Chapter 13
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
SAMANTHA
I watched Phoenix until he was gone, and then sat there staring after him. For once in my life, I was truly happy and content, and that terrified me. I didn’t want anything or anyone taking it away.
“How are you really doing?” Cosette asked as she slid into the chair next to me, drawing my attention away from Phoenix.
I twisted in my chair to face her. “I’m okay. Honestly. I’m not sleeping great—still waking in the middle of the night, which makes me tired—but other than that, I’m fine.”
“And what about having that guy around?” Chris motioned with his head toward next door. “We haven’t had a chance to talk without him physically present. I’ve tried to catch you, but…” Chris dropped to a squat between mine and Cosette’s chairs. “Did I do the right thing by suggesting he stay in the house? A lot happened that night without you knowing it, and?—”
“Cut that out.” I didn’t know Chris was taking on some sort of responsibility for what happened. “Yes. It’s fine. I can’t explain it, but?—”
“Stop.” Cosette cut in. “You truly don’t have to explain a strong connection to someone who has a mate, but we know what he did. We were there. And we know you both had an attraction happening before that, but that doesn’t equate a mate bond. We’re worried. Now that he’s been around so much, any regrets?”
I took a second to think about it before answering. I wanted to be truthful and thoughtful with my response. “Honestly, I have no regrets. At all. I feel kind of like I won something that I didn’t know was possible, but I keep waiting for him to feel chained to me or trapped.” Who would want to be with a half-fallen angel like me? But maybe that was me still waiting for him to react how Hunter had.
Phoenix was not Hunter. I had to drill that into my brain.
“No way, Sam.” Chris was staring at me like I’d lost my mind. “He’s not going to feel that way. Ever. That guy is all about you.”
He’d said it with such certainty. “How can you possibly know that? I’ve been sitting here while you were gone thinking about why on Earth this amazing guy wants to be stuck with the mess that is me. I mean…I’m a bad bet. Full stop.”
“Shut up. And I know because I see him, and we’ve talked, and I can smell lies and hesitations.” He tapped his nose. “Being a werewolf is good for a lot of reasons, but that scent thing comes in handy.” He looked at Cosette for a second before focusing on me again. “I also know what it’s like to meet someone, have them change your whole world, and then have them disappear for years. And I know what it’s like to find them again in the most unlikely place.”
Cosette smiled at her mate. “And I know what it’s like to feel like your life is a dangerous mess and to worry about bringing someone else into it.” She looked at me. “I think out of all of our friends, we understand the most. And—” she trailed off as Chris rose.
I ignored the ache in my head as their bond lit up, but before I could ask what was wrong, I heard it, too. A car was approaching.
I recognized it a second later, and Tessa and Dastien got out of their black SUV.
I rose from my chair. I was glad to see them, but they should’ve been gone for at least a few more days. “Hey. You’re back?” Anxiety rolled through my bones, and I knew this was going to be bad news.
“Yeah.” Tessa shared a look with Dastien as they rounded the car, and their bond lit up. This time, I didn’t even notice the ache. When she looked at me again, all my internal alerts went off.
They hadn’t said why they were here, but from the look on her face, I knew she was about to ask for help.
Man, I really did jinx myself. I’d said I was bored to Mom, and now, I had a feeling that boredom was about to end.
They walked up the stairs, and I sat back down to give them room on the porch.
Tessa gave me a thorough once over. “You didn’t work out again today? Chris is a sweaty mess, but you’re not. Are you okay?” Her voice was way too high-pitched and soft.
Yeah. I was right about this. Something was coming. My father wasn’t done. I could feel it. I couldn’t explain it. I just knew. “I’m fine. Mom told me I needed to rest one more day, and Chris is worried about pushing me too hard too fast. We’re doing a light workout later. Why are you asking me this? What’s going on?”
Dastien stood next to Tessa, studying me the same way she had. “You’re physically okay, though? Totally?”
I started to nod, but then stopped myself. They were clearly worried about something and needed a firm answer. “For the most part, yes. I feel a little out of shape because I’ve been sitting on my butt for the last week, but I’m okay.” I hoped that was enough for them to tell me what was going on.
“And emotionally?” Tessa reached for Dastien, linking their fingers together, and I could almost see the stress rolling off her. She was wound tighter than I’d seen her in a while. Maybe since the day she showed up on my doorstep asking for help breaking a demonic tie. “How are you sleeping?”
This was excessive. “Cut the crap, Tessa.” We were too good of friends to do this now. “What do you need? What happened?”
Tessa and Dastien had a back and forth silently through their mate bond, and I wasn’t sure how long they would’ve gone if Chris hadn’t cut in. “You’re right, Sam. That is really annoying.” Chris gave me a half-smile before turning to them. “Spill it.”
