me!” he announces. “Do you want to see?”
That snaps me out of my paralysis. All I have to do is be here for Tian and make sure he’s taken care of. I’d quite forgotten what it was like to have someone look at you as if your opinion was the only one in the whole world that matters.
It’s mildly terrifying but also breathtakingly beautiful.
Tian just needs to be seen—much like the way he already saw me. He needs to be treated like he’s important. That’s going to be easy enough, surely. Because I’ve only known him such a short time, but I can already tell he’s an incredibly special boy. So sweet and thoughtful and full of life.
And it’s not hard to see him when he’s so gorgeous. If I’d been paying any attention at Bootleg recently, I’m sure he would have caught my attention with his dark curls and pretty eyes. He’s got such a petite, lithe body, exactly the kind I find so exhilarating underneath me as I take care of my boy in the most intimate way possible.
My thoughts can’t go there, though. That’s not what tonight is about. But needless to say, I’m effortlessly drawn to Tian and want to tend to his every need.
“I’d love it if you showed me what you’ve brought with you,” I say warmly, handing over the bag. “Shall we sit on the sofa?”
He nods and bounces over to plop down on the cushions, already unzipping the duffle as I join him by his side. “These are my favourite jammies,” he announces, pulling out trousers and a long-sleeved T-shirt with cartoon airplanes and happy-faced clouds on. “I brought my slippers as well because I hate cold feet. Can I put them all on?”
“Absolutely,” I say without hesitation, wanting him to be as comfortable as possible in my home.
But I’m already kicking myself. I’ve planned dinner and found a few films on the streaming platforms I have that we could maybe watch, but I’d kind of forgotten how much stuff a little might need to get them in the right headspace or just enjoy themselves.
I got rid of all of those things that used to be in this house. It makes me sad to realise it in that moment, but I can’t say I regret it. The pain from seeing anything of Beau’s was too much.
However, now I’m worried that I’ve fucked up my time with Tian before it’s even begun. I should have bought some toys, at least a teddy bear or something. And of course he’d want little clothes. Those are harder to get on short notice, but the fact that he’s had to bring all his own stuff makes me feel like a failure.
To my horror, I suddenly notice that Tian is staring at me with a tote bag in his hands. I think it has building blocks of some kind in. Did he say something I missed?
“Sorry, sweetheart?” I say, hoping I haven’t made things too much worse.
But Tian reaches out and touches my arm, his hold firm through my jumper. “Are you okay, Daddy?” he asks.
The lump appears out of nowhere, so thick in my throat it threatens to choke me. My eyes burn and I make a strangled noise. “Uhh…”
He carefully places the bag down on the couch and steps closer to me.
“Can I hug you?” he asks in a small voice. I don’t trust myself to speak, so I simply nod. He slips his arms around me and rests his head on my shoulder, his chest firm against mine.
How many years has it been since I was held like this? I actively avoided it when I was hooking up. The pressure of his body clinging to mine unlocks something in my heart. I’m shivering from head to toe as I wrap my arms around his back and squeeze him tightly.
“I’m sorry if calling you ‘Daddy’ made you sad,” he mumbles into my clothes.
I shake my head and rub his back. “It was wonderful, sweetheart,” I tell him honestly. I give myself a couple of seconds to take some deep breaths. “It’s just been a long time since I was anyone’s Daddy. That does make me a bit sad, but it’s also lovely. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I feel him sag against me in what I assume is relief. “Oh, good.” He leans back and looks at me. He’s so close I can see the flecks of green in his hazel eyes. “Shall I keep calling you ‘Daddy’, or would something else be better tonight?”
Before I can stop myself, I lift one of my hands and brush back some of his hair by his forehead. I’ve missed these kinds of intimate, innocent touches far more than I realised.
“You’re so thoughtful,” I murmur. “Such a kind boy. I’d love to be your Daddy this evening.”
He blushes, glancing away as he bites his lip and grins. His obvious delight makes warmth rush through me like hot chocolate. The really good kind with whipped cream and marshmallows.
Now we’ve got through that first awkward hiccup, I feel a little more reassured. We fumbled, but we didn’t fall.
If only for tonight, I am Tian’s Daddy. He’s entrusted me to do this, and I won’t let him down. I can do this. It’s in my blood, it’s who I am. I need to stop second-guessing everything and just fucking relax.
“How about,” I say as I rub his back before letting him go, “you take these super-duper jammies into the small bathroom back there so you can get changed? Then Daddy will get dinner on the table.”
He grins and lurches down. I expect him to snatch up his pyjamas, but instead he dives back into the duffle bag and pulls out a relatively large but shallow Tupperware box. I suspect it’s designed to hold cupcakes, but when he pulls off the lid, he proudly shows me a children’s dining set.
Back in the old days, I would have said it was plastic, but it’s probably bamboo. Either way, it’s got cartoon trains all over everything, and between that and his pyjamas, I suspect this little has a love of transport. I still feel guilty for not thinking to buy him something like that myself, and the idea flitters through my brain that I can buy him something with cars or space shuttles for next time.
