Chapter - Bay #5
Yet at the same time I notice that while Alex used to sometimes seek my closeness, like when we watched something on the tablet and he would slide closer until our shoulders touched, now Alex is very careful not to touch me at all, not with a single hand motion, not even a fleeting brush.
Sometimes I think about it, wondering why. Does he believe I can’t handle any touch? Or maybe he’s disgusted by a broken alpha like me…
Broken?
For the first time those words don’t fully stick to me, I feel that I will mend, I will rebuild myself, I just need patience, and patience is the thing I can… grow.
After the holidays I return to school, and I won’t lie, the first day isn’t easy, even though Vin and Rob are no longer there. From what rumor says they transferred to another high school in a pretty distant area.
Their empty chairs also serve as a reminder to other students that jokes like that come with consequences.
And yet Alex and I, together with our parents, decide that for the next two years we will transfer to a high school closer to the center, called Franklin High.
It is also supposed to help my music career, because that school has a very strong profile and reputation when it comes to musically gifted students who later make it in music.
But I still have to survive the second half of the year here.
I consistently refuse to participate in the school concerts that come up, like the spring events, and I also leave the band, to the great disappointment of the music teacher.
Yes, someone might say that it shows the real state of my spirit, that deep down I still feel broken, that they won, but I simply don’t want to deal with all these people again, their looks, their pity.
I don’t feel like stepping on stage, looking into the eyes of all those who saw that poster pinned behind my back.
The principal even calls me in to talk about it and tells me the same words I repeat to myself in my head, that I can’t let them win, he uses them in exactly the same way.
I tell him I want to start with a clean slate, that I want to leave the past behind and cut myself off from everything that happened, but at the moment I don’t want to perform here, and the principal eventually gives up.
Starting in January I also attend the martial arts lessons Ennio arranged for me, and I take an Uber, sneaking out so my parents don’t notice.
The lessons take place twice a week at five in the afternoon, and the man, whose name is Gurco, is a no-nonsense type. Massive, grumpy, he speaks little, he shows and he demands. He doesn’t ask who I am, he asks what I want to achieve.
I'm even a little reckless, I tell him I want to learn how to fight so I can kill the people I fight as quickly as possible…
If I think Gurco would raise a brow, I’m wrong. He takes it with complete calm. What he teaches me is a kind of mixture of styles, muay thai, krav maga and marine combat.
Because I only see him twice a week, these sessions are more like a test of what he told me to practice throughout the week at home.
Of course I still train with my f-AI-t combat program, but it teaches me the sport version, while Gurco shows me how to fight dirty.
From time to time he also arranges sparring matches for me with kids my age.
Gurco has many students, so he can pick opponents who give me a proper challenge.
But it quickly turns out that most of my peers can’t keep up with me, my strength grows month by month, even if I still lack technique.
One day he brings in another boy, he’s my age, sixteen, but completely different from the others, and the moment I see him I know exactly what he is.
He’s a purple alpha, just like my brother Storm.
Gurco introduces him as Luca, but says nothing else about him, he’s simply another opponent he’s put in front of me.
And he is the first one who actually puts up a real fight.
He is the one who pushes my skills to make the biggest leap, because I finally have to focus on technique instead of relying only on brute strength.
Luca is very strong, his body is heavy and tough like all purple alphas, even though, just like me, he isn’t mature yet, our glands aren’t active, but he already has a lot of raw strength that comes with his origin.
And while his strength and skill don’t surprise me, mine clearly surprise him.
I see the moments when we wrestle on the mat and he can’t push my arm back because he simply doesn’t have enough strength…
"What the hell, how is that possible," he mutters under his breath, not understanding how, even though I’m not a purple, I seem to have as much strength as they do. I don’t understand it either, but I do know that every time I push against him my tattoos seem to warm up a little, as if they’re the ones giving me strength.
Of course, as always, I wear long-sleeved sports shirts or rashguards, so no one can see what’s on my skin.
