27. Sophie
CHAPTER 27
SOPHIE
A tear falls on my phone screen as I stare at it.
I called Kinsley as soon as I knew Mia was okay to return to the festivities. Now I’m standing near the restroom again, processing what Kinsley told me happened.
And Luke’s reaction.
I’m so torn. I want to go to him, but I need to be here for Mia too.
A hand touching my shoulder snaps me back to reality. I swipe away another tear and put on a smile I’m far from feeling.
Mia tilts her head toward me. “What’s wrong?”
I try to keep my smile in place, but my eyes have another agenda at the moment, and it includes making my mascara run like hers did earlier. If I try to speak, I know I’ll turn into a blubbering idiot and ruin the evening.
She pulls me into a hug. “Soph, what is it? Is it Luke? Did he bail on you?”
I swipe at my cheeks, still attempting to put on the show most needed right now. This is Mia’s rehearsal dinner. Tomorrow she gets married. We’ve worked so hard to get all the crazy pieces in place. The last thing I want is to be a low spot in her special time .
I give a vigorous shake of my head. “No. I mean, I don’t know. But it’s not what you think.”
She leans back to look at me. “Then what is it?”
I fill her in with a brief version of what Kinsley shared.
A myriad of emotions flow over Mia’s face as she processes what I said. “That’s excruciating. Is he still coming to the dinner?”
Unable to speak, I press my fingers against my lips and shrug. The ache in my chest for Luke is almost unbearable.
I lower my hand and take a deep breath. “I don’t know. His sister said he had someplace to be, so maybe?”
“Did you text him?”
“Not yet. But I will now.”
“Good. I can ask Ethan to try texting him too.”
I grab her wrist. “No. You two focus on your evening. I already feel bad about bringing you into this as it is.”
Mia’s eyes widen. “Soph, you’ve kept me from going over the deep end throughout this entire process. If it weren’t for you, I’d probably be AWOL at the moment.”
Our giggles echo off the bathroom walls, mine sounding more watery.
I nudge her toward the door. “Go. I’ll be out in a sec.”
“Okay.” She squeezes my arm. “But let me know if we can help.”
I nod, but have no intention of ruining their evening. Somehow, I’ll figure out a way to be in two places at once. After I shoot a text to Luke, I clean up my face, again thankful I listened to that nudge to bring my make-up bag.
More guests arrive. I try not to check my phone every ten seconds, but it’s getting harder the longer I don’t hear from Luke. And he’s obviously not coming here because dinner’s halfway done and still no sign of him.
After I give my obligatory toast as the maid of honor and Ethan’s brother does his as the best man, Mia pulls me aside.
“Any word yet? ”
“No, nothing.”
“Any idea where he might be?”
I pause, thinking about our day at the beach and how much Luke said it helped him decompress. Could that be where he is now, trying to figure things out?
“Maybe.”
Mia gives me a wan smile. “He needs you, Soph. Go find him.”
Tears burn my eyes again. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Ethan’s got me.” She slides the most loving expression his way, which he replies with one of his own.
A pang hits my chest—a mix of joy that my best friend found her person, envy over that very thing, and knowing I have to let that piece of her go that used to always run to me in her time of need. She has Ethan for that now.
And I couldn’t be happier for her. But a part of me still wonders if I’m meant to have that same kind of happiness. I wish I knew if Luke and I…
Could he be that person for me?
Before stepping into the sand, I slip my sandals off, letting them dangle from my fingers by the straps. I brought Luke’s gift with me in the hopes it might cheer him up and give him something positive to focus on.
The beach is nearly empty except for a few stragglers and couples strolling hand-in-hand, waiting for the sunset, which reminds me of my walk with Luke around the arena. We may not have had a sunset, but it was no less romantic.
I sweep my gaze down the shoreline for any sign of his familiar form. Leaving the warm, powdery white sand to walk along the water’s edge, I inhale the salty air as gulls caw in search of their evening meal.
And just as my hope to find him about gives out, I recognize his figure near one of the lifeguard towers. I quicken my step as best as I can in this dress, but as I get closer, I stop.
By the time I reach him, he’s sitting on the bottom step of the tower, holding a worn sheet of paper in one hand and his head in the other.
His body language confirms the anguish I can only imagine he’s feeling right now, and it breaks me. Breaks my heart. But it also gives me the courage I need to go to him and be whatever he needs.
Saying nothing, I walk over and sit on the step next to him. He lifts his gaze to mine but remains silent. The sound of gentle waves lapping the shore fills our silence. I make note of the marks on his face that show he’s been crying, which makes me ache even more.
He folds the page along worn creases and clutches it. “How’d you know I’d be here?”
I manage a small smile. “You said you were glad I brought you here that day. Just made sense you might come here.” I push my shoulder against his. “Kinsley filled me in.”
He nods, staring at the folded paper in his hands.
I’m nervous to ask, but I want him to know I understand what’s going on. “Is that the letter your father gave you?”
He nods again. “His amends letter.”
I’m uncertain about what else to say as I tuck my lips between my teeth, so I press my hand on his bicep and lay my head on his shoulder so he knows I’m here for him. How ironic that, as a writer, my words seem to fail me at such a crucial moment. But actions speak louder than words, right? I can at least give him that.
“I don’t know what to do, Soph.” His voice grates with emotion.
I lift my head but rest my chin on his arm. “Forgive him?”
His arm stiffens, but he continues to stare out at the ocean. “How can I?” He looks down at me. “All I can think about is how different our lives might be if he never left. Maybe my mother might even still be alive today.”
Hearing the anger in his voice, I straighten. “Maybe. Maybe not. We have no way of knowing. Based on what you told me, it sounds like his staying would have made things worse for you and your sister. And your mother.”
I stare at the wrapped gift, unsure whether to give it to him. Perhaps it could help him see how much he has to be thankful for.
My hand trembles slightly as I hand it to him. “This is for you.”
He rips the paper away, then grins with a snort. “Kinsley looks just like our mother when she smiles like that.”
I touch his arm. “Nothing will bring your mother back, Luke. Believe me, I wish that were a possibility. You and your sister have an opportunity to reconnect with your father. I’d give anything to have just one more day with mine.”
He says nothing, but I can feel the bristle oozing off of him. Maybe I said too much too soon. Perhaps right now, what he needs most is for me just to listen. “I’m sorry if I overstepped?—”
He stands up and walks toward the water. A wave rushes up and saturates the bottom of his pants, but he doesn’t seem to care.
I push off the step and wander down to join him. But when I try to slip my hand into his, he pulls away. “Things were back on track, Sophie. Finally.”
His eyes glitter with a hardness that steels my breath. “I can’t stop thinking how different things would be if you hadn’t published that article.”
His words hurt more than I’d like to admit, but I do my best not to show it because I know he’s hurting. I still believe we have a chance at something special. Or is that me trying to make something work again that’s not meant to be?
“Luke, you can’t live life forward when you’re constantly looking back.”
Even in the waning light, I don’t miss the way his jaw tenses. “Then go live your life forward, Sophie.”
Then he walks away, leaving me in the darkness in more ways than one.