I wanted to laugh, but I was too busy focusing on Tessa. I didn’t like how tentative she was being with me. That meant something bad had happened and they needed my help, but she was afraid to ask.
“We need your help.”
Yeah. No kidding. “I got that much.” But with what? I hadn’t heard from her last night, and now I was wondering if something had gone really, truly wrong in Charleston. “What happened?”
“We don’t know,” Dastien said. “That’s why we need your help. All I know is that we lost three wolves last night fighting a monster I couldn’t see.”
Chris let out a string of cuss words that I didn’t ever want to repeat. “Man. I felt it, but I was asleep. I thought it was a bad dream, but I guess I didn’t want to believe it. And you didn’t call last night...”
“I’m sorry, man. They weren’t very alpha, and it’s not your pack. I didn’t know if you’d notice their bonds break. I should’ve called.”
Chris was quiet for a moment. “That’s a lot for one night. And there were already three gone before you went. Plus one night before last?—”
“No one told me about that.” This was insane. If that many wolves were dying, then they clearly needed my help. How could they not tell me?
“We decided not to tell you,” Dastien said. “We’re worried about you, but I don’t have a choice now. Seven wolves lost in total is a lot, and more injured. The only saving grace is that we heal so fast. Otherwise, it could’ve been so much worse.”
I was sorry they hadn’t come to me sooner, but I was glad they were coming to me now. “What’s happened? Tell me from the beginning.”
Dastien’s eyes shifted from light brown to golden. “The Wayfarer pack has been there for two weeks. They went to investigate some rumors of supernatural happenings in the city, but it ramped up a few days ago. I guess they got close to figuring it out or something. But Tessa and I showed up and…” Dastien dropped his head, and from the way he was standing, he was taking the loss last night really hard.
“I couldn’t find anything.” Tessa leaned closer to him. “But I kept getting this feeling like I was being watched, and I know you said to?—”
“Call me when you feel watched.” Feeling watched when you couldn’t find the specific source sometimes meant spiritual realm activity.
They really should’ve called me sooner, but I had to stop thinking that. My friends had been through something terrible, and I wasn’t going to make them feel bad about it. “Sounds like you need my help.”
“I think we really do,” Tessa said. “And believe me, I’m kicking myself for waiting to come to you. So, I appreciate you not saying what you’re likely thinking.”
“Don’t go there.” I was letting it go, and she needed to as well.
“Thanks. I just…I kept feeling like something was hovering right behind me. It got worse when I went through doorways and down stairwells.”
“Got it.” Demons loved the in-betweens. In between one room and the next, one floor and the next. It’s why they also liked corners in rooms—between one wall and the next. They also liked anything that could potentially become a portal—like mirrors or puddles or small bodies of water. And they really liked places where people had died—it left a rift in between this realm and theirs.
In an old city like Charleston, that could be everywhere and anywhere.
“And then last night, we were patrolling, and one minute everything was fine, and then the next, a headless wolf was tossed on the ground in front of me.” Tessa swallowed audibly. “It was…it was awful. We fought something, but no one could see it. All we could do was run. Which has been truly humbling. I’m so sorry. I hate to ask you this so soon after everything, but will you help us?” Tessa sounded really unsure of even asking, but she didn’t have to ask.
“It’s literally my job. When do we leave?”
“Wait a second. No.” Chris’s voice was clear as he rose to stand. “Technically, I’m your boss. You’re due a lot of time away from the job after what you did for Van. You don’t have to do anything for a while. Besides that, your contract clearly stated that you can say no to any of us. For any job. It’s your choice. Always.”
That was nice of him to say, but I wasn’t saying no. “I’m not going to let wolves die because I’m what? Traumatized by my father? Well, welcome to my life!” I was yelling, but I couldn’t help it. I rose from the chair and spread my arms wide. “I’m fine ! You guys need to stop worrying?—”
A door closed, and I turned to see Phoenix coming back from his house. “Hey,” he said as he came down and crossed over to my driveway. “You’re back.” He did a handshake, backslap thing with Dastien, and then gave a side-hug to Tessa. “Welcome, but also, why does everyone look upset? And why was Samantha yelling?”
“I’m not upset,” I said to Phoenix, but I had been yelling. So, I couldn’t refute that. “When do we leave?” I asked Tessa.
“Leave?” Phoenix asked, looking around at everyone, waiting for someone to fill him in. “What did I miss?”
We were all quiet for a second. Tessa and Dastien needed my help. Werewolves were beyond strong. They healed faster than anything I’d ever seen. So, to have multiple werewolves die so close together—and mysteriously—was a big deal. Clearly, Tessa hated asking me to do this, but I couldn’t say no.
I wouldn’t say no.
I glanced at Cosette, and she shook her head. “ Don’t go. ” She mouthed the words to me, and I knew on any other day—if the whole thing with Van hadn’t happened—she wouldn’t be saying this. She’d be helping me pack.
