11. Sai
CHAPTER 11
Sai
“But why does it always have to be a star on top of the tree?” Jude whines as I pull tinsel out of a box. “Why can’t I ever get what I want?”
“Because we’re not putting a sparkly purple dildo on top of the tree, that’s why,” I say with a crooked eyebrow.
Jude huffs and folds his arms, only succeeding in making me laugh.
“Anyway,” Tian chimes in sagely. “That dildo is far too heavy. It would fall off and probably topple the entire tree with it.”
Jude’s face brightens. “What about that little egg-shaped vibrator you use on my balls, then?”
I throw a stocking at his face, making him splutter indignantly. “Keep that up and you’ll be on Father Christmas’s naughty list this year,” I tell him.
“I’m always on the naughty list,” he declares proudly.
Storage is an issue in the flat, so we’ve only got a couple of boxes of decorations that we keep at the bottom of one of our few cupboards. Then each year we buy a real tree. I can’t say I mind that as the scent of pine is lovely, but we’ve also recently joined this new scheme in London. This tree is technically ours. We bought it last year and when we returned it in January, the company replanted it in a pot, letting it continue growing and then they gave it back to us this year. When it gets too big, they’ll plant it for good in a forest, but we should hopefully get several Christmases out of this tree.
I can’t say I’m particularly artistic, but I do love decorating day. We’ve warmed some mulled wine in a pan, there’s a Christmas playlist on Tian’s laptop, and we bought some mince pies especially. Jude’s already had two and is doing a better job of making a mess than putting anything on the tree. Bow is sticking her wet nose in absolutely everything, determined to smell it all.
My job right now is just to get everything out so we can see what we’re dealing with. Tian is sat on the floor untangling a string of lights, and Jude has picked up a squeaky toy shaped like a Christmas cracker to distract Bow with as they play tug-o-war, each of them wrestling with a knotted end.
My heart is full. I couldn’t wish for anything more than this. Our lives are overflowing with love, and I honestly feel very lucky indeed.
So why can’t I get Evan Zegler out of my head?
“Have you heard anything about your date yet?” I ask Jude, unable to sit on my curiosity any longer.
Normally I wouldn’t pry if he was arranging to meet up with someone, waiting for him to come to me. He hasn’t been out with anyone for a while and usually it’s someone he has chemistry with, so it’s typically just a night of wild fun for them and then I get to hear all the juicy details of what he got up to when he gets home.
This feels different. I’m invested in what Evan’s going to plan for them. I’m not even sure if they’re thinking of having sex, so this is completely unlike our usual set up. But I’m excited for my husband. I want him to have a good time.
He beams at me and flops on the sofa, letting Bow run off to maul her toy by herself. “We’re meeting up on Sunday as I’m off,” he says a little breathlessly. “He’s just told me to wear something warm and that the rest will be a surprise.”
“That sounds cool,” Tian says earnestly.
I study his face for a moment, but there truly doesn’t seem to be an ounce of jealously about him. I’ve been a bit worried about his reasoning for pushing Jude to also go on a date with Evan. But as far as I can tell, he simply thinks that Evan is great and wants Jude to get to know him as well.
We’ve taken it slowly with Tian when it comes to him seeing anyone else. And to be honest, since the three of us became official, Jude and I have to make quite an effort if we want to connect with an outside party, so we often don’t bother. As previously stated, we have such a complete life here together that there hasn’t been much of an urge to look for anything else.
Evan has surprised me. He’s older, for one thing, and although putting some of his broken pieces back together, everything about him screams Daddy to me. I have only ever played around with other boys and Jude often uses his time outside of our bedroom to Dom himself. Even when he wants to sub with someone different, it’s always a Dom. As far as I’m aware, he’s not been with another Daddy ever, and that usually only comes out for him when the two of us scene with Tian.
But over the past few days it’s been ‘Daddy Evan this’ and ‘Daddy Evan that’. He seems as excited to have a lesson teaching Evan as Tian was.
I’m simply not jealous by nature. I love both my boys and know they are unconditionally mine no matter what. I would have expected to watch their interest in Evan from afar with some amusement, wanting them to have a good time, but that would be about it.
So why does the other Daddy’s tentative smile keep floating through my mind? Why do I keep getting butterflies when I think about how he looked at me to make sure all the plans he was making with my boys were okay? I loved the way he spoke to them with respect, but his earnest interest in my opinions made me feel seen in a totally different way than I’m used to.
