Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
The taxi pulled to a slow stop outside the entrance to Satin, its sign softly illuminated in the haze of the evening drizzle.
Jo stared out of the window, her hands gripping her phone tight, her heart hammering the way it had been since she’d left her flat.
Jo knew she’d made a split-second decision to come here without knowing if Lia was around or not, but she didn’t care.
She would rather risk it being someone else than missing out on a few uninterrupted hours with a woman who reminded her of how it felt to be wanted.
There was just something about tonight that wouldn’t let her stay at home. She’d tried. God, she’d tried to reason with herself and convince herself that this wasn’t good for her, but her body and her mind had other plans.
She handed cash to the driver and stepped out, using her clutch bag to protect her hair as she walked towards the entrance. She didn’t even bother checking if she had mascara under her eyes or if her lipstick was still decent. She didn’t care. All she could focus on right now was seeing Lia.
When she was granted access and stepped inside, the club was quieter than usual.
Midweek always had that muted hush about it.
Instead of the loud chatter and clinking glasses that came with the weekend, Jo was offered softer music and that seductive low hum of people who had come here to escape their lives for a few hours.
She pulled her shoulders back as she passed the reception desk with a smile and headed straight for the lounge.
But as she stood to the side and scanned the area, her nerves hit her full force. Lia could be sitting somewhere in this room, and Jo wouldn’t know it was her. It was ridiculous, really. She had built a fantasy on breath, hands, and darkness.
She looked down at her phone still in her hand and quickly called Ada.
“Hey, you.” Ada’s warm voice did very little to help with Jo’s nerves. “Everything okay?”
“No,” Jo whispered as she moved to a quieter corner near the hallway that led to the private rooms. “I’m here. At the club.”
“O-oh. I thought you couldn’t find the portal to check availability? Is Amelia with you?”
“No, she just checked for me. The room is booked, so I had to come here.”
Ada groaned. “Jo—”
“I had to, Ada.” Her voice cracked. “I can’t explain it. I need her. Instead of sitting at home going over everything with Amelia, I could be here instead…losing myself in Lia.”
“But you’re going to sit down with Amelia on Friday.”
“It’s not the same,” Jo snapped. “Lia doesn’t make me question everything.
She doesn’t have history with me. She just lets me be.
And I can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried, Ada.
I’ve tried to get them both off my mind, but really, it’s Amelia I have to let go.
Lia is just a fantasy, and she’s someone I can have.
Being with her makes me happy. Why should I stop myself from being happy? ”
“I just… I’m worried about you. I don’t like seeing you like this.”
“Lia is the only thing that makes me feel grounded right now. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have nothing else.”
Ada sighed softly. “It doesn’t sound ridiculous. It sounds like you’re confused and clinging to something that gives you even an ounce of peace.”
Jo leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. “Exactly.”
“Okay,” Ada said. “Then just promise me you’ll be careful. I don’t want you to lose sight of what really matters.”
Jo frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I think you know.”
Ah. Amelia.
Her face flashed uninvited across Jo’s mind; how stunning she’d looked the last time they were here together, draped in lace and sipping champagne.
Jo shook her head, hoping those thoughts would scatter. She wasn’t here to get Amelia off her mind tonight; she was here to enjoy whatever she could have with Lia. “I’ve got to go. If she’s in that room, I don’t want to miss her.”
“Okay. Call me later, please. Just so I know you’re alright.”
Jo took a breath and calmed her racing thoughts. “I will.”
She ended the call and turned for the corridor leading to the dark room check-in area. Her palms were sweating, her head was filled with so much potential, but she didn’t even know if Lia would be the one greeting her. Still, her gut told her she was in there.
And if Jo was lucky…tonight would be theirs.
Amelia sat on the edge of the bed, the low ambient lighting casting only the faintest red hue over the sheets, barely illuminating her skin.
She’d forgone lingerie tonight. Instead, she wore a soft silk robe and nothing underneath, her hair pinned up loosely while her heart beat in that rhythm it often did around Jo. Erratic yet beautiful.
