CHAPTER 12
CARA
I was seated at the central island in the kitchen, Dante holding an ice pack to the knuckles on my left hand, as I ate the scrambled eggs and toast, which Terza had made for me.
He’d already iced my right hand, but he wasn’t happy that they already looked a little bruised, no matter how much I tried to convince him they didn’t even hurt anymore.
“Can’t I convince you to eat some bacon, or sausage, Cara?” Terza asked from where she was cooking away at the stove. “We need to get some calories inside you.”
“You’re getting plenty of calories in to me, Terza. I’m going to have to spend hours in the gym to work them all off if you keep up like this,” I laughed.
“No more going in the gym alone, at any time. You already agreed to that, and then you went in alone this morning,” Dante groused.
“I’m not sure I did agree to that, actually,” I argued.
Before Dante could counter my words, the kitchen door opened, and Cal walked in looking rather frantic. He was wearing the sweats and t-shirt from last night, and his usually strategically messy hair was wild and sticking up in every direction.
His eyes locked with mine and he froze just inside the doorway. I could see the movement of his chest as he took a huge breath in.
“There you are,” he said on an exhale, sounding relieved. “I was worried when I woke up and found you gone.”
“Sorry. I woke up a while ago, but I didn’t want to disturb you. I’m guessing you didn’t sleep that well on the sofa,” I explained.
“I slept fine, and I was there because I wanted to be close if you needed me. You should have woken me,” Cal told me as he walked over and pulled out the seat beside me. “What’s this? What happened?” He pointed to the ice Dante held against my hand, then looked to the man himself for answers.
“It’s nothing,” I spoke up, but Dante spoke over me.
“She was upset and took it out on the heavy bag in the gym. She’s lucky she didn’t break anything in her hands.”
“He’s being dramatic. I’m fine. I’ll just make sure I put gloves on or something next time,” I added with a roll of my eyes.
“And take one of us with you,” Dante tacked on.
“You were upset? You had a nightmare?” Cal guessed, and I nodded. “I wish you’d just woken me, babe. If you needed to hit the gym to work through it all, I’d have gone with you. I hate the thought of you being alone when you’re shaken up.”
“And I hate the thought of waking you from sleep just because I’m losing my freaking mind!” I hissed as my eyes became watery. I looked down to the counter, not wanting anyone to see the threat of tears, yet again.
“Don’t talk like that, Cara,” Terza scalded.
I looked up and found her stood across the counter from me, her hands on her hips and a stern look on her face.
“You, my dear, are brave and tough. Just because you also feel a little shaky right now, doesn’t mean you are losing anything.
You must allow yourself to accept, and even embrace your emotions right now, otherwise you’ll never find any way through them and out to the other side.
Putting yourself down and hiding your pain away will not achieve the outcome you want either. ”
“As always, Terza is right,” Dante agreed.
“Of course I am,” Terza nodded. She leant over the counter and grabbed my plate from in front of me. “That’s cold now. I’ll make you some more.”
“No. There’s no need. I’m full, but thank you,” I told her.
“I hate to agree with Dante, but you haven’t eaten enough there, Cara,” she said, glancing from the plate to me.
“I’ll get something else later. I’m just not that hungry right now.”
The truth was my stomach felt unsettled after such a tough morning. Terza’s words were rattling around in my head, but nothing could take away the fear I felt at my own instability and weakness. It made me feel unsteady and off balance, and I loathed that.
At least in my old life, as crap as it had been, I’d had routine, and the certainty of the days being almost identical.
I had found familiarity and security in that mundaneness.
Now I didn’t have any of that, and every time I left the house, danger seemed to fast approach.
Maybe I could handle that better if I felt stronger, but I didn’t, and I didn’t know how to get any strength back either.
“Okay sweetie. I’ll make you some brunch in a short while,” she agreed, then she bustled away to the sink.
“I should go and get dressed,” I suggested as I looked between Dante and Cal, hating the way they both seemed to be watching me with wariness, like they feared I’d fall apart at any moment.
“Will you be alright in your room after last night?” Cal asked.
“Only one way to find out.” I moved to stand and Dante stopped me, gripping my hand which he’d been holding ice against.
“Take Cal with you, please. I don’t want you to be alone this morning, especially not in a room you feel uncomfortable in.”
“It’s my bedroom, Dante. I think I have to get used to it.”
