Chapter 12
CHAPTER
TWELVE
SAMANTHA
Two days had passed since the night my father attacked me on Sanctuary grounds.
Two days of everyone watching me, waiting for me to fall apart.
Two days of me being told I needed more time to recover.
Two days of Phoenix hovering nonstop.
Okay, to be totally honest, that last one wasn’t that bad at all. I seriously liked having him around so much.
I sat on my red Adirondack chair on my porch, attempting to read a book but failing. I’d read the last page no less than ten times and still had no idea what it said.
Giving up, I closed the book, setting it on the table, and stared out into the neighborhood and forest beyond it.
Mom was busy working on her laptop in the chair next to me, and Phoenix was working out with Chris and Cosette. They dared him to come along today, and he looked like he wanted to go. So, I said he should go and told Chris and Cosette not to break him.
Now, it was too quiet, and my mind was spiraling.
Phoenix and I hadn’t been apart all week, and the doubts in my head were sliding their way into my heart.
One thing I knew for sure—the more I hung out with Phoenix, the more I realized I was falling completely in love with him. He was fun, kind, caring, attentive, and took things so damned easily that it made my head spin a little. Anything that popped up, he adjusted to it without any problem. He didn’t need time to process. He just tackled every new thing with ease and grace and confidence.
Why did he feel too perfect?
And why did I keep waiting for him to leave?
Hunter. My ex. That was why.
I had no idea I was still so insecure after everything that had happened with Hunter. Everyone thought about their ex sometimes. That was normal. But when Hunter left, he said somethings that hit every soft spot in me.
He’d said I’d never find anyone to deal with what I was. That I was unlovable, unworthy, and would be utterly alone for the rest of my life. That my life was darkness and chaos and pain, and I’d bring that to whoever I spent any time with and?—
Wait. I had to stop this spiral. Why was I letting what Hunter said years ago affect how I felt in my relationship with Phoenix?
I leaned back in the chair, tipping my chin up so the sun would hit my face. Spiritual warfare after dealing with my father was always horrific, and my thoughts these days…well, I was pretty sure that might be what I was dealing with.
“You okay over there?” Mom asked.
I let out a sigh. “Just thinking some messed up things. I’m doing it to myself.”
“Want me to put on some music?”
I blinked my eyes open. “You don’t think it’ll bother the rest of the neighborhood?” The werewolves had phenomenal hearing.
“Do it!” someone yelled from across the way. “We don’t mind!”
“Are you sure?” I said, not even really yelling.
“We’re fine!” Another shout came from down the other way. “Play something upbeat. No whining singers. Just good stuff.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I turned to Mom, and she nodded.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to living at The Sanctuary, but I loved it. They might not be the same kind of weird as me, but I’d never felt more seen or connected than I had since moving here.
Mom tapped on her phone and then hit play on “Tread the Dawn” by The Gray Havens.
“Good choice!” someone else yelled, and I laughed.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Happy to do it.”
I closed my eyes again, and this time, I focused on things I was thankful for.
Like my new room. It was amazing. It’d been so relaxing to cuddle with Phoenix and watch movies on my new bed or talk about all kinds of things in the reading nook. Even just sitting in the loveseat with him and reading had been nice. Getting to know him had been amazing, and since Phoenix was sticking close by, I was taking advantage of every second I could. I’d even taken a break from work while I recovered.
I was completely ignoring my inbox and my social media account. Mom was keeping an eye out on anyone that needed my help—she was currently referring out to other priests or pastors—but I knew if I looked, I’d get sucked in. I wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.
Not while my friends were still in danger. I hadn’t heard from Tessa today, which made me worried. Claudia swore that everything was under control, but she hadn’t called me, just texted. I hadn’t heard her voice, and I wasn’t sure if that was because she was busy or because she knew I’d hear a lie in it.
“Is the music helping?” Mom asked.
“Yeah. It’s helping me shift my thinking. I was feeling pretty down about myself.”
“Remember not to treat my daughter terribly,” she said.
I laughed. She used to tell me that all the time as a kid—not to treat her baby badly. At this point, it was an inside joke.
I sat up a little, reaching for my long-forgotten coffee, but the ice still clanged against the insulated metal. “I should’ve gone with them to workout. Too much sitting around isn’t healthy.”
Mom made a little hmm sound as she typed. “One more day of rest won’t kill you,” she muttered softly.
How would she know? “It’s not helping me get back in shape,” I muttered back.
“You can’t get back in shape if you hurt yourself because you’re exhausted.” She shot me a look that told me not to argue or complain.
Sometimes it was lovely being an adult and living—as well as working—with my mom. Other times…
“If I want to workout tomorrow, I will.” That was just going to have to be that.
She shrugged and sipped her coffee. We both knew she wanted me to stay healthy, and if she said no, I’d likely sit it out.
But every time I sat still and quiet for too long, I heard Gabe’s screams. Not literally. Just from my memories. “I need to get my mind off everything—Gabe, my father, the Sanctuary, worrying about my friends… I need to do something before I really lose it.”
