Chapter 20
Marshall
“What are you going to tell Wren about Last Hope and your job?” Emma asked as we got ready to go to bed that night.
We’d taken advantage of the pool at the hotel earlier.
Strangely, I wasn’t nearly as self-conscious about the scars on my leg.
I wasn’t going to say that I’d forgotten that I had them, but if Emma accepted them just fine, I didn’t really care what anybody else thought anymore.
She’d wanted me to swim with her, and I wanted to make her happy.
Seeing that smile on her face when I’d agreed to go into the pool with her made the awkwardness of baring my injured leg disappear for me.
Truthfully, nobody stared at my leg like it was horrible.
People were so involved in their own lives and their own vacations that they didn’t seem to notice.
We’d had a good dinner and gone for a walk after we’d eaten.
Normally, I was a guy who was always busy doing something productive from the time I got up to the time I turned in at night.
It wasn’t like that when I was with Emma.
Everything we did together, no matter how insignificant, seemed…important.
“As little as possible,” I said as I got into bed beside her.
I’d thought about booking two rooms, but we were used to sleeping together, and she’d nixed that idea the moment I’d mentioned it.
I’d been relieved because I wasn’t sure I would have slept worth a damn without her with me.
“Probably as much as you told her about your kidnapping.”
Emma had chosen not to discuss her kidnapping with her mother and Wren so they could enjoy their time together.
She’d simply told them that she’d been in an area without cell coverage for a while.
She sighed. “I’ll have to tell them the truth eventually.
I don’t lie to either of them. My daughter is going to ask more questions about my trip to Lania when she gets home.
She’s excited about being in California right now, but she’ll ask all about the trip.
I’ve always been as honest as possible with Wren. ”
Emma snuggled closer to me, and I automatically wrapped an arm around her to pull her as close to my body as she could get.
It was an instinctive reaction that was becoming normal for me.
For a guy who had been single his entire life, that was probably odd behavior.
Hell, I didn’t know what was normal or abnormal for me anymore.
My entire world had been upended from the moment I’d seen Emma’s picture on Wyatt’s phone.
I was resigned to the fact that I was never going to be the same man I was before that happened.
Honestly, I didn’t really want to be that solitary, miserable bastard anymore.
“I’m not planning on lying to her,” I informed Emma. “I’d just like to delay telling her as long as possible. Most of what I do is pretty dark. It’s not something a kid needs to think about.”
“She’s not a young child anymore, Colin,” she explained.
“Even though she’s my only child, I’ve tried not to be a helicopter parent.
I know I can’t shield her from everything unpleasant that happens in the world.
That’s not going to prepare her for adulthood someday.
I did hold off on getting her a cell phone until her thirteenth birthday, and I watch her screen time so it doesn’t rot her adolescent brain.
But she’s smart and she asks a lot of questions about things that are happening in the world.
I answer her as honestly as possible. It’s a delicate balance sometimes.
You want your kid to be a kid, but you don’t want them to be so na?ve that someone can take advantage of that.
Having a gifted daughter isn’t always easy.
I don’t want to let her skip another grade.
I know she’ll be starting college a little earlier than most kids already. She just turned thirteen.”
I already knew my daughter’s birthday.
I couldn’t fault Emma for not wanting Wren to skip another grade.
If she did, Wren wouldn’t be much over sixteen when she started college.
Although her intelligent brain might be ready for college, it was a lot to handle emotionally for a girl that age.
Emma was already looking into letting Wren take some college courses while she was still in high school to keep my daughter from getting bored.
I knew that would have helped me if I’d had that option when I was young.
“You’re doing everything right,” I assured her.
I could tell from listening to their conversations that Emma and Wren had built a relationship that was made of trust and love.
“I’m going to fuck up,” I added, telling Emma one of my greatest fears.
Emma chuckled. “All parents screw up,” she shared. “All we can do is love our kids and hope we don’t screw them up too much. I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes, Colin, and Wren has turned out to be a good kid anyway.”
“You’ve done all the hard work,” I grumbled. “I don’t want to enter her life and mess all of that up at this point. I know nothing about kids.”
I’d had my moments when I’d wondered if Wren would be better off without an inept father.
I wasn’t about to forget that she existed and just walk away. I wanted to be part of my daughter’s life. I just wasn’t sure how to be a father.
Emma sighed as she stroked a hand over my bare chest. “I know this has to be hard for you. It’s something you didn’t expect. Wren has been part of my life for almost fourteen years.”
“Having a kid was never even on my radar,” I admitted.
What in the hell did I know about young girls and what they needed from a parent?
I spent most of my waking moments talking to and interacting with men who had been in the special forces at one time.
“She’s getting to the age where all she needs is guidance,” Emma explained.
“I’m kind of relieved that you’ll be around for her high school years.
I’ve tried my best to understand my intellectually gifted daughter, but I didn’t experience that myself.
You did. I think there’s some things that you can guide her on that I can’t. ”
“Don’t sell yourself short, Em,” I said in a graveled voice.
“Wren grew up with a parent who loved and accepted her. That’s the important part.
I grew up as a confused foster kid who never felt normal.
I didn’t really find my family until I got into the Naval Academy.
Having my life more structured and being around other intelligent young adults helped me a lot. ”
“What happened to your parents?” she asked softly.
Hell, that part of my life had happened so long ago that I didn’t really think about it anymore.
