20. Sai
CHAPTER 20
Sai
Once more, I find myself standing outside Evan Zegler’s front door. Except this time, I’m there with both Tian and Jude for the first time.
And there’s a wreath hanging in front of us.
“Oh my god, I’m so excited,” Jude hisses as Tian presses the doorbell. “I can’t believe this is finally happening.”
“I can,” Tian says with a shy smile at us over his shoulder.
I hug Jude to me affectionately. “We’ve only known him a month. Don’t act like we’ve all been unreasonably dragging our heels.”
I don’t think anything is going to spoil my husband’s mood, though. He just grins and bounces next to me. “I’m still excited.”
“Me, too,” Tian says, joining our hug.
That’s how Evan discovers us a few moments later when he opens the door. We all turn to look at him, and I catch my boys beaming at him as much as I am.
“Hi,” he says breathlessly. He’s wearing a Christmas jumper with singing carrots and Brussels sprouts all over it. I’m obsessed.
Tian’s the first to move, throwing himself into Evan’s arms and snuggling in close. Jude also launches over the door’s threshold to join in, leaving me to bring up the rear. I close the door and wrap the three men in my embrace, squeezing them tightly.
“Hi,” I echo Evan, meeting his eyes with a smile I can’t seem to turn down let alone off.
I do understand where Jude is coming from, even if it’s my job to rein him in. There were plenty of times where I never would have thought we’d reach this moment. But here we are, the four of us together.
All falling in love.
Evan leans over and kisses me with such ease it melts my heart. Then he greets Jude and Tian the same way before he blinks and laughs. “I can’t believe I just got to do that.”
“You can do that any time you like,” Jude chirps. I subtly tap his shin with my boot. We agreed we would ease into this conversation, not jump in when we’re still in the entrance hall bundled up in our winter wear.
“Coats and bags off,” I announce, and Evan helps me divest the boys of everything they no long need and hang it up. The coat rail suddenly looks very full, as does the shoe rack underneath it, and my heart swells.
Tian and Jude both bought their slippers along with them in their backpacks, whereas I’ve got the bag of groceries. Evan said he wanted to cook us all dinner, but I insisted on bringing the wine and some dessert.
“Shall we head downstairs?” I suggest.
Evan gestures down the hall. “Lead the way.” I love how bright his eyes are and how strong his voice is. He’s not nervous anymore. He’s the Daddy he was always meant to be.
Before the boys can barrel in front of me and knock the bag full of bottles out of my hand, I march down the corridor and trot down the stairs.
When I turn the corner and head past the small bathroom, I stop abruptly.
If I thought the wreath was good on the front door, that’s nothing compared to the seven-foot real tree that’s been erected in the corner by the dining table. It has lights and baubles and tinsel and everything. There’s even a star on the top.
“Oh, Evan,” I say, my voice thick as Jude and Tian join me by my side, mouths hanging open. I turn to look at my fellow Daddy as he stands beside us, bashful but proud. “You did this for us?”
“And myself,” he says firmly. “It took a long time, but I finally discovered the true meaning of Christmas again.”
“Presents?” Jude asks, waggling his eyebrows.
Evan laughs and reaches for his and Tian’s hands. They reciprocate eagerly. “Love,” Evan says softly. “And family.”
I place the shopping bag on the counter before moving in for another hug between all four of us. “You’re not alone anymore,” I promise him.
Eventually, he’s the one to pull back and break it up, sniffling and laughing like the rest of us. “Thank you so much for coming over. I didn’t think you’d all be free on Christmas Eve.”
“I did work today,” Jude says with a tired chuckle. “That’s why we had to make dinner a bit later. But I’m off tomorrow and New Year’s Day.”
“He’s working New Year’s Eve,” I explain. “That’s okay, though, as he finishes at eight and the important stuff will happen at midnight.”
Evan beams at us. “That’s lucky it worked out like that.”
“Or fate,” Tian suggests, clinging to Evan’s side.
My heart flip-flops in my chest. I have a feeling it’ll be doing that a lot this evening. “Right,” I say before I can get too emotional too early on. We still have to have The Chat, after all. “Prosecco?”
Tian and Jude cheer, so Evan fetches long glasses from the cupboard. I open one of the bottles we brought with us, still cold from being in our fridge all day.
“Shall we toast?” I ask when we’re all topped up.
“Actually,” Evan says. Now he sounds a little nervous, so I reach over and give his arm a reassuring squeeze. The look he gives me in return is grateful, and he visibly puffs himself up a bit. “I’d like to show you something and propose a toast there. If that’s all right?”
“Absolutely,” I say.
“Yes, please,” Tian chirps as Jude nods, half his prosecco gone already. I roll my eyes but top him up anyway.
“Wait this time,” I warn him firmly as we follow Evan and Tian back up the stairs.
He gives me a cheeky grin but doesn’t take a sip. “Yes, Daddy,” he hisses playfully. Ooh, he’s asking for a spanking later.
