Chapter Fourteen
November 2014, Canterbury, Kent, England
Molly woke up and rolled over, bumping straight into Chris. ‘Oh shit.’
Chris groaned and rolled over. ‘That’s the second time you’ve said that first thing in the morning. Should I be offended?’
‘We did a bad thing last night,’ she said. ‘I have a boyfriend. I’ve cheated on him. I’m a terrible person.’
‘We didn’t have sex. It was just a couple of kisses. And I may have groped you a bit,’ he said sleepily.
She laughed until she cried. ‘I may have groped you a bit too. What’s wrong with me? I’ve never cheated on him. I’ve just ruined my relationship and our friendship.’ She sat up and put her head in her hands.
‘Molly,’ he said, sitting up, and rubbing his hand across his face. ‘It was a kiss. It happens.’
‘Not to me,’ she said, wishing he didn’t look so hot first thing in the morning. She paused. ‘Is it wrong that I still want to kiss you?’
He took a deep breath. ‘I still want to kiss you too.’
‘Maybe one more for luck, then. Then we absolutely won’t do it again,’ she said.
‘Agreed,’ he replied, his hands cupping her face, pulling her towards him.
She enjoyed the kiss even more than she had last night. Last night’s kiss had been urgent and desperate. This kiss was totally different. It was soft, and tender.
When she pulled away from him, the sun was starting to come up, streaming through the window and onto the bed, highlighting the golden hairs on his strong arms as he held her. This was awful and wonderful all at the same time. She traced the outline of his bicep with her fingers, resting her head on his chest.
‘You’re so muscly,’ she said. ‘Why is that?’
‘It started as an insecurity thing,’ he said. ‘I’d always been the small, quiet, skinny kid. I got picked on, so I started going to the gym and just kind of got hooked on it. I go every other day.’
‘I know what you mean about being picked on. I was the small, nerdy kid. I’m still the small nerdy kid in my head,’ she said.
‘Nerdy kids are the best,’ he replied. ‘How many nerds have tattoos?’
‘My tattoo is a very accurate replica of a 16th Century galleon,’ she said laughing. ‘It’s like a tattoo for nerds.’
‘Can I see it?’ he asked.
She pulled the back of her T-shirt to one side so he could see the tattoo and goosebumps ran down her spine as his fingers traced the lines of the galleon.
‘It’s beautiful,’ he said. ‘Did it hurt?’
She rolled back towards him. ‘Yes, it was so painful. Saskia came with me and held my hand while I screamed. I’d been following this guy’s work for ages and when he was offering sessions in London, I booked in straight away. I was so nervous. I was sure I would back out.’
‘You’re a lot braver than you think you are,’ he replied.
‘You say the sweetest things,’ she said, then took a deep breath. ‘We should get up.’
‘Right,’ he said. ‘Ladies first.’
‘I bet you say that to all the girls,’ she replied and clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘I’m sorry, that was so inappropriate.’
He laughed. ‘No, it wasn’t. You know the saying, right? Nice guys finish last? That’s because he’s always making sure she’s first!’
She laughed, so hard her stomach hurt. ‘I love your sense of humour,’ she said, climbing out of bed and pulling on her bathrobe.
‘Thank you,’ he replied. ‘I always rely on jokes to help me through awkward situations.’
‘Is this an awkward situation?’ she asked as she pulled her robe tightly around her.
‘Not yet,’ he said. ‘But I’m slightly worried that it could be.’
‘We’ll be fine,’ she replied. ‘We’ve got it out of our systems, right?’
She didn’t know who she was trying to convince, him or herself.
‘Right,’ he said, nodding.
***
While Molly showered, Chris went downstairs and sent a message to Scott. He wouldn’t be awake right now, but he needed to tell him what had happened before he convinced himself not to. He knew what Scott’s response would be.
Chris: I’ve done something stupid. I kissed Molly and now I don’t know what to do
Last night – and this morning – had felt like a dream, but it was one that he knew could easily turn into a nightmare. When Molly had kissed him, she had set his whole body on fire, and the fact that she’d done it again this morning surely meant something. Didn’t it? He wanted to tell Molly how he actually felt about her, that he saw a future for them, but he was certain that if he did, she wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore. He had to squash his feelings – again. He sat on the sofa for a minute, afraid to go back upstairs. He didn’t need to see Molly in a towel, or worse, naked. His phone buzzed with a message, and he picked it up, groaning as he read it.
Scott: Looks like the train’s crashed…I’m home and I’m awake. Come back and we’ll talk
Chris: I’ll be there soon. Go easy on me.