Chris turned to Dastien. “She’s not ready, man. If something is killing werewolves, who’s going to protect her?”
“Look. I know it’s a lot to ask, but you weren’t there. You didn’t see the fight. It was like we were up against nothing. Body parts were flying, and we all had to run for our lives. I’ve never been in a fight where I didn’t think I’d make it. Not like that. And you know we’ve been in some crazy situations,” Dastien said to Chris. “She’s the only one who might be able to figure it out. If she can see it, if she can give me that sight again, I will fight it. She IDs it, and we get her the hell out of there. No problem. But I need her.”
For a moment, I wasn’t sure if they were going to actually fight over this—which I didn’t want—but then, Chris hung his head, submitting to Dastien who was just a touch more alpha than Chris. “I hear you. I just hate this, man.”
“Me, too.” He put his hand on Chris’s shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze before dropping it.
Chris’s eyes were wolf-bright, and I knew he was torn between duty to the pack and to me. But he didn’t need to worry. I was a big girl. I could handle this, even if he didn’t think I could.
“I’m so sorry to be asking more of you after what happened.” Dastien moved to stand directly in front of me. “Chris and Cosette aren’t wrong to try and stop you, but I have guys out there who are friends.” His voice had a hint of a growl in it, and he cleared his throat. “I have more Wayfarers flying in, and if we need more, I can pull from other packs. We can decide how to kill whatever it is once you tell us what it is and how to do it. I don’t want you hurt?—”
I cut Dastien off with a hug, squeezing him tight. “Stop. I’m so sorry last night was awful. Everything is going to be okay. I’ll always help you. You know that.” No matter the cost, I would be there for them.
He let out a shuttering breath. “Thank you.”
I stepped back from him. “This is what I do. You don’t need to thank me.”
“I know this is fast, but do you mind if we left soon? As in maybe pack a bag now, and we’ll get back on a plane as soon as you’re ready? It’s already being refueled. I was going to have to go back no matter what you said.”
“You didn’t have to come in person. I could’ve just gotten on the plane. It would’ve saved time.”
“No, we couldn’t,” Tessa said it like I was crazy for even mentioning that as a possibility. “I wanted to see you for myself and make sure you were okay. I didn’t trust you to be honest on the phone. You would’ve just come.”
“I don’t lie. You know that.” This was getting absurd. I didn’t need everyone freaking out about my health. “You guys need to stop being so dramatic. I’m fine .”
“She’s not,” Phoenix said, and I couldn’t believe I’d almost forgotten that he was here. He’d been quietly leaning against the far railing, giving us all room as we discussed what was going on, but now he was standing straight, looking at me with his arms crossed.
This had to stop. I was officially done with it. “ I am fine . I swear?—”
“No. You’re really not.” He turned to Dastien. “She’s low on energy. Still a little weaker than she was. She’s been taking afternoon naps, and she wakes up during witching hour every night.”
“Wait a second,” Chris stepped in front of me. “You’re still taking naps and you were trying to convince me that you’re ready for a full workout . Are you kidding me right now?” He turned to Dastien. “She’s not going. You’re going to get her killed.”
My mouth dropped open. Was this seriously happening? “Stop it.” I stepped between Dastien and Chris. “This isn’t helping anything. And it’s definitely not changing a damned thing. I’m an adult, and I decide what I do. Not any of you.” I’d had about enough of these alpha men. “I’m going.”
They both turned to Phoenix.
“Are you serious right now?” I couldn’t believe these two. “You’re asking for Phoenix’s permission?” I was going to lose my mind.
Phoenix reached out, pulled me from between them, and hugged me tight against his chest. “It’s fine. You want to go, we’ll go,” he whispered in my ear.
That was nice, but I didn’t need his permission.
I heard a throat clear softly, and I turned my head so I could see Tessa without letting go of Phoenix.
Tessa was watching me. She shrugged and jerked her chin at Phoenix, as if asking permission for him to come along.
Finally. Someone remembered that I was a grown woman who could make her own choices.
But yeah, I was fine with Phoenix coming. I gave her a tiny nod.
Tessa raised a brow, as if she were asking me to make sure I was sure.
She was sweet, but yeah. “It’s fine.”
“What’s fine?” Phoenix’s chest rumbled under my head.
“Tessa was making sure that it’s okay for you to come with me.”
He pushed away from me so that he could look at my face. His eyes widened just a little as he stared down at me. “You didn’t want me to come with you?”
Oh man, he looked hurt. Dang it. I was already messing up, but could we not with the drama? “I said it was okay. And it’s not that. It’s…” I stepped away and looked at Tessa for help with this mess she just made for me, but she shrugged.
Great. That was so helpful.
Dastien grabbed Tessa’s hand, and their bond lit up. “We’ll leave you guys to it, but can you be ready soon? I know it’s a quick turnaround, but I’d like to get you there and settled in a room that works for you before night falls. We don’t have much time.”
