Chapter Four
October 2014, Canterbury, Kent, England
Molly drove to the Chinese takeaway and ordered far more food than they’d eat. She handed Saskia the hot paper bag, which she cuddled all the way back to their house.
Saskia waited until Molly opened the front door before she exploded at her. ‘What’s going on?’
‘What are you talking about?’ Molly took off her coat and picked up the takeaway bag from the floor, where Saskia had left it while she pulled her coat off.
‘I’m talking about me standing there like a lemon while you two were staring at each other like something out of those shitty rom com films.’ Saskia put her hands on her hips.
‘Saskia!’ Molly shook her head at her sister and took the bag into the kitchen.
‘I’m serious. What the hell happened on that train?’ A smile crept over Saskia’s face.
Molly rolled her eyes, then washed her hands and got two plates and two sets of chopsticks out of the cupboard. ‘It’s not like that.’
Saskia rummaged in the fridge, pulling two bottles of beer out and opening them, handing one to Molly. ‘Then what is it like?’
Molly opened the foil containers and put them on the dining table, then came back into the kitchen, face to face with Saskia, whose arms were folded. ‘I told him the story of how I got mugged, then we shared my cookies. Not very erotic, is it?’
‘Disappointing.’ Saskia picked up the plates and chopsticks, and Molly took their bottles of beer , following her sister into the dining room
‘Can we talk about why you’re wearing my spare glasses?’ Molly asked Saskia as she sat down.
‘I lost mine and I needed to do some reading.’ Saskia shrugged.
‘You’ve not got a job, have you?’ Molly’s chopsticks paused before they reached her mouth.
‘Maybe. I have an audition soon, but I don’t want to say anything in case I mess it up,’ Saskia replied, before dipping her spring roll into the sweet and sour sauce.
‘Have you actually been home today? It’s so tidy in here.’ Molly asked.
‘Hilarious.’ Saskia rolled her eyes. ‘I worked the lunchtime shift, but I also cleaned the kitchen when I got back. I’m going to turn over a new leaf, become tidy and organised. Maybe you can help me tackle my bedroom at some point.’
Molly shuddered. ‘I’ve been desperate to get my hands on it for ages. It won’t be this weekend though; we’ll be out Saturday so we can write Sunday off and next weekend I’ll be at Mark’s.’
Saskia made a face as she spooned some lemon chicken onto her plate. ‘Did you tell moron Mark about Chris?’
‘Nope,’ Molly replied through a mouthful of noodles.
‘Well did you tell Chris about moron Mark?’ Saska pressed Molly.
Molly avoided her sister’s gaze. ‘Nope.’
A piece of spring roll plopped into Saskia’s lap. She picked it up and put it in her mouth. ‘Molly, this is so unlike you,’ she said, through her mouthful. ‘What’s going on?’
‘I don’t know.’ Molly shrugged. ‘When I’m with Chris, my anxious brain just slows down. Something in him makes me feel calm. But don”t read too much into this. We”re just friends.’
‘Right,’ Saskia said slowly.
‘We are just friends, Saskia,’ Molly replied. Even thinking about Chris made her happy, but she wasn’t going to tell Saskia that. ‘Don’t give me a hard time, it’s not like I was making out with him on the train, we were just talking.’
‘Methinks you are a little defensive.’ Saskia raised an eyebrow. ‘So you haven’t made out with him in real life, but I bet you have in your head.’
‘Saskia! We really connected. Emotionally. Not physically.’ Molly wiped her mouth with a napkin. ‘As two people offering each other some understanding. That’s all. I don’t need to tell Mark as there’s nothing to tell.’
This wasn’t exactly true. Chris overwhelmed her senses and made her feel calm at the same time. He was something else and until she figured out exactly what, she wasn’t sharing anything else with Saskia.
‘Fine, I’ll butt out.’ Saskia stuffed the last of her spring roll into her mouth.
Molly breathed a sigh of relief. Right now she didn’t want to get into what she felt for Chris, or why.
‘Are you sleeping any better?’ Saskia asked.
Molly shook her head. ‘No.’ Molly started stacking up the empty foil containers. ‘I either can’t get to sleep, or I get off to sleep, but I have a nightmare, then I can’t get back to sleep. I don’t know what to do.’
