Chapter 25 #2
Andrea looked up from where she was rowing a boat with TJ on her lap on a chair at the dining table. ‘Please.’
When Hannah took a seat at the table, she placed down a plate of cookies and confirmed that Andrea could share hers with TJ.
Contented in Andrea’s lap, TJ began to close his eyes and his head became floppy as he fell into his afternoon nap.
‘How are you?’ Hannah asked Andrea.
Andrea scoffed. ‘It’s me who should be asking you that.’
‘Sofia? Rosalie?’
Andrea shook her head, confirming that neither her sister nor her friend were speaking to her.
‘I can’t say I blame them either. But that’s not why I’m here,’ she said.
‘I guess there’s no better place to start than to tell you I’m sorry, Hannah.
I’m sorry for the affair and putting you in a shitty situation with Rosalie and Sofia, even at work.
I’m sorry for taking everything out on you when all you tried to do was help.
And I’m sorrier than you can imagine that I fired you and for the way I did it, in front of people. ’
It was Hannah’s instinct to accept the apology and go on to make excuses for Andrea’s behaviour but, for once, she wasn’t going to do that.
She missed Andrea and she wanted her to know that she would always be there for her, especially knowing how much it would be killing Andrea that Sofia wasn’t speaking to her.
Hannah knew that she shouldn’t have blurted out the affair to Rosalie in the manner she had either, but none of that excused Andrea’s actions. Not this time.
‘The thing is, Hannah, I miss you. It’s like I’ve lost a piece of me without you around.
You’ve always been there for me when I needed it, and even when I didn’t realise how much I needed you.
Sometimes the truths you’ve told me have been brutal and sometimes so nice I couldn’t believe them.
Well, now it’s my turn to tell you the truth – you’ve done too much to help me, Hannah, even sacrificed at home, and don’t say you haven’t.
I’ve never told you that because I’m selfish and I’ve been scared to lose you as my assistant but I’m more scared not to have you in my life every day.
The thought of going through everything without you…
’ She glanced to her lower abdomen. ‘And without Sofia and Rosalie, too. I can’t bear it.
‘I’ve been horrible. Selfish and hateful, I know. But I need you, Hannah.
‘So, if you’ll have it, I’ve also come here to offer you your job back, if you would ever even consider working for me again, anyway.’
Hannah smiled because, for once, Andrea had shared with Hannah what Hannah always knew she felt. ‘You will never lose me from your life, Andi. No matter how big our fuck-ups. Just try it. I’d hunt you down and make you be my best friend.’
They shared a knowing smile.
‘But…’ This was harder than she thought it would be .
‘I don’t want my job back. I’ve done a lot of thinking recently about what I want from my life.
It’s twofold. I want to have more flexibility to spend time with my family, to be home when my kids finish school, to have the chance to hear TJ’s first sentence and see his first real steps.
But I also want, need , more. I need to be stretched and I need to push myself, to see how much I’ve got in me.
I’m not exactly sure what that looks like at the moment but I’m working on it. ’
Hannah braced herself for Andrea’s reaction, and the one she received she should have expected. Andrea smiled and reached out to take Hannah’s hand.
‘You know something else I’ve never told you, Hannah? You could be anything you want to be. You’re smart and organised, funny and great with people. Your taste in music is almost as good as mine.’
Hannah chuckled.
‘I’m going to hate not working with you every day, Han. Not because I need you to run around after me, which, let’s face it, I do, because I’m a hot mess without you.’
They both laughed.
‘I’ll hate not working with you because you’re my family and I love you.
’ Andrea’s eyes glazed over, which Hannah briefly noticed before her own vision clouded.
‘I’m also glad that you’re not going to take your job back.
You deserve to have more. Everything . So when you decide what it is you want to do, and if that happens to be using your talents to manage in the music industry – I think you’d be great at it, FYI – I’m going to write you the best resumé and references anyone in the world has ever written. ’
Hannah sipped her tea, trying to hide behind her cup how nice it felt to have Andrea’s endorsement. ‘Do you really think management would be a good idea for me?’
Andrea squeezed Hannah’s hand. ‘I think you’d kick ass at it.’
Hannah felt as if her chest physically filled with pride. ‘Thank you. It means a lot coming from you, Andi. But before I deal with any of that, I really need to tell Rod that I’m currently unemployed.’
‘You haven’t told him yet?’ Andrea asked, her surprise evident.
‘Oh, please, like you’re one to judge,’ Hannah said with good humour, making them laugh again.
‘Good point well made. Seriously, you do need to tell him, though,’ Andrea said.
‘I know. I will.’
Andrea bent to reach into her purse, being careful not to wake TJ, who was now snoring.
She took out an envelope and handed it to Hannah.
‘This is your final pay slip. I anticipated you throwing my job offer back in my face, just not quite as politely as you have done.’ She smiled, uncommonly bashful.
‘You’ve been paid in lieu of notice, straight into your account. ’
Hannah opened the envelope. ‘Andi, this is six months’ pay.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m hoping you don’t sue my ass.’
Hannah held her fingertips to her lips. ‘Thank you.’
‘It’s only what you deserve.’
They spent an hour catching up on the fallout with Sofia, Rosalie’s breakdown in the middle of the sidewalk outside of Sanfia Records when she bumped into Andrea, how Andrea was feeling in pregnancy and that she and Tommy were trying to make a go of things.
Hannah relayed her weight loss from walking with TJ every day and how being at home had taught her, with certainty, that she could not be a full-time, stay-at-home mom.