Being with younger, submissive men has always been the dynamic I gravitate towards. I love being in charge, providing care, and being bossy in the bedroom. It would make sense to me if I was thinking about Evan as a peer—as another Daddy to be a kindred spirit with.
There’s nothing comradery about the heat I feel pooling inside me when I picture his large hands and strong jawline. He’s not submissive, and even though we’re a similar height he’s absolutely a bigger build than me.
So why does the thought of him pinning me down turn me on so much?
“What are you thinking about, Daddy?” Tian asks sweetly.
He’s almost triumphed in his battle with the fairy lights. Once we’ve wound those around the tree, we can start the really fun part of placing all the decorations. Some of them Jude and I have had for years, some come from interesting places we’ve been to, and some just come from supermarkets or DIY stores. I love them all, each of them telling a little story about our journey as a throuple. Last year in particular, Jude and I made a special effort to go ornament shopping with Tian so that he’d have a more equal number to represent his part in the relationship.
I smile warmly at my baby. “I’m just thinking about how rich my life is and all the love in this room.”
Jude throws the stocking back at me. “Christmas makes you such a sap,” he groans, but from the rosy glow on his cheeks, I think he secretly loves it.
Tian shakes out the last tangle of lights, then crawls up to snuggle next to me. “I love you both,” he says in a quiet, thoughtful voice.
I stroke his hair, not saying anything as I suspect he’s processing and has something more to say. Sure enough, after a few moments, he takes a breath and looks at me with a tiny frown creasing his brow.
“How did you and Jude know you loved me?”
I blink and look at him for a moment. “Uh…that’s a good question, baby boy. But I’m not sure I have a helpful answer. I just knew in my bones very early on that the idea of letting you go and belong to someone else broke my heart.”
“I just thought you had a delicious arse, and I don’t like sharing my favourite toys,” Jude quips with a cheeky grin. Both Tian and I tut and huff, but neither of us can deny the deep look of adoration Jude’s currently aiming at our boy.
Tian fiddles with the cuff of my ugly Christmas jumper. “I fell in love with you both so quickly,” he says with a bashful laugh. “But I never thought I could butt in on your marriage. I really expected you to get bored of me and move on to someone else.”
“Oh, baby boy,” I say sadly and wrap my arms around him. “I hope you don’t ever worry about that anymore.” Jude also slides off the couch and comes to cuddle our boy from the other side, surrounding him with love.
Tian lets out a little giggle and shakes his head. “No, you both spoil me too much.”
“You’re here to stay,” Jude says stubbornly, and I rub his back in appreciation.
“I think…” He fidgets a bit more. “I know you want me to be free and pursue my own desires. But I think I wasn’t interested in looking for anyone else when I felt so lucky to have found the both of you. Two seemed too good to be true already. But I think I understand now how exploring things with other people can make our relationship stronger.”
“Absolutely,” I say firmly, feeling proud of my baby boy. “When we learn and grow, we have more that we can give to each other.”
He nods against my chest. “I liked my playdate with Daddy Evan a lot,” he admits shyly. Ah. I was pretty sure that was what this chat was all about, but it’s nice to hear him say it out loud.
“Good,” I say.
“And I’m excited that Jude has a date now as well. It feels like we’re going on an adventure together, holding hands.”
Jude chuckles and tickles Tian’s side. “I like going on adventures with you.”
Tian wriggles out of his grasp then stops Jude’s attack by kissing his mouth. But then he turns to me. “I don’t want you to be left behind, Daddy Sai,” he says sombrely.
It’s not escaped my notice that since his date, I’ve become ‘Daddy Sai’ instead of just ‘Daddy’. And Evan is ‘Daddy Evan’. Interesting. I wonder if Tian is even aware of what he’s doing. But it tells me that the other man is still holding his interest in some way.
So long as I’m still his Daddy, I don’t mind either way.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I say in response to his concern for me. My heart melts for him. “I’m not being left behind, I promise. I love seeing my boys have fun.”
He peeks up at me through his long, dark lashes. “I was thinking that Daddy Evan might need a lesson from you as well. Just to make sure we’ve covered all the bases and helped him from every angle.”
Laughing, I peck a kiss onto the tip of his nose. “Is that so?”
