CHAPTER 11 #2
“You were watching me? On the cameras?” I guessed.
“Rafe told us what happened last night. I don’t like that I wasn’t here. I should always be with you when you’re upset.”
“Because I’m yours, you mean?” I pushed.
“Yes.”
“So you were watching me in case I needed you?”
“Ever since I got back,” he nodded, though I felt it more than saw it. “Did you have a nightmare? I saw you jolt awake.”
“I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie to me, Cara. Never lie to me. You don’t need to. I can handle the truth, and I want to know everything that concerns you, always,” he replied firmly.
“I’m not lying. I am fine. And you can’t know everything that concerns me, Dante. Contrary to what you seem to believe, I don’t belong to anyone.”
“You’re resistant. I get that after the life you’ve lived, but have no doubt, love. You are mine. You’ll realise that one day soon, but I can be patient, for now,” he explained, very matter-of-factly.
“We’ll see about that.”
“Stop changing the subject and answer my question.”
“What question?” I asked, confused.
“Did you wake up from a nightmare? Is that why youn came down here so angry and upset?”
“I just wanted to do some training,” I defended myself, even though I knew it was ridiculous considering he had walked in and found me curled up on the floor.
“That wasn’t training. That was fear and rage. I know that type of training intimately.”
“Then why ask if you already know everything?” I snapped, annoyed. I was more ashamed, if I were honest, that Dante had watched me completely lose my shit as I had. The idea of anyone witnessing my meltdown was horrifying. It had been a pathetic display of weakness and emotion.
“Because I want you to tell me. I want you to open up and let some of that pain out. I want to know everything that scares you so I can take all of it away and make everything better.”
“Dante,” I gasped as tears struck me from nowhere, the sentiment in his words knocking me aback.
I turned in his arms so I was facing him and smiled shakily.
His hair was slightly damp, like he’d freshly showered, and he was wearing a black t-shirt that just made him look all the more dark and sexy.
His intense gaze was lasered on mine. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching up and wrapping my hand around the right side of his face, my palm brushing the light stubble he never shaved clean.
“I know that you care about me, but please, never believe that you can make everything better for me. It’s a fight you can never win,” I told him weakly.
“I’ve never lost a fight,” he told me indignantly.
“I believe you,” I agreed. “But the things that scare me…that haunt me…they’re not people or situations you can fight to save me. Most of what hurts me lives only in my own head now,” I tried uselessly to explain.
“Your past?”
“Yes. It left me with wounds that will never heal and issues that I don’t think I’ll ever learn to overcome. Those things can’t be fixed, not even by you. Those things are a part of who I am now. In many ways they made me smarter and tougher, but they also made me weak too.”
“You’re not weak, Cara. Don’t say that. You’re strong,” he insisted.
“That’s not important,” I dismissed. “What is, is that I don’t want you worrying about me so much, okay? I can take care of myself.”
“I agree.” I turned to him with shock, not expecting him to yield so easily, but then he smirked.
“You can take care of yourself, but you won’t do it alone any more.
I’ll help, and those things that haunt you inside, that you think can’t be fixed?
I will find a way to make them better. Nothing hurts you, Cara.
Nothing. I’ll fight everything that tries and I will win. ”
I took a deep breath as I tried to absorb his crazy words.
I wanted to argue with him, tell him he was insane for even caring about me as much as he seemed to, when he barely even knew me, but there was one thing I was learning fast about Dante – arguing with him was pointless.
He always assumed he was right in everything he said and did.
Not in an arrogant way, or at least not in a mean-arrogant way.
He was just sure in himself and I found it attractive most of the time if I were honest.
“I had a nightmare,” I admitted, instead of trying to respond to his wild statement. At least I was giving him some truth.
“What was it about?”
“I don’t really want to go there again, big guy,” I sighed.
“I don’t like you keeping things from me.”
“I’m not keeping things from you, Dante. I’m just…it’s too much to talk about right now. I feel so raw and if I start going into my nightmare with you, I’m scared I really will fall apart,” I tried to explain, my voice faltering slightly.
