Chapter 33 Desperation #2
“Cyn,” she whispered, catching my gaze lingering on the markings near her hip, above her panties.
I stared at her in confusion.
“Last night, we—” She paused when I growled low. “I’m sorry. I’ll…” She started to slip away from me.
“No.” I rolled her onto her back again and planted my hands on either side of her, careful of her long hair fanned across the bed. “I told you, it’s fine. You’re not bound to me. I just don’t want to hear his name while I’m with you like this. But know I’m not mad at you.”
I couldn’t be mad at either of them.
Rae would never be mine, so I couldn’t hoard her from my brothers. She wanted them too, and I couldn’t fault them for wanting her.
I expected I might someday share a Nyrith, so I accepted my mate taking a second companion. But I didn’t want her to mention another man while in bed with me if he wasn’t her mate. I wanted her to think only of me.
Still, I needed to ask.
“Did he hurt you, or did you want this?”
She looked to the side. “I liked it.”
“Is this what you want?”
Her eyes met mine. “What?”
“Do you want me to handle you the same?” I trailed my fingers over the markings, unable to bear the thought of marring her beautiful skin. I hoped she wouldn’t ask it of me, but I wanted to satisfy her. “I want to know what you like.”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t want that with you.”
“Then what do you want?”
She reached for me, and I leaned down until she wrapped her arms around my neck, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. When we broke apart, she whispered, “Take care of me like you always do.”
I groaned. I loved seeing to her needs both inside and outside of the bedroom.
The one time she’d let me touch her and bring her pleasure, I’d thanked everything in existence for that moment. Then it all fell apart with the revelation of my missing wings.
Her hand threaded through my hair as I kissed down the valley of her breasts and over her stomach to her panties.
I longed to spend hours showering her with affection and providing pleasure she’d remember the rest of her life, but I knew my brothers would interrupt us.
I dragged her panties down her legs and tossed them off the bed, chuckling when she arched her back, unsnapped her bra, and discarded it to the floor.
Her impatience mirrored mine.
“It won’t be long before they come looking for us,” I said, sliding my fingers through her wetness as I moved between her thighs.
I didn’t need to prepare her to take me. Knowing her soaked core was the result of her dreams of me heightened my desire and made my cock leak against her thigh.
I leaned over her, one hand braced beside her head, holding my sensitive shaft in the other. “Are you sure you want this?”
“Please,” she murmured, her hand moving to hold my forearm. “I want you inside me.”
My eyes rolled back at the plea.
I’d never forget this woman for as long as I lived.
Had she been my mate, the intensity of my emotions wouldn’t have been confusing.
I could’ve blamed the pull of the bond, or mating instincts, for how much I longed for her. But the Nyrith bond didn’t force pairings or blind love; it only amplified existing emotions.
My feelings for her, however terrifying, were real.
If I could claim her as my mate, my heart wouldn’t feel conflicted. I wouldn’t need to stay away. Though right now, I was failing miserably at keeping my distance. Nothing could stop me from claiming this moment with her.
I pressed forward with an agonizing slowness that tested my resolve, wanting nothing more than to sink myself deep into her warmth without hesitation. But I needed to be gentle with her, not hurt her.
Once fully seated inside the wet heat of her body, I shuddered. I’d never felt anything so perfect.
I glided my hands over her thighs and stomach, helping her relax as she adjusted to my size. When her hips settled and her inner walls fluttered, I drew back then pushed in again, quickening my pace and rotating my hips with every deep thrust.
It took every ounce of mental discipline I possessed to keep from unraveling beneath the flood of sadness and euphoria, both foreign and my own.
I couldn’t understand why it felt like my soul was being ripped to pieces.
My eyes flew open, and I stopped moving when she sniffed. “What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” Even as I asked, it didn’t feel right—it wasn’t what I sensed.
Her head moved from side to side in denial. “I just… I… I’m sorry.” She sniffed again, and a tear slid down her temple into her hairline.
I bent and kissed the stray tear, my chest tightening with every breath I took. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“It’s a lot, you know?”
