Jethro
MY HEART COULDN’T handle any more stimuli.
Not after yesterday’s rush of terrible highs and morbidly low lows. And yet, I had no choice but to endure more.
In my right hand, I held my sister’s. In my left, I held my fiancée’s, unknowingly passing emotional messages as natural as breathing.
Last night, we’d become more than two people beneath the spray. We’d become one.
Things had changed between us.
There was a new layer to our connection. A deeper, unbreakable bond—an indescribable friendship.
And as much as I wanted to deny it, I needed Nila’s friendship and support more than anything today.
Today.
I swallowed hard, hating the word.
I would forever remember this day. I would forever despise this day.
The morning had been blissful. After fucking Nila, I’d tumbled into a sleep so deep, I entered a black hole of tiredness. I didn’t wake until late lunch and only because the gnawing pain of hunger drove me to service my other needs now my brain wasn’t shredded with lethargy.
Once Nila and I had raided the kitchen for roast chicken sandwiches and crisps, Flaw found us and demanded we follow him to his newly created triage in the east wing.
There, he’d redone Nila’s soggy cast, and stitched up the tear in my side.
He’d also checked my vitals, and given me antibiotics for my fever.
Afterward, he’d given me strict instructions to head for a proper check-up with my doctor at the hospital and assured me he’d taken care of the injured from the ballroom and had the aftermath well in hand.
I normally didn’t give employees such trust. But Flaw was more than that now. He’d proved himself capable and loyal. If he said he had things under control, I would believe him while I focused on more important things.
Things such as healing and shedding the memories of what had happened between Cut and me. Every time I thought of my father, my heart ached with torment. Was I right to do such things? Was I wrong to regret them after everything he’d done?
I sighed, squeezing my sister’s and Nila’s hands. I couldn’t think about that.
Not here.
Not now.
Not when the very building I stood in stripped every reserve I had, poisoning me with sadness, grief, and insurmountable helplessness.
Kestrel.
Goddamn you, brother.
My eyes burned as I focused on my best friend.
Flaw had gotten his wish. I’d returned to the hospital. However, I stood in the basement of a facility dedicated to healing and keeping the injured alive, breathing in the stench of death. Above, the living still clung to hope. But down here...down here, we stood in a morgue.
A crypt where soulless bodies froze on ice, waiting for their loved ones to determine their fate. A terrible, terrible place where the lingering emotions of destroyed relatives and broken-hearted lovers said goodbye for the final time.
I don’t want to say goodbye.
Nila squeezed my hand as I swallowed back a growl, snarl, curse...sob. I didn’t know how to react. I couldn’t unscramble my thoughts from Jasmine’s or Nila’s.
In the car over here, I’d had to screech to a stop, scramble out, and sucker punch an innocent tree on the side of the road.
Jasmine.
She hadn’t told me.
After Flaw patched me up, I’d searched for Nila. I’d dealt with my hunger and sickness, all I wanted to do was return to bed and spend days hiding from others, wrapped up in the love Nila had for me.
But that was before the phone rang.
That was before Jasmine called and told me to join her at the hospital.
The motherfucking hospital.
The same place I’d almost died and my brother...
My head bowed as I tugged my hand from Jasmine’s, squeezing the bridge of my nose.
Jasmine had received the call earlier. The one conversation no one wanted to have. She’d enlisted Vaughn’s help to take her to the hospital.
She’d gone without me.
She’d deliberately left me in the dark that my goddamn brother had fucking died.
Jasmine’s hand landed on my elbow, her sniffs quiet but distinct as she cried. “I’m sorry, Jet. So sorry. I came to get you. Truly. I entered Nila’s quarters and watched as you slept in her arms.”
Her touch fell away; her eyes on Kes, her words directed half at him, half at me. “You looked so happy, so peaceful. After everything you’ve been through, I couldn’t. I couldn’t wake you up.”
Nila let me go, moving to Jasmine’s side and wedging herself where Vaughn kept a subtle touch on my sister’s shoulder. Nila smiled at her twin, wrapping her arm around Jasmine. “We understand. Jethro isn’t well. He needed to rest. You did the right thing—”
I turned on both of them. “The right thing? How dare you decide what’s the right thing when my fucking brother is dead!
I should’ve been here for him. I should’ve held his hand and said goodbye.
I should’ve had the freedom to tell him just how much I loved him.
How much he helped me. How much I appreciated his friendship even when I pushed him away. ”
The pain at his passing crumpled my heart like a dirty piece of paper, screwing it into a tear-stained ball. “I should’ve been there.”
