Chapter 41 Fallen
FALLEN
RAE
My phone felt like a ticking bomb in my hand.
I wanted to call Maya and talk to her about everything that happened, but what would I say? So, you know how we wished Shane would disappear? Surprise! He’s dead! This super hot demon guy with shadow tentacles killed him!
I shook my head.
I couldn’t tell her about Shane—or infernals—or the whole fancy mate situation without sounding certifiable. I didn’t know if I believed in mates, or if I just didn’t understand it enough to accept without reservations.
My stomach growled, and I looked at the time with a sigh.
I’d hidden away for hours, unable to face them.
Ezra saved me again. He killed my boss. I didn’t mind the killing part, or even the dark powers he used.
It all came down to fear.
The fear I felt when I looked at him after his shadows receded wasn’t mine. The cold, alien dread settled in my bones the longer he stared at me. With what I know about Nyrith mates—and the feelings I’d experienced around the other guys—I knew the fear belonged to Ezra.
I didn’t know what to do with that information.
Witnessing such a powerful man’s fear, even after the danger passed, unbalanced me.
I looked up when someone knocked on the door.
It had to be one of two people: Ash or Zeke. Unless Cyn came to finish me off.
Heaving a sigh, I placed my phone on the nightstand and climbed out of bed. If Cyn wanted to start something, I preferred to face him on my feet—not in my bed.
“Come in,” I called, standing a few feet from the door, bracing for round two with the magnetic asshole.
When Ash came in carrying a steaming bowl of cheesy shells, I deflated.
He chuckled. “Disappointed?”
“Thankful.” I took the bowl, sat on the bed with my legs tucked beneath me, and shoveled shells into my mouth.
“Hungry?” He smiled and sat at the foot of the bed.
I held a finger up while I swallowed. I remembered he didn’t like people talking with food in their mouths. “Didn’t eat much earlier, and all that down there made me a little sick.”
Nodding, he leaned forward with his palms pressed together between his knees, staring at the floor. “I wanted to talk to you about that.”
I took another bite, giving him space to talk without interruption. Plus, I was starving and didn’t want cold noodles.
“I thought you were my Nyrith from the first night I saw you, but I didn’t say anything because I thought it was impossible for a Shyrlivi and a human to be mates. Sure, we could…” He waved a hand.
I understood he meant sex. I remembered our conversation about anatomy—and the tactile lesson that followed.
“But tether our souls together? No.” He sat up, rubbing his hands over his thighs. “But then I started sensing your emotions. Your scent changes when your emotions shift in a dramatic direction. Everything screamed you were the one, but logic said no.”
I placed the empty bowl on the nightstand.
Ash’s certainty made me reconsider my doubts about Shane’s story.
He looked at me with red-rimmed eyes. “When we had sex, I felt like my soul was being torn to shreds. I didn’t understand how I could feel so strongly for someone so fast—or be so distraught at the idea of losing them forever.”
He wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t already turned over a thousand times in my head. Even before I knew he was my mate, I’d noticed shifts in his bay rum and cinnamon scent and the foreign emotions I sensed when around him.
I pursed my lips.
I guess the only thing I didn’t have until now was the words to define what everything meant. Mates. Nyrith.
He reached for my hand, then hesitated.
I wasn’t having it. I grabbed his hand before he could retreat, holding onto his fingers. “It was the same for me, you know?”
He nodded, closing his eyes.
My emotions overwhelmed me the night we slept together. I couldn’t hide my tears from him even if I tried. If he sensed my emotions, he had to know how much that moment meant to me, and how much it hurt me.
“At the risk of distressing you more than you already are, I need you to know how I feel.” His vulnerable eyes found mine. “I’m falling for you. I’ve fallen for you. I don’t know when it started, but it’s there. And it’s more than mate instincts.”
“It is?”
“Yes,” he said, squeezing my hand. “You’ve let me spend time with you. I’ve gotten the chance to get to know you, learn your likes and dislikes, see what makes you unique. But I want more. I want to know more.” He sighed. “I feel like such a piece of shit.”
I leaned back, assessing him. “Why?”
He said sweet words and now felt bad about it? I didn’t get it.
