Chapter 40 Aurora
Aurora
‘I could have caught a cab. It’s late.’
‘Why? I drive this way home, it’s no bother.’
‘Well, thanks,’ I tell Joe as we roll to a stop in his car.
We went out for one of the receptionists’ leaving drinks straight after my shift, and I am more than ready for my bed.
My gaze immediately falls on Rafe’s car in its usual spot. He isn’t leaning against it like he usually would be. I squint at the windscreen but it’s already dark outside and hard to make out if he’s sitting in the driver’s seat or not. But he must be. Where else would he be?
‘You okay?’ Joe asks.
I turn back in time to see his eyes lift from my cleavage. I changed into a dress to go for drinks, and the one I’m wearing is low-cut and figure-hugging.
‘Undo another button . . . tell me he doesn’t stare at your tits.’
I swallow at the memory of Rafael’s words as Joe licks his lips.
‘Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are?’
‘My boyfriend. The guy who’s here every day waiting for me,’ I reply without missing a beat.
Joe’s face creases into an easy smile and he throws his hands up, not an ounce of malice in his accompanying chuckle.
‘Knew that guy was someone important to you. I figured he was an ex, though, or I wouldn’t have . . .’ He flicks his eyes to me, keeping them on my face instead of returning to my cleavage. ‘You know.’
‘It’s okay. Thanks for the compliment.’
He leans his head back against his headrest and sighs. ‘Probably a good thing, anyway. It’d have broken my heart to say goodbye to you once term starts and I have to go back to Edinburgh.’
I shake my head at his mock-wounded expression and he winks at me.
‘Exactly. I couldn’t have jeopardised distracting one of the country’s best medical minds when he’s so close to graduating.’ I try to smile, but it slides from my face as I glance back at Rafael’s car.
‘You sure he’s safe to be around? You look worried. Could he . . . be waiting for you inside?’
Joe’s watching me closely as I turn back to him.
‘No, I told you. Rafe would never hurt me. That’s not him.’
Physically that’s true, even if mentally I’m still a walking wreckage.
‘Thanks again for the lift,’ I tell Joe, not waiting for him to lean over and open my door before I push it open and climb out.
I stare at Rafael’s empty car as Joe jumps out after me.
‘The guy’s always waiting for you in public. I’m not taking any chances until I know you’re safely inside,’ he tells me as I look at him in question.
‘Fine.’
I scan the street as we pass the neighbouring building to reach mine. I spot his waistcoat first, half-unbuttoned over his wrinkled shirt, like he’s torn at it in haste.
‘Rafe!’ I run to him and drop to the ground where he’s slumped against my front door.
He looks at me with bloodshot eyes, his chest rising and falling with raspy breaths.
‘You look beautiful,’ he says, his eyes dragging over my face like it’s an effort just to move them, let alone speak.
‘What are you doing on the ground?’
‘Needed to sit.’
He winces and lifts his hand. I beat him to it, placing mine over his chest, above his heart.
‘Oh my God. His heart’s racing! Joe!’
I turn in panic, but Joe’s already crouched beside us and has taken Rafael’s wrist into his hand.
‘You all right there, mate? I’m just going to check your pulse.’
Rafael looks at me, his brows knitting together.
‘Joe’s training to be a doctor,’ I explain.
I rip my eyes from Rafael’s waxy face and look at Joe.
‘Is he having a heart attack? He had surgery on it as a kid. Sometimes it hurts when he gets anxious.’
‘I’m going to call an ambulance,’ Joe says, his expression grim.
‘Oh my God!’ I turn back to Rafael, cupping his cheek. He blinks at me but doesn’t seem able to focus on me properly.
‘You’re okay,’ I soothe, stroking his cheek. ‘You’ll be okay.’
‘I love you.’
My heart seizes at the gentle way he breathes the words, like he needs me to understand, even if it’s the last thing he does.
‘I know you do,’ I croak. ‘And you’re going to be okay. We’re going to get you checked over, and you’ll be fine.’
His eyes roll and my heart flies into my throat.
‘Rafe? Stay awake, okay? I love you too. I need you to stay awake.’
‘You still love me?’ He blinks, fighting to focus on me.
‘I never stopped. Now breathe for me, okay? Big, deep breaths.’
He holds my eyes as we wait for the ambulance, breathing in time with me as I cradle his face, and Joe keeps a check on his pulse. By the time the paramedics arrive he’s floating in and out of consciousness.
‘Call and let me know how he is,’ Joe says, watching me climb in the ambulance after Rafael as he’s stretchered inside.
‘I will. Thank you,’ I say before the doors close.
‘Let’s get you fully hooked up so we can keep an eye on your heart, okay?’ the young paramedic tells him.
Rafael lifts a hand clumsily to his clothes and I move in so I can unbutton his waistcoat, and then his shirt, for him.
Inches of toned, muscular skin come into view, and in the centre, the straight line of his scar. He holds my eyes as my fingers trace lightly over it, out of my control.
‘Sorry,’ I mumble, drawing my hand back.
He catches my wrist and holds it gently as the paramedic hooks him up to the machine.
‘Don’t call anyone,’ he says, his thumb strolling delicate circles over my pulse point.
My breath hitches at the memory of his touch on my skin. Of the night I first touched his scar, and how he made love to me so tenderly afterwards.
My eyes sting. ‘They should know, they’ll be worried.’
‘And if there’s something for them to worry about, then you can call them, I promise. But please, Aurora, right now, I just want you here with me.’
I swallow around the thick lump in my throat and nod. ‘Okay. But if we get to the hospital and something’s wrong or you get worse again, then I’m calling everyone.’
