Chapter 30 Never Again
NEVER AGAIN
RAE
Lightning brightened the room as the storm raged outside the window. I’d forgotten to close the blinds, so every time lightning flashed, the room illuminated, followed by a loud rumble of thunder.
Something had woken me, leaving me too wired to fall back asleep.
The closed door made the room stuffy. My extra layers and the bodies in my bed made the heat unbearable.
I shifted, pushing the covers from my shoulders, gasping when a heavy arm wrapped around my waist and yanked me back.
Cyn sniffed me and groaned against the back of my neck.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t respond, and I realized he wasn’t awake.
When I tried to move away, he tightened his hold and pulled me closer until the hard line of his body pressed into my backside.
“Seriously, Cyn.”
“Shut up,” he murmured, tucking his face against my neck.
“No.” I squirmed as his warm hand slid over my bare stomach where my tank top had ridden up. “What are you doing?”
He didn’t say another word, his body relaxing. He’d fallen asleep again. I wondered if he’d been fully awake to start with.
I sighed, deflating.
I couldn’t sleep with Cyn holding me. But even as the thought crossed my mind, the potent scent of cedarwood wrapped around me, already soothing my restlessness.
Sometime later, I woke again to Cyn’s hand trailing over my stomach, sliding higher beneath my tank top. “Cyn,” I mumbled, hoping to stir him enough that he’d stop and go back to sleep.
He didn’t stop.
My breath hitched when his hand cupped my breast and squeezed.
I couldn’t stop my moan when his fingers brushed my nipples as he continued his exploration.
My eyelids fluttered open, and I tried to look over my shoulder at him, but he buried his face against my neck, his breath ghosting across my skin.
He pressed against my backside, and the ridge of his cock slid against the thin fabric of my pants when he rolled his hips.
I couldn’t let this happen—even if it felt good. He wasn’t aware of what he was doing. If he woke up and found us like this, I didn’t know what he’d do. I didn’t want to find out.
I reached over and placed my hand on his hip, trying to push him away. It didn’t work. He pressed tighter, pinching my nipple as if to punish me, making me yelp.
I tried to wriggle free.
Maya would let me sleep with her. Snoring be damned.
With Ash heavy on my mind, Zeke’s pleading eyes, and the tension downstairs, I’d taken the easier route and climbed right into bed with two men.
What was I thinking?
I tried to get up, but Cyn caught me, hugging me tightly to him.
His right hand fumbled to work my tank top over my breasts, while his left hand massaged them until I panted and squeezed my thighs together.
“Cyn, please,” I pleaded, trying not to moan.
I didn’t want Zeke to wake up and find Cyn touching me like this. I couldn’t ruin what existed between them.
Cyn’s left hand traveled down my stomach, while his right continued to twist and pull at my sensitive nipple. He grumbled when he reached the waistband of my pajama pants, trying to work his way inside, but struggling in his half-conscious state.
I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip hard to keep silent when he finally figured it out and touched my aching core, sliding his fingers through my wetness.
He moved lower, sliding two fingers inside, pressing the heel of his palm against my clit.
I cried out when his blunt teeth bit into my shoulder.
He froze, no longer groping, fingering, or rocking against me, though he didn’t remove his hands.
My heart thrashed in my chest like a butterfly trapped in a jar.
He cursed softly, his forehead pressing against my spine.
Still, he didn’t move.
When I wriggled, trying to extract myself from his embrace and off his fingers now that he was fully awake, he whispered in my ear, “Don’t move.”
His voice—a low rasp from sleep, strained with arousal—made heat pool in my core.
“I need to get up,” I whispered, clarity returning now that he’d stopped moving his fingers.
“Why?”
My breath hitched when he curled his fingers inside me. “Because,” I moaned. “We can’t do this.”
“Why not?” His hot tongue dragged across my shoulder, the metal of his piercing adding to the assault on my senses. I whimpered. “Fuck. That’s a nice sound.”
“Zeke,” I whispered, moaning again when he began thrusting his fingers shallowly inside me. “Cyn, please.”
“Stay quiet and he won’t know,” he said, pushing his hard shaft against me. “Can you do that? You want me to fuck you, don’t you? I know you do. I’ve seen how you look at me.”
“Fuck you,” I said, voice cracking when he curled his fingers again. “I don’t want that.”
Liar.
I didn’t want him to know how he affected me, but it was hard to sound convincing when he had me panting and dripping all over his hand.
I wasn’t weak. If I wanted to stop him, I could yell and make a scene, even if it woke Zeke. But I wasn’t afraid. I didn’t want to escape.
“You’re such a brat.” He bit my shoulder again, gentler. “I could get off on breaking you alone. I wouldn’t even need to put my cock inside you.”
“In your dreams,” I said, wiggling again. It infuriated me how much I wanted to punch him in the face but also let him fuck me until I saw stars.
“Mmm. You might be right, considering what I woke up to.” He tucked his face against my neck, licking the sweat there.
“Please don’t bite me,” I said, genuine fear creeping into my voice. I didn’t want him to go all infernal and hurt me.
He stiffened and withdrew his fingers, pulling his hand free of my pants. “I will never take what you don’t give.” He sighed. “Not even your blood.”
I relaxed, hearing the truth in those words.
The back of his hand brushed my backside when he adjusted himself, and he chuckled when I pressed against his hand in reflex.