‘As they say, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side,’ she confessed.
Then, a very tired-looking Andrea headed back to her office.
Things were far from perfect in Hannah’s life. Neither she nor Andrea would easily forget what had happened in recent weeks. But things felt more right after Andrea’s visit than they had before and for that she was grateful.
* * *
Later that day, Hannah had decided to stop pretending that she was still working.
Instead, she spent the afternoon preparing a three-course meal for Rod.
When Luke and Jackson came home from school, she told them they would be on babysitting duties for the night and that she and Rod were having a date night downstairs.
By the time Rod came home from post-school training, she’d slipped into a little black dress that she hadn’t worn for a very long time. She had even taken the trouble to shave her legs. Oh yes, she knew how to handle her husband. Feed him, give him beer, drop the bombshell, then seduce him.
Sitting at the kitchen table, their favourite smooth jazz playing in the background, two bottles of beer (Rod) and two glasses of wine (Hannah) under their skin, Hannah was about to break her news to Rod when he asked, ‘So, is all this a pre-empt to you telling me why you’ve been staying home for the last week? ’
‘You knew?’
‘Mrs Schinken said she’d seen you and TJ out walking a couple of days and Luke asked why you were really home in the evenings. I figured you’d fallen out with Andi. Am I right?’
‘Huh.’
He leaned back in his chair and hung an elbow loosely over the back, tugging at the smart shirt he had put on for her after coming home to find her in a dress.
His dark, firm skin blended with her wine to make her feel intoxicated by desire.
It was the first time in months that she had felt like she wanted to tear at his clothes – the first time she hadn’t been feeling truly exhausted.
‘Babe, I may just be the jock from high school but I’m not an idiot.’
‘I’ve never thought of you as an idiot. Please don’t say things like that.’
‘Well, are you going to let me in on the secret?’
Hannah steadied herself. ‘Okay, here goes. Andi was sleeping with Rosalie’s dad. I told Rosalie and Andi fired me. Wait, let me finish. Andi and I have made up and she paid me six months’ salary but when she offered me my job back, I turned it down.’
‘You’re unemployed?’
‘Temporarily,’ she said quickly. ‘Andi said she’ll write me a reference to do whatever I want. In reality, if I can’t find anything before the money runs out, she’ll take me back. But I don’t want to go back.’
Rod leaned back into his chair, waiting for more of an explanation.
‘It’s time to hear me out, Rod, about some things I should have said years ago.
Now, I shouldn’t have hidden things from you, I know that, but I also shouldn’t have felt like I had to hide things from you.
That’s partly my fault for putting so much pressure on myself but it’s partly your fault, too.
‘I made a mistake, I hurt my friends and I got fired, deservedly so. I made an even bigger mistake when I didn’t tell you right away.
‘But here’s the thing, I’m not infallible and that’s okay.
I’ve realised that I’ve been trying to look after this family almost entirely on my own for as long as I can remember.
I’ve been trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I’m better than my own mother, that my kids will always come first, that the young girl who fell pregnant in college could raise a child without any help. ’
‘Hannah, you’re not alone. You never have been alone.’
‘I think I’m only just appreciating that. And I recognise my fault in that, I do. But you also need to start realising that we’re in this together. I never got pregnant on my own. It wasn’t my fault that your football career didn’t work out. And, Rod, you’re really just a little bit lazy.’
He opened his mouth to protest, then twisted his lips shut without retort.
‘We’re a team, Rod, and I need you to start playing for the team, instead of coming off the bench in the final quarter. Understand?
‘I want to work and do something more than I have been doing but I need your support in that. I love the music industry and it might take me a little time to work out what I’m going to do but I’m on it, I promise.
‘When I do find something, I need you to start pulling your weight. No more staying behind for work drinks without consulting me. No more leaving your shit around the house expecting the magic fairies to swoop in and clean up after you. And no more leaving the effing toilet seat up.
‘I need your help. There, I said it. I need your help. And I shouldn’t have to ask for it because you should want to be here for me, and the kids.’
Rod stared at his wife, seeming to process her words. ‘Is this how you’ve been feeling? For what, years?’
Hannah nodded sadly.
‘Babe, I thought you liked running around after us all.’
She raised one eyebrow in question.
‘Yeah, okay,’ Rod conceded. ‘Who would like picking up after my shit, right?’ He scratched his head almost comically.
‘Look, Han, you’re my world. I’m sorry if I take you for granted.
I guess if I’m honest, I know I do. But I’d be nothing without you and the last thing I want is for you to be unhappy, okay?
So I can do those things. I can do more.
Or I can certainly try. But you’ve gotta keep talkin’ to me, babe.
Yeah? That’s how we work. We might not be perfect but I’ve loved you, girl, since you were nineteen years old.
That’s never going to change. I’ve got your back, no matter what. You hear me?’
She nodded.
‘Well, all right then. Tell me this, how long until that main course is ready?’
Hannah’s lips curved up mischievously. She stood, moving to the cooker and turning down the heat. ‘Long enough,’ she said.
Then Rod was upon her, kissing her roughly, growling into her neck and pulling down the straps of her dress. When she laughed, he placed a hand over her mouth. ‘Do you really want the zoo to come down here?’
With humour dancing in her eyes, she shook her head. He picked her up and carried her to the table, stepping between her legs.
‘Oh, and Rod, one more thing… I want you to have a vasectomy.’