“Because I tried to put distance between us when I thought I couldn’t be with you. I thought I was protecting you, but I was selfishly protecting my own heart.” He scratched his beard. “I could have learned more about you, but I acted like a jackass.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did.” He laughed when I pulled my hand away and slapped his arm. “There you go again, being violent.”
“Well, someone has to keep you in check.”
“And that someone is you?”
I twisted my lips to the side and stared at the ceiling. “No one else has done a decent job since you got here.” Not that he needed to be kept in check like another infernal who shall remain nameless.
His bark of laughter settled my heart.
I needed to tell him my thoughts and reservations. He deserved that after sharing his honest, raw feelings with me.
I blew out a long breath and slapped my knees. “So, yeah… I’m sort of feeling the same.”
“Sort of?” He arched an eyebrow. “Want to expand on that?”
I squinted at him when he gave me a sly smile. He wanted me to hit him. “I’ve been feeling things for you for a while that I didn’t expect to feel for anyone. It’s why I’ve been such a mess. But…”
“But?”
“It’s complicated.”
Not only did I not understand what being his mate meant beyond the emotional and physical reactions, but I couldn’t reconcile the feelings I had for Zeke. Though my feelings for Ash were far more intense, a growing flame burned in my heart for Zeke and his perfectly imperfect, sweet soul.
“I know your boss dropped this on you without warning.” He shook his head. “I don’t think any of us could’ve approached it any better.”
“Honestly, I’d rather hear it straight. The whole thing is confusing enough.” I reached for my water on the nightstand and sipped.
He ran a hand over his mouth. “Yeah, maybe Ezra is better suited to talk about this with you.”
“What?” I choked, almost spilling my water. “No. Definitely not.” My expression soured as I set the glass back on the nightstand. “Sure, he’s direct, but too intense. Besides, I’d rather talk to you about this.”
He turned, drawing a knee up on the bed to face me.
I was surprised his thick thighs didn’t rip the seams of his jeans.
“There’s a lot we don’t understand about it.
Like you heard, not only is it unheard of for a human to be with our kind, but no one’s ever documented a Shyrlivi mating with three or more people. ”
“But they don’t think I’m their mate.”
“I believe Ezra does, and I know Zeke does.”
“Well, Cyn doesn’t. Not that I mind.” My shoulders sagged when I thought of what had happened downstairs.
Why did I let him kiss me?
Idiot.
“Either way, Ezra and I don’t really mesh, and he doesn’t want me as a mate anyway. And Zeke…” I shook my head. “This is weird. I’ve only just started to feel comfortable pursuing a basic relationship. You know… dating, movies, dinner, sex… not marriage and babies.”
“Babies?” His eyebrows rose, eyes widening.
“You know what I mean!” I whacked his leg. “Big step stuff. In this case, soulmates. There isn’t even an engagement period for that. Just… wham. We’re some bonded soul thingy.”
His large hands settled on my legs, grounding me. “Easy. We’re not bonded, for starters.”
“We’re not?”
“No, beautiful, we’re not.”
“But you said…”
“I said we’re mates. And we are.” His warm hands enveloped mine, gentle and reassuring. “But we’re not tethered until we seal our mate bond.”
“What if we don’t?”
A knot formed between his brows, and he swallowed hard, as if in pain. “If we don’t, the connection between us remains faint, but even that’s intense.”
“I don’t understand.”
“To reject a mate, or if they die, it can break the mind. If you’re not fully bonded, it can cause moodiness, headaches, getting sick a lot—nothing you can’t manage with medication.
” The corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile, trying to reassure me when I frowned at his words.
“But bonded mates? Rejection or loss after bonding can kill or drive us insane. Separation for too long can make us extremely ill.”
“That’s awful.”
Losing my sanity was my greatest fear. I couldn’t bear the thought of growing old with my mate, only to lose them and then lose my mind. I’d rather be dead.
He squeezed my leg. “Some bonds are strong enough that nothing happens unless the Nyrith is lost in a tragic way.”
“So it’s a game of chance?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“And you say we’re not bonded? Are you sure?”
