Chapter 37 Rafael
Rafael
The words blur as the edges of my vision close in.
‘I haven’t got time for this,’ I grumble, shoving my thumb and forefinger into my eye sockets and giving them a harsh rub before going back to reading. But it’s no use. The document still swims in front of my eyes.
Grunting, I toss it on my desk on top of the rest of the papers and swipe up my glass. The whiskey burns a trail down to my empty stomach, stripping the lining as my body fights to find sustenance in the only thing it’s been fed in days.
The door to my office opens, and my sister and two brothers file in with matching stern expressions. I snort as they square their shoulders, preparing to lecture me. I expected this. In fact, I think they’ve done well not to interfere the past few days, but it was only a matter of time.
‘You look like you’re going to a bloody funeral,’ I slur, spilling some of my drink down the front of my shirt.
‘It’ll be yours if you keep this up,’ Dove says, eyeing my glass like it’s the root of all evil. ‘When did you last eat?’
I shrug, a belch rumbling out of my throat. I screw my nose up as the stale alcohol fumes float around me like a toxic cloud.
‘Delightful,’ Gabe mutters, dipping his nose into Benedict’s neck and inhaling as he holds him in his arms, like the fishy breath of a cat that licks its own arsehole smells better than me.
I should give it to Benedict on his eye contact, though.
He’s assessing me with the perfect amount of dripping disappointment that rivals the stony expressions of my siblings.
‘Not cool, bro,’ Angelo adds, his gaze sliding to the empty crystal decanter on my sideboard that was full this morning.
‘What’s the point?’ I mumble. ‘She’s blocked my number. She’s gone. Poof.’ I explode my fingers out from my free hand, sloppily.
‘You can’t be here in this state. AJ said you were rude to a client this morning,’ Dove says.
‘Bloody snitch.’ My upper lip curls before I take another swig of whiskey.
‘You’re a liability. Dad’s coming in later,’ Angelo says.
I tip my head back and let out a laugh that sounds more unhinged than amused.
‘Daddy,’ I slur. ‘What a delight.’
But my bravado is all bullshit. I don’t want my father to see me like this. Not because I care what he thinks any more.
My eyes fall to the top of my desk, covered in paperwork.
Because he’ll tell me to pack it all away. To give up. That I won’t get anywhere.
I can’t have his voice in my head any more.
He might have been a driving force behind my feelings of inadequacy growing up and feeding my anxiety that manifested itself as a fear of heights.
Aurora was right when she asked what I was more scared of – heights, or disappointing my father.
Both bloody scare me. But one I can usually avoid.
The other? That’s the one that follows me around like a goddamn demon, whispering in my ear, making me question everything, making me feel so bloody useless.
But I won’t allow him to taint this.
Not this.
‘I’m getting George Thorne out of prison, even if it kills me,’ I announce, casting my arm over my desk to display my efforts. But I miscalculate, and half of the paperwork is swept to the floor.
Calling the judge and informing him my initial statement was biased wasn’t enough. And the solicitor Aurora hired hasn’t been able to accomplish much.
It’s up to me.
‘If this is how you approach it, then it is going to kill you,’ Dove snaps, striding over and pulling the glass from my grasp.
‘Hey!’
‘Shut up! We love you, Rafe. That’s why you need this.’ She stalks to my office bathroom. The sound of liquid being poured down the drain has me slumping over my elbows on my desk.
‘I need to get him out,’ I snarl when she reappears. ‘A woman is responsible. I need to find her. She was last seen in Norway.’
‘How do you know that?’ Gabe asks.
‘Dominic’s bloody dick led me to her.’
If they want to ask more, they don’t. Instead, they look at me with varying degrees of pity as I rise from my seat and lose my balance, lurching to one side. More paperwork scatters, an entire stack falling to the floor at Angelo’s feet.
‘Useless goddamn crap. Getting me nowhere,’ I slur.
‘You need to go home, brother,’ Gabe says. ‘Take some time. Process this. We’re all here for you. But you can’t be here. Not like this.’
‘He’s right, bro,’ Angelo says, squeezing me on the shoulder.
Dove arches a brow at me.
‘I’m fine. I just need to be left alone,’ I mutter.
I slump back down into my chair and pull open my top drawer. A tube of crisps stares back at me. It’s the one I got stuck on my arm during the meeting with Sullivan and Sterling Beaufort.
I hurl the drawer back into the desk, making the entire thing shake, then drop my head into my hands and let out a whine that sounds like a dog needing to be put down.
‘I bought an engagement ring for her. I was going to ask her to marry me. Make her my wife. Get her father out and give her everything I possibly could. Now I don’t even have her phone number. She’s erased me from her life.’
I break into sobs.
‘Rafe?’ Dove says, her voice oozing concern and edged with a tinge of panic.
She’s never seen me like this before. None of them have.
I would have even questioned if I was capable of acting so emotional before I met Aurora.
I’m a man losing it in front of his siblings.
