Chapter 33 Desperation
DESPERATION
ASH
As soon as I reached the landing upstairs, Zeke crashed into me, panic flaring in his bright blue eyes. I grabbed his upper arms to avoid tumbling down the stairs.
“Hey, whoa. What happened? I came to get you both for dinner.” I peered over his head toward Rae’s dim bedroom.
Zeke retreated from me, staring up at me with wild eyes.
“Do I need to get Cyn?”
“No!” He reached for me with trembling hands. “Please, no.”
“What’s going on? Is Rae okay?”
His chest rose and fell too fast. I worried he’d pass out if he didn’t calm down. I pulled him into a tight hug, using my strength to shelter him, hoping it made him feel safe. I wasn’t Cyn or Rae, but I couldn’t stand to see my brother like this.
When his muscles finally yielded and his body slumped, I released him.
“Better?”
“Yes,” he said, taking a deep breath and shuddering. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Just tell me what’s going on.”
His frightened eyes met mine. “Rae,” he croaked. “I put her to sleep, but I didn’t go into her dream because she asked me not to.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, not sure where he was going with this.
“After she went into a dream state, everything changed.” He placed a shaking hand to his forehead and took a deep breath. “She’s dreaming about something or someone and she’s turned on.” His hand dropped. “She moaned, and that was enough to tell me, but it was more than that.”
I arched a brow in question, not interrupting him. I sensed his instability; it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge.
“I could feel her desire.” He began pacing the small landing between the two rooms. “Whatever she’s dreaming about—whoever—there’s only one word I can think of to describe the emotion I felt from her.”
“What? And how did you feel it from her?” This sounded all too familiar.
He stopped and looked at me. “Desperation. It was so strong that it made me need to touch her, as if her desperation were my own. I’ve never been able to sense someone’s feelings or what they dreamt about without dreamwalking.” He closed his eyes tight. “And then there’s the smell.”
“Smell?”
“I could smell her arousal.”
I cursed under my breath.
The scent of something so personal was impossible to catch in passing for humans and Shyrlivi alike. Scenting her arousal should be impossible. She’d be humiliated if she knew we could scent her. At least others couldn’t. This seemed unique to us.
“What’s going on, Ash? I’m scared.”
I glanced at Rae’s bedroom and ushered him into the adjacent room.
He started pacing again.
“Something’s different about her. I discussed it with Ezra already, and he believes she’s being manipulated—which may be affecting us.”
He stopped and looked at me. “What does that mean?”
“I thought she was my Nyrith mate,” I said, smoothing a hand over the side of my head over my braids.
“Could she be mine too?” He glanced at the door leading back toward Rae’s room.
“See, that’s where the manipulation comes in. There’s the blood thing with Cyn, Ezra, and me. Then there’s her natural perfume we all smell. Her arousal, too.”
Zeke shifted from one foot to the other, his brows drawn tight with concern.
“And her emotions,” I continued, knowing he needed to hear all of it, even if he seemed overwhelmed. He wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t tell him everything. “I experience feelings that aren’t mine, only to realize they’re hers. But only when the emotion is strong, which aligns with Nyrith pairings.”
“Then how is she not our mate?”
“Because it’s happening to more than two of us.”
“But what if it’s possible? What if the prophecy meant we’d all share the same mate?”
“It’s not,” I said, leaning against the doorframe and crossing my arms. “Shyrlivi aren’t capable of having three or more mates—you know this.”
When I was born, the council’s spiritual advisor gave my parents a prophecy that I’d be the firstborn of multiple heirs. With our mates as our strength, we were meant to live longer and become stronger than any leader before.
But the prophecy also warned that if the heirs’ bond fractured, Elyrdin itself would collapse.
The idea of the four of us sharing one Shyrlivi mate was unthinkable. Magic spread that thin couldn’t sustain us. And a human mate with no magic? Foolish even to consider.
No matter how much I wanted it.
Even Ezra knew it. Snared by Rae’s allure, I’d forgotten until he reminded me.
Zeke sat down on the edge of the bed. “But what if? Before the first double pairing, Shyrlivi couldn’t have known it was possible. What if this is the same? What if it’s possible to have three? Four? Five? More?”
The reasoning made sense. If Rae were Shyrlivi, I’d consider it worth exploring. But she wasn’t. It could never be, no matter how much it felt right. She didn’t fit the prophecy.
I sighed, reiterating the reason it couldn’t happen—one Zeke seemed unwilling to accept. “She’s human.” I didn’t like it either, but one of us needed to be realistic.