He put his phone down on the coffee table, and picked up his car keys, then went out to his car to get his gym bag. When he came back in, he listened for the sound of the shower, and hearing nothing, went back upstairs. The bathroom door was open, and it was empty, so he went inside, locking it behind him. It smelt of her coconut shampoo, and it reminded him of wrapping her in his arms last night. He had to put that behind him though. If he really was Molly’s friend, he would forget about it. He pulled off his clothes and switched on the shower. Time to wash away last night and start afresh.
When he went into the kitchen, Molly startled, and he held up his hands.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.’
‘Don’t worry,’ she replied. ‘I’ve always been super jumpy. Are you hungry?’
He paused for a second, wondering if he should just leave. Or would that give her the wrong impression?
‘I could eat,’ he said. ‘I’ll have whatever you’re having.’
‘Well,’ she said, taking two bowls out of the cupboard. ‘I’m having granola, fruit, yoghurt and a little drizzle of peanut butter.’
‘That sounds good to me,’ he said, nodding approvingly. ‘Do you want me to do anything?’
‘You could make the tea?’ She smiled at him before passing him two mugs. ‘Thank you.’
He made them both cups of tea, while Molly made their breakfast. He took the bowl of granola from her, topped with sliced strawberries and a drizzle of peanut butter and followed her to the dining table.
‘Thanks Molly,’ he said as they sat down.
‘You’re welcome. It’s no poached eggs on toast,’ she shrugged, ‘but it’s my favourite breakfast.’
‘Mine too, but I usually have honey rather than peanut butter,’ he said. ‘Although I might switch it up. It’s good to try new things.’
His eyes met hers, and he bit back a smile as he watched her cheeks colour.
‘I tried something new last night, and I can’t stop thinking about it,’ she said, in between mouthfuls of granola. ‘I can”t believe we even gave each other the same nickname.’
‘Me neither,’ he said.
Last night it had seemed funny, and sweet, but today he could sense her unease. He took a deep breath. Forgetting what had happened between them was one thing, but maybe it wasn’t enough.
‘If you want, or need, to tell Mark about what happened, I’ll take the blame for it. Tell him it was my fault.’
She shook her head. ‘I”m not going to tell him.’
He cocked his head to the side. ‘Why?’
She shook her head. ‘I like you a lot, and there’s no way I would throw you under the bus. I kissed you last night. I feel bad about it, but I don’t regret it. I think we should just keep it between us. What do you think?’
‘If that’s what you want,’ he said. ‘You know how much I care about you and we both said it can’t happen again, right? So if we want to be friends, then we need to just forget it.’
‘Can we still be friends?’ she asked, and her eyes filled with tears. ‘I’ve never been in this situation before, and I don’t know what to do.’
‘Me neither,’ he said.
The doorbell rang, making them both jump. ‘I should…get that,’ she said, walking out to the hall.
He heard the door open, and Molly talking to someone. A few minutes later, she came back into the dining room with Liz.
‘Hello, love,’ Liz said to Chris. ‘Good to see you again.’
‘Hi, Liz,’ Chris said, his eyes flicking between her and Molly. This was not good.
‘I’ll just go and get dressed.’ Molly said, before darting into the hall and up the stairs.
Liz turned to Chris and raised an eyebrow. ‘I know you and Molly went out last night, and that you’ve been here all weekend. I don’t know what has or hasn’t happened between you, and I’m not judging you. I just need to know that you’ve got her best interests at heart, as the last thing she needs is another selfish arsehole in her life.’
Chris almost choked on his tea. ‘Her happiness and wellbeing are the most important things to me. I’ve just been there for her this weekend. No agenda. No selfishness. I’ve followed her lead.’
Including the kiss,he thought to himself. He wondered who the selfish arsehole that Liz was referring to was. Was it Mark? Or the dad she never talked about?
‘She’s been through a lot, and she doesn’t like asking for help.’ Liz paused. ‘She seems to be able to talk to you, though.’
‘She does,’ he said. ‘I said to her that I would always be there for her, and I mean it.’
‘I believe you,’ she said. ‘How’s she doing?’
He sighed. ‘She had another nightmare on Friday night, but we went out last night for dinner and drinks, and she seemed pretty relaxed. I never took my eyes off her, though. I know how hard she finds public places right now.’
‘You’re a good egg, Chris,’ she said, and her face relaxed. ‘I’m glad you two met.’
He opened his mouth to reply, but Molly hurtled into the room in a pair of tight leggings and T-shirt, holding a yoga mat and a rucksack.
‘I’ll just grab some water, and we can go,’ she said to Liz, then turned to Chris. ‘I’m so sorry, I totally forgot about this morning. You’re welcome to stay if you like.’
‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘I need to go home anyway.’ He stood up and kissed her cheek. ‘See you later.’ He wanted to say something else, something more, but not in front of Liz. It would have to wait. He had to keep up the pretence. He took his empty bowl and mug to the kitchen, then picked up his bag. He gave Molly and Liz a smile and then opened the front door, squinting at the bright sunshine and shutting it behind him. Time to run the gauntlet with Scott.
