Chapter 9
Chapter 9
Neisy
THEN
The time away with Kane is blissful. It’s everything I need after the hell of the last few weeks. Other than to check in once a day with my dad, I never look at my phone.
We end up at a lake in upstate New York, where my dad rents us a small cabin a few steps from the shore. That’s another thing that would’ve been unthinkable a few months ago. But what does my dad have to worry about now that I’ve been raped and made pregnant by a boy I went to school with?
Kane went to the grocery store to stock up on essentials, so we wouldn’t have to go anywhere. I don’t want to have to see anyone. I’m raw from the events that sent us on this trip.
I still can’t believe Mr. Elliott actually came to our house to confront my dad.
Thankfully, Dad kept his cool and stayed out of trouble.
Dad told me Mr. Elliott was charged with misdemeanor harassment or something like that.
I’m sure everyone blames me for that, too.
Kane returns from a run to find me sitting in one of the wooden chairs that overlooks the scenic lake. He kisses my cheek. “How’re you doing?”
“Okay.”
The nausea and overall exhaustion have been hard to take. I’m not used to feeling sick and tired all the time.
“I’m going to take a swim, and then we need to talk.”
“Why? Did something else happen?”
“Not that I know of. But we have some decisions to make.”
About the baby.
We’ve danced around the topic in the two weeks since we left town, but we haven’t decided anything. Soon, the baby will be far enough along to help me prove that Ryder raped me.
In early September, we’ll start our senior year at the high school in Fairfax County where I attended ninth and tenth grades. My friends there are thrilled I’m coming back, which was a huge relief. And yes, they know what happened to me and that I’ll have to testify against Ryder at some point. They’ve been nothing but supportive and concerned for me.
It’s also a relief to be away from the town where I was so unhappy long before Ryder attacked me. If I had it do over again, I would’ve gone to my dad and begged him to get me out of that school and that town before disaster could strike. He knew I was unhappy there, but he didn’t know the full extent of it until the Facebook outrage appeared after we went to the police.
Now he knows how bad it was, and it’s broken him to find out what I endured without any support. It’s also made him even angrier at my mother. He’s given her an ultimatum—quit drinking and go to rehab, or he’s filing for divorce. His anger at her runs deep after she failed to notice something was very wrong with me. He’s not staying with her unless she makes some changes.
I really hope she does. She’s wasting her life by drinking herself into oblivion, even if I understand that alcoholism is a disease. I want to be sympathetic toward her, but I’d also like to have a mother again. I’m not sure if she’ll stay in Rhode Island or join us in Virginia. That it doesn’t matter to me whether she comes with us says a lot about how removed she’s been from me in recent years.
“Can we talk about it?” Kane asks, making me realize I’ve zoned out on him.
“Not today. I’m not feeling great.”
“What’s wrong?”
“My back is hurting for some reason, and I just feel blah.”
“Do you want to lay down?”
“I’d rather go out on the boat.” The place we rented has a wooden rowboat that we’ve taken out on the lake almost every day we’ve been here. It’s so relaxing to float on the water and not think about anything other than what we might have for dinner.
“I’ll pack the picnic today.”
That’s usually my job. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“Yes, I really do. You put your life on hold to come here, to run away into the unknown, to stay with me in this hellish situation. I owe you so much.”
He squats down next to my chair and takes my hand. “I love you, Neisy. I’ve loved you so long I don’t remember what it was like not to love you. Being away from you was torture. As much as I hate what happened to you and all the pain and worry you’re dealing with, I’m so happy to be with you again and to know I don’t have to leave you ever again.” He kisses the back of my hand. “So no, you don’t owe me anything.”
Before I can come up with a reply to the sweet words that leave me with a lump of emotion in my throat, he stands and walks toward the cabin.
We’re lucky to have found each other so early in our lives. Both sets of parents warned us about getting so involved at such young ages, but we didn’t want to hear it. We know what we know, and I don’t have the slightest doubt about fully committing to him for a lifetime. The certainty that he feels the same way is the ultimate reward.
He returns a few minutes later with the picnic basket we found in a closet in the cabin, sweatshirts and towels for both of us and the bag that contains my sunscreen and the new e- reader my grandparents bought me for Christmas. He’s teased me about loving that device more than I love him. Reading has been my favorite pastime since I first learned how. Over these recent tumultuous weeks, I haven’t had the attention span to do anything, even my favorite thing. Being here, though, has calmed my mind to the point where I can enjoy reading again.
