Chapter 9 - Nova
Numb - Linkin Park
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Shaking my head vigorously, I hold on tightly to Ace's large hand. The sheriff wants me to go in the back of his vehicle but there's no way in hell I'm being locked in a cage again. I remember enough police shows from before, and there is no way I can climb in that car and have that door close behind me, I cannot do it. I can't be caged like that.
I want to scream at every emotion running through me right now. How can they not see me falling apart? I feel like I'm stuck in a tornado and the only time I can catch my breath is when I'm holding onto Ace.
A perfect stranger is giving me more comfort by just existing than I have ever felt before ... Or at least from what I can remember. I’m even starting to doubt if my family is looking for me when the sheriff gave me a blank look and explained that he couldn't recall my name on the region's missing persons list, however, that doesn't mean it's not there. It has to be there.
I could see he was trying to make me feel better, saying he was an old man now and his memory was not what it used to be but his eyes gave him away. I've had five years to study body language, at least one person's in particular, and I'm positive it saved me from a worse fate more than once. He was as sharp witted as he would have been twenty years ago and I could see he was trying to make sense of it too. Surely there's not been hundreds of missing people that he can't remember us all. Unless there was some huge kidnapping ring happening at the exact same time my uncle took me, then why doesn't he know my name? Someone had to have noticed I was missing. I can feel my heart beginning to splinter the more this alternate reality becomes my truth.
I've been gone five years ... someone had to miss me.
Right?
“I’ll take her with me, we can follow behind you,”
Ace tells the sheriff. I like that idea. I'm not trapped with Ace. I can breathe with him.
“That’s not exactly protocol. We’re already flying blind out here. I've not heard about any bunker in these woods and we can't exactly run a full blown search out here in the middle of the night. She said she killed a man, Ace, that he’s dead in that forest somewhere. We have to at least—”
I can see the frustration rolling off Ace and it makes me feel a little relieved that he just seems to know swapping one cage for another is not high on my to do list today. His breathing is heavy and he rubs his thumb against the back of my hand. The tension in my shoulders drops ever so slightly as this man who has become my lifeline stands up for me.
“Don't do that. Don't talk about her like she's not standing right beside me. She's right fucking here and she doesn't want to go in the patrol car.”
Rubbing his hand over his face, Sheriff Miller looks down as if he's actually seeing me for the first time. A scared woman, covered in blood, spouting stories that she's been missing for the past five years, but there’s no record of it.
I can see how this looks to him. I understand that all he has is my word at this point and nothing he can find supports my story. I hate it, but I understand. Taking a deep breath, he returns his focus to Ace.
“She can go with you. Stay directly behind me. No stopping.”
Ace nods in agreement, giving my hand a squeeze at a small victory in our favour.
“Nova, I will need to interview you when we get there. I need to know everything you remember so I can stop this from happening to someone else. I understand you think you have killed this man but until I have it confirmed we need to operate as if he's still alive and could hurt someone else.”
“I understand,”
is all I can manage. The thought of having to explain what happened to the sheriff making me nauseous. I’m not naive enough to know I won't have to tell my story over and over. I remember the shows on TV, the ones where a lawyer would pick at people's stories, keep going for them over and over until they broke. Then they could create more doubt in their story. Gaslight them into doubting their own lived experiences ... reliving their trauma. Is that what's going to happen to me? Will I have to talk about this over and over and hope that someone believes my story enough to not push too deep, so the fragile pieces of my existence stay together?
The loud beep of the sheriff's radio brings me out of my pity party and I notice the shift in the air. Both Ace and Sheriff Miller are tense as they look down the road to where a deputy has stopped a passing vehicle. But all I can think is how relieved I feel that if Ace wasn't here when I stumbled from the forest, I wouldn't have needed to wait too long before another car came.
The radio crackles and I can't understand anything that’s being transmitted, the static voices too unclear, however, he seems to share a silent conversation with Ace who turns and comfortably sets me up in his passenger seat, ensuring the windows are down and the snacks he gave me earlier are in reach. He returns to the sheriff's side and they both watch as a beat up white car drives by. I can't quite make out the driver inside, the headlights shining in my eyes. But after it's out of sight, Ace returns and starts his truck, the loud rumble of the engine calming to a soft purr. I still feel a little uncertain about everything but then I have just escaped hell on earth, not to mention the fact I feel absolutely nothing over ending my uncle's life. I’m sure there’s some obvious reason why I'm attaching myself to the man next to me too, but until it feels wrong I'm going to trust that I'm safe with him. I can't physically do this alone, I need something, him, an anchor to hold me here.
The wind blows in my hair and I can feel it tickle across my skin in all directions. A genuine smile crossing my face for the first time in forever as I look over to Ace, laughing out loud at the pure elation I'm feeling, the sound unnatural in my ears. I can feel the wind, smell the fresh air and I don't think I have to be snow anymore. Such simple things that most people take for granted but I hope I never do.
I think ... I might actually be free.