Chapter 13
Emma
“We can do a paternity test if you want to know for sure that Wren is your child,” I told Colin later that night as we laid in my bed in my beach cottage.
The bed was a queen, so we were cozier than we’d been in the king on the jet, but Colin hadn’t complained.
He’d asked if I was ready to be alone, and he’d offered to sleep on the couch.
All I’d had to do was shake my head hesitantly and Colin had removed his jeans and his shirt before he had slipped into the bed beside me without another word.
All Wren and I had ever needed was this two-bedroom cottage, and Wren’s bed was smaller than mine. He’d be pretty uncomfortable trying to wedge himself into her shorter bed.
Selfishly, I’d also wanted him to stay close to me.
I’d told him that my captivity had been short, and I didn’t think I was going to need a counselor, but I was still edgy from the events that had taken place over those few days I was in Lania.
I knew those feelings would probably go away after I was home for a while, but I really didn’t want to be far from Colin, especially at night.
I’d spent the whole day and evening catching him up on absolutely everything about Wren’s childhood. He’d asked a lot of questions, and I’d answered every one of them honestly.
Things hadn’t always been easy for me as a single mom. Money had been tight at times, especially in the beginning while I was still establishing myself in my own business. But I’d made sure that my daughter had a happy childhood and I’d always done my best to make sure that Wren knew she was loved.
I’d never wanted my mother to pay to raise my daughter, but I’d gratefully let her babysit for free when I needed to work. I’d also let her spoil her only grandchild shamelessly.
“Not necessary,” Colin said as he wrapped his arm around me and tugged me closer to him. “She looks too much like me not to be my child. I know she’s my daughter.”
We’d spent some time during the evening going through my picture albums, so he’d seen his daughter at all different ages.
“I’ve never been with anyone else since you, Colin,” I blurted out. “It would be impossible for me to have a child with anyone but you. I was really focused on just being Wren’s mom, and I’ve never met anyone else that I wanted to be with intimately.”
His arm tightened around me harder, and I snuggled against his big, warm, burly body.
“How is that possible?” he asked huskily. “You must have men falling at your feet. You’re a beautiful woman, Emma.”
I snorted. “I was a single, curvy mom who talked about little else except her child. Unless I had a video meeting with a client, I didn’t even bother to put on makeup. That’s not the least bit attractive.”
Colin was crazy if he thought that men had fallen at my feet.
Even if that was true, which it definitely wasn’t, my heart had just never been into dating.
“You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Colin said unhappily. “The men in Michigan must be idiots if they didn’t see that.”
My heart tripped. Did he really believe that?
“I’ve gained weight—”
“You’re curvy in all the right places,” he interrupted.
I let out a sound of disgust. “I’m forty-five, and I’m starting to see wrinkles on my face.”
“That means you have some life experience,” he stated. “Also attractive.”
I let out a sigh of resignation. “You’re impossible. You’re probably the only guy who thinks those tiny wrinkles are attractive.”
“We’ve both gotten older, Emma,” he said stoically.
“Men get more attractive as they age,” I argued. “Women just get…old.”
“I definitely didn’t,” he grumbled.
“You did,” I protested. “It’s annoying. You’re still as ruggedly handsome as you were fourteen years ago. You’re ridiculously fit. You really haven’t changed much.”
“My leg is a mess,” he rumbled.
“Which doesn’t make one bit of a difference on the attractiveness scale,” I blurted out before I could think about my words. “I still think you’re the hottest man on the planet. It’s annoying. You’ve gotten even hotter and I’m just getting old and plump.”
“You still think I’m attractive?’ he asked, sounding perplexed.
“Ridiculously attractive,” I answered honestly. I’d gone too far not to be completely truthful. “I’m just as attracted to you as I was fourteen years ago. I know that can never go anywhere. Our fling was a long time ago, and it’s been over for a long time. That’s crazy, right?”
“Not so crazy,” he said hoarsely. “I’m still attracted to you, too. But you’ve been through a lot of trauma, and I’m familiar to you. Once you feel more secure, that attraction is likely to change for you.”
Ha! I was a mature adult, and I knew my emotions. Wanting to get Colin naked was not going to change for me.
Did he really think that his previously injured leg mattered to me?
He might be more guarded and a little edgier than he had been fourteen years ago, but he was exactly the same man he was years ago.
And that man had turned me inside out.
It was no different now.
Maybe I shouldn’t have blurted out the fact that I still thought he was scorching hot, but Colin and I had always been honest with each other.
The fact that he still found me desirable was something I hadn’t expected, but it made me feel less vulnerable knowing that I wasn’t alone in those feelings that had never quite gone away.
“It’s not going to change,” I said bluntly. “But I’ll learn to live with it. I want the two of us to be friends. We have a daughter, and I want us to be comfortable with each other again.”
“I’m not the same man I was years ago,” he said in a warning voice.
Yes, he was. He’d just gotten good at hiding the old Colin beneath a humorless, stoic facade that I wasn’t buying for a single moment.
His injury had made him build up a ton of defenses to push people away.
That made sense because his injury had changed his life profoundly, and he’d tried to make himself invulnerable.
It wasn’t like Colin had ever been a warm and fuzzy guy, but he’d been able to let people in once he got to know and trust them.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure if he’d let anyone see the real Colin in years.