‘Think happy thoughts,’ Saskia replied and stood up, picking up their empty plates.
‘Thank you.’ Molly rolled her eyes. ‘That’s very helpful advice.’
‘I know it seems basic, but when you focus on the good stuff, it’s harder for the anxiety to get in,’ Saskia said, taking the plates into the kitchen.
Molly closed her eyes, telling herself to think happy thoughts. The first thing that came into her head was Chris, and his smile. The murmur of pleasure that escaped him as he tried her cookie. It gave her a little thrill of happiness, a buzz. She opened her eyes. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard after all.
***
Molly’s alarm woke her up the following morning. At six thirty am it was still as dark as it had been when her eyes finally shut sometime around one. Creeping downstairs, she rolled out her yoga mat. She loved this quiet time to herself, hearing the world starting to come to life, and did her sun salutation, before lying down for meditation, absorbed in listening to her breathing.
Hearing Saskia going into the shower, Molly went into the kitchen to make breakfast, spooning yoghurt and granola into two bowls, before chopping apples and bananas into slices and putting them on top of the yoghurt and granola. She’d just put the bowls on the table when Saskia appeared in the dining room.
‘Did I make it in time? We need to leave in half an hour, right?’ Saskia was out of breath, her face bare, her hair in a damp messy bun on the top of her head.
‘Yep, you made it. Breakfast is ready.’ Molly gestured to the bowl on the opposite side of the table.
Saskia smiled. ‘Nice work, Mole.’ She sat down and picked up her spoon. ‘Thank you.’
‘I aim to please.’ Molly sipped her tea.
The nausea swelled in her stomach as she thought about going to the station again. Yesterday had been manageable. With her arm tucked into Ed’s all the way back to the station last night, she’d felt safe, but the fear was still lingering in the back of her mind.
At the station, Molly scoured the train for Chris, but he wasn’t there. As the train sped towards London, she pulled out her phone and sent Mark a message.
Molly: How’s it going in Belgium? It’s wet and cold here but Saskia is an excellent chauffeur/bodyguard X
Mark: It’s full on!!! I was expecting to come back to London tomorrow night, but I’ve been asked to go to Luxembourg for two weeks. I’ve blocked out the whole weekend for you when I get back though X
Molly: Can’t wait! Love you X
She put her phone away, already excited to see him again. After her mum died, Mark was the only constant in her life. He booked tables in the best restaurants for their dates. He took her to art galleries and rooftop bars. He was polite, and intelligent. But even after four years together, she still felt like she didn’t know him.
***
Chris couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face as he saw Molly hurrying down the train carriage towards him that evening. It had been a long day and the sight of her made his pulse race.
‘Hey!’ he called. ‘I hoped I’d see you.’ He slid out of his seat. ‘You prefer the window, don’t you?’
‘I do, thank you.’ She sat down, smiling at him. ‘How was your day?’
‘Mainly explaining to people twice my age why they can’t put paper clips in USB ports.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘How was yours?’ Her eyes had purple rings underneath them, and her skin was more pale than usual. He tried to stop thinking about sliding his arm around her and holding her tightly.
‘Oh, pretty much the same.’ She yawned. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so tired.’
‘Same. I didn’t sleep very well.’ He couldn’t say that it was because he was thinking about her. That would sound way too creepy. He bit his lip.
‘Me neither,’ she replied.
‘You can catch up now if you like. Here.’ He patted his shoulder. ‘I’ll wake you up when we get to Canterbury.’
‘That’s sweet of you, but I snore, and you don’t deserve that,’ she whispered. ‘I once fell asleep on a guy and when I woke up, I had dribbled down his shoulder. I was so embarrassed.’
‘No! That’s awful!’ he burst out laughing.
‘I know. The thing is, I did the same thing about a week later!’ she said, giggling.
‘He chose to sit next to you again, he knew what he was letting himself in for!’ He wished he had been the guy whose shoulder she’d fallen asleep on.
She opened her bag and got out a small square tin. ‘I sneaked the last few cookies out of the house this morning. Saskia will be fuming, but I figured we could share them.’ Taking off the lid, she offered the tin to Chris.
‘Thank you,’ he said, taking one of the cookies. ‘I appreciate you feeding my sugar addiction.’
‘I appreciate you sitting next to me.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I feel safe with you, Chris, and I didn’t think I would ever feel safe on the train again.’
