Chapter 10 - Nova
* * *
I lied.
I am snow.
I am snow.
I am snow.
Shutting my eyes as tight as I can, I try and push myself into Ace's back so I disappear. If the doctor can not see me then he can not examine me. The minute they said a Sexual Assault Investigation Kit was the best chance to gather evidence, I became snow again.
“No. No. No,”
I repeat over and over into Ace's back. As soon as the Doctor came into the small interview room at the sheriff's station I knew I was in trouble. He explained what they wanted to do and I began to hyperventilate, my vision growing fuzzy at the edges, which then caused Ace to become my human shield against the two other men in the room.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't face another strange man like that.
I get it, I do, and a part of me wants to help them. I wish I could do everything they ask of me without issue, but this ... this, I can't. I don't need an examination to know what my uncle did to me in the bunker. I have permanent reminders of it spread across my body. Let alone the memories that scream at me, wanting my constant attention.
I can't do it.
I am snow.
I am snow.
“How about we just take a second here to calm down? Everything that’s happened tonight is unorthodox and at this stage off the record. I can’t get through to any of the larger stations for support for at least 48 hours. A damn logging truck took out the bloody signal tower up on the ridge so we’re in our own little bubble for a bit—”
A voice like silk rings out from the other side of the door interrupting the sheriff's speech. One that he looked intent on completing, trying to take back control of the room. It didn't exactly make me feel any better that we were in a communication lockdown or whatever he called it. But when the door to the interview room abruptly swung open, and a woman who looked exactly like Miss Honey from Matilda, only older, stood in the doorway, I immediately felt I had another person in my corner. She took everyone in and it brought a smile to my face when she stood next to me, half behind Ace's back, and began to scold the sheriff.
“Seth, you better have a good explanation for why this poor girl is standing here sheltering away from you two brutes. I will not stand for this, you hear! I could hear you rambling all the way out in the foyer.”
She reaches into her bag and pulls out a thermos and some sort of thermal container, easing me back into the chairs behind us, she opens up the containers and places them on my lap. The smell of freshly cooked eggs and hashbrowns wafts up at me and I almost drool on them. My mouth is salivating at the first home cooked meal that doesn't come from a can in years.
“Don't you dare look at me like that, and you too Eric. You should be ashamed,”
She scolds. “Neither of you deserves my cooking this morning. Why on earth didn't you call me straight away? I swear the men in this town are idiots sometimes.”
Her gentle voice is full of sass and confidence and I've never seen anything like it. I can feel my cheeks getting hot over the way she talks back to the men in the room and a small grin appears from the blatant disobedience she is showing. I love it. The way she has everyone in the palm of her hand. She is soft and firm, confident and comforting all wrapped into one. The way she walked into the room and took control was everything, and I don't know if I want to laugh or cry from it.
“Martha, you can't call me an idiot in front of people,”
he sighs, still looking at her with affection.
“I’ll call it like I see it, thank you, and right now you're both scaring this poor girl after god knows what she's been through this evening.”
Turning her gaze to me, her eyes soften. She sits in the chair to my left and takes the thermos from my hand, replacing it with a fork, motioning for me to start eating.
I stare at her in wonder but also hesitation. I so desperately want to believe that this meal comes without strings, that it’s something she's doing from the goodness of her heart. Staring at the fork, it feels unnatural to hold it in my hand, this foreign tool that I'm expected to use, but it makes me nervous. I'm worried I’ll spill some of it and I don't want to make anyone upset. Placing the clean fork down next to my thigh, it's safely tucked away so it won't fall to the floor. I tentatively pick up some of the scrambled eggs with my fingers, slowly bringing it to my mouth before pure buttery ecstasy explodes in my mouth. Closing my eyes, I let the flavours dance with my tastebuds. The idea that food could taste this good is long forgotten for me.
She leans into my side and gently says, “I want you to eat until you're full, you hear me? These two old lugs don't need any of it. It would do them good to miss a meal or two every now and then.”
A loving smile shines at me and I'm lost in the comfort of it. Her eyes look to where Ace stands, tears threatening to fall.
“I’m sorry…”
I start to say. I feel bad that I’ve made her sad. Looking over to Ace his lips pressed into a thin line and a concerned frown on his face, so I avert my gaze, staring down at the food and taking a piece of hashbrown this time. When I'm with Ace I can breathe, but when I’m with the woman who I can only assume is Martha. It's like my whole heart is full of love because hers is overflowing with it.
“Once you're done, we can sort out a nice hot shower and decide on a plan forward. So between me and the international space station hovering around you ...”
she says, flicking her gaze to Ace who looks down at us with amusement. “We're not going anywhere until this whole mess is sorted out. As long as it takes, I’m with you.”
Her hand reaches out and she pushes a dried bloody strand of hair out of my face and motions for me to start eating again.
I've always wondered about what it feels like to know you’re loved, and I think this is what it's meant to be like. This warm comforting feeling of home that escapes her is everything I've wanted to have for as long as I can remember, even before everything that happened.
However long it takes, when I'm on the other side of this whole thing and I'm choosing what comes next in my life, I'm certain I want her to be part of it.