“They died when I was six, so I barely remember either one of them now. They were heavily involved in volunteer work. They slowed down on traveling around the world helping the less fortunate when I was born, but they decided to take one last international trip. I stayed with one of their friends. The two of them were kidnapped, tortured, and killed. Neither of them had close family who wanted to take me on, so I ended up in foster care.”
“That must have been so traumatic for you,” she said in a troubled voice. “Is that why you do what you do now?”
“Maybe,” I said offhandedly. “I’ve never really thought about it, but I guess I never wanted to see another kid lose their parents because no one was there to get them out before it was too late.”
“You were only six,” she said softly. “I’m surprised you weren’t adopted.”
“I’m not,” I said drily. “I was a weird kid, even at the age of six. I didn’t socialize well with kids my age.
I preferred to read and learn rather than play with other kids my age.
I didn’t fit in. That’s why I told you not to sell yourself short.
Having a parent who makes you feel normal is everything to a child. You’ve been an incredible mom to Wren.”
“I think she still feels different sometimes,” Emma answered. “But she’s starting to accept that being unique is okay.”
“She’ll accept it more as she gets older,” I told her. “It’s hard not fitting in with other kids when you’re young.”
“She’s incredibly gifted with computers and technology,” Emma said. “I wish I knew more, but her skills are getting way above my head. I know enough to do my job and normal things, but I’m not a whiz with software and the intricate details of programming.”
“Okay,” I said grudgingly. “Maybe I can be somewhat useful in that area.”
“You can be useful in a lot of ways,” Emma scolded. “Just love her, Colin. She’s never said anything to me, but I think she’s always wanted to know her father. It just wasn’t possible before for her.”
“What if she resents the fact that I haven’t been around for her?” I asked cautiously. “I have a lot of regrets about missing her childhood.”
“Don’t,” Emma said firmly. “We can’t change the past, Colin. Wren knows that it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t know about her. You’re here for her now. I know my daughter. She’s not going to be resentful. I think she’s going to be happy.”
Hell, I hoped that was true.
I knew she was right.
Regrets weren’t going to get me anywhere, and they weren’t going to help me be a good parent to my daughter now.
I was going to have to accept the fact that I hadn’t been there for Emma or my daughter during Wren’s childhood and move on.
“Life is going to be different for you and Wren from now on,” I warned her. “I will be paying for expenses and whatever college education she wants.”
“I have a college fund for her,” Emma argued. “I’m saving a lot more now that my income is higher.”
“I want the account number,” I insisted. “I’ll make damn sure you never have to contribute another penny.”
“Just like that?” she teased.
I nodded. “Just like that. I told you that I’m not hurting for money, Em. I have no debt and more money than I know what to do with most of the time. Even my home in San Diego is paid off. You don’t have to struggle to raise our daughter alone anymore.”
“Things have gotten a lot easier,” she said. “I make a lot more money than I did when Wren was younger. I wish I could say that my home is completely paid for, but we do just fine. I don’t want your money, Colin. I just want you to be in Wren’s life.”
“I am going to be in her life, but paying the future expenses is not negotiable,” I informed her. “I’ve missed thirteen years of paying child support and expenses.”
“Maybe,” she teased. “But the really expensive years are coming up.”
“I’ll handle those,” I said in a no-nonsense tone. “I plan on being in Wren’s life. I’m hoping that you’ll let me be part of your life, too, Emma.”
Her body stiffened a little before she said lightly, “I thought we were just living in the moment.”
“Is that what you want?” I asked gruffly.
Hell, I was trying to live in the moment, but I was quickly realizing that I sucked at doing that.
I was a guy who planned everything.
I wanted to know that Emma was going to be in my life after Wren came home and beyond.
After being with Emma again, I couldn’t imagine a future without her in my life.
I wanted to be there as a goddamn partner to her, like I should have been from the very beginning.
“I just know that I want to be with you,” she murmured as she ran an exploring hand over my body. “It still seems surreal that you’re actually here.”
I wrapped my fingers around her wrist to stop her exploring fingers from moving over my skin.
Fucking hell! This woman was going to be the death of me one day.
I was fifty-three years old.
I wasn’t the younger, hornier guy I’d been when we’d first met.
However, my need to claim Emma as mine was so sharp that it was almost physically painful.
I’d waited almost fourteen fucking years to do just that, and my patience was running pretty thin.
Being with Emma like this was almost torturous.
“I’m sorry,” she said breathlessly. “I know we’re older, but I still want to get you naked.”
Hell, I wanted the same thing.
My desire for Emma was still just as strong as it had been years ago, but it was also somewhat…different.
I rolled on top of her and pinned her hands over her head. “Do you really think I don’t want the same thing?” I rasped as I looked down at her beautiful face.
I wanted to make love to Emma and worship her body like I should have done years ago.
I was consumed by a possessiveness and a need to make Emma mine that I’d managed to ignore all those years ago.
That shit wasn’t happening again.
I was too old for that.
I knew what I wanted because I’d been without Emma for way too long.
I’d missed this woman since the day we’d parted. I’d just never admitted it to myself or anyone else because it would have been pointless.
She shook her wrists loose and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Then just make love to me, Colin,” she said insistently. “Let’s not think about the future right now. Just be with me.”
My dick ached and my gut twisted at the need I could see in her gorgeous eyes as I scanned her face.
I closed my eyes.
Miraculously, Emma still wanted me.
I could see it.
I could feel it.
I could hear the need in her voice.
For me.
She hadn’t been with or wanted another man since the two of us had been together in Virginia Beach.
I fought for the control that should be easier at my age, but I knew that knowledge was about to break me in a way that nothing ever had before.