Chapter Twenty-Eight
Everest
“It’s cathartic,” Callie says as she lays on the table. “It’ll make you feel better. I promise.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” I say as I eye her bloody flesh wearily. The tattoo artist glances up at me curiously.
“You don’t have any tattoos?” He asks as he glances at me curiously.
“Yeah. It’s been a long time, but I have a few.
” I reply as I continue to watch him wipe off the ink on her arm.
I get it, my nails are painted black, albeit chipped and dirty, my clothes are baggy and a little on the edgy side, everything about me screams ‘I have tattoos’.
Any other time, getting a new tattoo would make me feel better.
Before I left here there was nothing that a little ink couldn’t fix, but now?
I’m convinced there’s not a single thing in this universe that could take away the kind of ache that’s settled deep into my chest, no matter what Callie says.
The guy stares down at his work before setting the gun on the rolling tray.
She chose a Calla Lily. She said it’s because I love plants, and I always call her ‘Cal’ and it would remind her of me when I left.
She’s still dead set that I’m leaving, no matter how many times I tell her that I absolutely am not.
“I think you’re done, sweetie.” He says as he pushes his chair back and starts to clean up his workstation so that he can do mine next.
Callie hops down and walks over to the mirror, turning her arm back and forth as she looks at it in awe.
Even I can admit how beautiful it is, despite it not being my style.
He freehanded the drawing on her, and considering the scribbles that it started out as, I’m very impressed.
The petals are colored perfectly, and it looks like it’s come to life on her flesh. It’s truly a work of art.
“Decided what you want?” She asks.
“Yeah. I did.” I nod as I look over at the tattoo guy. He’s a little older than me, but he’s handsome. I probably would’ve flirted with him before, thrown a couple suggestive glances in his direction or something, but that part of me is completely reserved for someone else now.
“I want lavender flowers.”
Callie snaps her attention to me, her eyes softening. “Everest…”
“Don’t,” I say as I hold a hand up at her. “Just… don’t.” I demand as I struggle to keep my eyes from getting watery.
Her cell phone rings from her purse and she goes to dig it out as I move over to the table and lay down.
“I gotta take this real quick. Be right back.” She says before rushing out to the lobby for some privacy.
The guy moves around, setting up everything so that he can start, and the silence is eating away at me.
“So, how long have you been doing this?” I ask to break the silence.
“Ohh… fifteen years or so.” He says as he scoots his chair closer to me.
He sketches a rough draft on my flesh the same way he did for Callie. We’re both relatively quiet as he starts, which just allows me to get lost in my own head. He hits a particularly painful spot, and I cringe a little, trying my best not to move my hand.
“Yikes,“ I grit out through my teeth. “Okay, okay. So, have you always worked at this shop?“ I ask to distract myself.
He chuckles at me as he dips the needles into the ink again. “Nah. I’ve moved around a lot. Never really found that place that feels like home, you know?”
“Do I ever…” I mumble.
“You too, eh?”
“Yeah. I mean, I finally found my place, but it’s… it’s a long way away and I don’t know if I can leave my sister behind.”
“It has to do with this?” He asks as he points with his pinky finger to the tattoo he’s carving into my flesh.
I glance down at what he’s pointing at before the realization hits me. “Oh. Yeah. Kind of…“ I sit quietly for a few seconds but decide to clarify. “I met someone there. A guy.”
“Ahh. Tale as old as time. Why’d ya end up leaving?”
“I was just there for work. Three months. I have the option to go back, but if I go back… I won’t ever be able to leave.”
“Can’t or won’t?“ He asks with a raised brow.
I eye him warily, unsure of how transparent I should be. “Let’s just say can’t. Can’t leave.”
He chuckles. “Man, seems kinda nice, honestly. You can’t run from your problems, but that takes a bit of a load off of ya. Don’t have to worry about making plans to visit home, or people constantly hounding you about when you’re finally gonna grow up and run back with your tail between your legs.”
I discretely glance over the guy. He reminds me a little of Axel. Rough around the edges, a bit of a biker guy vibe, just a bit older. He’s got a little salt and pepper in his beard and around his temples, but he’s very handsome. He’s got a very relaxing aura and he’s easy to chat with.
“You have no idea…” I reply cautiously. “I think you’d like it there, you know? You never have to worry about anything. They house you, feed you, and medical is provided. Everything. The whole shebang. It’s a bit stressful in the beginning, but I’ve never felt at home anywhere else.”
“Damn, man. I would’ve jumped all over that. The insurance here is shit. What kind of work do you do?” He asks as he wipes the blood away from my skin and peers down at his creation.
“I work in the social media industry, but this place has people from all kinds of professions. From doctors to chefs. It’s not just for people like me.”
He gestures for me to sit up as he squirts some kind of liquid on my arm and wipes at it again.
“Where is this place?” He asks curiously.
“Umm… Well, I can’t actually tell you that.