Mom shut her laptop and set it on the table between us. “Be careful what you ask for, my love.” She gave me her little know-it-all-mom smile and reached for her coffee.
She was right. Unfortunately. Whenever I said things like that, it always happened. Usually, pretty quickly. I knew that I should just enjoy the calm, but it made me feel nothing but restless. I wasn’t good at relaxing.
“They should be back soon. I’m going to get some lunch ready.” She rose from her chair. “You going to be okay out here by yourself?”
I picked up my book from the table. “Yeah. Of course.”
She gave me a nod, went inside, and there I was. Still sitting. Still reading the same book. Still bored out of my gourd.
I checked my watch again, wondering when Phoenix would get back.
As if I’d drawn him back by thinking of him, Phoenix appeared down the road. The same path I usually took.
The group was talking as they jogged. Axel, Chris, and Phoenix were shirtless. Cosette was strolled along, looking as if she hadn’t even broken a sweat, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen her look messy. I couldn’t make out what they were saying as they went from jogging to walking toward my house, but Phoenix laughed, and my heart picked up.
Oh man. No. This was bad. I was in so far over my head with him.
The four of them slowed to catch their breath, and while I’d admit both Chris and Axel were incredibly handsome, neither of them had anything on Phoenix.
This was the first time I’d seen Phoenix without his shirt on, which meant I could finally see more of his tattoos. Flames swept up his right side. There was an angel flying toward his heart. The angel was only visible from the profile, but the wings were beautiful. Except that I’d never seen a female angel, and the profile of the body couldn’t be mistaken for anything but.
Axel yelled hello to me and mentioned work before he broke off toward his house. I gave him a wave, and then my eyes went back to Phoenix.
Wait. I was wrong about the flames. There was form to them. From far away, it just looked like fire, but as he got closer, I could see that the flames were actually a phoenix rising, chasing after the angel.
This whole tattoo was new. It hadn’t been there when he did that magazine cover last year. I’d never admit it to anyone, not even Tessa, but I’d stared at the pictures of him for way too long.
When had he gotten it? Why an angel? I didn’t want to read too much into it, but the phoenix felt obvious.
I stared at it before my gaze moved up his body to his face. He quirked a brow, daring me to ask as he walked up the porch steps, but now didn’t feel like the right time.
I leaned back in my chair, closed the book I hadn’t been reading on my lap and studied him. “Good workout?”
“Yeah. Actually. Chris nearly killed me.”
Chris held up both hands in surrender. His blond hair was slicked back with sweat, which wasn’t his normal, at least not when he worked out with me. His clear blue eyes brightened a little—not with his wolf, but with humor. “That’s not true. He kept up well enough.” He held out his fist to Phoenix, who bumped it with his. “Your guy can fight. Made me break a sweat, too. Which isn’t easy.”
“Really?” I looked at Phoenix. “Like street kind because we grew up in a rough area or something else?”
“I trained. When I was a kid, my mom put me in karate. Thought it was good for my aggression. I eventually dropped it because soccer took up all my time. But once I got to Europe, I started martial arts again.”
“Really?”
“Yep. The coach would bring in sometime to do nontraditional workouts with us. Some of the guys liked to do Pilates. They said it helped them stay limber. I tried it once. It was fine, but I didn’t enjoy it. But at the end of my first season, the coach brought in a Krav Maga Grand Master for anyone who wanted to try it. Two hours later, my roommate and I were hooked.”
“Nice.” I had no idea he could fight. That was somehow worse. How was I supposed to resist him now?
Who was I kidding? I couldn’t. Not before and definitely not now. Everything I learned about him made him more appealing.
Phoenix reached for his water on the table beside me. He was sweaty, and his shirt was tucked into his shorts and man, I felt like I was a teen again, stalking him from my bedroom window.
Expect now he was here and I was older and he’d gotten so much hotter—which honestly, was that even fair?—and what the heck was happening?
“You’ve got drool,” Cosette said.
I was going to murder her.
“Right here.” She tapped beside her mouth.
I tossed my book at her, but Chris snagged it before it slammed into his mate’s face.
She laughed, and it sounded musical, like bells in the wind. Her long, wavy, light-brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Having spent most of her life as her mother’s assassin, Cosette was as fit as she was deadly. She turned to Chris, and their bond lit up as she said something silently through it to him.
When I first met them, it used to hurt me when they used the spiritual realm that way. Because that was where their mate bond lived—the spiritual realm. These days, it only hurt my head when I was exhausted. Like today. Which annoyingly meant I was still tired. “It’s rude to talk about people when they can’t hear what you’re saying,” I said, trying not to wince and failing.
Cosette grinned at me. “You don’t want me to say this out loud.” She looked from Phoenix to me again. “Trust me.”
Perfect. She was making fun of how obvious I was being.
Phoenix leaned back against the porch railing, watching me as he drank his water.
