Chapter Seventeen – Olya
Staring at the door, I pondered on what my chances were of getting out of here without one of the guys stopping me in my tracks.
I knew I was stuck. I knew there was nowhere I could go, not without one or both of them by my side. And I knew, deep down, that it was a good thing – I knew I should have been grateful for their presence, that I should have accepted the help they were offering me. But, deep down, I ached for a life outside the confines of this place, a life that I could live entirely on my own terms.
A life that still had both of them in it, of course. That went without saying. But a life, nonetheless, that wasn’t built around the rules my father had laid down for me – a life that wasn’t dependent on doing exactly as he wanted, whenever he wanted it.
After that confrontation with Alex the other day, I got the feeling they were going to be keeping an even closer eye on me than before. Which was...well, in some ways, it was kind of nice, knowing I was the center of their attention like this, but in others...
In others, I found myself thinking about being back in Budapest, even just in New Ruska, before I had returned and my father had decided I needed to be put on permanent lockdown. I had been able to go out into the world and do anything and everything I wanted – I didn’t have to live in fear, worry that I was going to be caught, or skulk around in the shadows for fear of being busted.
But now? Now, I wasn’t so lucky. And I was starting to go a little crazy, locked down in this place. Not knowing when, or if, this was going to end. I loved spending time with Alex and Solomon, of course, I did – the thrill of finally opening myself up sexually to other people had been intoxicating, almost enough to make me forget about everything that I was missing. Almost, but not quite.
What’s up?
I turned, to see Solomon leaning in the doorway to his room, stripped to the waist, just a towel hanging around his hips. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw him like that. He was so freaking sexy to me, that strong, tapered body, the smattering of hair on his chest. He was more casual about walking around the apartment half-dressed, and I liked that – knowing I might open my door and see him, butt-naked, in the living room with a bottle of beer.
Nothing, I sighed, shaking my head and drawing my gaze away from him. I knew it wasn’t fair to complain to him about all of this shit. After all, this was his job we were talking about. It wasn’t as though he could just back off and let me out of here, without incurring the wrath of my father, at least. And I knew my dad and his reputation well enough to understand that nobody wanted to be on the receiving end of that.
Yes, there is, he remarked, making his way over to me and slipping his arms around my waist. When he touched me like that, God, it was so tempting to just spill it all to him – so tempting to just tell him that, yes, I felt as though I was losing my mind, and I didn’t know how to put it right. That my attraction to and desire for them was messing with my head because they were basically my jailers here.
I don’t want to talk about it, I replied. He brushed his lips across my cheek, just the barest touch, but the tenderness made my heart soften. Maybe it would have done me good to actually speak with him about this – I doubted Alex would be able to listen to me without trying to argue, but Solomon seemed a little more chill on those terms.
Yeah, but what if I want you to talk about it? he asked gently. Maybe there’s something I can do to help.
I sighed.
Unless you’re going to let me go out without either you or Alex with me, I replied. I don’t think there’s much you can do to help with this.
He frowned, pulling back from me.
Oh. That.
Yeah, that, I replied, pulling away from him. I didn’t want him to feel guilty about all of this, but at the same time, I couldn’t just pretend I wasn’t going through what I was going through right now. I couldn’t pretend it didn’t get to me.
You know we can’t do that, right? he murmured.
Yeah, I know, I sighed. I get it. I do. I just...there’s so much I thought I would be doing now I’m back in the city.
Like what? he asked. I blinked. It was the first time, I realized, since I had returned from getting my degree, that anyone had asked me what I wanted to do with myself. It caught me off-guard, even though I had long held these dreams close to my chest.
I...I thought I would be finding a place to open my bookstore, I replied. His brows shot up.
You wanted to open a bookstore?”
Want, I corrected him. I still want that. And I’m going to do it, too, just as soon as my father can accept that I’m going to be okay actually existing out in the world.
You could do that while we were with you, he offered, but I shook my head.
No, I couldn’t, I pointed out. What kind of patrons are going to want to come into a store that has two bodyguards on the door? It’s going to scare everyone away. Or remind them what family I’m a part of, anyway.
