Chapter Twenty – Solomon
What exactly did you want to talk to us about? I asked Olya, as she twisted her hands in a heap in her lap. Alex was sitting beside me on the couch, staring at her, arms crossed over his chest as he waited for her to finally come out with it.
I’m getting there, she protested. Just...just give me a minute, okay?
What the fuck was going on here? I couldn’t help but let my mind race. I knew something had happened between her and Alex, though neither of them had been in any rush to come clean about exactly what it had actually been. I guessed it wasn’t my business, but I still wished they would just come out and tell me – tell me what was happening, catch me up on whatever had changed to shift the atmosphere between us.
What’s going on?” Alex pressed her, clearly not willing to wait around any longer than he already had. He didn’t like feeling as though he was out of the loop for any reason, and I could tell all of this was getting to him.
I...I don’t know how to say it, she confessed, her voice shaking helplessly. I reached out, and planted a hand on her knee, silently letting her know she had nothing to worry about. I knew there wasn’t a damn thing she could say to me that would change the way I felt about her, not now, not ever.
You can just tell us, I prompted her gently. She closed her eyes, and then lifted her gaze, looking between the two of us.
I’m pregnant.
Those words hung there in the silence for a long moment, my hand still on her knee – my heart slamming against my chest as I tried to wrap my head around the enormity of them. She was...she was pregnant?
Pregnant? Alex repeated after her, as though making sure he’d heard her right. She nodded slowly, nervously, eyes darting between the two of us as she tried to work out just how we felt about it.
Pregnant. I mean, I should have known something like this was possible, given all the sex we’d been having, and given that we hadn’t been using protection, but being faced with the reality of it was something else entirely. I inhaled a long breath. This apartment, had felt like it was cut off from the rest of the world, reality never daring to poke its head in. But here, now, there was no getting away from it.
You’re sure, Alex continued, and she nodded again.
I took a bunch of tests, and they all came back positive, she confirmed. I need to see a doctor, just to make certain, but I don’t see how all of them could be wrong. I’m...I’m pregnant, I know I am.
There it was. No getting away from it, the truth of the matter is laid out in front of us, with no space to hide from it. I leaned back in my seat, letting out a long breath, the weight of that word hanging heavy over my head.
And I know this isn’t what any of us planned, she continued, speaking a little quicker now as if she was catching up to the part of this that she had already rehearsed. But I...I know I want to keep this baby. That doesn’t mean that I expect you guys to stick around for it, I know you have your own lives, and I don’t expect you to just give up on them for my sake. But I thought you should-
Of course, I want to stick around, I replied before I could think twice about it. Shit, how could I have gone about it any other way? When I looked at her, I saw possibility – the kind of possibility I had thought I was cut off from for so long, the possibility for closeness, for care, for connection. And the thought of turning that into something more permanent...damn, it was too good for me to pass up. Her eyes widened with surprise.
Really? she replied, her voice dropping to a whisper. I squeezed her knee, a silent promise that I wasn’t going to back down on this.
Yeah, really, I replied. I...I know I didn’t exactly have the best start in all of this, but that doesn’t mean I want to walk away from my own child. I know I can do better for them than my parents did for me. I think I owe them that, whoever they are.
She bit her lip, a wash of emotion crossing her face – did she feel the same way? I knew her mother had left her behind, and I wondered if that was influencing her decision to stick by this child no matter what, to make it so that she never let them go. I knew how it felt, to be left behind by the person who was meant to care for you, and how dark and how painful those scars it left you with could burn into your skin. I would never do the same thing to my child, never. I would always want to do better by them, no matter what it took.
Thank you, she whispered, her voice laced with a deep sincerity. The two of us, we got it – we understood each other, at least on this level.
Who’s it it? Alex asked, and both of us turned to him.
I don’t know, she confessed. I...I guess we could do a paternity test, when the baby’s old enough, if that’s what you want...
Alex shook his head. And, for a moment, I thought he was shaking his head at the thought of this baby’s mere existence. But, instead, he contradicted me.
It doesn’t matter, he replied, shaking his head. She stared at him, her eyes wide, doubtful. She couldn’t get a read on him any better than I could, and it was clear she was scared he was going to shut her down before this went any further – that he was going to close off in the face of all these opportunities, being laid out in front of us, the chance to have this child and raise them right.
It doesn’t? she murmured.
Of course not, he replied. Whoever this baby belongs to...it’s ours. Both of us. And Both of us should be responsible for it.
Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head when he said that.
What – what do you mean?” she stuttered. He shrugged, as though it should have been obvious.
I mean, I’m not going to walk away from this child, just because it might not biologically belong to me, he replied. I’m going to be there for them. No matter what.
But I...I thought you said that we needed to keep things professional, she blurted out. He shook his head again.
That was before, he replied, his voice dropping slightly, growing gentler. Before I...before I knew that there was a future here. A future with a child in it. A future...a future with all four of us.
Four? she asked.
Us three, he replied, gesturing around. And then the baby, too.
The four of us, she echoed after him, and she looked around at us, as though it was really just sinking in for her. I guess...I guess we would be a family. Right?
We could be, if that’s what you want, I agreed. She giggled slightly, a tear rolling down her cheek, the emotions clearly getting the better of her.
Oh, I’m sorry, she murmured, swiping the tear away. I’m not sad, I’m just...overwhelmed.
In a good way? I asked. Alex got to his feet and sank down next to her, putting his arm around her shoulder – he moved a little stiffly, still obviously not entirely sure how to go about comforting her, but willing to give it a try.
In a good way, she promised me. A really good way. I...I thought you were going to leave...
We’re not going anywhere, Alex replied, an edge of apology in his voice like he was letting her know how sorry he was for what had happened before. If he had told her he wanted to keep things professional, I could see why she was so hurt – it was clear, just looking at the two of them together, that it was never going to work for them, not when they wanted each other so badly.
Thank God, she breathed, resting her head on Alex’s shoulder as I rubbed my thumb across her knee. I needed her to know she was safe here, with the two of us – not just from any outside threat, but from what went on in her own head, too.
A soft, comfortable silence settled over the three of us. We all knew, of course, that there was still so much we were going to need to take care of – so much we needed to think about, when it came to caring for her through this pregnancy, let alone what we were going to do when the child actually came along. But, after a long pause, she lifted her head from Alex’s shoulder, and glanced between us again.
I guess there’s someone we need to tell about this, then, she added. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself, as though so much as saying his name out loud was going to summon him.
My father.