There probably isn’t going to be a next time, though, so I quickly shelve that thought.
Tian seems so excited about his trains that I’m not sure he’s particularly concerned about my error. If he can ignore my lack of preparation, I can try to as well.
“Am I allowed to have dinner with this?” he asks me.
Bless him for asking permission. I nod and gently take the box from his hands. “Of course you can, Tian. And look! You’ve even got a bowl we can put your desssert in, too. Isn’t that smart.”
He beams and swivels on the spot. “Thank you, Daddy.” Now he picks up the pyjamas from where he dropped them, but he hugs them to his chest and doesn’t move towards the bathroom yet. “Daddy?”
“Yes, Tian,” I say, wondering what’s got him looking so serious. Oh, damn it. I realise suddenly that I never checked with him that he’s going to like what I’m cooking. It’s just chicken with potatoes (that I still need to mash) and some vegetables. But he could be vegan. A lot of people are these days. What if?—
“Daddy, would you like to use my special little name?”
All thoughts of food vanish from my mind. I blink at him, all the air whooshing from my lungs. “Your special name?” I repeat. He nods and looks at me bashfully through his long, beautiful lashes. “I’d be honoured. If that’s what you want?”
He nods again and scrunches up the pyjamas. “Tian is my big boy name. But I’m just a baby now, so I think Daddy should call me ‘Tee’.”
“Tee?” I clarify. “Like the letter?”
“Uh-huh. Baby Tee.” He jabs his thumb towards his chest. “That’s me!”
“Tee,” I say again, like I’m making sure it rolls properly off my tongue. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I think it’s a perfect name for a perfect boy.”
His blush deepens and he purposefully avoids my gaze. “I’m not perfect, Daddy. But I promise I’ll try and be the best little boy I can for you. You can tell Daddy Sai when he comes back that I was a good boy. You’ll see.”
My heart swells. I’ve known a lot of guys who like praise—as well as a lot that don’t—but I think Tian is one of those special boys who really needs it.
That I can do, no problem.
Feeling emboldened by our cuddle and his confession, I reach out and cup the side of his face with my hand. He sighs, nuzzling against my palm and looking at me once more. “You’ve already been such a good boy for Daddy,” I say, the words making happiness bubble inside me like Champagne. “I bet you can put your jammies on all by yourself and wash your hands for dinner, can’t you?”
He rises on his tiptoes like he’s ready to take flight. “Yes, yes, I can do that, Daddy! Do you want to time me?”
I chuckle as he rocks back on his heels. God. When was the last time this house held a fraction of the life that’s been breathed into it in the last half an hour?
“There’s no rush, sweetheart. I want you to be careful when you change your clothes, and I want you to fold the old ones neatly so you can leave them on the sofa. Then, I want you to make sure you wash all the germs off your hands. That will give Daddy time to mash the potatoes with lots of butter. Um…” My confidence wavers. “Unless you’re vegan? I’ve cooked chicken but if that’s not okay…?”
“Is it free range chicken?” he asks tentatively.
“Yes, it is,” I say without needing to check. I always buy free range and whatever else they call it when the animals have been treated well.
He exhales in relief. “Then that sounds yummy.”
Veering from one extreme to another, my confidence comes back and pushes me just out of my comfort zone enough to tease this sweet boy.
“And are you going to be good for Daddy and eat all your vegetables?”
He wrinkles his nose. “What kind of vegetables?” I like that he’s getting the details before committing to anything.
“Carrots, peas and sweetcorn,” I tell him.
He giggles and nods. “Okay, they’re allowed. I’ll be good and eat them all.”
This time when he stands on his tiptoes, he leans in and presses a quick kiss to my cheek, just like his actual Daddy, Sai, did to him before he left. I’m so stunned that I don’t move as he scampers off to the bathroom to get changed.
Slowly, I lift my hand and brush my fingertips against where his lips grazed my skin. The depth of what I’ve been missing for the last several years threatens to overwhelm me. This time when the lump rises in my throat, I make myself relax.
“You’re okay,” I murmur to myself. “You’re doing okay. Tian is fine. You’re taking care of him.”
I am. And that starts with feeding him. I’ve still got the box filled with his dinner set in my hand, so take it over to the sink to give it a quick rinse, just in case it needs it. Once it’s all dried, I get the pan where I left the potatoes on the lowest heat so I can now dollop a significant amount of butter all over them and attack them with my masher.
It’s only as I start putting Tian’s portion on his smaller plate that I have a moment where I realised I’ve stopped worrying about everything and am just enjoying myself. This evening isn’t just for him. In fact, he’s doing it specifically for me. But until now, I’d just been fretting that I was going to fuck it up and inadvertently hurt him.
What was it he said in the park about best-case scenarios? I’ve spent so many years hiding myself away, determined to see the worst of the world. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel hope blossom in my chest.
Obviously, tonight I’m just borrowing Tian as my little. But for the first time in forever…I wonder if I have it in me to be someone’s Daddy again.