Chapter 38 Aurora
Aurora
Four days later
‘Thank you for the ride.’ I lean down so I can smile at Joe, one of the doormen from the hotel.
‘Any time. You on shift tomorrow?’
‘I am.’
He gives me a cheeky grin, the dimples in his cheeks popping. ‘Then it’s another date.’
I shake my head as he drives away. He’s cute and cocky in an endearing way. He reminds me of Angelo. Which in turn, reminds me of . . .
‘Rafael?’ I gasp.
He pushes off the wall of my apartment building. He’s wearing one of his usual suits, but something about him is different. The fabric sits looser against his frame, like he’s lost weight, and his eyes are bloodshot and ringed with dark circles. He’s lacking his usual spark and confidence.
‘Aurora.’
The way he says my name, so smooth and delicious, like butter sliding over hot toast, has my belly fluttering. No matter how much my brain is telling me to run, my feet are rooted to the spot.
‘How did you find me?’
‘Angelo admitted he helped you get a job. And I know every one of his clients. I figured that would be a good place to start. Then Dove said she took you to the station the morning after . . .’ He swallows like the memory is painful.
‘After dinner at my parents’ house, I checked the timetable that day for all trains departing in the morning, cross-referencing their destinations with any of Angelo’s clients’ businesses.
Then I checked Gabe’s work phone for his email to you.
In your reply you told him you’d just arrived and were getting off the train.
I checked the time, made a list of all the places you could have travelled to, considering any delays and train cancellations on the day, and narrowed it down to three.
Then I waited to see which one Dove reacted with the most anger to when I said it, and I knew I’d found you.
A day spent sitting outside the hotel in my car to find out where you were staying in between shifts is all it took. ’
‘You did all of that?’ I stare at him, impressed, and a little unnerved.
‘I’d have done anything to find you. You know that.’
‘Do I?’ I whisper.
His eyes dull as he exhales, and I see it. His misery. His heartbreak. It’s the same as mine. But he’s here, when I asked him to let me go. I need time, and he’s not respecting that.
‘I told you I was safe. Wasn’t that enough?’
‘Nothing that doesn’t involve you waking up in my arms every day and looking at me the way you used to will ever be enough,’ he rasps. ‘Please, Aurora. Can we talk?’
I search his eyes. I’m on the precipice of caving in and allowing him to sweep me into his arms again. To consume me the way he did. Whisk me off on a magical romance that made me feel like I was flying every time I looked at him.
But I can’t.
Him showing up here and having me fall into bed with him again will get us nowhere.
It’ll only confirm to him that being calculating and ignoring my wishes gets him what he wants.
Forgiving him would mean I’m enabling him to keep treating me this way.
To keep calling the shots. To keep behaving like he has all of the control and power.
But that’s not a relationship. That’s ownership.
My words come out broken and hollow. ‘You lied to me from the beginning. You lied to me every single day.’
‘No. I lied to you about one thing. I kept it from you when I shouldn’t have.’
I sigh. ‘Raf—’
‘Please, Aurora.’ His eyes pinch. ‘You want to know the truth? Well, the truth is that yes, it did start as a need for revenge, a way of finding out what I could about my money.’
I wince.
‘But that was before I knew the truth, that your father had nothing to do with any of it. And it stopped being that so goddamn fast, Aurora, I swear to you. The file I had on your father changed from looking for evidence against him, to anything I could find that could help him.’
‘You had a file on him?’
A muscle in his jaw clenches. ‘I did.’
‘What was in it?’
His lips purse. ‘Not much. You can’t find evidence where there’s no guilt.’
‘But you still looked.’
‘I lost two hundred and forty million, of course I looked.’
I wrap my arms around myself, unsure what to make of that piece of information.
‘You were trying to help him?’
‘I was. I started before you’d even unpacked your things in my room. I don’t expect you to believe me, but—’
‘I do believe you.’
His eyes widen and I swallow. I can see the genuine remorse and truth in his face, clear as day. It makes my stomach twist, because it wasn’t there before. There were flashes of truth, glimpses of the real Rafael Fairfax. But I think deep down I always knew he was hiding something from me.
Everything was too perfect.
