Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
With her eyes barely open, Jo slumped down onto the couch and powered the TV on.
She was supposed to be seeing Ada tonight, but after a long day working, she didn’t have the energy to entertain anyone.
She knew what Ada was doing. She was trying to keep Jo busy and keep her mind off everything going on in her life, but she was okay. She would always be okay.
You’ve been through worse.
And she really had.
During those weeks and months after her split from Callum, Jo had woken up every morning wondering what the hell she was doing with her life.
In the immediate days after, while she slept in Amelia’s spare room, Jo cried herself to sleep, the tears starting all over again the moment she opened her eyes.
Amelia hadn’t mentioned the puffiness or the redness—she was a sweetheart like that—but Jo knew everyone around her had noticed the state she was in.
But this was different.
This was exciting…and terrifying.
Exciting because she had Lia and their shared darkness each weekend, and terrifying because she knew her feelings for Amelia were only growing stronger.
Dinner had been great a few nights ago, but it hadn’t helped Jo in her quest to only be friends with her ex’s mum.
Add in the stupidity of nearly kissing Amelia, and everything was constantly rattling around in her head.
Just this morning, she had woken up thinking about Amelia.
Was she okay? Did she have a busy day at work coming up?
Could Jo take back the need for time and space?
She groaned as she kicked her feet up onto the couch, lay lengthwise, and mindlessly flicked through the channels.
It was midweek, so she’d be lucky to find anything worth falling asleep to, but background noise would do.
She didn’t have to be up early tomorrow—it was her day off—but a good night’s sleep wouldn’t do her any harm right now.
Her phone buzzed in the middle pocket of her hoodie. Jo had hoped Ada wouldn’t remember they had plans this evening, but her best friend rarely forgot anything. Working through several excuses in her mind, Jo pulled her phone out, yawning as she glanced at the screen.
Only it wasn’t Ada.
It was Amelia.
Hi. I know it’s last minute, but I’m heading to Satin for a few hours and I wondered if you wanted to meet me there for a drink or two…
Jo swallowed, her stomach somersaulting at the mere thought of being at Satin again with Amelia.
Part of her had wanted to bump into her there last weekend when she was with Ada, but she was glad that hadn’t happened.
Because dinner with Amelia the following night had been what she’d wanted more than anything.
If she had to choose between a cute restaurant or a sex club, she would always choose the restaurant with Amelia Loughlin.
She chewed her lip and mulled it over. Responding immediately could give Amelia the wrong impression. Even if there was no wrong impression to give anymore. Jo wanted her…regardless of the fact that it could never happen.
Midweek? That’s new for me. I didn’t even know it was open midweek.
That wasn’t accepting the invitation, but it wasn’t declining it either.
Midweek is great. It’s much more relaxed. A few of the girls I know will be there. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like x
There Amelia went again with the little kiss at the end of her message. Jo shouldn’t enjoy the way it made her stomach flip, but she did. She always would.
I’ll see how the rest of the evening goes. It’s been a long day. If I don’t show, have a great night x
She added her own kiss, hoping it showed no animosity between them after the incident on the doorstep a few nights ago. Their dinner had been lovely, what had followed not so much, but they hadn’t spoken a lot since. Jo had created that distance, but now she didn’t want it to be there.
Her phone buzzed again just as she was about to bring up Ada’s number.
Okay. I’d like to see you, but if you’ve had a busy day, then rest x
God. Why did Amelia have to say something like that? Did she realise every interaction between them made Jo’s heart thump a little harder? Was it intentional? Jo hated not knowing.
She quickly called Ada before she could respond to Amelia, holding her breath until the call connected.
“Hi, gorgeous face!”
“Hey.” Jo breathed out. “I know we were supposed to be spending the evening together, but I’m not feeling up to it.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m only just getting in from work myself.” Ada’s heels clicked in the background, followed by the thud of her bag hitting the floor. “You okay? You’ve been quiet this week.”
“Yeah, I’m okay. A little dazed from being with Amelia on Saturday night.”
“How was dinner?”
“It was great. Most of it felt no different than usual when I’m over at Amelia’s.” Jo smiled up at the ceiling, remembering the gorgeous blouse Amelia had worn. “She looked amazing. I felt like a slob compared to her.”
“At least she made an effort,” Ada said as the kettle whistled in the background. “And I’m sure you looked gorgeous, too.”