Kane helps me into the rowboat before he shoves it off the beach and then jumps in as we float away from the shore.
The cushions and umbrella are right where I left them yesterday.
I relax into their comfort, enjoying the play of his muscles as he rows.
He’s so gorgeous with his dark silky hair, olive-toned complexion, brown eyes and smooth skin. I tell him all the time that it’s not fair he hasn’t had so much as a blemish while I’ve battled acne since I was thirteen. I’ve been on medicine for it that’s helped, but he’s had no such issue.
This would be such a perfect day if my back didn’t hurt so badly. I wish I could take the ibuprofen that usually works for me, but I read that it’s better not to take any pain meds while pregnant. I can’t bring myself to do anything to hurt an innocent child, which is why I’ve more or less decided to carry the baby to term and put him or her up for adoption. I haven’t discussed that with Kane yet, but I will. Soon.
Kane rows for a long time, until we’re so far from where we started that our cabin is but a speck in the distance. The sun is warm, the air crisp and the lake placid and calm.
“It’s so beautiful here,” I say after a long period of contented silence.
That’s one of the things I love best about being with him. We’re so happy to be together that we don’t feel the need to constantly fill the empty spaces with conversation.
“I do, too. We’ll have to come back every summer, unless it would remind you of things you’d rather forget.”
“I’ve felt so much better since we ended up here. I’d love to come back.” I shift on the cushions, seeking a comfortable position as my back pain intensifies.
“What’s wrong?” Kane asks.
“Just this weird pain in my back that’s been getting worse all day.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I thought it was just a pulled muscle or something, but it’s—”
The breath is stolen from my lungs by a sharp pain that radiates from back to front and a gush of fluid between my legs. I gasp as I lean forward.
Kane releases the oars and reaches out to me. “Neisy, you’re bleeding.”
“No! The baby!”
If I lose the baby, I’ll also lose the proof that Ryder raped me.
“I’ll get us back to shore.”
He rows like an Olympian, stopping only to pull his phone from his pocket. “Damn it, there’s no service out here.” He goes back to rowing.
The pain is ridiculous, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, even the appendicitis I had when I was ten.
“Are you okay, Neise?”
“Uh…” I can’t seem to form a coherent thought.
The bottom of the boat is covered in blood.
When we get closer to the shore, Kane again tries his phone. “Thank God we have service now.”
The next hour is a blur as I’m loaded into an ambulance with Kane by my side and transported to the hospital. I want to remind him that we need the baby’s DNA to convict Ryder, but I can’t form words around the pain that’s ripping me apart inside. I black out at some point and come to in a brightly lit room with people all around me. Where’s Kane? I want to ask for him, but I can’t speak. I can’t do anything other than experience this searing pain.
When a needle is inserted into my hand, the pinch barely registers, but the relief is immediate.
My eyes become heavy. I can’t keep them open.
The next time I open them, I’m in a darkened room.
Kane is there, sitting next to my bed holding my hand.
I lick lips that are so dry they feel like sandpaper. “What happened?”
“You had a miscarriage.”
“Oh.”
“You lost a lot of blood. They had to give you a transfusion.”
I try to process what he’s saying, but it’s like my brain is made of cotton. Nothing makes sense.
“You scared me.”
“Sorry,” I whisper.
He strokes my face and brushes hair back from my forehead. “Don’t be sorry.”
“Can I…” I force my unfocused eyes to look at him. “I can have others?”
“Yeah, you can.”
I blow out a sigh that becomes a sob, ripped from the deepest part of me. The baby I didn’t want is gone. I should be relieved, but all I feel is shattered over the loss of an innocent bystander in this tragic situation. Tears spill down my cheeks.
Kane sits on the edge of the mattress and wipes them away with a tissue.
“I don’t know w-why I’m crying.”
“You’ve been through a traumatic ordeal.”
“Did you call my dad?”
“Not yet. I figured it would be better if you called him so he could hear your voice.”
“Thank you for thinking of that.”
“No problem.”
I have one more question for him, the biggest and most important of all. “Were they able to get DNA from the baby?”
“No, honey. It was too late by the time we got here.”
The disappointment is gut wrenching. How will I ever make Ryder pay for what he did to me without the baby’s DNA for proof? It’ll be my word against his, and they’ll believe him because of how accomplished he is. I’m nobody next to him. Maybe that’s why he chose me to attack in the first place. He knew he could crush me in every way that matters.
