Chapter Twenty-Five #2
“Yes. Like them,” Ollivander agrees. “Since you’re being invited to stay, things will work a bit differently. You may have some specific demands or wishes that we can meet, depending on what we consider their value and what we consider your value.”
“Can I get a…” I gesture like I’m writing on my hand, asking for something to write all this down on before I forget. My brain is too scrambled to remember all of these details right now.
“I prepared this packet for you in case you chose to leave today.” Ollivander says as he steps forward and offers me a manilla envelope.
I give him a weak, but appreciative smile.
Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all.
I’m guessing he paid the price to be here, the same way they’re offering me, or worse, at the hands of someone else.
He’s just doing his job, even if that consists mainly of being Maven’s pet.
“Thorne,” Maven gestures to the door, signaling for him to exit to grab my stuff now.
“Can I leave a note for Jett?” I ask nervously, praying that they’ll at least give me this.
“If you are fine with Wilder reading it to approve its contents.” Maven says without looking up from the papers on his desk. I glance over to Wilder and nod in agreement. He rips out a page from his notebook and stands up to hand it to me.
I don’t even bother to ask to borrow a pen, I just yank one from Maven’s pen holder and lean forward to rest the paper on the edge of his desk. He glares up at me before turning his attention back to what he was doing, scribbling something down on his own paper.
I stare down at the blank sheet in front of me, pen poised and ready, but absolutely no idea how to say everything I need to get out. Everything I need him to understand.
“If— If I come back, and I decide to stay, will I even get to see him anymore?” I choke out as I try to hold back my tears.
“Everyone has free time that they can use as they please. Jett doesn’t have a permanent job placement yet, so I can’t really say exactly what that would look like in the future, but there will always be some time available for hobbies and personal interests.” Wilder explains.
“Why doesn’t he have a job yet?” I ask curiously, trying to buy myself more time.
“Well, he specializes in serving others. Ideally, he’d be in a position similar to Ollivander’s, but all those positions are currently full. We don’t have any other staff that need an assistant of that caliber right now.”
My eyes tear up as I imagine Jett spending the rest of his life being stuck doing the same thing Ollivander does.
Jett has so much fucking heart, and he genuinely cares about the people he’s close to.
I know he’d give all of himself, until he had nothing left, and no one would ever appreciate him the way I do. It’s impossible.
“We’ll be telling him the truth after your departure, so feel free to speak relatively freely. We don’t want you giving any details about your life outside of the prison, but he will know the details of your time here.” Wilder offers with a weak smile.
Jett knowing the truth will make this a little easier, but I still don’t know how to say everything I need to get out.
I have Callie back home, and there’s Axel to consider.
I have a house that I can pay off now, and so much other shit.
A good job in a nice city, a fancy car, a whole fucking life.
Do I hate it? Most days, yeah, but I don’t know if I can leave all of that behind to spend the rest of my life in a prison on some whim.
That means this could be the last time I ever get to communicate with Jett, because if I show up in two weeks and decide not to stay, I doubt they’ll let me see him.
All of this feels surreal, like I’m in some terrible dream and won’t wake up.
Can’t wake up. If I had known this was it, that last night was all we had left, I would’ve held him closer, you know?
I would’ve kissed him a dozen more times.
I would’ve drawn him a picture to remind him of me or written a letter that I actually had time to plan.
There are so many things I could’ve done, would’ve done, if only I had a little more time.
Like tell him I love him.
I cover my mouth as I choke back another sob.
This is so fucked. I knew when I went back home that I would be different, but this isn’t even close to what I had in mind.
I didn’t think on the day I left here that someone would be sticking their grimy hands inside of my chest and ripping my beating heart out.
I didn’t think that I would be bawling shamelessly in front of all of these people, my friends, as I mourn a man that I have to leave behind.
Not just any man, a man I love. A place I love. A life that I’ve grown to love.
I wipe my face with my sleeve as Thorne walks back in the room. He sits my luggage bag beside me and rubs my back, reassuring me.
“I’m ready when you are, Everest.”
I look up at him and give him a weak nod. “Just a second and I’ll be ready.”
He steps back over to the couch, pulling Wilder with him to give me some space to write. So, I put the pen to the paper and tell him everything in the only way I know how.
Jett,
I’m sorry. So, so, sorry. I wish I had the time to tell you every single thing I regret… but I don’t. In a perfect universe I’d be able to explain all of this myself or at least be the one to give you this letter. It isn’t perfect, though. Not even close, to be honest.
Tomorrow night, I’ll be back in my bed. In my room. In my house. In my town. All these things that are mine, and yet… The only thing I can’t breathe without will be thousands of miles away.
I’ll curl up beneath my blankets at the end of each day, and it’ll be your memory that keeps me company. Your phantom touches will still warm me more than any other person ever could. On the days that are too dark, too bitter, you’ll still be the one to instill hope.
No matter how much time passes, it’ll always be you.
I know there’s so much that won’t make sense.
There are so many things that weren’t true.
Things that a stupid paper with my name scrawled across the dotted line kept me from telling you.
They’re going to give you all those things, the truths that I couldn’t, but I want to tell you the things that were real.
Every secret whispered in the early morning light. Every smile. Every time my fingers trailed across your skin with reverence. Every laugh. Every kiss. Every single time I touched you. Every. Fucking. Time. Paper cranes, forehead kisses, lavender fields, and most importantly…
Three little words I should’ve said.
That was real. We were real.
I’ll never forget about you, JP.
Never.
Love,
E
I carefully fold up the note with tears in my eyes as I let out a deep breath.
I reach down with shaky hands and unzip the bag Thorne brought me, digging around until I find my sketchbook.
I stare down at it for a few seconds, beyond grateful that I’ll have all these memories at my fingertips for the rest of my life.
Before I can work myself to tears again, I flip it open, scanning through the pages until I find something suitable.
I tear off the corner of the page and tuck it inside the letter.
All I can do is hope that it’s enough, that it’ll tell him everything I didn’t get the chance to.