I lowered my face to her shoulder, breathing in her enticing scent, eyes closing against the burning sting. “I know, beautiful. I know.”
This didn’t feel like sex.
It felt like sharing something divine.
It felt like saying goodbye.
“Please,” she whispered, her hand squeezing my arm.
I knew what she wanted without her saying more. I sensed it.
Rising, I put my hands on her thighs, holding her legs apart as I withdrew and rocked back into her, groaning when her walls hugged my cock tighter.
Her nails bit into my forearms as I moved faster, unable to resist. I didn’t take her hard—I’d never hurt her. Instead, I matched the rocking of her hips as she met my every thrust, both of us chasing the same goal.
“Ash,” she moaned.
I ground my teeth against the emotions bubbling up in my throat. For the first time in twenty-six years, I hated the position forced upon me from birth. Every fiber of my being screamed to stay with her.
Why did she affect me like this?
Anger at whatever manipulated our lives tore through me, and I dropped my head, unable to stop the tears leaking.
She reached for me, and I pulled her close until she straddled my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck, claiming my lips for her own. I tasted salty tears on her lips, but I didn’t know if they were mine or hers.
When her inner walls contracted around me, I lowered her to the bed, cloaking her body as I quickened my pace.
“I’m close,” she whispered, her voice raw and broken.
I stroked her cheek, gripping the pillow beside her head with my other hand. “Me too, beautiful. Come for me.”
I bit my tongue to avoid coming when her inner walls squeezed my cock. I couldn’t come inside her. Once her body relaxed, I withdrew from her, stroking myself a few times before painting her stomach with my cum.
After taking a few moments to catch my breath, I kissed her knee. “Don’t move.” I climbed off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom.
When I returned, I pressed a cool washcloth between her thighs to clean her up so she wouldn’t mess up her sheets. I then wiped her stomach with slow, gentle strokes.
She yawned and smiled at me. I still sensed sadness in the room, but she seemed sated, and that’s what mattered the most to me.
“Do you want dinner?”
She rolled onto her side with a soft hum of denial, mumbling, “Sleepy.”
“You don’t have to eat tonight,” I said, knowing she needed rest. I could give her a big breakfast in the morning to make up for it. “I’ll tell the others you’re tired.”
She grabbed my arm as I went to climb off the bed. “Stay. Please?”
“You want me to sleep with you?”
“Mmhm.” She yawned again, snuggling into the pillow.
“I can do that. Do you…” I shook my head with a smile when her eyes closed.
Clothes didn’t matter. Not after what we did.
When I climbed under the covers, I pulled her close and she snuggled against me.
I glanced up to see Cyn round the corner at the top of the stairs, peering into the room. When he saw me holding her, he lifted a hand in acknowledgment and pulled the door closed.
The fruity-rose scent of the pillow calmed my aching heart.
Hours later, unable to sleep, I sat up and leaned against the headboard.
Ezra warned me not to get closer to Rae, but I didn’t listen. He warned me again after scenting her on me when I fled her room in a panic about our wings. He never ordered me, but I knew he wanted to.
Now that I’d given in to desire and the intoxication of her arousal’s scent, my heart felt heavier than ever.
I bent my knees, resting my elbows on them, covering my face.
The whole situation was my fault, and I’d have to live with the consequences. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to regret my decision to go this far with Rae. We both knew it couldn’t go beyond sex, but that didn’t make the moment less real.
A memento to remember each other by.
I reached to turn on the bedside lamp when she made a soft sound and rolled onto her back.
The covers had slid down again, exposing her bare breasts, but that wasn’t what caught my eye. The pendant she normally kept hidden beneath her shirt glinted against her tanned skin in the lamplight.
I reached for it, frowning when the small crystal warmed my fingers. Lifting it higher, realization hit me.
The small black pendant was a Zhyfri crystal. A magical stone found only in Elyrdin.
I lifted my other hand, staring at the black band on my pinky made from the same crystal. The guys all wore rings like it that adjusted in size as we aged, so we never had to remove them. No other being in Elyrdin owned one.
How did she have this? Why did it feel warm?
I needed to tell the others.
Maybe this stone was the key to everything.