The main door behind the curtain was locked, and it would remain that way until seconds before the light flashed to alert Amelia to Jo’s presence. Until then, she had time to back out. Until then, she could sit here quietly, wondering what on earth she was doing with her life.
Because the moment Jo stepped inside, she would no longer be Amelia, and she hated herself for it.
Not because she didn’t want to give Jo what she needed—she did, more than anything—but because every time Jo walked into this room and whispered Lia’s name, Amelia died a little inside.
It was one thing to pretend in the beginning, back when it was fun and curious and anonymous.
But now, after the dinners and the texts, after the near-kisses and the phone call…
it felt more like lying than ever before.
The light above the door flashed twice, the room descended into darkness, and the heavy velvet curtain pulled back slowly. Amelia held her breath as Jo entered, and then she caught the scent of her perfume and almost lost her mind.
“Lia?”
“Hi.” Amelia switched into the tone she’d used whenever Jo was in this room with her. “It’s good to have you here again.” Jo moved through the dark, and Amelia rose to meet her, taking her hand and pulling her in closer. “You’re tense.”
“Yeah, I…I definitely need this tonight.” Jo exhaled a shaky breath as she laced her fingers with Amelia’s. “I didn’t put it on the form, but can we do something a little different this time?”
Amelia frowned. She hadn’t expected any kind of curveball tonight. “Of course. What did you have in mind?”
“Could we try some roleplaying?”
Huh. That’s new. Amelia wasn’t opposed to the idea, though. “If that’s what you need, absolutely. Was there something in particular you wanted to try?”
“Y-yes.” Jo’s voice wavered. “There’s this woman that I can’t have. Her name is Amelia. Would you…be her for me?”
Amelia froze where she stood, one hand curling into a fist at her side. Jo’s words echoed around the room, but Amelia’s heart clenched so violently in her chest that she was sure she was going to cry.
Still, Jo stepped forward, entirely oblivious to who she was speaking to. “She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, but we can’t be together. It’s complicated, and I just…fuck, I want her more than anything.”
Amelia tried to steady her breathing, but she was on the brink of falling apart.
“I see her,” Jo whispered as her fingers brushed the hem of Amelia’s robe. “When I close my eyes, when I’m touching myself. I see her in every woman who isn’t her…and I can never have her.”
Amelia couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to silence Jo right now before she said something that would ruin the moment completely.
Given that this was the last time she’d ever be with Jo like this, she couldn’t risk that.
Not when Jo was opening up to her and almost begging her to be…
well, herself. She reached out a trembling hand and pulled Jo into her arms. “I can be whoever you want me to be, Jo.”
Jo’s mouth brushed Amelia’s ear. “I crave to touch her. I ache to watch her fall apart for me. I want to bury my face between her legs and make her beg. But most of all, I want to tell her she’s not too complicated or too off limits.
I want her to know that she’s the only woman I think about, and it’s driving me fucking insane. ”
Amelia was drowning in everything Jo had just said.
The ache.
The truth.
The unbearable sweetness of it all.
She guided Jo down to the mattress and straddled her waist. “Maybe she knows already, but since we’re not so sure, maybe you can show me what she means to you.”
Jo moaned as Amelia leaned down and captured her mouth with a kiss that was nothing like Lia’s usual kisses. It was deeper, hungrier, and messier…and it was filled with everything they weren’t saying.
Jo’s hands gripped Amelia’s thighs, roaming up beneath her robe. As Jo’s mouth found her neck, Amelia let out a shaky breath and said, “Tell me what you’d do to her if you could. All of her. Don’t hold back.”
“I’d undress her slowly,” Jo whispered. “I’d pin her down and kiss every last inch of her body…but tasting her is all I want to do. It keeps me awake at night, imagining her pussy on the tip of my tongue.”
Amelia’s hips rolled instinctively.
“I’d hold her down and fuck her slowly, gazing into her eyes while she came for me.” Jo whimpered when Amelia sucked on her neck. “I want her to lose control just once. I want her to feel worshipped. She deserves to feel worshipped.”
Amelia let out a choked breath. “What does this woman mean to you, Jo?”
She heard Jo swallow, she felt her briefly pause, and then… “She means the world to me. I-I’m in love with her.”