I try my best to ignore the way my pulse has sped up. Of course I couldn’t go on a date with him. I’m not what he’s interested in, for one thing.
Jude scoffs. “I saw the way you were eye fucking him the other night,” he says slyly.
“You are really begging for a spanking tonight, young man,” I say sternly, which only makes him grin more.
I grunt and turn my attention back to Tian, my heart still banging in my chest. I should tell him it’s a nice idea but probably not something that Evan’s interested in. I should say that I’m not interested in Evan, because he’s another Daddy.
Instead, I say, “I think Evan is very handsome and very nice. If he wanted my help or just to spend some time together, I’d be open to that.”
Whoa. Okay then. For a second, I worry that I’ve made a mistake. My boys need me. I shouldn’t be ogling the man they’ve made into their project.
But Jude snickers. “Told you so.”
Tian gives a little contented sigh and rubs his fingers against my chest. “I think he’d like to have a date with you as well,” he says.
“If you’re nice to me, I’ll put a good word in for you when I see him,” Jude teases.
I poke his side, making him yelp. “I don’t need your help to pull,” I grumble.
“You already have a husband and a boyfriend,” Tian explains helpfully, making me laugh again. “So, yeah, you’ve probably got options when it comes to getting laid.”
“You make a very good argument, baby boy,” I tell him.
Jude has a heated look in his eyes. “Hey, Tee?” he says. “Seeing as Daddy Sai doesn’t have a date with Daddy Evan to look forward to, shall we take him to bed and give him lots of attention?”
Lust flurries through me like a fresh fall of snow. Tian bites his lip, his expression shy but heated as he looks up at me. “I think Daddy Sai deserves that, yes,” he says. “But I’m sure Daddy Evan will also want to see him soon.”
I kind of don’t want to dwell on how much I’d like that right now. I squeeze him tightly and kiss his lips. “I have absolutely everything I need with my two gorgeous boys, Baby Tee.”
He tilts his head and looks at me thoughtfully. “We’ve never had a foursome.”
I blink and glance at Jude, slightly confused by the change of direction in the conversation. “Um, no, we haven’t,” I agree.
“Did you think I wasn’t ready for that?” Tian asks.
For a moment, I consider him, remembering that one of our two sacred rules is clear and honest communication. “That’s part of it,” I admit.” Jude reaches out and takes my hand, showing me his support. “You were very new to polyamory, and I didn’t want to overwhelm you. But you were so special—you still are—and I suppose I wanted to enjoy our time together just us three.”
He traces his fingers against my cheek. “Is it different now I’ve been on a date? I know we didn’t have sex, but…emotionally, I opened myself up.”
“And I’m really proud of you for that,” I say. “But it’s also okay if you’re not interested in having sex with anyone else. I don’t want to push anything onto you, Tian. I just want you to be free to follow your heart.”
“But if your heart is telling you we should have a foursome,” Jude interjects, “I think Daddy Sai and I would both be okay with that.”
I poke him again, but Tian just giggles at my naughty husband. Then my baby boy nods to himself and licks his lips. “I think I need to know someone before sleeping with them. Not just know them, but like them…quite a lot. If I found someone like that, though, I think it would be incredibly special to share them with you both.” He shrugs. “Someday, maybe.”
Humming, I kiss his neck. I suspected before that he’s probably demisexual, and what he’s saying now ties in with that. Jude and I have never had a problem with shagging complete strangers, letting physical attraction do the heavy lifting. But after we met Tian at Bootleg those few years ago, we saw him a few times before bringing him home, building a relationship up first. My gut instinct had told me he needed that, and I’d been right.
I want to ask if he has anybody in particular in mind to invite into our bed. I want to ask why he’s been so encouraging of Jude going on a date with Evan but hasn’t mentioned anything about himself meeting up with Evan again, even though it’s clear to me that he wants to.
Instead, I tuck all this information away for later and keep kissing my baby as my husband and I drag him down to the bedroom. We can finish decorating the tree after all three of us get a reminder of what we mean to each other.
Nonetheless, thoughts of Evan linger in my mind. Who knows if he’s interested in sleeping with any of us, let alone more than one at once. All I know is that I’m glad that the chapter of our involvement with him hasn’t closed yet.
He’s clearly got some ghosts haunting him from his past, but in this present moment he seems determined to change his grumpy ways.
It makes me wonder what could be in his future.