Chapter 9
9
“Think she’s got any lasting power?”
“...you date women in seasons.”
“...you break up with them shortly after.”
“You make sure to dump them before they have a chance to walk out on you.”
“…without your heart getting involved.”
“I have no idea how to make it all work, even with a woman as great as Belinda.”
Belinda felt the lash of each sentence flaying across her skin. She and Ivy had sat in the living room, enjoying getting to know each other as the men had gone outside to chop wood. They’d laughed and talked about their careers, growing up on the shore, as well as the Bergstrom men. She’d even confessed how much she liked Aaron. “He’s the first man I feel completely comfortable with in a long time.”
“Oh,” Ivy had squealed, clapping her hands. “He deserves someone like you. I’m so glad he has you in his life!”
When Ivy went to refill their wineglasses, Belinda excused herself to go to the powder room. Located at the back of the house, it had a small window covered by blinds. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but Aaron’s and Andy’s voices carried easily as they stood on the back deck so close to where she was.
It didn’t matter that Andy had said he thought she was different or that it would be difficult for Aaron to walk away. What had really struck her was how she’d thought meeting his family was special. It appeared Aaron had a habit of bringing women to family gatherings, even if he was going to break up with them soon. Is that what he plans for me?
She’d never believed in insta-love, but she definitely believed in love and knew it could strike at any time when the right one was near. She was already falling for Aaron, feeling the building blocks of emotions cement together.
And now, after overhearing that conversation, they came crumbling down. Quickly washing her hands, she darted out of the powder room and back into the living room before the men returned. By the time Aaron and Andy walked into the room with an armload of wood and set about starting a fire, her forced smile was firmly on her face.
She shoved her turbulent emotions into the mental box where she could hopefully slam the lid. She listened intently to the conversation around her in a way that she hoped no one suspected she understood her position in the gathering. I’m simply the one who he’s with now. By next season, he’ll have someone else.
Her heart ached, and she felt anger build—not so much toward Aaron but more toward herself. She’d allowed herself to think that a man she’d had a crush on since she was in high school had finally noticed her all these years later. How stupid am I? That could be any number of Hallmark movies! Only now did she know there wouldn’t be a happy ending.
She had no idea why he usually broke things off before the relationship had a chance, but as the evening came to a close, she was determined not to wait around to be the one who got dumped.
When it was time to leave, she hugged Ivy with heartfelt sincerity, thrilled that she had a chance to get to know her better. Even though Andy’s overheard words had hurt, she enjoyed getting to meet him, too. After all, it wasn’t his fault—he was simply speaking the truth to Aaron.
Once in the car, she finally let the pain of holding on to a fake smile ease as she blew out a long breath. Staring out the windshield, she felt Aaron’s gaze on the side of her head as they drove back to her apartment.
“Are you okay?” he asked, and she heard the concern in his tone.
She twisted her head and could see the worry in his eyes. “Yes, I’m fine. I was just thinking about how lovely your family is. It was nice not to be alone for Thanksgiving, so thank you for inviting me.”
He reached over and placed his hand on hers. “I loved having you there with me and my family. You fit right in.”
A tiny scoff puffed from her lips. How many times have you said those words as you left a family event with your seasonal girlfriend? Another moment of silence passed.
“You seem very quiet. I wasn’t sure if you had a good time. Or… um… maybe somebody said something that upset you?”
“What on earth could anyone say that would’ve upset me?” She gently shook her head, then sighed heavily. “I’m exhausted, and wine makes me sleepy.”
He nodded slowly, and she hoped he bought her excuses because she wasn’t ready to face the fallout from what she’d overheard. Soon, they were at her apartment, and as much as she wanted the day to be over, he walked her upstairs, and she forced another smile on her lips as he entered her apartment.
