Jethro #2
My back locked as Kes remained unmoving. His bird tattoo didn’t jerk, no feathers quivered over his muscles. I kept expecting his eyelids to flutter, his lips to twitch. His laugh to explode and an elaborate hoax to be unveiled.
But unlike his prankster illusions from his childhood, this wasn’t a deception.
This was real.
He was dead.
He’s truly gone.
I hugged Nila closer. “He didn’t die alone. You’re never truly alone when you know you’re loved by another.”
Jaz’s tears wouldn’t stop, and I wouldn’t force her to dry her eyes until she was ready. I’d purged and sewn myself back together in the lake after coming apart with my father’s death. Today, I would help my sister do the same thing.
Nila cried quietly beside me. Her heart sorting through so many memories, so many complexities even though she’d known Kes only a short while. They’d bonded. They’d loved each other. They would forever be linked by their own relationships as well as the family tie Nila would form by marrying me.
I’m sorry, brother.
I looked at his face, his cold body and vacant shell, and said a private eulogy.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to say goodbye, but this isn’t goodbye; it’s just a postponement. I’ll miss you, but I won’t mourn you because you were too good a friend and brother to remember with sadness.
Time lost meaning as we all stood beside Kes one last time.
The moment we left, we’d never see him again. The only way we would look upon his face was to stare at pictures from happier times or watch videos trapping his soul forever.
None of us wanted to leave.
So we stayed.
The room quieted from emotional strain until we all hovered in the same thoughts. We relived our special times with Kestrel. We rifled through memories; we smiled at antics and shared childhoods.
“What are you doing here?” I looked up as the locked door to the prison cell swooped open. I’d been at the mental institute for two nights and couldn’t stand another fucking minute.
Kes slinked through the darkness. “Busting you out.” Holding out his hand, he grinned. “Time to leave, big brother. Time to make a run for it.”
He’d tried to help me escape that night, just like he’d helped me escape so many times in our childhood.
“Now, what are you doing?”
“Focusing.” Kes sat cross-legged on the floor of his bedroom, his hands on his thighs in a yoga pose.
Throwing myself beside him, I rolled my eyes. “It’s not working. Your thoughts are just as horny.” At seventeen and fourteen, our hormones had kicked in, and Kes was a terrible flirt.
His laugh barrelled through the room. “Least I can talk to girls.”
“Yes, but I can feel them.”
“Not in an interesting way, though.” He winked. “You feel their silly concerns while I—” He flexed his fingers “—I feel their tits.”
I punched him in the arm, so damn grateful he was my brother.
God, I would miss him.
He was gone.
It was time for us to go, too.
Moving for the first time in hours, I placed my fingertips on Kes’s icy forehead. His skin seeped my warmth, stealing it the longer I touched him.
Pulling away, I had the incredible urge to touch life after touching death. To hold onto something real. Gathering Nila closer, I hugged my sister and nodded at Vaughn. Flaw would come to pay his respects tomorrow. He was close to Kes; his death would be hard on all of us.
Somehow, two Hawks and two Weavers had come together in shared grief, mourning a man who died far too young.
But that was life.
It was cruel. Unjust. Brutal. And dangerous.
Good people died. Bad people lived. And the rest of us had to continue surviving.
* * * * *
A week passed.
In that week, things changed a lot and none at all.
My fever finally broke, my wound healed, and my strength slowly returned. My body was still exhausted but every day, I pieced myself back together.
Nila had a lot to do with that.
The day after seeing Kestrel’s body, I returned to the hospital on my own. I sought out the nurse who’d brought me the cell phone while I healed and paid her a thousand pounds for her trouble. She’d gone out of her way to give me the means to contact Nila. The least I could do was compensate her.
While there, I submitted to a full examination and the doctor’s instructions to take it easy.
I was cleared of any concussion or long-term maladies.
I also singlehandedly arranged the transfer of Kes’s body to the crematorium.
As part of Cut’s meticulous upbringing, all his children had Last Wills and Testaments.
Kes was no different.
I’d found his file amongst the others in Cut’s study. The bones of his dog, Wrathbone, lay in the coffee table as I scattered paperwork and skimmed through Kestrel’s final wishes.
I already knew he wanted to be cremated and scattered on Hawksridge grounds.
We’d shared many a late night conversations as young boys about how unappealing the thought of being buried and eaten by weevils and worms sounded.