I look forward to it.
Evan is waiting by one of the closed doors as we join him and Tian. He glances at my— our —baby boy, then turns the handle, opening the door and inviting us inside.
It’s a living room with wooden floorboards, a fireplace and an honest-to-god gold chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. The leather sofa and armchairs look vintage but well cared for. The sideboard is made from dark wood and exquisitely crafted, as is the drinks cabinet filled with top shelf liquor.
What catches my attention more than all of that, however, is that the room looks and smells freshly cleaned. There’s another large Christmas tree standing proudly in the corner with very similar decorations to downstairs. If Evan has gone out and bought everything new, it makes sense that he’d get big packs of generic ornaments.
The thought crosses my mind that for next year, we can get him more personal ones. I love that doesn’t seem so crazy anymore to be planning ahead.
Perhaps the most important detail I notice about this space is that there has to be a dozen photos on display of Evan with another man. In them, they’re both smiling so much it brings a lump to my throat. It’s easy to see how in love they are.
Evan takes a breath and reaches out to pick up one of the frames off a sideboard. “This is Beau,” he says, his voice only catching a little. He shows us the selfie proudly before turning it back to look again himself. “Losing him almost meant I lost myself. But you three found me, and I know he’d be grateful for that.” He looks around at us with shining eyes. “You saved me. My Christmas miracles. Not only did you make me see that Beau would want me to be happy, you showed me that I never have to stop loving him, even if I make room in my heart for someone else.”
“Or three someone elses?” Tian asks hopefully.
Evan laughs and puts the frame back down so he can hug Tian to his side. “Exactly. I won’t deny this has been a big and fast learning curve for me. I’ve been very apprehensive about finding the best way to go about it all. But then I realised that the only way out is through, so here goes.” He huffs and meets my eyes before looking at Jude then Tian. “If you want me in your life, I want you back just as much, possibly even more. If you’ll be patient with me, I’d really like to try dating you all. I know I have room in my heart for you.”
Poor Tian bursts into tears and buries his face into Evan’s jumper. A sob tries to escape my throat as I reach out and grip Evan’s arm again, this time keeping a hold of him. Jude punches the air and whoops.
“It was the sex tape that did it, huh?” he says cheekily.
Evan laughs and shakes his head. “I mean, who could resist that? But…seriously, yes. It really hammered home that this could be a really beautiful constellation of stars. That I’d already seen glimpses of all your souls and knew I wanted more. That you already loved each other, and you wanted to make space for me. And…and maybe a little room for Beau.”
His voice trembles as he mentions his lover’s name. I rub his arm, Tian rubs his chest, and Jude picks up the same frame from before, studying the image. “If you tell us all about him, we can love him as well,” he says thoughtfully.
Sometimes, my naughty boy has the biggest heart of all of us. I watch as he carefully touches his fingers against the photographed face of a man we’ll never meet, but hopefully we can get to know over time.
Tears spill down Evan’s face, but he’s smiling. “I’d like that,” he says softly. He looks around the room. “I shut him away for so long. I threw away all the Christmas decorations he adored and locked this room as well as his playroom. But I want them to be open now. I want to share them with you. I’m done living in a mausoleum like a ghost.”
I lean in and press my forehead to his, and we both close our eyes for a moment. “I’m so proud of you,” I tell him earnestly.
“So, does this mean I have three boyfriends?” Tian asks, making us all chuckle. I pull away and look Evan in the eyes.
“Is that what we all want?” I ask.
Evan looks at each of us in turn. “I’m sure it’s going to be carnage, but…yes. That’s what I want more than anything.”
I laugh at myself. “We had this whole big Chat planned about making things official that I thought would take us hours. And we just tripped and fell into it within about ten minutes.”
“That’s because when things are meant to be, they can be that easy,” Jude proclaims smugly.
“Yeah, yeah, you were right all along,” I say, rolling my eyes and yanking him over so I can kiss the top of his head. “Brat.”
“But you love me anyway,” he says, knowing full well he’s right.
Tian pulls us all into another four-way hug, which we manage without spilling too much prosecco. “So it’s official, then?” I say, unable to stop myself from Daddying and ensuring that we’re all communicating on the same page. “The four of us are a polycule?”
Evan laughs and shakes his head. “I can’t wait to go from the commitment-phobe to the guy with three handsome boyfriends. Yes, I want to make it official. If that’s what you all want?”
“Yes!” Tian cries.
“I thought we’d moved past that,” Jude says in exasperation. “Can we toast already so I can get a refill?” He shakes his empty glass at us, and I cuff the back of his head.
But then Evan holds up his glass and we all copy him. He thinks for a moment before nodding once. “To love. Past, present, and yet to come.”
“To love,” we all agree. I give Jude some of my prosecco so he can properly toast with the rest of us.
It might be too early to say it out loud, but I’m sure in my heart that what we have with Evan is already love, and it’s only going to get stronger.
And that’s the best Christmas present I think any of us could hope for.