“Doesn’t matter. It could still be true,” he said, stubbornness creeping into his tone. I knew he cared for Rae, but not enough to make him challenge us. “She summoned us. We’re here without a tiisra stone.”
I shook my head. “A human isn’t part of the prophecy. That’s why I said we realized someone’s manipulating the situation. We’re here, and Rae just so happened to find a summoning book in a random bookstore with only one English page in the entire thing?”
Zeke hung his head.
I hated to burst his bubble, but we couldn’t talk in circles on the same points, clinging to what-ifs when it might cost us our lives. The sooner we figured out the situation, the sooner we could get back. As much as I loathed the idea, our departure should take the target off Rae’s back.
While Ezra thought otherwise, I wouldn’t consider the alternative. I’d never leave.
She’d seen lesser infernals her entire life, but they hadn’t gone after her since her parents died—until we showed up. Our presence on Earth put her life in danger. We needed to save her.
“Go eat dinner before Cyn comes up here,” I said, pushing off the doorframe. “I’ll check on her and wake her up for dinner.”
He gave a jerky nod, his eyes downcast. The slump of his shoulders made me hate myself for crushing his hope, even though I knew I needed to be sensible.
When he left the room, I braced myself and entered Rae’s darkened room. The sun had set, but her bathroom light kept part of the bed dimly lit. Not enough to discern more than vague colors, shapes, and a hint of her features.
Her pheromones hung thick in the air, intoxicating me.
She needed to eat. But with Zeke’s distress and the overwhelming strength of her perfume lingering on her skin, I debated whether waking her was wise. I considered bringing her dinner to bed.
“Ash,” she whispered.
I froze.
Did she know I was here? No. Her steady breaths implied she remained asleep.
She squirmed, the covers slipping down, exposing her lacy pink bra. When had I moved so close? Before I could turn away, her eyes fluttered open, and she gasped.
“Shh. It’s me, Ash. I’m sorry if I woke you.” When she relaxed, I said, “Dinner’s ready if you want some.”
She covered her face and mumbled against her palm, “It had to be you, didn’t it?”
I chuckled. “I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
“You didn’t disappoint me.” She dropped her hand and tugged the covers up, hiding her body. “I just…” She turned her head on the pillow, not meeting my eyes.
I sat on the edge of the bed beside her. “Hey, what is it?”
“Nothing.”
“I thought you said you didn’t like liars,” I said, laughing when she hit me on the arm. “It’s your house rule, not mine.”
“Dreams.”
“What about them?”
“That’s all I’m gonna say about it.”
I chuckled. “Are you dreaming about me, Little Blackbird?”
She slid down, pulling the covers over her head. “Go away.”
My humor died an abrupt death when the dots connected in my head. She’d said my name. She’d been dreaming of me while feeling what Zeke described—while smelling like paradise.
I cursed, and she peeked out from beneath the covers.
“I like that,” I whispered, then cleared my throat.
“What?”
“That you’re dreaming of me.”
She looked away. “Not the way you talked last night.”
“I told you, if the situation were different…” I reached out and traced her forehead to her cheek, nudging the covers down so I could see her face. “I’d give anything for the situation to be different.”
The truth of those words burned me.
She sniffed, unshed tears sparkling in her eyes as she tried to look away again.
“No,” I whispered, turning her face toward me again as I leaned down and stole whatever protest she almost made with my mouth. When she yielded to my kiss, parting her lips, I licked her lower lip and slid my tongue alongside hers.
I dragged the covers down, never breaking our kiss as I crawled over her, caging her with my arms.
She moaned against my lips when I squeezed her breast through the thin fabric of her bra.
I broke the kiss, trailing my lips across her cheek and down her neck, savoring the taste of her soft skin as I drew it into my mouth.
I yearned to lose myself in her, to explore every curve, but someone could come upstairs at any moment, so I climbed off the bed long enough to remove my shirt, pants, and boxer briefs.
I couldn’t wait any longer.
Crawling over her again, I stole another kiss before sitting back on my heels.
She reached for me, dragging her fingertips over my abs, through the dusting of hair, down to my aching shaft.
I hissed when she wrapped her fingers around me, closing my hand over hers to stop her movements. “Careful. I’m on the edge already.” I sounded wrecked to my own ears. I couldn’t help it. The sweetened tartness of her perfume alone pushed me to the brink.
I wanted more light to appreciate the beauty spread out before me, but turning on the lamp might make her shy away. I didn’t want that.
My gaze trailed over her, noticing dark spots on her skin.