Chapter 6
Chapter 6
Camden
THEN
Even with a full day to absorb the news, I can’t believe it. Neisy Sutton has accused Ryder of raping her. As if Ryder would ever do something like that, especially since he’s madly in love with Louisa and has been for as long as anyone can remember.
The police have asked Ryder to come in for another interview.
My parents are losing their minds. They’ve called in a high-powered attorney from Boston, who advised Ryder to stay away from the police station.
“You don’t want to give them a chance to trap you into saying something that isn’t true,” the lawyer said when he came to the house earlier. “Let me handle the police. You sit tight and don’t talk to anyone.”
“He has football practice,” Dad says. “He’s a team captain. He can’t miss it.”
“Go to practice,” the lawyer says, “and come straight home. Don’t discuss the case with anyone . I need you tell me you understand me when I say no one .”
“I get it,” Ryder says.
“You have to make this go away.” Mom sounds frantic. “That someone could accuse him of such a heinous crime… His entire future is at stake.”
“I’m well aware of what’s at stake, Mrs. Elliott. I’ll do what I can.”
The lawyer goes through everything about the night in question, writing down the names of friends who can attest that Ryder was at Houston’s party, that he didn’t go near Neisy, that what she’s accusing him of couldn’t be possible.
The party was weeks ago. Details are difficult to recall. So much has happened since then—Louisa’s entrance into hospice care and the associated trauma, gatherings with friends, Fourth of July celebrations, two-a-day football practices.
The lawyer asks Ryder to recount every conversation he’s ever had with Neisy, which is three that he recalls, all in passing.
“Did you ever hit on her, ask her out, say anything inappropriate to her or about her to someone else?”
“No, never. I have a girlfriend. We’ve been together since middle school.”
I ache for him and for Louisa, who has enough to handle after hearing there isn’t anything more that can be done for her. I can’t imagine life without her. I can’t begin to know how Ryder must feel. The news devastated him, and that was before the police came to the door.
The lawyer leaves, promising to be in touch shortly.
Mom and Dad are shattered, and Ryder… He’s pale as a ghost and shaking.
I tip my head, telling him to come with me. We go outside to the backyard oasis my parents put such care into creating. We love being out here, but it brings no comfort to us now. Both our older sisters, who live out of state, have been texting nonstop since the news broke online.
“What can I do?” I ask my brother, my closest friend and confidant.
“I don’t know.”
“You want a drink?”
He shakes his head. He never drinks during football season, but there’s a first time for everything.
We sit in the Adirondack chairs that encircle the stone firepit Dad built himself.
“If you want to talk, you know I’m always here.”
“I do. I know that.”
“The girls were right about Neisy. She’s been trouble from the get-go.”
Ryder stares straight ahead, transfixed the way he would’ve been if a fire had been lit.
I ache for him. I’d give anything to make this go away. Both our phones are buzzing with texts we ignore. Our friends are rallying around us, offering whatever help they can, expressing their shock and disbelief.
No one believes her.
They grew up with Ryder. They know him. They know he’d never do something like what she’s accused him of.
“Cam.”
“Yeah?”
“I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.”
“You have to take it to your grave.”
“What is it?”
“Swear to me. No matter what happens, this stays between us.”
“You have my word.”
He says nothing for the longest time as his foot pokes at the grass. “What she said…”
Everything around us goes quiet. Even the crickets are silent.
I hold my breath, equal parts interested in whatever he has to say and terrified of how it will change everything.
“It happened like she said.”
The whooshing sound inside my head is like a tsunami overtaking me as I struggle to process the words, the implications, the horror…
“Ryder, no. You wouldn’t have done that.”
“I wasn’t in my right mind. I’d heard about Louisa going into hospice. I mean after all this time, the war she’d fought, that we’d fought, she was still going to die? I’d been drinking all day, ever since I heard that news. Everything was a mixed-up mess, and Neisy was just there, you know? No one likes her... I don’t even know how it happened. It just did.”
“You…you raped her?”
“I didn’t mean to. She’s always looking at me like she’s interested, so I asked her if we could talk, and one thing led to another. It was like I was possessed or something. Louisa has been so sick… I haven’t been with her in a long time. Tell me you understand.”
I don’t. I don’t understand. He could have any girl he wanted. He doesn’t have to attack anyone.
“Camden, please. Tell me you get it. I wasn’t myself after hearing about Louisa. She’s going to die .” He sounds desperate and unhinged—and he’s using my full name. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s the one who’s always in control. I’m the emotional one. “I need you.”
The weight of his confession is already unbearable, and I’ve only known for a few minutes. I want to go back to before we came out here, before he unloaded on me. “Why’d you tell me this?”
“I needed someone to know. I feel sick about it.”
I feel sick, too. “Because you did it or because she’s got the cops involved?”
“Because it happened in the first place!” He tears at his hair as he breaks down. “That girl has driven me mad since the first day she showed up at school.”
That’s another thing I’d rather not know. “Wh…what about Louisa?”
He looks up at me, torment etched into his tearful expression. “I love her more than anything or anyone. I always will. But her illness… It’s been a lot. The not knowing what’s going to happen, and then hearing that after everything she’s been through, that we’ve been through, she’s still going to die… I was drunk and devastated, and I fucking snapped. That’s the only explanation I have. You’ve got to help me, Cam. I don’t know who else to turn to. The guilt is eating me up inside. That I cheated on Louisa. That I hurt Neisy. That any of this happened in the first place.” He drops his head into his hands. “I don’t know why it happened.”
I swallow hard. I’m seventeen years old. He’s a year older—a legal adult who’d do hard time for a crime like this. I have no idea what to do with this information or how to help him. I want to beat the shit out of him for doing something that could ruin all of us. Our parents are stressing out about having to get another mortgage on the house to pay for the attorney on top of college tuition for four kids. And then to find out he did attack Neisy… Jesus. I swallow the bile that surges into my throat.
“Camden.”
He never calls me that, and now he’s said it twice in five minutes.
I force my gaze back to him. “What?”
“Please help me.”
I’m not sure what exactly comes over me. A wave of certainty or whatever you want to call it, but I realize that few things in my life will matter more than whatever I do right now. Ryder is my brother. My closest friend. My soulmate, if you believe in such things. I’ll do anything it takes to protect him.
“You can’t tell anyone else. No one. Not even Louisa. Do you understand me?”
“Y-yeah. Okay. No one.”
I look him dead in the eyes. “Not even Louisa.”
“Not even Louisa.”
“You can’t have another weak moment where you feel the need to unburden yourself. As far as we’re concerned, nothing happened. She’s lying. The girls at school hate her, so she decided to get even with all of us by accusing one of the most popular guys of the worst possible thing. No one will believe her. They’ll believe you. They know you.”
As I speak, he nods like a bobble head, hanging on my every word.
“Tell me you understand what you have to do.”
“I have to say she’s lying. That nothing happened.”
“You must never, ever, ever deviate from that story.”
He looks me in the eye as we form this unholy alliance. “I won’t.”
“If you need to talk, you come to me. Only me.”
“Only you.”
I reach out my hand to him. He clasps it and holds it tightly as we lock eyes.
Whatever happens next, we’re in it together.