He might have been the one to lie to me, but I enabled it by refusing to look deeper. Wanting to dream that what we had was real. Because I fell in love with him. After all the pain, I wanted to believe that something good was finally happening.
‘I swear to you, Aurora. Every minute of what we had is still true. I still love you as much as I always have. You’re still the only woman I’ve ever loved and will ever love. The only one I’ve ever wanted to let close. There can never be anyone else, even if you never forgive me.’
I blink up at him. How can he know what I’m thinking? How can he read me so well? How can I trust myself to think straight when he’s standing in front of me, making me want to forget everything and sink back into his arms?
‘I can’t do this right now,’ I choke, forcing myself to look away.
I lift my key to the lock for the main door to the building, my fingers trembling.
The heat from his body pours into me, melting my coiled muscles as I fight not to turn and face him. I can even smell his cologne. So rich and distinctive. Heady and addictive. Just like him.
‘I’ll stay here until you’re ready,’ he says, his breath sliding down the side of my face and neck, sending goosebumps in its wake.
‘I don’t know when that will be.’
‘It doesn’t matter. I’ll be here. I’m not missing that one millisecond when you decide you’ll give me another chance.’
‘What if it never comes?’
I feel his pain from the shift in the air and the weight in his voice.
‘It will come, Aurora. It has to. Because there isn’t a version of this universe where I can exist without making this right.’
He places his hand over mine and electricity shoots up my arm like a bolt of lightning. He holds my hand steady, and slides the key into the lock for me, letting me go the moment the door swings open.
‘Close it behind you,’ he says gently.
My throat burns and I desperately try to hold back tears. I merely nod, then rush inside, closing the door with more force than I intend. I run up the stairs and wait until I’m safely inside my apartment before I lean back against the front door and sink to the floor.
Everything muffles as I wrap my arms around my knees and push my head into my arms.
And I sob.
One week later
‘It’s the same guy,’ Joe says, peering through the windscreen as I unbuckle my seatbelt.
Glancing across the street at the shiny black Bugatti, and the suited, scowling hulk leaning up against it, I sigh. ‘Yep.’
‘You know him?’ Joe asks.
‘He’s my . . . Yes, I know him.’
‘You want me to ask him to leave?’
‘What?’ I whip around to face Joe. ‘Why would I want you to do that?’
He stares at me like I’ve gone mad. ‘The guy looks like he’s about to murder someone, and he’s been hanging around outside your place every day when I’ve dropped you off.’
‘Rafael would never hurt me.’ I flick my gaze back to his brooding form and my stomach flips at how good he looks, standing there. He’s wearing a waistcoat again. He’s playing dirty.
His eyes narrow on mine as he sees me watching him. Then they slide to Joe as he leans across me to open my door.
‘You sure about that?’ Joe arches a brow, his attention fixed on Rafael’s murderous glare.
‘Positive. You don’t need to worry.’
‘Those from him too?’ Joe snorts, looking at the giant bouquet of lotus flowers blocking the doorway to my building.
My breath catches. They’re beautiful. Just like the six other bunches I have in my apartment. And the handbags. And the shoes. And the jewellery. And even the tubes of crisps. The gifts haven’t stopped coming since Rafael turned up here on that first day.
Climbing from the car, I turn and flash Joe a grateful smile. ‘Thanks for the lift.’
His eyes flick back to Rafael. ‘You want me to walk you inside?’
I shake my head. ‘No, it’s fine, I promise.’
Closing the door, I fish inside my bag for my keys, walking slowly towards my door.
Rafael pushes off from his car and strides over to me.
For the past six days he’s done this. Walked to me, helped me open the door, told me I look beautiful, passed me whatever gift he’s left for me, then waited for me to close the door.
He hasn’t pushed for more. He’s seemed content to get that small interaction from me, even if it’s over within seconds.
Instead of wrapping his hand over mine to open the door like he usually does, he pauses as he reaches me.
‘He wants to be your new boyfriend.’
I follow his scowl to Joe, sitting in his car and watching us like he’s wondering whether to climb out and tell Rafael to piss off and leave me alone.
I almost laugh at the idea. Like Joe would get anywhere, except maybe the hospital, judging from the way Rafael’s teeth are grinding so hard that a muscle in his jaw is throbbing.
‘Joe’s just a friend.’
