Chapter 5 #3
Of course. I’ve loved you for years. Fray’s hearts were thumping heavily. I was never brave enough either. I could never tell you for fear of rejection and making things awkward for everyone.
Ciaran knew.
Yes.
So are we still mad at him? I mean, he knew both our secrets and, as our consortium leader, probably couldn’t break our trust, but still.
True. But then he dumped us in the water where he knew we couldn’t hide or lie about what we feel, what we want. So, maybe he’s forgiven.
Tobin sighed and let go of some of the tension from his body, and Fray rubbed his forehead against his, eyes closed, taking in this moment.
I want this with you, Fray admitted quietly but with absolute certainty.
You never have to be alone. I’ll never leave you.
I know you think the bond is taking our free will away, but I look at it as surety.
I’ll never hurt you, and not because of the bond, Tobin.
But because I loved you before. I love the quiet you, the you that needs downtime and space.
I love the sound of your laughter and the way you smile.
I love the way you run your hand though your hair when you’re nervous and how mad you get when Hendrix pushes your buttons for no other reason than for sport.
I love how you’d do anything for anyone in our consortium without question.
And I understand why you want to protect your hearts, Tobin.
I get it. Having your hearts broken is terrifying and horrible.
But I promise you, if you decide you do want this, if you want me, I will protect your love with my life.
Tobin’s hold on him tightened, another tentacle finding Fray’s and coiling around it. Oh, Fray...
You don’t have to put your walls up with me anymore, Fray added gently. If you don’t want to complete the bond with me, I’ll still love you. I tried to stop, but—
Please don’t ever stop. The thought ran quickly through Tobin’s mind, followed by a rush of embarrassment. But he looked at him with big soulful eyes. I want this, but...
But you’re scared.
Tobin nodded. Terrified.
We’ll be okay. Fray was sure of it, and he hoped Tobin could feel his confidence. You can trust me. Maybe let down those walls a little. Letting me feel your true emotions is…. Damn, it feels like heaven. But then your walls come back up, and it’s gone again.
And that hurts you. It causes you pain. Guilt and regret seeped through Tobin, and Fray couldn’t bear it.
Stop that, Fray told him. You can’t feel guilt over something you didn’t know about.
We didn’t know what it was, and honestly, I’m just guessing with the whole emotional walls thing.
Because down here, when you can’t hide it as much, I feel everything.
But in human form, I’m not connected to you, I can’t hear your mind, so I can only trust what you tell me. So no feeling bad, okay?
Tobin gave a reluctant nod. Okay.
Now, if we go back to the surface and you clam up again on me and hide behind your walls and hurt me deliberately, then we’ll have a problem. Fray shrugged with a bit of a smile. I’ll have to get Ciaran to push us back into the water.
Tobin studied him for a while, and Fray could tell he was feeling a little rebuked but much happier. And there was an undercurrent of hope.
Fray used a tentacle to gently trace the side of Tobin’s face. We’ll be okay.
The hope and happiness in Tobin grew a little bigger, but there was still an edge of self-doubt. I will try. I promise.
Good. Then because Fray couldn’t help himself, he said, And the way you kissed me before—maybe we could try that again too. Because damn...
He deliberately replayed his memory of that kiss, how it felt in his human body, physically and emotionally. He showed Tobin what it was like from his perspective, letting him see—letting him feel—what it meant to Fray to finally kiss him.
And, of course, just how beautiful Tobin was, in case he ever doubted that too.
A deep bloom of embarrassment coursed through Tobin.
Oh.
Fray laughed. Yeah. Oh. It was hot.
Tobin chuckled, and Fray felt a tide of emotions coming from him. Embarrassment, shame, humour, gratitude, and there, in the thick of it all, was desire.
It made Fray flush a dark blue. We should go to the surface, yeah? He wanted to do things in human form, yes. But that wasn’t the only reason. Everyone’s probably wondering if we’ve killed each other yet.
Tobin sighed. Yeah. Your cousins are here.
Oh, yes. Oops. I forgot about them. Fray snorted. I’ve been a bit distracted. He looked upward, to the surface, their next step. Should we?
Tobin made no attempt to move, and Fray could feel his trepidation.
What is it?
I, uh.... Before we go up there, I need you to know...
Know what?
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for bringing that girl back here. I never touched her. I need you to know that too. I had wanted to, don’t get me wrong.
Oh, okay. I probably didn’t need to hear that last part.
No, don’t misunderstand. When she asked for a ride to Strahan, I thought, yes, this is what I need to avoid you. I thought she would put an end to whatever this bond thing was, and it’d be over, and I didn’t have to tell you, or hurt you. But—
But you—
Please, let me finish. This isn’t easy.... He blushed with shame. So in the very beginning, I wanted to... and she was keen. She basically offered herself to me, but I couldn’t. Physically, mentally, everything in my body told me no, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t... you.
Oh.
I don’t know if that was part of the bond asserting itself, but the idea of touching her made me feel all wrong. I wouldn’t go as far as to say nauseated, but...
Fray snorted. Wow.
Tobin looked abashed. Yeah. Not my finest moment. I’m embarrassed about my behaviour. But the worst part is that I hurt you, and that was the very opposite of what I was trying to do. So please believe me when I say I’m sorry. I have no excuses. Then he shrugged. Well, except for being an idiot.
Technically I think that’s a reason, not an excuse, Fray replied, in an attempt at humour. Tobin almost smiled, so it kind of worked. But you’re my idiot, so of course I forgive you.
Tobin flushed with relief and warmth. Yours, huh?
Well, yes. Not officially. Not yet, anyway. We have a bond ritual to perform yet. If you still want to, that is.
I want to. Tobin’s eyes met his, his green skin shimmering, his hearts racing. Fray could feel every emotion rippling through him—mostly excitement, anxiety, affection, desire.
Fray grinned at him, coiled one arm around one of his, and propelled them up to the surface. He couldn’t believe this was happening, that he was finally getting what he’d dreamed about for years. Nothing was going to stop him.
Nothing.
Not even—
Ciaran standing on the pier with his arms crossed.
Fray and Tobin both morphed into human form and lifted themselves up and out of the water and onto the pier, not a stitch of clothing on, dripping wet. Fray shook his hair like a dog, spraying Ciaran. “That’s for dumping us in the water,” Fray said.
He looked between them. “And?”
Fray grinned at Ciaran and took Tobin’s hand. “Don’t wait up,” he said over his shoulder as he led them into Tobin’s place.
Ciaran raised both hands above his head in a very relieved victory. “Thank fucking Christ.”