Kane stretches out next to me and holds me while I cry. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you’re going to be okay. I promise.”
He smells like fresh air and sunscreen.
I realize he has tears running down his face, too. As I pull back so I can see him, I’m struck by his obvious devastation. “Kane…” I brush away his tears. “What is it?”
“There was a nurse in the ER… She was so nice and caring. She…she said we’re young and we can try again. That we’ll have lots of babies when we’re ready for them.”
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry.” Of course she thought the baby was ours. Why wouldn’t she?
“It’s true, you know. We are young, and we’ll bounce back from this and have lots of babies and a happy life. We won’t let this ruin anything for us, do you hear me?”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
“As awful as this is, we’ll get through it together and be stronger for it.”
“I often wonder what I did to get so lucky to meet you when I was so young, to know I wanted to be with you forever, no matter what.”
“Same, honey. We’re so lucky, and we’re going to stay that way.”
He holds me as close to him as he can possibly get me, which is right where I want to be. Like always, he makes me feel so much better than I would’ve without him by my side. When he tells me we’re going to be all right, I believe him.
The next day, my father calls to check on me after I’m released from the hospital with orders to take it easy for the next four to six weeks. We texted him the news last night and said I wasn’t up for talking but to call me the next day.
“How’re you feeling, sweetheart?”
“Tired and sore, but otherwise okay.”
“I’m so sorry you went through another traumatic ordeal.”
He sounds tearful, which breaks my heart. My dad is the strongest person I know, and I hate to hear him broken because of me. “I’m all right, Dad. I promise. But what happens now that we can’t use the baby’s DNA to prove he attacked me?”
“I’m not sure. I have a call with the prosecutor later today to update him.”
“I still want to testify against him. Even if we lose, I want people to know what he did to me.”
“I’ll pass that along. You amaze me, Niece. I’m so proud of you.”
“I get my resolve from you.”
“I suppose you do, but I wasn’t strong like you are now when I was your age.”
“What is it you always tell me? That people step up to the moment when they need to? That’s all I’m doing.”
“I’m very proud.”
“That’s all that’s ever mattered to me. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, sweetie. I know. Do you want me to come up there?”
“There’s no need for that. We’re fine. Kane is taking very good care of me.”
“Tell him thanks from me.”
“I will. How’s Mom?”
“She hasn’t had a drink in a week, and she went to an AA meeting with Mrs. Dalton. Do you know her?”
“The neighbor down the street?”
“Yes. Mom had heard she was in recovery and reached out to her. Mrs. Dalton offered to take her to her first meeting and to be her sponsor.”
“That’s progress.”
“I guess. We’ll see if it sticks without some sort of in-patient rehab.”
“I hope it does.”
“Me, too.”
“Do you still love her, Dad?”
“That’s a complicated question. If you’d asked me that before this happened to you, I would’ve said yes. Now… I don’t know. I’m furious that she let you suffer in silence for weeks after you were attacked. How could she not know you were going through something so awful?”
“She’s got an illness. I don’t blame her for that, and you shouldn’t either.”
“I’m trying. Mrs. Dalton suggested Al-Anon for me, and I’m thinking about it. I’ve heard great things.”
“I think you should try it. Can’t hurt, right?”
“That’s what Mrs. Dalton said, too. Let me know how you’re doing later?”
“I will. Thanks for checking on me.”
“Love you so much, honey. I hope you know…”
“I do. I’ve always known that. Love you, too.”
“How’s he doing?” Kane asks as he delivers a cup of tea to me.
I sit up on the sofa and take the mug from him. “Thanks. He’s doing okay. Upset, of course. I feel like that’s the word of this summer. Upset.”
“I prefer something more like resilient or courageous or inspiring.”
He makes me smile when I would’ve thought that was impossible today.
“Is it strange that I’m sad about the baby despite everything?”
“I can see why. He or she had nothing to do with any of this and deserves to have someone mourn for them.”
“It helps me that you understand.”
“I do. I feel sad about it, too, and not just because the baby would’ve helped you get justice.”
“That’ll be much more complicated now.”
“All you can do is tell the truth and hope for the best.”
As I try to imagine taking the stand to testify against Ryder, my whole body goes tense.
“Don’t worry about that now.” I should be used to how he can always tell what I’m thinking. “There’ll be plenty of time for you to prepare for that later. Right now, you need to focus on resting and healing. Okay?”
My gaze meets his, which is full of concern and love. So much love. “Okay.”