“Okay,” he said gently. He pulled me into his front and cuddled me close. “You don’t have to talk about it now, but I want a promise from you.”
“What promise?” I asked, lifting my head from his chest so I could meet his eyes.
“Next time you have a nightmare that scares you, I want you to promise you won’t try to manage it alone. I saw how much pain you were in, down here, beating at that bag and desperate. I can’t stand to even imagine you going through that again.”
“You want me to come to you?” I asked knowingly.
“Yes. That would be for the best,” he nodded. “But I understand that I might not be the only one you need, so I want you to promise you’ll come to one of us.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re mine. I knew that the minute I laid eyes on you, and that will never change, whether you except me into your life or not. I will always protect you and care for you.”
“I know. You told me that, and I do want you in my life, Dante. I’m not quite sure how yet, but now that I’ve found you, I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t. I’ll always be here,” he promised. “But I also know you’re attracted to Callan and Arran, aren’t you? Maybe Dario too?”
“Jesus! You can’t just ask me that!” I cried as my face set alight with heat.
“It’s okay. I have your answer now,” he told me with a nod.
“That’s why I don’t expect you to always come to me.
You should come to me, because I can protect you and take care of you most effectively, but I won’t be offended if you go to the others.
They can take care of you too, and I can accept them also being in your life, if that’s what you want. ”
“If that’s what I want? Christ Dante! I think you’re just trying to get a rise out of me!
” I scoffed, trying to hide my embarrassment fast before he noticed it in that strange way he seemed to see everything.
Had I been that obvious with my attraction to all of the guys, including him?
I thought I’d hidden it pretty well for the most part.
“It worked, which means I was right. Will you make the promise? I don’t want you to be alone after you have nightmares.”
“Fine. I promise, as long as you stop talking crazy,” I gave in easily.
“Good. Do you feel better?” he asked.
“I think so.”
“I won’t leave you alone until you’re sure you feel better.
Don’t worry.” He pulled me even tighter against him, which I hadn’t thought possible, but I was pressed so close to him now, that I felt his every breath against my skin.
Not that I was complaining. Instead I held onto him too and just allowed myself to breathe in the safety he made me feel.
“Rafe told me before, that you saved his life. Will you tell me what happened?” I asked randomly. I just realised how little I knew about this rare and wonderful oddity of a man, with whom I was rapidly forming a bond. He knew so much about me. I just wanted something of him.
“There’s not much to tell,” he said flatly. “I was in the right time at the right place.”
“There’s more to it than that, Dante,” I pushed. “Tell me, please. Was your Dad involved?”
“Yeah,” he laughed, but with no humour. “That bastard was definitely involved.”
“Enzo, right? He was your Dad? That man gave me the creeps.” My words were followed by in involuntary shudder at just the reminder of Marcello’s right hand man, who had been the boogie man of my early childhood.
“He wasn’t a man. He was a fucking demon,” Dante spat angrily. He adjusted his grip around me, so he was holding me even more securely against him.
“That’s why you joined the military, wasn’t it? To escape him. Cal mentioned something about it.”
“Yeah. Enzo…he started training me young, to become him. From the day I was born he had my future mapped out. I would take his position in the family, serve Marcello, and then Rafe when the time came. Murder, torture, enhanced questioning, kidnapping. If it’s bloody and violent, I was taught to do it before I even hit my teens. ”
“Jesus, Dante.” Now it was me trying to pull him closer as I felt his body tense up against me.
“I knew it wasn’t the life I wanted, but I had no choice.
Enzo would have killed me if I went against him.
He’d already driven my mother to kill herself with his violence and abuse.
I refused to allow him to have that power over me.
So I went along with it…played my part. Until I turned sixteen.
The day after my birthday, I set off for school as usual and went right to the Army recruiting office.
I had the forms I needed and I had forged Enzo’s signature on them.
It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was a way to escape the life I was groomed for. ”
“How long did you serve?” I asked.
“Six years. It wasn’t a great fit for me. I don’t do well with authority, but I learned to adapt, and I worked my way through the ranks. I found a team that became the closest thing I’d ever known to family, at that point in my life. We worked special ops missions, and we were good.”
“It sounds dangerous.”