It annoys me a little that I have to walk around everywhere dressed like this to avoid attention and questions, and I have this dream of having my own gym.
I do go to the school gym, but it’s usually full of idiots who stare at me, and I hate that, and especially I can’t train with too heavy weights because the guys will immediately surround me, whistle, and try to buddy up with me, and I have no interest in bonding with the gym jocks.
My brother Snow has his own gym in his underground den, and our father uses it too, but of course I won’t lower myself to ask for a place there.
Still, the thought of having a space where I could train doesn’t leave me, and I know that soon I’ll have to do something to make that dream happen.
More months pass, and in the meantime more changes occur between me and Alex.
We are both over sixteen now, and many people in our class are officially dating, a lot of couples walk down the hallway holding hands, and all of that starts getting to me… that I still haven’t worked on one more thing.
Physical closeness.
The change comes one day near the end of March.
One of my videos hits seventy thousand views, and we celebrate it in my room.
We put on some music, eat pizza, sip our sodas, and at one point Alex suddenly steps into the middle of the room and starts doing this ridiculous monkey dance, goofing around, and I feel this need to let some of that energy out of myself too, so I get up with him and for the first time in my life I let myself dance, which feels incredibly strange, as if I have to crack through some kind of shell wrapped tight around my body.
We jump around together and dance, and it’s not exactly a refined performance, but it brings me a surprising amount of relief.
My eyes fall on Alex, his cheeks flushed and his gaze bright like a night sky full of violet stars, and he’s taken his glasses off so I’m looking directly into his eyes without anything in between.
His full lips are stretched into a smile as he hums along, and Alex actually has a pretty good voice but he’s way too shy to ever use it for anything musical.
Only right now he’s loosening up, and at one point he grabs my hand and urges me to spin him, guiding me into some funny moves with him.
I do it because why not, but he twirls so fast he must get a little dizzy, because a moment later he falls toward me and I catch him. The moment his body presses into mine feels like some kind of revelation, something muffled inside me pushing to the surface.
My heart speeds up, Alex lifts his head, still laughing, still thinking this is just fooling around, but then he sees my face change.
And that’s when it bursts out of me.
"I want you to be my boyfriend so badly, but I don’t know if you’d want someone like me. An alpha who’s damaged."
Alex goes completely still. We’re still pressed into each other and he’s tucked against my stomach with his head tipped back, and our height difference makes the whole position almost ridiculous, but it doesn’t stop us from staring into each other’s eyes.
"Bay, oh Bay… I’ve been dreaming about being your boyfriend since the first week we met, and not once, not for a second, have I stopped wanting that," Alex blurts out, his voice breaking.
His eyes fill with tears. "I love you, with all my heart, Bay. You’re my angel, my protector, someone who made the ultimate sacrifice to keep me safe. How could you even think there exists a reality where I wouldn’t want to be with you? With someone so good?"
My heart hammers harder. I sink onto the bed, and because we’re now at the same height when I’m sitting, Alex’s face lines up with mine. I struggle with myself, with my emotions, with shame and memories and everything I’ve been dragging behind me, and finally I force the words out.
"Thank you for being here, Alex… for staying by my side, for helping me keep some kind of normal life. You’re the center of normalcy, you’re the quiet in the middle of the storm."
Alex’s eyes flicker down to my mouth. A moment of silence falls between us.
"Bay… that night at the Halloween party, you kissed me and I started to believe something might happen between us, but then that nightmare unfolded and everything fell apart," Alex whispers. "Tell me why you kissed me then."
I let out a bitter huff. "Because… that’s exactly why. I wanted to ask you to be my boyfriend… but then I lost any faith that you could ever want me after what happened."
Alex cups my face in his hands. "I don’t understand how you can think that. You’re an amazing guy. That’s what matters to me. How good you are to me, how caring you are. Those are the things that matter. Everything else… is meaningless. Well. And you’re impossibly beautiful on top of that."