Jasmine’s skin waxed white with grief. “He was already dead, Kite. He passed when you were with Cut.” Her eyes popped wide. “Forget that. I wasn’t going to tell you. Forget—”
“What?” My spine rolled. I punched myself in the chest, seeking relief from the slowly fermenting agony. “You’re telling me while I hurt our father—while I did what I thought was right—my brother died! Is this life’s cruel joke? I stole a life. Therefore, they stole his in return!?”
I faced my brother, grabbing his ice-cold hand with mine. “Is this my fault?”
Jasmine’s wheels creaked as she rolled closer. Nila came with her, moving to my side, wrapping me in her sadness and despair.
“He was my brother too, Jet. Don’t you think I wanted to say goodbye? I would’ve given anything to be there. But we weren’t.” Her voice turned fierce. “And it isn’t your fault.”
Vaughn didn’t say a word, backing away a little, never taking his eyes off Kestrel.
“Kes knew how we felt about him. He knew he was loved and wanted. He didn’t die without knowing how much we’d miss him.” Jasmine couldn’t continue; her tears turned to sobs, and my heart cracked with her pain.
I curled my fists, pressing nails against my palm, wanting to draw blood. I needed to hurt myself so I could focus on a singular discomfort rather than a room full of tragedy. I needed my blade. I needed to cut open my soles and activate age-old salvations so I could get through this.
But I had nothing with me.
And I couldn’t leave Kestrel.
Nila curled into me, wrapping her unbroken arm around my waist, pressing her head against my shoulder. She didn’t say a word, but she didn’t have to.
Somehow, she pushed aside her grief at Kes’s death and focused on her love for me. Standing in a room full of crippling unhappiness, she gave me a cocoon of togetherness.
Unknowingly, my body relaxed a little. I leaned into her, kissing the top of her head. “Thank you.”
She didn’t look up, but she nodded.
Having a moment of peace, I sucked in a heavy breath and turned to hug my sister. My back bent, gathering her crying form from her wheelchair, murmuring in her ear. “I’m sorry, Jaz. I had no right to yell at you.”
She clung to me, crying harder. “I shouldn’t have made the decision to let you sleep. I should’ve woken you. I’ll never forgive myself. But I haven’t moved from his side, Kite. I stayed with him until you arrived. I kept our brother company.”
Pulling away, I brushed aside her tears. “Thank you.”
The moment I let Jaz go to touch Nila, Vaughn placed his palm back on my sister’s shoulder.
My eyes narrowed.
He glared.
I didn’t want to feel what he did, but he gave me no choice.
He liked her.
He wanted her.
He hated she was hurting and would be there for her whether I liked it or not.
The complication of Vaughn developing feelings for my sister pissed me off but there was too much to focus on. And there was another person much more important to fret over.
Ignoring him, I faced Kestrel once again.
He lay stiffly on the metal table. His skin looked fake, his hair dull, his form unwanted. His arms remained dead straight beside him, the inked kestrel on his flesh glowing morbidly under the lights, while a white sheet covered his nakedness.
He still looked like my brother, but at the same time, completely different. His skin was no longer warm and pink but lifeless and cold. The pure heart inside him and huge capacity to forgive, heal, and protect had moved onto a different form, leaving us but not forgetting us.
He’d been so strong. So brave. I’d taken him for granted, expecting him to be there beside me as we grew old and grey.
Yet, now he’d forever remain young. Frozen in time, immortal to the end.
I wanted to collapse to my knees and confess everything to him. I wanted to tell him what I’d done to Cut. I wanted to purge my sins and have him carry them for me.
But I couldn’t.
I would never speak to him again.
And I couldn’t grieve.
Not yet.
Not after the destruction of yesterday.
And in some strange way, I felt as if Kes already knew what’d happened in the barn. As if he hadn’t died because I’d taken a life and another Hawk must forfeit. But because he sensed he no longer had to fight against our father.
He was free to go.
Free to be happy.
You’ll always have my gratitude and friendship, Kes. No matter where you are.
A ball lodged in my throat, but I didn’t break down. It took all of my remaining strength to stare dry-eyed at my brother and whisper farewell.
“He died without pain,” Jasmine murmured. “The doctor told us his heart gave out from his injuries. He was still in a coma...he wouldn’t have felt it.” Jaz looped her fingers with Kes’s lifeless ones. “He’s at peace now.”