Chapter Fifteen – Alex
Hey, Olya greeted me, with that flirtatious little smile I had come to recognize in these last few days. I grinned back at her.
Morning, I replied, pushing the pot of coffee over the counter towards her. She was wearing one of Solomon’s old shirts, a pair of panties, and nothing else, and I was having a hard time keeping my gaze off her long, curvy legs, those deliciously thick thighs that looked ripe to be tasted....
You sleep well? she asked me, even though she already knew the answer to that. As soon as I’d come off my shift the night before, I’d slipped into her room, and the two of us had kept each other up for a few more hours. Only fair, given that Solomon had been playing with her while I had been on the door. It drove me a little crazy, thinking of them in bed together while I tried to stay focused on work, and by the time I was ready to swap over, there was only one thing on my mind.
Not really, I replied. Her cheeks flushed slightly. Fuck, she was so goddamn cute, it was hard to think straight when I was in her presence, and I knew she noticed how hard it was for me. When I was around her, it was like all the good sense just went right out of my head, and all I could think about was pinning her against that counter and figuring out all the ways I could make her come before it was my turn to watch the apartment again.
Well, good thing you have coffee, she flirted, as she lifted the cup to her lips. Everything had been a whole lot easier around here since we had finally given in and had sex for the first time – watching her lose her virginity, it had been about the hottest thing in the world to me, seeing her give herself over to a pleasure she had never felt before in her life.
And, given that she had waited so long to lose it, she was acting as though she had a whole lot of catching up to do. And we weren’t going to deny her the chance to do just that. Both Solomon and I had been sharing her, and I was surprised to find that I wasn’t jealous at the thought of him getting to enjoy her body the same way I did; if anything, it was just a turn-on for me, knowing that she was so insatiable she wasn’t willing to choose between us. If there was one person I trusted in the world with the woman I cared about so deeply, it was him, no doubt in my mind.
And now that we were finally admitting our feelings, I felt like I could be honest about my attraction to her. For more than just the way she looked, though that was a part of it – no, her playful energy, her sense of humor, the way she teased me, the way she snuggled up to me and ran her fingers over my chest when we were lying together in bed, it was all getting me feeling some type of way about her.
She hopped up on the counter next to me as she sipped on her coffee, kicking her legs back and forth with a smile on her face.
You want to go out today? she asked me.
What do you mean? I replied. We’d been finding plenty to keep ourselves occupied in the apartment; I didn’t see why we would need to leave when things were going so well. She tipped her head to the side and grinned.
There’s a really nice coffee shop just down the street, she suggested. I used to go there all the time when I was in high school. Maybe we could grab a drink?
I frowned. I wasn’t sure I liked that idea. Sure, I knew I couldn’t keep her locked down in here twenty-four-seven, but we were only a week or so out from the attack at the club. Was she really that confident in just going out into the world again so soon, when there wasn’t a good reason to?
What is it? she asked, pouting when she saw the expression on my face. I shook my head.
I just don’t think it’s a good idea, I told her. After what happened at the club...
That was different, she pointed out. That was when I was out without you-
Yeah, and it might have given the wrong kind of people the idea that they can actually get close to you, I replied, a little quicker than I intended. I didn’t mean to cut her off, but I could tell it annoyed her. A furrow appeared between her brows.
It’s just coffee, she replied. It’s not like we’re going on an international mission.
I shook my head.
Not right now, I replied, firmly. We can talk to Solomon about it later today, figure out a time when we can both go out with you, but-
But I can’t just go out with one of you? she asked. I shook my head. I got why she was annoyed – it likely would have been fine, but if something happened to her when she was in my care, I knew Solomon would never have been able to forgive me. Any more than I would have been able to forgive myself.
She let out a sigh, tipping her head back.
God, I thought – I thought that you wouldn’t be so obsessive about this, since... she began, trailing off.
Is that why you did it? I asked her. She stared at me, shocked.
No, of course not! she exclaimed, as though surprised I would even think that way. I shrugged. To me, it wasn’t that big a deal to ask. In my time as a soldier, I’d learned that people would make use of any power they could get their hands on, no matter what that looked like. No matter whether it was ethical or not. If she had used her body to earn a little more freedom, it would have made sense to me.
You think that’s the only reason I would want to be with you? she asked me, her voice dropping.
I didn’t reply. She hopped off the counter, staring at me, a suddenly-serious look in her eyes.
Because you know that’s not why, right? she continued, biting her lip. I met her gaze steadily, not saying anything. Even after everything that had happened between us, there was something...confronting about this conversation.
I’m doing this because I...because I’m attracted to you, she confessed. And Solomon. Not because I’m trying to play some kind of game.
I know, I muttered, and she shook her head.
No, I’m not sure you do, she replied. Because if you knew that, you would never have asked me what you just asked me.
I didn’t know how things had spun so out of control, compared to the light, fun conversation we’d been having just a few moments ago. I didn’t want to turn this into some serious debate. I just wanted to relax, enjoy her company – but of course, I had come out with something that had her overthinking.
Is that why you’re...is there something else to this for you? she wondered aloud, gesturing between us. Are you doing this because you...because you think you can get something out of it?
Of course not, I shot back. She stared up at me, a little sadly.
You can’t blame me for asking, Alex, she pointed out. You’re not exactly open when it comes to any of this...
Do I have to be? I asked her, my voice sharper than I had intended. She gazed at me for a moment, not replying.
You don’t have to be, she murmured. But I’d...I’d like it if you were. I want to get to know you, Alex. I know you’ve been through something, I mean, you have to, to end up in this line of work...
She reached out to touch my hand and I pulled it away on instinct. I wasn’t used to being spoken to like this, this kind of intimacy threw me off-guard. Sex, I could handle, but her wanting to know me? Really know me? That was something more than I had been prepared for.
She took a step back from me, giving me my distance. I could see the hurt on her face, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I wished I could just tell her what was going on in my head, but I didn’t even know where to start. If she knew the kind of person I really was, the kind of things I had done, she would never want to look me in the eye again...
I should go, she muttered. Abandoning her coffee mug on the counter, she made her way back towards her bedroom without looking back, and a surge of frustration hit me hard. Shit! Had I just managed to fuck things up with her? Had I just managed to make a mess of things? I thought everything had been going well until I’d asked that stupid question, asked if she was doing this just to try and get something out of us...
I should have kept my stupid mouth shut. But it was way too late for that now. No, I’d said too much – and I knew there were some things you couldn’t take back.
No matter how much you might wish you were able to.