We were both slightly claustrophobic, and I understood his wish to be sprinkled as dust, prisoner to the breeze, and weightless as the sky.
I wanted the same ending.
However, what I wasn’t expecting was a note addressed to me—penned almost five years ago. The strangeness of holding a letter from the grave clutched my stomach.
There was also one for Jasmine and Daniel.
My heart suffered thinking of Daniel’s remains. He wouldn’t be buried or cremated, but perhaps, he would be happier away from Hawksridge and on his own with no delinquent comments of unwanted belonging.
Respecting Kestrel’s privacy, I burned Daniel’s letter. Never to be read. The words remaining between two dead brothers forever.
I delivered Jasmine’s to her room, leaving her to read on her own. And I took my envelope onto my Juliette balcony off my office where I’d spied on Kes and Nila as they’d galloped across the meadow.
Squinting in the winter sunshine, I slipped out the rich vellum and read my brother’s parting words.
Hello, Jet.
I’m guessing if you’re reading this, bad things happened.
I must admit, I didn’t see myself dying before you. After all, you’re the old bugger, not me. But if I died to protect you or help in some small way, then I’m glad. If I died from sickness or doing something stupid, then so be it. At least I’m free from whatever pain I was in.
I do need to ask something of you. And I need you to do it, Jet. Not just nod and pretend you will. I truly need you to do it.
Don’t mourn me.
Don’t think of me gone, but imagine I’m still with you because I am. We’re brothers and I have no intention of leaving you. I’ve been your support for too long to leave you in the lurch.
So even though I’m physically gone, I swear to you I won’t leave spiritually. Scatter my remains on the estate and whenever the wind blows, I’m there telling you a joke. Whenever it snows, I’m there covering you in frost. Whenever the sun shines, I’m there warming your chaotic soul.
And when you finally meet a girl worthy of your love, I’ll exist within her.
I’ll teach her how to help you. I’ll guide her how to protect you like you’ll protect her.
Because you’re the best goddamn friend a brother could ever ask for and whoever the girl is who steals your heart, I know she’s worth it.
I love her already. Just like I love you.
Never forget that friendships are forever.
I’ll see you again, Kite.
I’ll always be around.
I didn’t cry, even though my soul raged at the unjust and loss. My hands shook as I folded the letter and placed it carefully into its envelope. Kes had written the note before we claimed Nila. He’d sat alone one night and penned a letter to be delivered after his death.
How had he managed to pour so much into a few short paragraphs? How had he known exactly what to say?
If only he’d written it after he met Nila.
He would know what he predicted came true.
Nila was my everything.
She’d replaced Kes as my crutch, and I would never take her for granted like I did him.
Never.
The breeze blew gently, smelling sweetly of hay from the stables.
I closed my eyes and just rested in the moment. No thoughts. No concerns. I let life exist around me and stole a few short seconds to connect with my dead brother.
You’re still here, Kestrel.
I feel you.
* * * * *
Another few days passed and life found a new rhythm.
The Black Diamond brothers sorted out their own hierarchy.
I put Flaw in charge as temporary president and he culled the members who didn’t want to walk on the right side of the law.
Those we paid handsomely, made them sign non-disclosure agreement guaranteeing hefty punishments if they spoke out of turn, and let them leave the club.
As our membership was always about diamonds and business, no one had to be unpatched or excommunicated from the brotherhood. They were just employees searching for new work.
One night, once we’d all eaten—Weavers and Hawks sharing a table in the red dining room where so much pain had occurred—I took Nila by the hand to our quarters.
Once upon a time, my rooms had been called the bachelor wing, but now, they were our matrimonial suite. A honeymoon before I made her my wife.
We entered the wing. However, instead of taking her to bed, I gave her a key.
Standing at the base of a small staircase leading to a storage floor above, her black eyes met mine with confusion. “What’s this?”
I smiled softly, wrapping her fingers around the key. “The past week I’ve managed to put some of my past behind me. It’s time for you to do the same.” Gathering her in a hug, I murmured, “Time to let the past go so we can all move on and heal.”
I didn’t want to think about what she’d find up there. She had to face it. Just like I’d faced Cut.
She let me hug her, her desire for me building the longer we touched. I couldn’t put this off anymore. I’d already put it off too long.
