Chapter 6
ELOISE
“ S hit, Shit Shit.” He’s actually on time.
Who in New York ever shows up dead on time?
I quickly buzz him in and check the food one more time, before making a last-second stop off at the mirror to check my hair.
For once, I’m grateful that the elevator is broken.
His three-story climb gives me the chance to pull myself together and decide for sure if I’m really going to go through with this.
I have no idea why my body reacts so differently toward this nameless stranger, but I owe it to myself to explore it.
I should be nervous, not excited. His eyes are so menacing, his tattoos are as hot as they are intimidating, and I’ve picked up on the hint of psycho energy he gives, yet here I am, inviting him up here for dinner, and wearing my best underwear… just in case.
I’ve never had a just-in-case scenario in my entire life.
Knock. Knock.
“Here we go.” I take one last glance in the mirror and take a deep breath before I head to the door to let him in.
“Hi.” His head is tilted downward, and he looks up at me with those lethal eyes as his thumb strokes his lower lip.
Heat creeps up my neck when I think about how it might feel to have it stroking mine, and how his lips would feel on my skin.
Then I realize I’ve been thinking for far too long and quickly snap myself out of it.
“Come in.” I open the door wider and step out of his way, inviting him into my safe space and wondering at what point my panic will wake up and kick in.
Perhaps it’s because he’s been here before that I don’t feel uncomfortable, or maybe it’s because I get a sense that he’s the one guarding himself from me.
“You can take a seat right there.” I gesture to the couch, suddenly very aware that this is an open-plan apartment and my bed is in full view. The same bed I’ve imagined him lying me on, and kissing me…and… “Can I get you a drink? Beer, wine…”
“I don’t drink,” he informs me as he takes a seat on my couch, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
I can’t help studying how he looks, here in my space.
It feels weird, wonderfully weird. “A water would be good,” he says, breaking the silence and shaking me out of my thoughts again.
“Water. Yes. One water coming right up,” I click my fingers and breeze over to the refrigerator. When I open the door it puts a barricade up between us and I remind myself to be fucking cool. I’m acting like an overexcited puppy, and this guy does not give me puppy-lover vibes.
I grab the water jug and fill a glass for him, then reaching for a bottle of wine, I open it and pour myself a glass.
“Where did you say your apartment was again?” I strike up some conversation as I head back over to the living area and hand him his drink. His eyes remain fixed hard on mine as he takes a sip, then places it on my coffee table.
“I didn’t,” he answers blankly.
“I’m sure you said it was close.” I laugh nervously, taking a huge gulp of my wine before I sit on the couch and leaving a whole person gap between us.
“It is close.” He nods his head, still refusing to give anything away.
“I was scared you wouldn’t come,” I confess, instantly wishing I could take the words back when I hear them out loud, and he raises his eyebrow at me suspiciously.
“Why? I’m just a stranger to you,” he questions me, and unlike him, I feel the need to explain myself.
Here goes…
“The thing is, it feels like you're not. I have issues, pretty big ones, actually.” I feel my face turning pink, and the laugh I make to try and lighten the atmosphere only seems to make his stare more intense. “I… I don’t trust men very easily; in fact, I’ve never had one in this apartment.
Except, of course, for maintenance, and even then, I’ve had to schedule them around Katelyn so she could be here with me.
There was one time she ended up dating the gas guy…
I—” I cut myself off when I realize I’m rambling, it’s a nervous trait.
“Anyway… when I woke up last week and you were here, I should have freaked out.”
“You did freak out,” he reminds me with a stern look on his face..
“Yeah, but just for a second or two. I have Mace in the bedside drawer, I carry it in my coat, and my purse. You're lucky I didn’t spray you on sight.” I see the way his lips twitch to almost smile, and it spreads the warm, fuzzy feeling from my stomach up to my chest. “I guess what I’m saying is that I…
I want to know you better. I want to see if maybe I can…
God, this sounds pathetic.” I drop my head so I don’t have to look into those eyes anymore.
How the fuck can they be so blue and so dark at the same time.
“You don’t sound pathetic,” he speaks up, sliding his hand halfway across the seat that's between us. It’s an invitation, him putting me in control of what happens next, and I look back up at him as I slide my hand across and entwine my fingers with his.
Then I gasp when he suddenly clutches it so tight that I see the veins in his arms throb from the tension.
“Who are you, and why have you been watchin–”
“I haven’t,” he interrupts me before I can finish, and despite the fact that I know he’s lying, I scoot closer so our bodies are almost touching.
“I know you have, and I’m not scared. Do you understand what a big deal that is for me…? I’m not scared. ” I laugh the words out of my mouth, and he releases my hand and shifts away.
