48. Because I missed you
Chapter forty-eight
Because I missed you
Astoria
My mind bombards me with the disgusting memories, and I try to fight them. I don’t want it to be true. Not after how much I fell in love with Sebastian’s smile and family. I don’t want him to enjoy watching me being raped and then do it himself. I hear myself screaming, but I cannot open my eyes.
“Astoria. Astoria, wake up!”
I’m kicking, pushing, and I bolt up, screeching so loud that it hurts my own ears. Arms anchor me to the mattress while I try to catch my breath. Both my hands rake through my hair and I don’t realize what I’ve been whispering.
“It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. Not real.” I stop repeating it and just stare at the white comforter covering my legs as reality slips into me like lava, slowly burning away the last trace of happiness. I dared to stop being careful for too fucking long. Oh, it had been so delicious, and like a glutton, I was willing to ignore all the signs.
Julian’s arms move away from around my waist. That’s when I realize he dressed me in a white satin short nightgown. If I survive whatever he does to me next, someday, I’ll ask him what’s his thing with white nightgowns. The weight on my shoulders makes me raise my hand to my neck to find the metal neck brace. I sweep my fingers around it, sigh at my current state, trapped, and look to him. “I’m ready.”
“For?”
“For my punishment.”
“Astoria, you need to rest.” He pulls me into his arms.
“I want my cats.”
“Cats?”
“I have three. I want them.” I’m hyperventilating. This is all too much. Sebastian was just like Julian. How did I miss it? How many times is this going to happen to me?
“Three, huh? Shh…” He soothes. “Calm down. You’re safe. I will not hurt you tonight.”
“You already did.”
“Admit it. You missed me.”
“No.”
He laughs, then kisses my nape. “Well… you’re here because I missed you. That’s all that matters to me.”