To me, that was incredibly sad because deep down there was a part of him that was very real and very human.
He also had a heart-stopping smile when he chose to utilize it.
I sat up a little and rested my head on my hand as I looked at him.
The moonlight coming from the window of my bedroom wouldn’t allow me to see his face clearly, but I’d felt his body tense up. “You’re exactly the same,” I informed him. “You just hide the person you are better than you used to.”
“You’re wrong,” he ground out in an irritated voice.
“I don’t believe you,” I said persistently. “You risked your life to save mine. You didn’t have to do that.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m not still an asshole,” he said in an annoyed tone. “It was a calculated risk.”
God, he was so full of shit, but I’d let him get away with it…for now.
He’d built up those defenses for years.
It would take time for him to let go of some of them.
“Have I thanked you for coming to Lania and for everything you’ve done for me?” I asked him.
“Yes,” he said abruptly. “Don’t thank me, Emma. Rescuing hostages is what I do, and you’re the mother of my child.”
I smiled into the darkness.
He hadn’t known I was the mother of his child when he’d come for me, and he operated Last Hope out of the headquarters in San Diego. He ran missions, but he wasn’t usually a participant in the actual recovery.
I knew he’d involved himself in my rescue because he knew me and it was somehow personal to him. Maybe it had been years since we’d seen each other, but he’d still felt some sense of obligation to rescue me himself.
That was the Colin I’d known and adored.
The man with a big heart that he rarely showed to anyone.
He hadn’t changed a bit.
He’d just convinced himself that he had, and that he was a totally humorless asshole without the same heart.
“I’m still going to thank you,” I said lightly. “You saved my life.”
“I guess I forgot how damn stubborn you can be,” he said unhappily.
“You used to like that about me,” I teased.
“Fuck!” he cursed as he wrapped his arms around me and rolled on top of me. “I think I still do, but I shouldn’t.”
My breath caught and my body instantly responded to the feel of his warm, massive body intimately connected to mine.
I was wearing a summer nightgown, and all of that skin-to-skin contact with Colin made my heart skip a beat.
God, he still felt so good.
He still smelled so deliciously incredible.
I automatically wrapped my arms around his neck to get even closer to him.
My body still craved him like an addictive drug, and it was a temptation that was too difficult to ignore.
“Kiss me,” I whispered before I could stop those words from escaping my lips. “Please. Just once.”
It would be a stupid thing to do, but at the moment, I didn’t care.
I was feeling things I hadn’t felt for fourteen long years, and I wanted to feel the way I had with Colin all those years ago.
I’d been so consumed with being a mother and with building my career that I’d forgotten what it felt like to just be a woman with the normal desires of a female.
I wanted to remember.
Just for a moment.
Colin hesitated for a moment, but an instant later he lowered his head and captured my lips in an embrace that rocked my entire world.
He was a man that did nothing without throwing himself into whatever he did wholeheartedly.
His kiss was no different.
He devoured my mouth like it was his only mission in life, and I reveled in that passion.
Colin explored my mouth with a thoroughness that took my breath away, like it was the first time he’d ever touched me this way.
Greedily.
And with a slight desperation that made my heart soar.
He still wanted me as much as I wanted him, and that knowledge made me respond with wanton recklessness that I didn’t think was even possible for me anymore.
I didn’t think.
I just allowed myself to feel every emotion his kiss rang out of me.
It had only ever been this way with him.
Only with Colin.
I felt like I was the most desirable woman in the world.
And didn’t want to waste a nanosecond of those sensations.
I knew it wouldn’t last.
I knew we couldn’t turn back the clock and rekindle what we’d had fourteen years ago.
Years ago, we’d been completely focused on mind-blowing sex.
I couldn’t say that the carnality wasn’t still there, but now there was something…more.
My hands roamed over his back as he consumed my mouth because all I wanted to do was explore this man all over again.
Colin abruptly lifted his head and I let out a little moan of protest. “Fucking hell, Emma!” he spat out. “We can’t do this. You’re still vulnerable and I’m pawing you like a horny teenager.”
He rolled onto his back, wrapped an arm around me, and pulled me close to him.
I was still panting as I put my head on his shoulder. “I wasn’t exactly complaining. I asked you to kiss me.”
“That doesn’t mean I should have done it,” he said in a graveled voice. “I’m your advisor. I should have known better. You probably have no idea what you want right now.”
Oh, I’d known exactly what I’d wanted.
Yes, I was vulnerable, but I always had been when it came to him.
“I knew that I wanted you to kiss me,” I said empathetically.
I wasn’t going to let him think he took advantage of me in a vulnerable position.
That would be complete and utter crap.
“We’ll chalk this up to temporary insanity and lack of sleep for both of us,” he decided. “It won’t happen again.”
I let out a long sigh.
It probably couldn’t happen again.
I was a forty-five-year-old mom to a teenage daughter.
It wasn’t like I could indulge in another fling with the father of my child.
Honestly, I probably wasn’t capable of having another fling with Colin.
Although I didn’t regret what had happened, the last one had broken my heart.
I was going to have to get over the lingering attraction I had to Colin and focus on the fact that we were Wren’s parents together and nothing more.
Maybe remembering I was a woman with my own needs hadn’t been such a great idea after all.