“You should be.” He moves his stare to the floor, and I notice that his hands, which now rest on his thighs, are shaking.
“Tell me why. Why should I be scared?” I cling to his arm in case he tries to leave, and it’s even firmer than I imagined it would be.
“Why? Eloise, look at me…Do I look like the kinda guy you invite over for dinner?” I hear the frustration in his voice; he’s getting mad at me, yet I still don’t fear him. Instinct tells me that he would never hurt me, and I’ve learned that my instinct is the only thing I can trust.
“You're here, aren’t you?” I smile at him cleverly, hoping to relieve the tension, but he doesn’t find the humor in it.
“I’m serious. I shouldn’t be here; you should never have invited me over.”
“Why?” I ask him again.
“Because I’m dangerous. Because I’m bad for you. How many more reasons do you want?”
The silence between us feels heavy, and I watch him close his eyes and take a deep breath. “Eloise, I don’t want to hurt you.” He speaks through his teeth, and it makes my insides clench, not from fear but from wanting.
“You won’t.” I reach out, placing my hand over his again, and when he opens his eyes and looks at it, the anger in them fades just a little.
“You don’t know me.” He stands up and starts heading for the door, but I chase after him and manage to beat him to it.
“Just do one thing for me.” I block the door so he can’t leave, although given his size compared to mine, I don’t think it would take him much effort.
His nostrils flare, but he remains still, at least prepared to hear me out on what that something is.
“I need you to kiss me.” I force the words out before I lose confidence.
I haven’t come this far to have him leave here without something.
“I know it sounds crazy, and I don’t expect you to understand, but you being here last week and how I’ve been feeling about seeing you again has given me something that I never thought I’d have… It’s given me hop–”
His lips slamming onto mine forces me to stop talking, and although there is nothing gentle about the way he kisses me, it feels exactly like the comfort I’ve been craving all my life.
His hand reaches up my body and settles around my throat, holding me still as his tongue breaks through my lips and invades my mouth.
His kiss mirrors the way he looks. Hard, intense, and dominating, and although I’ve lost all control of my body and my mind, I still don’t feel scared.
I don’t know where I should put my hands, so I drape them over his broad, muscular shoulders, and when his body presses tighter against mine, I feel him hard and rigid against my stomach.
I don’t shudder or try to push him away; I cling to him tighter, because I don’t want this to end.
My tongue explores his mouth, as his fingers tense and start to squeeze my throat, but I still don’t flinch.
I like how it feels, I like being at his mercy.
What I’m getting here isn’t fear, it's thrill, like riding a rollercoaster.
Eventually, he pulls away, taking my bottom lip between his teeth and dragging it with him, until it pops free.
“That was a really stupid thing to ask me to do,” he growls, and I can’t decide if he’s more pissed at me for asking, or himself for giving in.
“I don’t regret it.” I touch my fingers to my lips when I feel them pulsing for more; they aren’t the only thing pulsing. My whole body feels like it's on fire, the butterflies in my stomach seem to be at war with each other, and my core is aching to the point of pain.
He did all that to me with just a kiss…
“I’m not scared of you.” I shake my head, refusing to back down. I
“How many times do I have to tell you that you should be?” He keeps his lips close to mine as he speaks
“Are you gonna hurt me?” I look up at him.
“I don’t know, maybe. I don’t trust myself,” he admits, stepping back and scrubbing his tattooed hand over his face. It gives me another glimpse of his vulnerability.
“Do you trust me?” I ask.
“What? That doesn’t make sense.” His eyes stare over me in confusion.
“Do you trust me?” I ask him again, desperate to feel his lips back on mine, and his hands… I want to know how they would feel on my body.
“Of course, I trust you. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Then come with me.” I take his hand, and when I start leading him over toward the bed, his eyebrows raise in shock, but he doesn’t stop me.
“I don’t even know your name, but I have this overwhelming urge inside me to trust you.
” I stand in front of him and begin trying to explain.
“Things have happened to me, things I try to forget. I’ve been touched by people who I never gave my permission to.
I was young, and they were people I trusted, so it really hurt.
” I feel my tears starting to form, and swallow them down, because I will not let those people destroy anything else.
“I’m giving you permission.” I don’t know if I should take the way his mouth drops open as a good or a bad sign, but I carry on regardless.
“I want you to touch me. I even think I want you to take what I’ve felt the need to protect so fiercely for all this time.
” I quickly lift off my dress, standing before him in my just-in-case underwear and waiting for him to make the next move.
He stares at me for so long I can’t decide if he’s going to devour me or rush out the door.
He looks angry, fiercely angry , and just when I think he’s going to cut and run, I hear a low, predatory growl come from his throat.
Then, stepping closer, he grabs a fistful of my hair and slams his lips back onto mine.