‘Joe? That his name? I thought it was Dickhead.’
I shake my head and turn towards the door.
‘He wants to get between your legs,’ Rafael growls.
‘How would you know?’ I scoff, whirling back to face him, fire igniting in my stomach. ‘Joe’s been a good friend since I arrived here.’
‘He ogles your arse every time you climb out of his car. Why do you think he leans across to open your door instead of getting out and doing it himself? Prick,’ he mutters.
‘He does not!’
‘Undo another button on your blouse tomorrow, then tell me he doesn’t stare at your tits.’ He grimaces. ‘Bloody hell. Don’t do that. Don’t bloody listen to me.’
Molten bronze eyes slide to meet mine and I gaze up at him, momentarily enchanted by the way they shimmer and his pupils dilate as he looks back at me. There’s no mistaking the love this man has for me. It’s shining down on me like the sun, warming me from the inside out, giving me life.
But it’s also dangerous and deceitful. I don’t know if I can ever trust it again, despite wanting to.
He bends to retrieve the bouquet, then holds it out to me.
‘They’re beautiful.’ I bite my lower lip as I take them, and their heady scent reaches my nostrils. ‘Just like the last bunch.’
Rafael’s eyes shine. ‘Come home.’
‘I can’t,’ I whisper. ‘Not yet.’
Determination settles in his gaze, notching up its intensity. It’s the only thing that masks the pain that’s lurking there, beneath the surface.
‘Then I’ll see you tomorrow,’ he says.
‘Tomorrow,’ I echo.
As per our new ritual, he slides his hand over mine and helps me unlock the door. Then he waits for me to step inside.
For the first time in a week, I glance back at him, and the way his eyes flare with hope makes my stomach twist painfully.
What if I’m making this harder for him? What if I can never go home with him?
Forgiveness is something that seems so out of reach right now that I’m not sure I’ll ever even see it on the horizon.
His eyes drop to my mouth and he takes one step backwards, like he knows if he doesn’t move away, then he’ll be striding inside after me and pinning me to the wall, devouring me.
Heat pulses between my legs and I force a swallow as I close the door.
I don’t have any vases left, so I head to the kitchen sink in my apartment and fill it with water, placing the flowers inside, looking for the small envelope between the petals.
He always leaves a handwritten card. One sentence, ranging in its wording, but always carrying one of two sentiments – either how much he loves me, or how sorry he is. Both are equally hard to read.
Today, though, the small envelope has been replaced by a larger one. I pluck it from the arrangement and tear it open, pulling out two items from inside.
My hand flies to my mouth.
The first is a photo of Freddie. He’s sitting in front of a large doggy birthday cake, his black eyes glinting for the camera.
I can even make out a fine string of drool as he’s no doubt been told to wait before he’s allowed his cake.
Rafael must have asked Kate to send it to him, because Freddie’s birthday is today.
There’s no other way he could have got it so fast.
Guilt tugs at my gut. I need to call Kate and explain.
I might have taken the job initially as a way to get closer to Dominic, to see if being in his house would result in overhearing something that could help my father.
But my fondness that grew for her and Freddie is genuine.
And I hate the thought of her feeling deceived.
Nausea pokes at my gut as I stare at the photograph. I lied to her. To a woman I like and respect. To someone I care about.
Maybe I’m no different to Rafael.
I was lying in order to find the truth. He was lying in order to seek revenge. I’ll understand if Kate can’t forgive me for lying to her, but I’ll still hope that she can. The same way the man I love is sitting in his car on the street outside, hoping the same.
I rub at my temple as a headache threatens, before looking at the piece of paper that accompanied the photograph inside the envelope.
I sent him a present for you. R x
His handwriting is looped across the copy of an order acknowledgement.
A laugh bubbles out of me, the sound and feeling alien after so long.
‘A doggy crisp hamper. Really?’ I shake my head, my eyes darting to the window.
I walk over and peer down at the black Bugatti.
He parks in the same spot every day. I have no idea where he’s staying, but wherever it is he’s going to shower and change each day, he must do it when I’m on shift at the hotel.
Because whenever I’m in my apartment, he’s there.
Morning, afternoon, two in the morning. He’s there.
Waiting for me to be ready.
And a huge piece of me hopes that one day I will be.