“No, you don’t actually. Rafe plans to find you a room you feel safer in today. We’ll make it exactly how you want it. He doesn’t want you sleeping in the dressing room, in a space you hate any longer,” Cal informed me.
“He doesn’t need to do that. I’ll be okay.”
“No you won’t, not if you don’t start sleeping properly. It’s about time we all got you settled in fully. This is your home now,” Dante agreed.
“Fine. I’ll discuss it with Rafe,” I gave in, knowing it would be easier for the time being.
“Rafe has some thing to discuss with you this morning too,” Dante told me. He released my hand and rose to his feet,
“What? Has he found something out?” I asked, my heart already racing at the thought of what my brother would tell me next, that would no doubt only send me spiralling further.
“He’ll tell you himself. I need to get to the office. Will you be okay?”
“Of course,” I nodded.
“Stay close to her. If she’s going to be yours too, you need to do a much better job of taking care of her,” Dante told Cal with a scowl.
“Dante!” I snapped, not even daring to look to Cal to gauge his reaction.
“Mine too?” Cal repeated.
“Oh God! Kill me now!” I uttered.
“We’ll talk about it later. We all need to have a meeting,” Dante said casually.
“All?” Cal spluttered.
“Later. Take care of Cara, and call me if anything happens.” Dante said flatly, then I heard the sound of his heavy footsteps leaving the kitchen.
“What the hell is he talking about?” Cal asked.
“Don’t play na?ve, Cal,” Terza cut in. “It doesn’t suit you.”
“I’m going to take a shower and get changed,” I announced as I rose to my feet, choosing, for my own sake, not to make eye contact with either of those remaining in the kitchen. I fled as fast as I could speed walk out of there without another word, relieved when Cal didn’t try to follow.
***
As soon as I put my hand on the handle of my bedroom door, anxiety filled me as memories of the previous night returned.
I knew it was ridiculous, since all that had been in the room the night before was a blown out lightbulb, and a smashed vase that I had knocked over, but just standing there again brought back flashbacks of my Mum’s dismembered body, and of her eyes just staring at me.
It took all of the sense and strength I had within me to push through the door and into the sunlit room.
Someone had cleaned up the glass and water inside the doorway and when I flicked the light switch, the lights came on.
Still, I felt even more uneasy there than I had before and I raced through the fastest shower and changing of clothes I had ever done in my life.
By the time I was done my hands were shaking and my heart racing.
I couldn’t stand to be in the huge, silent room for a moment longer than I had to, and I knew it made no sense, but I felt afraid,
Knowing I wouldn’t have the strength to return there later that night, I grabbed some clean clothes and pyjamas while I was in the closet, along with some toiletries and my phone charger, then I all but raced out of the room with the pile of my belongings in my arms.
I hesitated once I got down the first set of stairs, unsure what I now planned to do with all of my stuff.
It wasn’t like I could just carry it around all day, plus I didn’t want the others seeing it and knowing exactly how afraid I was of a perfectly beautiful, modern bedroom. Even I knew how irrational I was being.
I thought about going to Cal’s room to see if he were there. I was sure he’d be good with me putting my things in his room for now, without making a huge issue of it, but I felt a little awkward about seeing him after what Dante had said to him.
What was Dante even thinking? To even assume that I would date one of them was one thing, but for him to openly talk about it and propose some kind of meeting? He was out of his mind!
“Mornin’ lass. What’re ye up to?” I jolted at the sound of Arran’s voice and looked up to find him coming out of his room.
Had Dante spoken to him about his insane proposal too?
“Ye feelin’ alright?” he asked, this time from much closer.
I tried to snap out of my panic as I looked up to where he stood before me.
“Did Dante speak to you?” I blurted.
“About what? Are ye lookin’ fer him?”
“N-no,” I shook my head. “It’s okay. Doesn’t matter.”
“Were ye lookin’ for Cal then?” Arran pushed.
“I…yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”
“Yer worryin’ me now, lass. What’s wrong?”
“I just…I was in my room and I don’t feel…I don’t know. It just sets me on edge up there. I grabbed some stuff so I don’t have to go up there to change later,” I explained as I held up the pile in my arms.
“We need to do something about that. Yer can’t sleep somewhere ye dinnae feel safe. Why don’t ye just put yer things in one of the guest rooms fer now?”
“There are other bedrooms?”