***
Molly picked up her water bottle and yoga mat, then followed Liz out of the front door, locking it behind them. She climbed into Liz’s car and put her seatbelt on.
‘Are you going to explain?’ Liz’s eyebrows shot up as she switched on the ignition.
Molly put her head in her hands. ‘He stayed over.’
‘Yes, I kind of got that impression,’ Liz said, rolling her eyes as she pulled out of the parking space.
‘He called me on Friday night, and then he came over,’ Molly said. ‘Nothing happened, then last night we went out for dinner and ended up in my bed. We kissed, but we both stopped it. It was unreal, like nothing I”ve ever felt before. It was so good.’ She winced. ‘We may also have had a little kiss again this morning.’
Liz groaned. ‘What happens now?’
‘We both agreed that it can’t happen again,’ Molly said firmly. She wouldn’t let on that they’d been interrupted before they could actually talk about it properly. She kept her eyes on the road ahead, as she didn’t want Liz to study her face too closely. It would give away her true feelings.
‘Is that what you want?’ Liz parked outside the yoga studio and turned to Molly. ‘He clearly cares about you a lot. You know how I feel about Mark, but Chris I like.’
Molly’s eyebrows shot up. Of all her friends, Liz was the last person she would have expected to say that.
‘I’ve spent ten minutes with Chris and in those ten minutes he has indicated that he cares more about you than Mark has in years,’ Liz said. ‘What’s actually going on?’
Molly put her head in her hands. ‘I don’t know. I’m so confused. When he said we were just friends, I didn’t know whether I was happy about it or not. It’s made me rethink my whole relationship with Mark. Something must be wrong if I’m kissing someone else.’
‘Is it possible that you were a bit drunk, and you just got carried away?’ Liz looked at Molly sympathetically.
‘Yes.’ Molly breathed a sigh of relief. ‘That’s probably it. You’re right. Did you ever have a situation like this with Jacob?
Liz checked her watch. ‘I’ll tell you on the way home. We need to go.’
When they returned to the privacy of the car, Liz took out her water bottle, took a long drink and turned to Molly.
‘A few years ago, a hot new vet started at my practice. He was so sweet, and it threw me off guard a bit. I went home and told Jacob about it, and he just shrugged and said to me, you’re only human. I’ll worry about it when you tell me you’re in love with him. I quickly worked out that it was a crush. He moved to another surgery a year later and I wasn’t even that sad. That’s just my experience though.’ She paused. ‘How would you feel if you didn’t see Chris again?’
Molly didn’t even hesitate. ‘Bereft. I would be a mess.’
Liz sighed. ‘In which case, you need to work out what to do next.’ She put her seatbelt on. ‘Do you want to come back to my place for lunch?’
‘I’d love to, if you don’t mind,’ Molly replied.
‘Of course not,’ Liz said. ‘Martha will be so happy to see you.’
Molly smiled. She would be happy to see Martha as well. She was adorable.
They arrived at Liz’s house just outside the city, and Jacob, her husband swung the door open.
‘Molly!’ he said. ‘This is a surprise. Good to see you.’
He pulled Molly in for a hug. He was a huge, bear of a man, with a dark beard and big brown eyes.
She squeezed Jacob back, her head barely level with his chest. ‘Fine, how are you?’
‘I had a bit of a beating at rugby this morning, but other than that, good.’ He kissed Liz on the cheek as she walked into the house. ‘Hello, love. How was your class?’
Liz gave Molly a discrete smile. ‘We covered a lot today.’
That’s an understatement,Molly thought as she followed Liz and Jacob into the living room and sank into Liz’s comfy sofa.
‘Good. I had a feeling you’d bring Molly back, so I made extra naan,’ he said, sitting in the armchair next to the fireplace. He turned to Molly. ‘I’ve got a vegetable curry on the go. Not too spicy. How does that sound?’
‘Amazing,’ she replied. ‘It smells delicious. Can I do anything to help?’
‘Nah, it’s all under control,’ he said, waving one of his giant, spade-like hands. ‘I’ll go and serve up in a bit.’
Molly sat next to Martha at lunch, tearing her naan into pieces for her, to give Liz and Jacob a break. She filled in Liz and Jacob on Saskia as they ate, but secretly she was desperate to get Liz on her own so that she could talk to her about Mark and Chris again.
After lunch, they all cleared up the kitchen, then Jacob took Martha to the park, and Liz and Molly flopped onto the sofa with cups of tea.
‘Are you alright now?’ Liz asked. ‘Are you still trying to figure out how you feel?’