I have another meeting with them in a couple days.
If you wanna give me your number, I can pass it on to someone there.
I don’t know if they’ll contact you or not, but I think you’d be pretty popular there.
You’re really talented.“ I admit as I look down to admire his art on my arm.
It’s simple. A single dainty line that twirls around and forms a lavender flower with faint shades of purples splashed around like watercolor paint. It’s simple and vibrant. It’s perfect.
“Yeah, man. I’d appreciate that,” he says before he pulls off his gloves and tosses them in the trash. He pushes his rolling chair over to the counter and grabs a business card to give me.
“Any time. Day or night.” He says with a serious nod.
“No promises. Okay? I’ll definitely give this to the person it needs to get to, but I can’t guarantee that anything will come of it.”
“Either way,” he replies earnestly. “I appreciate you throwing my info out there.”
“Yours was so much faster. Let me see!” Callie announces as she steps back inside. She grabs my arm and lifts it up so that she can see my wrist. “Eve…”
“Callie… no. Please.”
She gives me the biggest puppy dog eyes, with tears building in the corners.
“I’m fine, Cal. I promise.” I say as I pull her into my arms.
“I’ll give you guys a second. I’ll be at the desk out front when you’re ready.” He says before stepping out of the room.
As I stand there and cradle her to my chest, I realize that I don’t know if I’m doing it more for her or myself. I’m not even sure it really matters though, because I don’t expect this to get any easier. Ever.
Another day wasted. I toss my keys on the entry table and toe off my shoes.
I felt like I was suffocating in this stupid house, so I went out for coffee.
I sat on a park bench for hours with my headphones in, hoping that a little fresh air and sunshine would help, but it didn’t.
I think I’m about ready to give up at this point.
I walk around the corner and nearly crash into Callie. “The hell? What are you doing?” I ask as I take a step back.
She has a piece of paper laying out on the counter, and a notepad beside it where she’s writing something down. She has her phone in hand as she studies the paper in front of her.
“This was in the mail but didn’t have an address or anything. It’s not in English, though. I was trying to translate it, but I don’t know what language it is.”
I glance down at the words, and suddenly every bit of sanity I’ve faked since I got here comes crashing down around me.
I’m no longer getting by. I’m suffocating.
In whispered confessions, in late night laughter, in the smiles that I never had to force.
In every memory my feeble body can manage to replay in mere seconds.
Ich fühle mich, als würde ich ertrinken, wenn wir getrennt sind.
I’m back there, in the prison, lying in our beds as my fingers trail across his flesh.
He nuzzles against my throat as he whispers those words into the darkness.
His beard feels rough as it glides across my skin.
It’s so real, so vivid, that I can even smell him.
I can feel him all around me. I lean into the imagery, soaking up his warmth, desperate for even a second of relief from the hell of my reality.
The daydream fractures and shatters into a million tiny pieces when Callie places a hand on my arm. “Eve?” Concern laces her voice, but I just ignore it for now. Tears are already sliding down my face as I reach out with a shaky hand to touch the edge of the paper.
“It’s from him, Cal.” I whisper with a sad smile.
“Huh?” She looks taken aback before she finally realizes what I mean. “Oh. Ohh! Shit. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, or I wouldn’t have opened, Eve. I swear.“ She rushes out as she pushes the note toward me.
“It’s okay,” I reply with a weak smile. “What does it mean?”
“I didn’t get to translate it. I didn’t know what language it was.”
“Why didn’t you just use the translator?” I ask with a chuckle as I glance over at her.
“Well, fuck.” She says as her hands plop down onto the counter. “I didn’t think of that.”
I pull out my phone, navigating to the translator before lining up the camera with the paper. It takes a second for it to get a grasp on his handwriting, but nothing prepared me for the words that pop up on my screen.
I feel like I’m drowning when we’re apart.
I lean forward, my head in my hands, my palms digging into my eye sockets to keep the tears from pouring out of me. Again. They don’t follow the laws of physics apparently, because fuck if they don’t come out stronger than ever.
“God. Everest...” She says somberly. “This guy really loved you, huh?”
I can’t choke out anything, all I can manage to do is nod before turning around and sliding down the cabinets to the kitchen floor.
I cradle my knees to my chest as I mourn not only Jett, but the person I was with him.
Someone full of hope, and happiness, and laughter, and passions, and…
and… love. The person I wanted to be. That I want to be.
“What am I gonna do with you, Eve?” Callie asks as she sits down on the floor beside me. I let out a weak chuckle as I lean my head against her shoulder, wiping my face on the sleeve of my hoodie.
There’s not really much she can do now. Can she not see it? This is it. This is all I’m ever going to be. Broken fragments of who I used to be, tear-stained sweaters, and inconsolable breakdowns. I have nothing else left to give her. To give anyone.
All I can do is pray that she’s strong enough to hold us both up from now on.