‘It’s no problem. You bring the snacks and I’ll be your bodyguard.’ He smiled at her. She was too vulnerable for him to ask out. She needed a friend right now, so that’s what he would be.
***
At the station, Molly cringed as Saskia drove right up to the station entrance and slid down the window, grinning at them.
‘Evening guys.’ Saskia smiled at Chris. ‘You want a lift?’
‘No, I only live a few minutes away, but thanks.’ He smiled at Saskia, then turned to Molly. ‘See you tomorrow, maybe?’
‘Sure,’ Molly said and nodded, her throat feeling strangely dry.
Molly climbed into the car next to Saskia and burst out laughing when she saw that she was wearing her pyjamas. That was why she hadn’t got out of the car.
‘Well, that’s charming, isn’t it?’ Saskia said as she drove out of the car park. ‘I come to get you and you laugh at me.’
‘It was the fleecy pyjamas. I’m sorry.’ Molly bit her lip.
‘I had a shower when I got in from work and I couldn’t be bothered to get dressed again, it’s such an effort, isn’t it?’ She wrinkled her nose.
‘I can’t wait to get into my pyjamas,’ Molly replied. She glanced over at Saskia’s bare face and glowing skin, wishing hers had a healthy glow rather than a pasty sheen.
A waft of garlic hit Molly as she unlocked the front door. She turned to Saskia. ‘Whatever you’re cooking smells delicious.’
‘Lasagne. I’ll be honest, I didn’t make it. Ezio sent it home for us.’ Saskia beamed at Molly. ‘He sends his love, by the way. And some tiramisu, but I ate that earlier. Sorry.’ She pulled off her boots and put on her fluffy slippers.
‘Don”t worry,’ Molly replied. ‘I’m making brownies to take into work tomorrow. I can sample one of those.’
‘Yes! Brownies,’ Saskia said, her eyes lighting up. She wandered into the kitchen. ‘You need an impartial taste tester, Mole, for quality control.’
‘Quality control? Fine, I’ll allow it.’ Molly replied and ran upstairs to change.
***
Chris let himself into his flat. It was cold and dark. Scott wouldn’t be home for a long time, and he couldn’t be bothered to go to the bar tonight. He got a beer from the fridge and sat on the sofa, staring out of the window. From his living room he had a stunning view of the city that he never got tired of. There were curtains on the windows, but he never pulled them, as he liked to watch the changing skies over the city.
He thought about Molly. It had been a long time since he’d felt that kind of connection with anyone. And it had come out of the blue. The minute their eyes met he had wanted to know more about her. The more he learnt, the more he wanted to know. The urge to protect her, to shield her had got stronger the more they’d talked. She’d told him that he made her feel safe, and he would do everything in his power to ensure that she was safe. Although he was attracted to her – more so than he had been to anyone before – there was no way he would jeopardise their fledgeling friendship by revealing that.
He made himself some roasted vegetable pasta for dinner, putting the leftovers into a glass dish for Scott to have when he got in later. The flat was quiet without him, and the large dining table was far too big for one person, but with his family and friends always dropping in, it was a necessity.
After he’d eaten, he put a film on, and tried to concentrate on it, but when Scott came in at one am, he was still awake. He couldn’t stop thinking about her.
‘Are you alright mate?’ Scott asked.
‘Yeah, I’m fine. Just couldn’t sleep,’ Chris replied.
‘What’s going on?’ Scott asked, sitting on the edge of the sofa. ‘Is it work?’
Chris shook his head. ‘No, work’s fine.’ He bit his lip, wondering whether to tell Scott what was actually going on.
‘Molly then?’ Scott raised his eyebrow. ‘Is the problem that you did ask her out and she’s not OK with it, or that you didn’t, and you want to?’
‘The latter.’ Chris replied. ‘She’s going through such a hard time right now and all I can think about is how beautiful she is and how much I want to hold her and kiss her. She said I make her feel safe. What does that even mean?’ He shook his head.
‘Tread carefully, mate.’ Scott walked over to him and patted him on the back. ‘You just need to chill out, get to know her and see what happens. Whatever happens, you know that if you keep missing out on your sleep, your migraines are going to come back.’
Chris sighed and stood up. ‘You’re right. Thanks, mate.’