Is that a bad thing?
In the line of work, I want to get into?” I replied. Yeah, it is. I just...I want a chance to do something on my own terms, you know? Not with my father’s legacy hanging over my head the whole time.
I know how that feels, he muttered. My forehead creased.
I’m sorry, I murmured. I didn’t...I didn’t mean to bring all of that up for you...
He shook his head.
It’s not your fault, he replied. And it’s not what we’re talking about, anyway. Where were you going to open your bookstore?
I hadn’t decided yet, I admitted. I thought somewhere on the East side, you know, close to the universities? So I could stock books in there for students, I thought it would be a good way to keep the place afloat...
I like that idea, he remarked, offering me a smile. Open a little coffee shop on the premises, you’d have something really nice.
Yeah, I guess I would, I replied, biting my lip as I pondered it. I had been trying my best not to get too caught up in the thought of what it might be, what my dream bookstore might look like, but standing here with him, it was hard to deny the vivid image of it that filled my imagination already. I could almost smell the scent of the coffee hanging in the air, and hear the rustling of the pages as patrons leafed through their potential purchases...
What about you? I asked, turning my attention back to him. What do you have planned? After this, I mean? My father must be paying you well...
He is, he agreed, nodding. I...I haven’t thought a whole lot about what I’m going to do next, honestly. I guess take some time off. Maybe travel.
You want to travel?”
He nodded.
I always dreamed about it when I was a kid, he explained. I had this beat-up old globe in my room, probably left there by someone who used to live in the building before us. And I would spin it and pick out places with my eyes closed, and try to imagine what they would be like if I finally made it there.
The thought of it made something pang in my chest – the thought of a little version of him, dreaming of a life outside the confines of his home, outside the addiction of his parents. I hated that he’d had to go through that, hated that he’d had to grow up so soon.
Where do you think you’ll go first? I wondered. He tapped his finger on his chin, pondering.
I don’t know, he replied, flashing me a grin. I think I’ve heard some good things about Budapest.
I laughed.
Oh, yeah, you’d love it there, I told him.
Would love to go with someone who knows it well, he hinted. My heart fluttered at the thought. Taking that kind of trip with him did sound nice. Maybe it was crazy to think like that, given that we had barely known each other a month and a half, but still...
What about Alex? I asked him. You think he’d want to travel, too?
Oh, God, no, Solomon replied, shaking his head, as though it should have been obvious. I think he did all the traveling he wanted when he was in the army.
Oh, of course, I murmured, biting my lip. He...he really went through something out there, didn’t he?
Solomon’s face darkened.
Yeah, he replied. He hasn’t talked to me a whole lot about it, but from what I understand...he lost his whole unit. He was the only survivor of an attack on their base camp, and he barely made it out alive. And when he got back, the government, they all but abandoned him – didnt want to deal with him, because it would mean admitting all the ways that they fucked up.
My eyes widened.
That’s horrible, I breathed.
I know, Solomon replied, with a grimace. It’s why he’s so protective of you, I think. Because he doesn’t want to lose anyone else.
Something clicked in my mind – about the way he had talked to me when I had brought up getting out of here. No wonder he had shut it down like it was the craziest thing in the world. He likely saw danger around every corner, whether or not it was really there, and he was just doing his best to protect me from it.
Shit, don’t tell him I told you that, Solomon muttered. He’d be pissed if he knew.
I won’t, I replied. But, at the back of my mind, something was ticking away – something stringing the pieces into place again. Like me, he’d lost so much – my mother had left me when I was a child, leaving me with this deep, painful fear of being abandoned again, and he’d lost his unit while he’d been at war. Neither of us could stand to let anything slip through our fingers again, but we were coming up against each other in the process.
You want to get something to eat? Solomon suggested. I always feel better once I’ve had something to eat.
I managed to clear the stress from my mind for a moment, and nodded, offering him a smile.
That sounds great, I agreed, and I followed him to the kitchen. But, as I went, I couldn’t help but start forming a plan to get a little closer to Alex – and show him that he was safe being open with me.
No matter what he had been through, I was here now. And I wasn’t going to let him down.