“Are you giving it to me?”
“I hate you,” I mumbled.
I hated how much I wanted more.
“Feeling’s mutual,” he said, lowering his face to my neck and licking me again. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”
I reached back, grabbed his hip, and pulled him flush against me again, unable to say the words. I’d never admit it out loud.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said, reaching for the waistband of my pants and working them down until they were mid-thigh. “But if you don’t want this, you better say it now.”
I remained quiet. I knew what I wanted.
He cursed and squeezed my breast from beneath, then paused. “Oh? What’s this?”
I yelped as he pulled on my piercing.
“Fuck, that’s hot.”
Without another word, he shifted, pushing his own pants down. His unsteady breaths against my shoulder made me shiver.
The head of his cock pressed against me, then slid inside until his body aligned with mine. His body heat sparked goose bumps despite my already overheated skin.
He groaned and dropped his forehead onto my shoulder, breath coming in heavy pants. “Why do you feel so good?”
I squirmed, and his breath caught.
“Stop,” he demanded, his voice strained.
I didn’t listen. Why would I? He couldn’t expect to boss me around and fuck me at the same time.
I ground against him; the friction of the tight fit of his cock buried deep inside me sent shivers down my spine.
“You fucking brat,” he said, his voice unsteady. “Fine. You want to play? You got it.” He flicked my nipple before tugging my piercing again.
He kept me in that strange limbo between pain and pleasure, and I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed that kind of play until now.
“I was trying to go easy on you, but you want to test me.” His growl vibrated against my skin. “You always test me.”
Without warning, his fingers curled around my hip, and he withdrew his cock, only to slam back into me so hard I squealed at the sharp bite of pain.
The hand covering my breast slid to my mouth, silencing me as he breathed against my ear. “You don’t want to wake Zeke, right?”
I shook my head, whining as he bit my ear.
He grunted when he started thrusting into me at a rough pace, jolting my body, but his firm hold on my mouth and hip kept me from moving away.
Panting heavily against his hand, I moaned, releasing any pretense of resistance and giving Cyn full permission to use my body.
He clutched me to his body, his hand sliding around to my clit, pinching, pulling, and flicking the little nub. The mix of pain and pleasure sent shivers through me.
He angled my head back, his breath tickling my ear before his lips pressed against my skin. “Think I don’t want to fuck you now?” He rotated his hips, grinding into me. I groaned low and long. “Answer me.”
I whimpered against his hand, unable to say anything. When he lifted his fingers, I gasped.
“Answer me, Raelynn,” he demanded again, cuffing my throat.
My hands shot up to cover his, but when he didn’t hurt me or deny my breath, I lowered them to grasp the edge of the mattress.
“No,” I whined. “I don’t think that.”
His chuckle, a sinister rasp, echoed as his fingers tightened around my throat, cutting off my air. He whispered in my ear, “You’re right,” before releasing my throat, clamping his hand over my mouth again. “I’ve wanted to fuck you since I first laid eyes on you.”
He tightened his hold on my face, fingers pressing into my cheeks. It was the only warning he gave before he pounded into me harder than before.
I couldn’t fight the force of my climax as it slammed into me, dragging me over the edge with a scream against his warm hand.
“Fuck yes.” He dragged his teeth over my shoulder. “You squeeze my cock so good.” He groaned, clamping his mouth over the fleshy area between my neck and shoulder, sucking my skin into his mouth, no doubt leaving another mark the ones I knew his hands left on my body.
He slowed his thrusts as I came down, his hand moving from my mouth to cup my breasts. The stark contrast of roughness to tenderness threw me off-kilter, and I whimpered, tears building in my eyes.
I didn’t know how to process it.
As if he sensed the change in me, he wrapped both arms around me and held me close—almost tenderly. He brushed his lips across my shoulder, then pressed his face against the side of my neck.
He said nothing, but the comfort of his scent and the embrace of his arms was enough to bring me back from wherever I went.
I blamed how long it’d been since I slept with a man for my weird reaction, but I didn’t understand the care he showed me.
This wasn’t the Cyn I knew.
This wasn’t our dynamic.
He challenged me, and I met every challenge head-on.
He might have called me a brat, but with him, I enjoyed defying him and releasing all my pent-up frustrations.
It felt therapeutic. Instinctively, I knew he liked it, too.
I didn’t understand how, but I wondered if it felt liberating for him, too.
When my emotions stabilized, he gripped my hip. He thrust into me, keeping a steady pace. Not as violent as before, but enough I sensed another orgasm building.
“I should fill you up,” he said, voice tense. “Fill you up and brand you so you remember this night because it will never happen again.” His hips rolled against me, lips brushing my shoulder. “Even if you beg for it.” His voice cracked as he whispered, “Never again.”
I gasped when a sharp pain went through my chest, a feeling of grief so intense it choked a sob from me. A wave of sorrow washed over me as he withdrew and came across my back.
I wasn’t sad. This wasn’t me. The alien sensation felt like what I’d experienced with Ash the night he spent in my bed.
Why did it feel like my heart was breaking?
Without a word, he climbed over me, yanked up his pants, and went into the bathroom. He returned with a towel and tossed it over my hip. Snatching his shirt from the floor, he tugged it on and stormed out of the room, leaving me confused.
He never even looked at me.