And all I care about is her. How I need to hear her voice.
See her face. Feel her hand holding mine.
‘I have no idea where she is,’ I choke. ‘She could be in trouble. She could be staying anywhere. You didn’t see the bloody place she was living before she moved in with me. She has nothing! She’s bloody broke! And now she’s alone. Because of me.’
‘She’s safe. She told you that,’ Dove interjects.
I lift my stinging eyes to my sister in time to see a flash of guilt before she blinks it away.
‘You know where she is, don’t you?’
Her jaw tightens. ‘I do. But she made me swear I wouldn’t tell you.’
I slam my fist on the table. ‘You’re my sister!’
‘She’s my best friend! And you hurt her. You hurt her more than I ever thought you were capable of doing. If she comes back, then it has to be on her terms. She needs time, Rafe. You can’t force her. I know Aurora – if you try before she’s ready then you’ll just push her farther away.’
‘You don’t understand. She has nothing. She could be staying somewhere unsafe, somewhere—’
‘She’s not. I rented her a place so she could have some time away to think,’ Dove says.
Desperate hope blooms in my chest.
‘How long for? Is she coming back? Did she tell you if she was coming back?’
‘I don’t know,’ Dove confesses.
I choke out a strangled sound, screwing my face up. ‘If she’d just speak to me, I could tell her exactly what I said to the court. She can see I never said her father was guilty. I never told them he should be convicted. I never—’
‘She has seen it.’
I wrench my eyes up to Gabe’s.
‘What?’
He swallows, reaching up to tug on his collar with his free hand as Benedict remains curled up inside the other like a baby.
‘She called and asked if I could get it for her. She knows I can . . . access things that are difficult through official channels.’
I stare at my brother. His IT skills have always been useful to us as a business.
And even as teenagers he used to help us out of parking fines and small shit like that.
But to know he’s used those skills to help the woman I love see something that she would have otherwise had to get from me has my blood boiling.
‘That’s the one thing she might have agreed to meet me for!
So I could tell her myself. Show her myself.
And now what? You’ve gone and fucked it all up and handed it to her without me being able to goddamn explain myself!
You’re my brother!’ I rage, flying to my feet and trying to ignore the sudden swell of dizziness making my brain feel like it’s on a bloody merry-go-round.
‘Don’t take this out on him!’ Dove steps to my desk and points a finger down at it, her eyes on fire. ‘We all helped, okay? I took her to the station the morning after and set her up a place to stay. And Angelo got her a job.’
‘You what?’ I spit, leaning on the desk for support and still managing to deliver a glare at my youngest brother that would make most grown men wither on the spot.
‘If it’s meant to be, she’ll come back.’ Angelo looks at me, sadness brimming in his eyes.
Even my kid brother gets it. Only he’s not a kid. Not any more. He knows as well as I did that I fucked up and hurt the woman I love. That this is on me.
They all love Aurora.
They’re all protecting her. Under other circumstances I’d be so bloody proud to be their brother. But this is all wrong. They’re protecting her from me. They helped her get away from me.
I love her. She doesn’t need protecting from me. She needs to be with me. We need to talk about this. I need to make her see how sorry I am. Prove to her that I’ll do anything for her. That I can’t be on this godforsaken earth without her.
I look up into their solemn faces and suck in a breath, making my nostrils flare.
They all witnessed me ruin Aurora Thorne.
And now, she’s ruined me too.
I grab my jacket and force my legs to carry me out of my office with a modicum of grace as my shoulder bounces off the doorframe and the floor threatens to meet my face with one wrong step.
‘Where are you going?’ Dove shouts, rushing out behind me with Gabe and Angelo.
‘Home!’ I yell. ‘Like you told me to.’
‘You gave Kyle the day off, we’ll drive you. You’re—’
‘I can get a bloody cab!’
I march up to the front desk. AJ’s eyes widen as he sees me.
‘Mr Fairfax? I—’
‘On a scale of one to ten, how big of a cunt was I to that client this morning?’
His face pales. ‘Is there a number that will result in me not being fired from my job?’
‘Just answer the question.’
He winces. ‘Ten would be being kind.’
‘Dammit,’ I hiss. ‘Send them a hamper. Tell them we’ll cut twenty per cent off their next premium.’
‘Sir?’ He fumbles.
‘Do it. And if they still think I’m a prick, tell them I got my arse dumped by the only woman I’ve ever loved. That’ll make them feel better. They can have a goddamn laugh at my expense.’
He swallows, nodding furiously. ‘Yes, Mr Fairfax.’
I head into the lift and punch the button for the lobby.
My siblings’ worried faces shine back at me as I hold a hand up, indicating following me would be at their own peril. Behind them the window cleaners’ crane lowers into position on the outside of the building.
Nausea sweeps up my windpipe, but I swallow it down. The sight of it still sickens me. But there’s a new terror filling my gut now.
The thought of Aurora never coming home, and never forgiving me.