Pulling away, I let her go, dragging a hand through my hair.
She frowned, twirling the key in her fingers. “What does it open?”
Something you won’t want to see.
Climbing the first few rungs of the steps, I held out my hand for her to follow. “I’ll show you.”
She silently chased me up the twisting stone staircase, nervousness layering her thoughts the higher we strode.
We didn’t bump into anyone. There was no fear of being caught by snooping cameras or hiding from madmen with death threats. Just an ordinary house and an ordinary night. About to do a very unordinary thing.
Nila slowed the higher we climbed. “Where are we going?”
I didn’t look back. If I did, I’d second-guess the intelligence of what I was doing. It wasn’t my choice to decide if this was wrong. It was Nila’s. “Almost there.”
When we arrived on Cut’s third floor, she faltered. “Tell me.”
Grabbing her hand, I tugged her down the plush carpeted corridor. Up here no artwork or embroidery decorated the space. These rooms were the unseen part of the Hall. The place where secrets were stored and debts were hidden for eternity.
“You’ll see.” I led Nila further down the corridor, stopping outside a room she hadn’t been permitted to enter.
This wasn’t just a room but a tomb of memories.
There were still so many unexplored parts of the Hall.
She’d only visited a fraction of my home and most rooms were welcoming and just like any other.
But not this one.
This one housed nightmares.
The storage mecca of every debt extracted.
The carved door depicted roses and tulips, similar to the awful flower arrangements Bonnie had enjoyed. The moment the contents were cleared, I would destroy the door, too.
Taking the key from Nila’s suddenly shaking fingers; I inserted it into the lock and opened the door. The soft snick of the mechanism made me swallow hard. I felt as if I trespassed on things I shouldn’t, entering a realm not meant for me. “After you.”
My heart thudded at the seriousness on her face. “What—what’s in there?”
I looked briefly at the carpet, forcing myself not to drown in her sudden fear. “An ending of sorts, or a beginning, depending on how you look at it. Either way, you need to see and decide for yourself.”
Straightening her shoulders, holding onto non-existent bravery, she brushed past me.
Her eyes widened as I switched on the light, drenching the wall-to-wall cabinets of files. In the centre were a large table, a TV, VCR, and DVD player.
Everything she’d need to read and witness decades of hardship.
Nila covered her mouth as realisation came swift. “It’s all here. Isn’t it?”
I nodded, steeling myself against her sudden outwash of rage. “It is.”
“I can’t—I don’t....” She backed away. “Why did you bring me here?”
Stalking forward, I opened the one cabinet where I’d seen Cut deposit all things relating to Emma.
Nila stepped again, her bare feet tripping with a sudden wash of vertigo. I rushed to her side, but she pushed me away, balancing herself with practiced ease. “Jethro...I don’t. I don’t think I can look.”
“I’m not saying you have to. I’m giving you the option if you wish, that’s all.
” I moved back to the filing cabinet and grabbed the largest file.
Carefully, I carried it to the table. “It’s your call, Nila.
” Heading to the door, I murmured, “I love you. Remember that. Come find me when you’re ready. ”
“Where are you going?”
I smiled sadly, hating leaving her but knowing she had to do this on her own.
She needed to say goodbye, consolidate the horror of what my father did, and work through her hate to come back to me.
“Tomorrow is Kes’s funeral. Tonight, we should have one for your ancestors.
Send the dead away all at once, eradicate the estate of the ghosts living in its walls. ”
For the longest moment, she stared. She didn’t say a word. She looked as if she’d bolt or fly out the window. Then, finally, an accepting tear rolled down her cheek. “Okay.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
It was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but I turned and closed the door behind me.
Heading down the stairs and away from the Hall, I disappeared into the woodland and gathered branches, kindling, and twigs for the largest bonfire Hawksridge had ever seen—minus the barn that’d wiped Cut from existence.
I enlisted the help of Black Diamond brothers and carted every torture equipment and vile method of pain onto the lawn, ready to be burned.
The Iron Chair, Scold’s Bridle, Heretic’s Fork, Ducking Stool, whips, thumb screws—every mortal thing.
I didn’t want such heinous items living beside us any longer.
Hawksridge Hall would evolve with us; it would embrace happiness and learn to accept sunshine rather than darkness.
Nila might be in a room full of ghosts.
But I intended to purge them free with fire.