Chapter Five
October 2014, Canterbury, Kent, England
Molly made extra overnight oats for Saskia, adding frozen fruit and a dollop of honey. Even though Saskia was twenty-three, Molly was very protective of her. Saskia’s brain worked differently to hers. While Molly had excelled in school, got good grades, and gone straight to university, Saskia had struggled through school before eventually deciding on a performing arts degree.
After she graduated, Molly secured an internship at a publishing house in London, which led to a permanent job, and a long commute from Canterbury.
Saskia had wanted to move to London too, as she”d always longed to be on the stage, but her plans were derailed by her mum dying in the second year of her degree. She”d had roles as a TV extra, and in the Canterbury city pantomime, but had fallen into a waitressing job rather than pursuing her dreams.
Saskia flew by the seat of her pants, while Molly had a plan and a schedule for everything.
Everything except meeting Mark. In her last semester at university, she’d literally bumped into Mark in the library. With dark hair, olive skin, and deep brown eyes that burnt into hers, she was attracted to him instantly. He’d asked her out for a drink, and she’d fallen for him even more in the swanky bar that he’d taken her to. He’d made it clear how much he liked her, and they’d been together since that night.
He worked in international finance, and a year ago, he’d got a new job, which took him abroad a lot. She’d learnt to make the most of the time that they did get to spend together. He always arranged the best dates, in fancy restaurants or cool bars, before taking her back to his luxurious apartment in Canary Wharf. She’d had a message from him last night, with photos from Oslo, where was currently, meeting, or most likely partying with, clients. She was already looking forward to seeing him. After finishing her breakfast, she sent him a message.
Molly: Can’t wait to see you next weekend! Can we try the new Lebanese place? X
Mark: Sure. Can you stay the whole weekend? You can go to work from mine on Monday morning X
This was Marks’s subtle way of trying to convince her to move to London, but there was no way she was giving up her mum’s house for his box of steel and glass. When they’d moved to England from France, she was only five, and her parents had little money. They’d struggled for the first few years there, until her dad’s career suddenly took off. Her whole life was in Canterbury, and the house contained a lot of her memories of her mum, Nancy, who had died three years ago.
When she died, Saskia was still a teenager, turning twenty just a month after she passed away. She struggled to even talk about it, so Molly had squashed her grief and taken care of Saskia as well as making sure the house, and all of the paperwork was taken care of. While their friends rallied around them, Mark was notably absent and didn’t attend Nancy’s funeral, saying it was too hard for him. Molly hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but Saskia had never forgiven him for not supporting her.
Mark frequently told Molly that Saskia was wasting her life, and her performing arts degree by waitressing, but her mum’s death had hit Saskia hard. Being caught in the middle was difficult. She loved them both. Saskia was fun, chaotic, and wild. Mark was steady, sure, and reliable. She hoped that one day he would change his mind about moving to Canterbury, and they would get married and bring their children up here, watching them learn to walk on the ancient floorboards just like she and Saskia had.
As the years went on, that dream was becoming less and less likely. Mark’s job and his travel abroad took up most of his time, but she didn’t like to think about the possibility that he wasn’t her person. It was too painful. It was much easier to go on dates with him, to sink into his bed at the end of the night, and not think about the future.
She checked her watch and sucked in a deep breath. It was time to go. She put her bowl in the dishwasher, then picked up her bag and car keys, wondering if she’d ever be able to cycle to the station like she had for the last four years.
Her sister appeared, bleary eyed, still in her pyjamas.
‘Sorry, my alarm didn’t go off. Come on, let’s go.’ Saskia threw a coat over her pyjamas and pulled on her thick fleece lined boots.
Molly packed some of her brownies into a box, breathing in the heady, rich, chocolate scent, and got her umbrella. She ushered Saskia out of the door, her words all flying out in a nervous flurry. ‘There’s overnight oats in the fridge, you can take my car to work, but you need to fill it up and if you are able to pick me up tonight, I’d be super grateful.’ She unlocked her car and climbed in, fastening her seatbelt.
‘I may be working tonight. Ezio hasn’t let me know yet, but I’ll keep you posted.’ Saskia put on her seatbelt. ‘Let’s go.’
The train was packed again as usual, but Molly read her book and didn’t make eye contact with anyone. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her pocket.
Liz: How’s the commute going? I’m sending you all the love xx
Molly: I’m safe on the train, reading some filth that Saskia leant me. I’m on my own this morning but I’ve made a train buddy. I make him cakes and he travels with me, so I don’t feel alone on the way home. X
Liz: What a hero! I would probably drive you to Land’s End and back if you offered to make me cakes. And I HATE driving. Do you fancy him? X
Molly paused for a second as she read Liz’s message again. Yes, she was attracted to Chris, but so what? She was only human. Admitting it to Liz made it seem like a bigger deal than it actually was.
Molly: He’s cute, sure, but he’s just a friend. X
***
That afternoon, Karl called Molly into his office, and her heart started pounding.
Karl smiled kindly at her. ‘Sit down. It’s nothing to worry about.’
Molly sat down on one of the leather chairs in front of his desk, which was littered with photos of his family, scribbled on manuscripts, and his giant notebook.
‘I just wanted to check on you. I know you hate anyone asking how you’re doing but it’s important. You’ve been through a lot.’ He rested his chin on his hand.
She bit her lip, then chose her words carefully. ‘I know it’ll take time for the anxiety to settle. Especially because anxious is my natural state anyway.’ She laughed. ‘I’ve been seeing a counsellor, the same woman I saw after my mum died, and she’s been so helpful. I’m seeing her tonight when I get back to Canterbury.’
‘I’m glad you’ve got someone to talk to,’ he replied. ‘If we can do anything, if you need anything, just ask.’