It hurt to know that if she hadn’t overheard their conversation, she would have invited him to come in, sit for a while, and have a drink. They’d watch some TV, then make out on the couch while she hoped it would lead to her bed and sex that she knew was amazing. But now, she just wanted to go to bed, give in to the inner turmoil, and have a good cry.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She rested her cheek against his heartbeat, giving in to the desire to feel what she had wanted and what she thought could be. Closing her eyes, she tried to block out everything she’d heard and just relax into the moment. Inhaling deeply, she memorized the fresh-air scent that she’d come to associate with him. Leaning her head back, she stared into the face of the man who, in just a couple of weeks, she had already developed feelings for. It felt so right to be in his arms.
As he leaned down to kiss her, she didn’t move away. She wanted the kiss. If it was going to be her last kiss with Aaron Bergstrom, she wanted to remember it. So blanking her mind, she gave herself over to his lips, the taste of chocolate and beer on his tongue, the feel of his leather jacket underneath her fingers as she clutched him tight, and the scent of the outdoors that surrounded her.
When the kiss finally ended, he leaned back and breathed heavily. “You make it so hard to walk away.”
She blinked, a bucket of ice-cold water pouring over her head. It took a moment, but she realized he just meant to walk away this evening. She was glad that they hadn’t planned on him spending the night. Having already had sex made it so much more challenging to watch him leave. She assumed the women he’d dated in the past would’ve been sexual partners before they broke up. A knife twisted in her gut—not from the thought of him being with other women before her since everyone had a past, but that it seemed as though it was easy for him to have that intimacy in a relationship and then walk away.
“Drive safely,” she whispered. Lifting on her toes, she placed a barely-there kiss on the edge of his mouth before lowering her heels to the floor. “Be well.”
His brow furrowed for a second. Then he nuzzled his nose against her face until his lips were at her ear. “Lock up behind me, sweetheart.” He then kissed the side of her cheek.
She nodded, knowing it was the last time he would call her sweetheart… knowing she would need to lock up her heart.
“What the hell? Who brings a girl to a family gathering, and then that’s it? Dumps them before they have a chance to walk away from him? That’s nuts! And it’s bullshit!” Bess yelled.
Belinda couldn’t disagree with her sister but didn’t have a good answer for her. “I have no idea.”
It was now Sunday evening, and Belinda had spent Friday and Saturday working on family events that she’d been hired to photograph. Bess had flown back to the Eastern Shore to open her shop the following morning.
And now, the two sisters were lounging in Belinda’s living room with a mostly empty wine bottle on the coffee table. Each was in a corner of her sofa, with their feet tucked under them as they faced each other.
“And to think he kept all twelve of those éclairs! I hope he choked on them!” Bess continued her tirade.
Belinda had spent the weekend thinking about her burgeoning relationship with Aaron and the fact that she already knew it would end. Even though they’d had sex—fabulous, impulsive, on-the-floor sex that she’d never experienced before and would likely now be ruined for any other man—she knew they had never declared a dating status. And it was so early in their relationship it would be ridiculous to take offense at what she overheard. He hadn’t broken any promises. So after some tears and a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream eaten in one sitting, she admitted only her heart was involved.
Looking at her sister’s indignant face, she offered a wan smile. “Well, I don’t hope he choked on his éclairs, but maybe if he devoured them all at once, he might have ended up with a stomachache,” she conceded. Sighing, she shook her head. “It’s stupid.”
“What is, Sis?”
“How much I crushed on him in high school. Not that I was seeing him to fulfill some unrequited teenage angst bullshit, but I really thought that the dates we had, the fun we’d had, meeting his family… I thought it was special. I thought we had what it took to build the blocks of a relationship. But that was all just stupid.”
The sisters were quiet for a moment. Belinda loved that about Bess—her sister would come to her defense in an instant but also understood when she just needed a little peace.
After a few minutes, Bess asked, “I take it that you haven’t heard from him since then?”
“We’ve texted occasionally over the last few evenings, but I kept it simple. We were both working. He knew you were coming home today, and I wanted to spend time with you.”