“You working out with us tomorrow?” Chris asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I can’t sit another one out, but I know I’m going to die.” It’d been a week since I’d had a full workout.
“Never.” Chris’ voice had lost its usual teasing tone. “I would never do anything to hurt you.” He sounded almost insulted. “We’ll get in some movement later today and ease you in tomorrow.”
I glanced at him, and he was staring me down. Gone was all his trademark casualness. This was Alpha Werewolf Chris. “We go slow. Just like last July.”
Oh man. Last July. That string of exorcisms…
We chased demons around town for a week before finding the stupid portal. Man, I’d been a mess when I was done. So tired I’d slept for nearly two days. When Chris finally let me train again, he hadn’t even let me jog for the first week. It took nearly a month to get back to my regular training regimen, and I hadn’t been nearly as bad off as I was right now.
I groaned. “Come on, Chris. That’s going to piss me off. I just want to get back to normal.”
“No. We go slow. I know you get frustrated, but it’s better than hurting you and needing more time off. You’re way worse now than you were that July. And I caught your wince when Cosette and I were talking through our bond, so I know you’re not better yet.”
Fine. Chris had a point, and he always got me back to where I needed to be. Which I appreciated.
“Okay. We go slow, but it can’t take a month this time. Seriously.” I looked at him. “I have a feeling something is coming, and I can’t afford to go slow. You promised to keep me able to fight, and I can’t…” I swallowed.
“What do you know?” Cosette said.
I looked away. “Still nothing. I don’t know anything, but I feel…” I closed my eyes. I’d been trying not to think about it, but ignoring the feeling that something big was brewing wasn’t helping.
“What?” Phoenix’s voice sounded worried.
I opened my eyes. “He’s coming after me. Big time. Everything he’s done before…he’s been making plans since before I was born. I thought…” I huffed and looked away. “I stupidly thought he spaced things out because he was tired, but now I think I was wrong. I think he’s been systematically testing me, and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m ready for whatever he needs me for.”
I looked up at Chris. “You have to let me train. Even if it hurts the first few days. You have to do it. You know why I asked you to do this for me.”
“And I’ve always kept my word.”
“You have, but now more than ever, I need you to help me. Please. I can’t afford to be weak.”
Chris was quiet for a moment. I wasn’t sure when his eyes had brightened, but his wolf was very close. “Okay.” The word was more growl than anything else.
Cosette put a hand on his shoulder, and he took a deep breath.
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” Chris said. “You might not be a werewolf, but you’re more than part of the pack. You’re family.”
I looked down at my lap, not able to keep anyone’s gaze. I hadn’t mean to say all of that, but I hadn’t been able to stop myself. But I knew one thing for sure. “No one can promise something like that, Chris,” I whispered the words. “You can’t feel responsible for me. If something happens to me…” When I looked up, I saw Chris was struggling with his wolf. As the Alpha, he felt the urge to protect his pack, which I wasn’t technically a part of, but his wolf felt differently.
I didn’t finish what I was saying because he knew.
Chris gave me a nod, then turned to Phoenix. “You coming with us tomorrow?”
“I go where she goes.” Phoenix was still leaning against the porch railing right in front of me. His arms were crossed, and that crease was between his eyes—the one he got when he was trying to figure me out.
Chris said something and Phoenix turned to talk to him, but I was too busy thinking about what Phoenix said.
He goes where I go? I liked that. I liked it so much that it was kind of terrifying.
The guys were talking, and I wasn’t really paying attention. I just watched Phoenix, enjoying seeing him with my friends, until he noticed me. He gave me a quick wink while he chatted with Chris.
The wink turned my mind to mush.
One look from him, and I’d totally forgotten what I’d been thinking about. Given how my thoughts had spiraled since he’d been gone, that was probably a good thing.
Mom cracked front door and poked her head out. “Is everyone staying for lunch?”
“No, ma’am,” Chris said in his raspy drawl. “Not today. I have some things to see to, but we’ll be back later.”
“I am. I’m going to shower, but I’ll be back over in a few.” Phoenix stepped into me, leaning down with his arms on either side, caging me in, and he brushed his lips against mine.
My whole body heated, my heart raced, everything went into the feel of his lips against mine.
He rose just enough that he was looking straight into my eyes. “Don’t go anywhere.”
I blinked, trying to metaphorically claw my way back to reality. “Where would I go?” My voice came out softer than I’d wanted. “I’ve been ordered to stay put.”
“Good.” He rose fully and gave Chris and Cosette a wave as he went down the stairs, making his way to his rented house.
One day it would seem normal that Phoenix was in my life again, but today definitely wasn’t that day. It still felt like a bit of a miracle that he’d come back into my life. I didn’t know how it was possible that he felt the same way, but I was beyond grateful for it.
As I watched him disappear into his house, the image of his tattoo flashed in my mind, and there was something about it that felt familiar…
I’d have to remember to ask him later.