‘Thank you. I don’t find it that easy to ask for help.’ She smiled and shifted in her seat, as a nagging voice in her head told her she was being a burden on him and her team. ‘I’m used to just kind of getting on with it.’
‘You don’t have to just get on with it here, Molly,’ he said kindly. ‘I hope you know that. Why don’t you split your time between here and home, to reduce the amount of commuting you need to do?’
‘I’d love that, thank you,’ she said, smiling. Not having to worry about the commute every day would be a weight off her mind.
‘How about we leave early tonight? What time’s the next train?’ he asked.
‘Four thirty I think.’ She checked her watch. ‘I think we can make it if we leave now.’
‘Get your things and I’ll go with you,’ he replied. ‘If you’re seeing your counsellor tonight, then having some time to decompress before you get there would probably be good, right?’
Molly nodded. ‘It would. Thank you.’ Now she wouldn’t have to stuff her dinner in before she went to see Colette. She stood up. ‘I’ll be ready in two minutes.’ Hurrying out of Karl’s office, she sent Saskia a message letting her know that she would be coming back early.
When she left Karl’s office, her whole body felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted from her. The commute was long, and stressful, and the combination of that and her disrupted sleep made her feel permanently exhausted. The split between working at home and in London would allow her nervous system some time to regulate itself. She quickly grabbed her coat and bag, then followed Karl to the lift, and out into the neon lit cityscape.
‘Any plans this weekend, Molly?’ Karl asked as they walked to the station together.
‘Uh yes, Saskia’s hired Halloween costumes for us and we’re going out in the city with some friends. How about you?’ Molly asked.
His brow creased. ‘My plans are slightly different to yours. I’m still doing up our bathroom, so I’m going to spend it tiling.’
‘Wow, you’re going to be busy,’ she said. Her weekend was going to be chaos, she knew it. Saskia and her friend Jess were both liabilities, and she had no idea what costume Saskia had got for her to wear. ‘Part of me wishes I was tiling instead of going out.’ She bit her lip.
‘Part of me wishes I was going out in a Halloween costume instead of tiling,’ he replied. ‘It might be a bit scary for you to start with. but you’ll have your friends with you and they’ll look after you, right?’
She thought about this for a second. Saskia and Jess would look after her, but only until they were drunk. Then the tables would turn. Liz, her own best friend, would be far more reliable, and she was going to stick to her side all night.
When they reached the station, Molly scanned the board for her train and Karl followed her to the gate. ‘See you on Monday,’ she said as she pulled her ticket out of her pocket at the barrier to the platform. ‘Thanks for, well, everything.’
‘No problems,’ he replied. ‘Have a drink for me, won’t you?’
She nodded and swiped her ticket through the barrier, waved to Karl and made her way to the train. She didn’t bother trying to find Chris. He wouldn’t be there. It was too early. The seat next to her was soon taken by a man in a suit who immediately got a laptop out and spent the entire journey to his station typing.
She got off at Canterbury, spotting Saskia in her leopard print coat walking towards her.
‘Evening! Check you out sneaking out early.’ Saskia high-fived Molly.
‘I’m not. My boss said I could leave early, and he came with me,’ Molly said as Saskia drove them home.
‘Either way that’s a result.’ Saskia raised an eyebrow. ‘Only it isn’t, is it? You’re miserable because you didn’t get to snuggle up with the lovely Chris all the way home.’
‘Not true. I’m just tired.’ Molly felt embarrassed about lying to Saskia. She had missed Chris on the train tonight, but it made her feel guilty, like she was cheating on Mark.
Saskia let them into the house and pulled off her leopard print coat. ‘We need an early night tonight, Mole. Tomorrow night’s going to be mayhem.’
‘Wow, that’s very sensible of you.’ Molly nodded at her sister. ‘I’m impressed.’
Saskia rolled her eyes. ‘I have my moments.’
***
Chris spent the whole journey home worrying about Molly. He felt sick. Why wasn’t she on the train? What if something had happened to her? He felt strangely responsible. He’d told her that he would be her bodyguard and she wasn’t there. As the train pulled into Canterbury, the storm intensified, lashing him with rain as he walked back out of the station.
The walk back to his flat was cold and wet, and he shivered as he let himself in. After a hot shower he felt better, but Molly was still on his mind. He opened up his laptop, then the set list that Alex had sent to him. As he ran his eyes over it, he thought about Molly again, wishing her had her number, or some way of contacting her. His stomach lurched as he imagined her being hurt, or lonely, or afraid. Shit. His feelings for her were stronger than he thought. Her beautiful face, her kind nature. Her slightly snarky sense of humour. He was hooked on all of those things.
Telling himself that the next time he saw her, he would ask for her number, so that he would never feel like this again, he tried to focus on the set list. Once tomorrow night was over, he could relax. He had no idea if Alex was nervous. If he was, he would never let on. Chris sent him a message to let him know that he had checked the set list, and he replied almost immediately.
Alex: Thanks for that, mate. Are you wearing a costume tomorrow night?
Chris: No way! Are you?
Alex: Wait and see
He shook his head. His cousin had always been mysterious and didn’t like revealing his feelings. Or at least that was how he had been, until he met Kate, his girlfriend, who didn’t believe in holding anything back. He was more open now, but he still hid behind a carefully constructed emotional coat of armour a lot of the time, and particularly when he was on stage. Performing live was hard for him as he preferred to stay out of the limelight.
Chris felt exactly the same way, but they’d been DJing together for the last couple of years at Alex’s family’s hotel and taking it to another venue was the next step. It just made him feel sick with nerves. At least it was Scott’s bar, somewhere he knew. He debated walking down there for a beer, but the rain was still lashing down outside, so instead, he shut the laptop and switched on the TV, trying to distract himself from thinking about tomorrow night.