His lips curl into a faint smile at the bossiness in my sniffly voice. ‘Okay.’
Then his eyes roll in his head again.
‘And he’s going to be okay?’ I ask, looking at the doctor with pleading eyes, everything resting on the next words to come out of his mouth.
‘We’ll keep him in for observations, but yes, he should make a full recovery.’
‘Thank God.’ I drop my head to my chest.
‘I’ll leave you both so he can get some rest and check back in a bit.’
I nod mutely as she leaves. Then I burst into tears.
The drive to the hospital is a blur. I fired questions at the paramedic the entire time, asking if Rafael would be okay.
I don’t know the first thing about medical treatments, but I asked him over and over if the hospital we were being taken to was the best one for treating heart-related conditions, and if they had the right equipment and specialists there.
Each time Rafael managed to open his eyes, he looked at me, and I swear it took everything in me to stay strong for him. To not show him how terrified I was. But now I know he’s going to be okay the floodgates have well and truly opened.
‘Aurora?’ Rafael croaks.
‘Don’t ask if we can leave again.’ I sob, giving him a stern look. ‘They need to monitor you overnight first. You heard the doctor.’
He’s hooked up to an ECG machine, his chest is bare. Seeing him lying here, shirtless, his scar like a beacon over his heart, brings a wave of fresh tears to me. I could have lost him forever.
He frowns as I cry, his forehead creasing with worry like I’m about to walk out of here.
‘It was a weird episode, that’s all,’ he says.
I shake my head, wringing my hands in my lap. ‘The doctors called it Tako . . . Tao . . .’ I frown.
‘Takotsubo cardiomyopathy,’ he whispers.
‘Yeah.’ I sniff. ‘Broken heart syndrome.’ Fresh tears stream from my eyes as I look at him. ‘I made you ill.’
‘You didn’t. This is all my doing. I wasn’t paying attention to what my body was telling me, that’s all. I should have—’
‘They said it’s brought on by extreme emotional or physical stress.’
Rafe grimaces. ‘I’m fine. It’s reversible. I’ll just be more careful.’
‘You were so pale, I-I . . . We’re staying until they say you can leave, okay? I’m in charge this time.’
‘Okay.’
He says it so easily as his molten bronze eyes capture mine. Energy dances through my veins seeing some of the light coming back to them.
‘I never want to see you like that again. It scared me,’ I confess, wiping at my cheeks.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘You’ve been sleeping in your car. I’ve seen you through the window.’
His gaze narrows on mine for a moment, like the knowledge that I was checking on him throughout the nights brings him comfort.
‘I have a hotel room nearby,’ he says.
‘And I bet you shower there and then come straight back.’
The muscle tensing in his jaw tells me I’m right.
‘Rafe,’ I whisper. ‘This has to stop.’
He leans his head back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling as he inhales slowly.
I know he’s gearing up for insisting he isn’t leaving without me again.
But the thought of going over the same thing and potentially getting him worked up when he needs to rest has concern weaving its way through my weary muscles.
‘Why don’t you get some sleep?’ I suggest.
‘Will you be here when I wake up?’
My heart sinks at the flash of fear in his eyes.
‘I will. I promise.’
His shoulders relax and for a moment I think he’s about to close his eyes, so I get up and turn the light in his room off, before returning to the chair. But then his voice, no more than a soft husk from his lips, drifts through the dimness towards me.
‘This is my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have let you get close and—’
‘What do you mean?’
Even in the dark I can make out the way his face crumples and his cheeks glisten.
‘I never wanted to hear anyone cry over me again. Not after hearing my mother when I . . .’ He swallows thickly.
‘It’s why I’ve never let anyone to get close enough to fall in love with me.
Not truly in love with me. I knew you hated me.
I thought I was keeping you safe from all of this. My heart, it’s—’
‘The strongest, most beautiful one I’ve ever known. And you’re going to get better.’
We fall silent for a moment except for the gentle humming and beeping of machines.
‘I’m sorry, Aurora,’ he whispers.
Something inside me curls up into a ball at the anguish in his voice.
‘I know you are,’ I whisper back.
‘I thought—’ he starts, before clearing his throat. But his voice still comes out hoarse, like it’s taking a lot of effort to speak. I want to reach for his hand and hold it. Tell him he doesn’t need to say anything. But for some reason I can’t move or talk.
‘I thought I’d broken my heart already,’ he whispers into the dark room.
‘But this hurts so much more. All of me is broken without you. I don’t exist properly without you.
I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but God I want it.
I’ve prayed for it every day since you left, and I’m not a religious man, despite my name. ’ He chuckles, but it’s empty.
‘Rafe,’ I breathe.
My limbs unlock, and where a few moments ago I was frozen, now I can’t stop myself from moving towards him.
I climb on to the bed, and he shuffles across to make space for me. The bed isn’t big, so I have to meld myself along his side to stay on. He lifts his arm, welcoming me beneath it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
And as I lie beside him, I’m transported back to the last night we spent together like this, wrapped up in one another’s embrace. Happy and in love.
He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to.
I curl into him, my face nestled between his shoulder and neck, and just breathe him in, reminding myself of his warmth and scent again.
Soft lips brush my hair, and it takes everything in me to hold back a fresh sob threatening to break out of me.
‘I’ve got you,’ he soothes.
I swallow down a hiccup and bury my face further into his neck, determined not to cry again. Not now. Not when all that matters is him resting and being okay again.
I take a few deep breaths and wait until I’m sure my voice will come out even before I speak.
‘Rafe?’
‘What is it, Beaut—’
He catches himself before the whole word slips free. But I hear enough.
I screw my eyes shut.
‘Is it okay if I put my head on your chest?’