The intensity of my emotions made me question his certainty. The possibility of losing him and Zeke distressed me more than I expected. I didn’t know what to expect when they left for good.
He smirked. “We’re definitely not.”
“How do you know?”
His hand slid over my shin, warming my skin through my tights. “We’ve only had sex once, and I wasn’t in my alternate form.”
That got my attention.
I sat up, searching his face for any sign of amusement. Nothing. “What does sex and your… what? Alternate form? Like infernal form?”
He nodded. “We’re infernals when we look like this, or any other stage of transformation, so we don’t say infernal form.”
I filed that away for later. I’d always called their transformed state an infernal form.
I shook the thought away. “And the sex part?”
He breathed in and rolled his lips inward, humming like he needed time to find the words. “When mates accept their bond and want to bind themselves together in a deeper connection, they have sex. But it’s more than that. The exchange of life fluids tethers the two Nyriths together.”
“Life fluids? Like blood?”
“Blood… cum… anything life-giving.” He laughed when I spluttered. “Some mates bite and drink blood. Others come inside their partner, leaving a piece of their life essence that way. And if one mate can’t do that,”—he motioned to me—“they gift their mate blood.”
I gave a slow nod. “Okay, I don’t get why, but what’s required is clear enough.” I tilted my head. “Except for the alternate form part.”
“The magic our bodies use in the transformation strengthens the tether.”
“But I’m—” I paused and pointed at him. “I’m not saying I’m gonna do any of this. I’m just curious, that’s all.”
He laughed and nodded. “Message received.”
“Okay, then.” I gave a sharp nod, satisfied. “Now, as I was saying… I’m human. How would that work with me? I don’t have magic to offer the tether.”
His hand ran along his jaw. “Yeah, that’s… I don’t know either.”
It’s not like I’d agreed to a mating bond or to uproot my life for someone.
I wouldn’t do that for a human man, so why would I consider it for another species?
Labeling them as destined soulmates didn’t change the fact we barely knew one another and half of them disliked me at best—hated me at worst.
My stomach cramped.
Why did it bother me that Cyn hated me?
I shook my head. No. Do not think of him.
I lived on Earth. The idea of leaving for another world sounded like a weird fever dream. Could I even survive? What if Niemna couldn’t sustain human life the way Earth sustained infernals?
“It’s not something to stress,” he said, pulling me from my spiraling thoughts—or likely sensing my rising anxiety.
“While we’re trapped here, we can’t do anything to investigate why you’re our mate or how you could have more than two.
We first thought the mate-like things we felt were just magical manipulation—the same magic that brought us here.
But if you called on your Nyrith in the ritual, then it can’t be a mistake. Unless…”
“Unless?”
“The book’s a royal tome; maybe the ritual inside brought us here instead of your Nyrith, infusing its magic into us.”
The book held so much I didn’t understand that I didn’t even question how he knew it belonged to Elyrdin’s royalty. If he were right, then magic was still manipulating our situation.
“But I’ll say this…” He cleared his throat and waited until I looked at him. “Even if it’s not true, I stand by what I said about my feelings for you. It’s out in the open now, so there’s no use hiding it. It goes beyond the magical pull, emotions, and scent… It’s you.”
I picked at the hem of my skirt. “How are you so sure when we’ve only known each other a little over a month?”
There was so much he didn’t know. How could he say he’d fallen for me?
Grandma might say, “When you know, you know,” but I was more pragmatic. I’d seen enough whirlwind romances crash and burn after three-month engagements to know the foolishness of committing to someone so soon.
What happened when the lust and honeymoon phase ended?
I wanted to trust things could work out, but after living so long in fear of losing my mind, I didn’t think it was possible to be with anyone.
He rose and braced a hand beside my hip, leaning over me. “Because, when you know, you know. And I know, down to my very soul,” he whispered before he brushed a soft kiss on my lips.
His words echoed Grandma’s perspective.
I yielded without thinking when he pressed into the kiss, guiding me down until my head rested on the pillow. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his tongue danced with mine.
Free from the inexplicable sadness from earlier, I felt the truth in his words through the magical tether between us.
His breath feathered over my lips when he broke our kiss and rested his forehead against mine. “Will you let me be with you again?”