‘I know how I feel,’ Molly replied. ‘Guilty, and scared, and kind of angry with myself.’ She gripped her mug tightly.
‘Woah,’ Liz said. ‘Let’s unpack that, shall we? Yes, you did cheat on Mark, but you and Chris have a connection. You sought comfort in him, and it happened organically. You didn’t mean to do it. You don’t need to be angry with yourself. What are you scared of?’
‘I’m scared of losing them,’ Molly said quietly. ‘I feel like my relationship with Mark isn’t enough for me, but I love him, and I don’t want to break up with him.’ She paused. ‘I really like Chris and I don’t want to lose him either.’
‘You need to be honest with both of them and honest with yourself,’ Liz said.
‘You’re right,’ Molly said. ‘Thanks for not taking sides. Saskia would be loving this. She’s very much team Chris.’
‘She doesn’t know?’ Liz let out a long exhale. ‘I know exactly what she’s going to say, but you have to do what’s best for you.’
‘I will,’ Molly said and put down her empty mug on the coffee table, before standing up. ‘I should probably go. I want to be home before it gets dark.’
‘You can always stay here if you don’t want to be on your own,’ Liz said. ‘You can have the camp bed in Martha’s room.’
‘No, I’ll go home, but thanks for the offer,’ Molly said, walking out to the hall and putting on her trainers. ‘You’re awesome, thank you for everything.’
‘You’re very welcome. I’m here for you. You know that.’ Liz pulled Molly in for a hug. ‘Let me know when you get home,’ Liz said. ‘We’ll do dinner one night this week shall we? I’ll text you when I get my shifts.’
‘Sure, sounds good.’ Molly opened Liz’s front door. ‘See you soon, love.’
***
When Molly got home, she lay on the sofa watching TV until her stomach started rumbling. She made herself a toasted sandwich for dinner and ate it cross legged on the sofa. Wondering what Chris was doing, she picked up her phone, then put it down again. Distance was what she needed right now, so that she could figure out how she felt. Her phone buzzed with a message, and she picked it up, then almost dropped it when she saw that it was from him.
Chris: I hope you’re alright. Last night/ this morning was a LOT to take in. It hasn’t changed anything for me. We’re still friends and I’m still here for you : )
Molly: Thank you! I needed to hear that. I’m here for you too. Maybe see you tomorrow?
It should have been a relief, hearing that Chris wanted to be friends, but it wasn’t. In her head, images of Chris and Mark swirled around, leaving her feeling unsettled. She turned the TV up, hoping to drown out her thoughts. Her phone ringing made her jump and she glanced at it cautiously before picking it up.
‘Hey Mole.’ It was Saskia. ‘Are you alone?’
Molly started laughing, and before long, her whole body was shaking. ‘I’m alone. Oh Sas, I’ve done a bad thing.’
‘Is this the bit where I pretend be surprised?’ Saskia asked. ‘How bad are we talking? Because you were freaking out about kissing him on the cheek. Did you accidentally touch his butt?’ She laughed.
‘I knew you’d find this funny. No, I didn’t touch his butt. I kissed him. On the face. I mean, the lips. And we were in my bed and his hands…’
‘Really?’ Saskia shrieked. ‘Oh, Mole, it was so obvious that was going to happen. You two are drawn to each other.’
‘No, no, no, it was a mistake, we both agreed it was a mistake.’ Molly swallowed hard. ‘It’s what we both want.’
Saskia scoffed. ‘Sure, and I’m the Pope.’
‘Not helping.’ Molly closed her eyes. ‘I shouldn’t have told you.’
‘I would probably have found out anyway,’ Saskia said. ‘I bet Chris will tell Scott and he is the worst at keeping secrets. And then I would have been mad at you for not telling me. So, spill it. I want all of the details.’
After filling Saskia in, Molly started to feel slightly calmer. She had kissed him, but he had stopped it. So as long as she squashed whatever feelings she had for him, they were all good.
‘So you’re not going to tell Mark, and you’re just going to pretend this didn’t happen?’ Saskia sounded doubtful.
‘No, I’m not telling him, and yes, I’ll just pretend this didn’t happen. It’ll be our secret.’ Molly paused. ‘Well, a secret that all four of us know.’
‘If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do,’ Saskia said. ‘Hey, can you meet me for lunch tomorrow? I miss your face.’
‘Same,’ Molly said. ‘Can you come over to my work at twelve?’
‘I can!’ Saskia replied excitedly. ‘That’s when we break for lunch. I’ll see you then.’
‘á bient?t,’ Molly said. ‘Love you.’
‘Love you more,’ Saskia replied.
Molly hung up, and wandered around the house, checking the doors were locked before she went to bed. As she climbed inside the duvet, she inhaled Chris’s scent, mixed with her own perfume.