“So what are you going to do? I’m sure he’ll come to the bakery tomorrow morning. I’ve interviewed somebody to help out, and they’ll start this week so that you don’t have to be there if you don’t want to?—”
“No, I’m not going to hide.” Her chest fell with the heavy sigh that left her lungs. “I hate confrontation, and I’ll be polite. After all, it was only my expectations that got squashed. But with all my photography jobs between now and New Year’s, I’ll be slammed during evenings and weekends. And from what I overheard, as soon as we get into the new year, he’ll have to spend all his time studying for his detective examination.” She shrugged and took a long sip of wine, slurping up the dregs in the bottom of her glass. “It seems like a natural break-off point for us, anyway.”
Bess huffed. “Well, I still think it sucks.”
Belting out a laugh that sounded more like a scoff than lighthearted humor, Belinda couldn’t agree more.
Monday morning found Belinda behind the counter, with the customer line almost out the door. As busy as she was, she couldn’t help but glance at the door every time the bell rang. At first, she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed when Aaron didn’t come in. Chastising herself, she plastered a wide smile on her face and greeted the next customer in line, finally deciding he wasn’t going to stop by. Maybe he is going to ghost me.
Busy filling coffee and pastry orders, she was surprised when she turned her bright smile to the next customer and spied Aaron smiling back at her. She hadn’t even realized he was in line.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
Her heart twinged. She’d been wrong… she hadn’t heard him call her “sweetheart” for the last time. “Hey.” The word came out scratchy, and she cleared her throat. “Your usual?”
“Absolutely, beautiful,” he said with a wink.
Before, her heart would’ve warmed at how he looked at her, but now it twinged again. She couldn’t understand how much it hurt to know she was just in a line of many when they’d only gone out a few times.
Turning her back to him, she fixed his coffee and grabbed an éclair from the pastry shelf. She accepted his money for the pastry, returning the extra he’d given her for the coffee. He chuckled and tossed the returned bills into the tip jar.
“I feel like we haven’t talked much in the past couple of days,” he said. “What’s your week look like?”
“I’m working on an online business class in the evenings, and next weekend is slammed with photography jobs.”
His brow furrowed as his smile slipped. “I’m on days this week, so that doesn’t give us a chance to go out.”
She turned to the customer behind him, took her order, and then looked back at Aaron. “We can check and see what the next week is like.”
Her reply didn’t appear to offer him much satisfaction, but he nodded. He leaned closer and whispered, “I hope you have a good week, sweetheart. Take care, and we’ll talk soon.”
She nodded, but the gap between them seemed to widen with each second. Her gaze followed him as he walked out the door, and she sighed heavily. “Why do relationships have to be so hard?”
“I don’t know, honey, but if you find out, let the rest of us know.”
She was startled, not realizing she’d spoken aloud, and stared at the beleaguered expression of the female customer standing before her. Shaking her head, she chuckled and moved to fill the woman’s order.
The bakery continued to be slammed as though the holiday break had caused the customers to become desperate for Bess’s coffee and treats. Even though Aaron came in to see her, they barely had time to speak as she was quickly dealing with customers. Bess’s new employee had started and was a fast learner, but the only change Belinda made to her schedule was that she didn’t show up to the bakery in the afternoons.
Aaron worked the late shift the following week, so their texts slowed even more. Christmas was around the corner, and she felt unsettled instead of feeling the season's cheer.
“Why do you feel that way?” Bess asked after Belinda confessed her feelings.
“It seems wrong. It seems sneaky. It seems like I’m just ghosting him for no reason, and that’s not the kind of person I am.”
“What are you going to do?”
Her shoulders slumped with the weight of the crumbling short-term relationship bearing down. “I’m going to talk to him. I’ve asked him to come over after his shift.”
Bess’s face fell. “Oh, honey. Late-night conversations that aren’t sexy are rarely a good thing.”
Belinda blinked. Twice. Then laughed. “Where did you hear that?”
“I saw it on a T-shirt in the consignment shop down the street.”
“Well, I’m not ready to take advice from a T-shirt saying.” As their smiles slid away, she reached out to grasp Bess’s hand. “I’m unhappy and need to do something about it.”
Bess squeezed her fingers. “After you talk to him, come over. I’ll have the wine ready.”
“I appreciate the offer, but we’ll see. Anyway, I’ll be fine. Promise.”
It was easy to make the promise to her sister, but she wondered how to make the promise to herself.