Jo didn’t think she had, but Amelia had said so as they were leaving the restaurant, and that was enough. “Anyway, um…I don’t want you to think I’m letting you down tonight. I was already going to cancel with you before I got the text, but Amelia’s invited me to Satin with a few friends.”
“Oh?”
Jo rolled her eyes. She had yet to inform Ada of what had happened on Saturday night, but she wasn’t ready to discuss it all yet.
Ada would put thoughts and ideas into her head that she couldn’t deal with right now.
So, as far as her best friend was aware, nothing had happened, and nothing would ever happen.
“It doesn’t mean anything. She’s only invited me for a couple of drinks. ”
“And…you’re going, I assume?”
“I don’t know. I’d love to spend a few hours with her, but is it a good idea?”
“Well, you already know how I feel about you and Amelia, so I doubt I’m going to talk you out of it the way you’re expecting me to.”
Jo sighed. “Do people go there just to drink on occasion, or am I being completely oblivious?”
“No, they do. Not everyone wants to have sex. Some just go to unwind with like-minded people. And I know I don’t really know Amelia, but she doesn’t strike me as someone who would want to fuck you in a club, Jo.
If she’s into you the way you’re into her, I think she’d be much more comfortable with a moment like that at home… in her bed. Or yours.”
Jo sat up and groaned. “Thanks for putting those thoughts in my head!”
Ada snorted. “Yeah, because they weren’t already there before I mentioned it.”
“I’m not making a mistake going tonight, am I?”
“You’re just living your life, Jo. Whatever it results in, embrace it. I hate knowing you sit home alone night after night.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jo was lying to herself and to Ada, but she didn’t have the headspace for an intense or emotional conversation tonight. Not if she was meeting with Amelia at the club. Everything blurred together when she was in that kind of mood. “I’m quite happy sitting at home.”
“Correction. You were happy sitting at home. But since you started going to Satin, you’ve changed. That light is back in your eyes.”
Jo smiled. She was glad Ada had noticed, even if it didn’t always feel like she was doing any better. “You can thank Lia and her insane orgasms for that.”
“Mmhmm.”
“What does that mean?” Jo narrowed her eyes, already sensing a shift in Ada’s tone. “Ada?”
“You’re sure you’re happier because of Lia?”
“Of course I am. If you knew what she was like in that room, you’d understand why I’m happier.”
“That’s…not what I’m saying.”
Jo frowned. “Then just say whatever it is you’re not trying to say. I know I’m lying on the couch doing fuck all, but I can think of other things to do instead of deciphering cryptic Ada tonight.”
“I don’t think Lia’s the reason you’re happier. I think Amelia is.” Jo stilled, but Ada continued. “And I want you to know that if that is what’s happening, you’ve got my full support. You’re my best friend. I want you to grab life…and Amelia, if that’s what you need.”
Jo’s throat constricted. “I wish I could.”
“You can.”
“I appreciate that you’ve got my back, but she’s the one who said it wasn’t a good idea in the first place.”
“And yet here we are.” Ada laughed. “Discussing whether you should go and meet her tonight.”
Jo closed her eyes as her shoulders sagged. “I shouldn’t go, I know that, but the last time I blew her off, I think it hurt her.”
“You mean when she initially mentioned dinner last week, and you chose the club instead?”
“Y-yes.” Jo still felt terrible for choosing Satin over Amelia, even if the end result had been them sharing dinner with one another. “Maybe I’m just reading into something that isn’t there, though.”
“So, what’s stopping you tonight? It’s just a few drinks, as you put it.”
Jo opened her mouth, but nothing came out. What was stopping her? Fear? Hope? The realisation that maybe she wasn’t torn between two women at all, but just terrified of what it could mean to fall for the one she could actually see? “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I really don’t know.”
“Do it, Jo. Go along and enjoy yourself.”
Jo chewed her lip, aware of the butterflies unexpectedly fluttering around in her belly. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
Jo paused at the entrance to Satin, thankful for just how discreet it was this evening.
For some reason, she felt as though she was doing something terrible…
something she shouldn’t be. She took a breath as she looked up at the buzzer to the side of the door.
Amelia was inside, and Jo was just about ready to lose her mind, knowing she would likely be lounging there in a gorgeous dress, that red pendant sitting safely around her neck.
She may already be busy. You have to prepare yourself for that.