“That’s a good idea.” Finding a place that I could stay was sometimes tricky. “Give me forty-five minutes. I’ll be ready.”
“Great,” Tessa said. “I need some stuff from my house. We’ll be back in thirty in case you need help with anything.”
“Perfect. I’ll be ready.” Or I’d be packed, but I needed to make sure that Phoenix was okay first. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, and I needed everyone to hurry up and leave so that I could talk to him.
“Be careful.” Chris pulled me in for a hug. “I’d go, but I can’t right now. There are some things brewing, and…” He let go but grabbed my shoulders, lowering his face to mine. “But if you need me, call. I’ll get on a plane. Screw everything else, okay?”
I wanted to ask what was brewing, but that felt like a can of worms I couldn’t afford to open right now. “Okay. I promise.”
“Thanks.” Chris stepped away, seemingly reassured.
“Come on. I’m not a martyr. If I needed help, I’d ask for it.”
“You better.”
I would. Legitimately. Fighting a monster that was killing werewolves…yeah, no. That felt like a real hard pass, but I’d find out what it was. No problem. And then hopefully get far, far away.
Everyone left quietly, and I sat back in my chair. I stared at my lap until I heard Dastien’s SUV pulling away. Then, I finally risked looking up at Phoenix, who had moved to stand right in front of me.
“Why don’t you want me to go with you? I thought we were good.”
“We were.” I winced as I realized that I’d said that in past tense, and that wasn’t what I wanted to imply at all. “We are good. Tessa was just making sure I was okay with it.”
He crossed his arms. “Why wouldn’t you be okay with it?”
How did I say this without being pathetic? “It’s stupid.” I hung my head and covered my face with my hands. I knew all the spiraling I’d done today was going to bite me in the butt. I just didn’t realize it was going to happen so soon. “She just knows that I don’t usually like a lot of people along when I’m working. And she knows me well enough to know that I might want to wait before I shove you even deeper into my world.”
He nudged my foot with his. “But I’m asking to be there. So, you’re not doing any shoving.” When I said nothing, he nudged my foot again. “Spill.”
“It’s embarrassing, but the last boyfriend I had bailed—epically—after a really botched job. Like we’re talking a portal-collapsed-a-building type of bad. There were cops, and it was awful. No one was hurt—the building had been condemned—but that’s just one example. What I do…it can go really wrong, and I...” I dropped my hands. “I want this to work out for us. Really badly.”
“Come on, Sam. It’s not like this will be my first time seeing you do your thing.” He ran his hand down my cheek. “This—you and me—isn’t just going to be okay. It’s going to be amazing.”
I wanted to be that sure, but I didn’t. “The last few days have been fun, but what I do, where we’re going, what I’m going to have to do, that won’t be fun. If werewolves are dying, it’s going to be dangerous and scary and…”
“I’m okay with that.” He studied me for a second. “What’s the deal with the ex? Something tells me this is the root of it all.”
Phoenix wasn’t wrong about that. At all. “He just…” How did I even explain it? “He knew what I was from the start. We met at the psychiatric facility.”
“Right. You started this story a few days ago, but we got distracted. What happened?”
A mess. That was what happened. “He was my friend for a year first, and he’d gone on exorcisms with me before. Lots of times. We started to date, and everything was great. I finally felt like I’d found my person.” I couldn’t believe I’d been so naive. “But then, one day, he asked to see. So, I showed him. And he flipped out. Epically . He said some truly awful things to me that I won’t repeat right now because I have to pack and don’t want to relive that trauma, but suffice it to say it would be awful if it happened twice in my life. And since it’s you, I doubt I’d ever recover.”
He leaned back against the porch railing again, arms still crossed. “That’s not going to happen, but if it did, you’d recover.” He paused. “I’ve seen you work before. It’s been fine. I’ve pulled you out of portals. This can’t be all it is.”
I dropped my head again because I couldn’t hold his gaze. I just couldn’t. “I just…” Being honest sucked sometimes. “Hunter crushed me. Really bad. But you? You feel very out of my league. Like epically. I’m trying to get over that, but it doesn’t feel quite real yet. And my feelings for you are…huge. I’m scared to shatter this nice bubble we have here at home, and I’m terrified of what happens when it does shatter.”
“Come on, Samantha.” He sounded exasperated, which was honestly fair. “I’m not out of your league. That’s not a thing. I’m just a guy. I was your neighbor.” He pointed next door. “I am your neighbor, and I’m still just that guy.”
“Don’t be dense. No, you’re not. You’re famous. You were on magazines covers. In your chones . You?—”
He laughed suddenly, and my face flamed as I realized what I’d said.
“Sure, Sam. I let them put a picture of me on a magazine cover, but the underwear company is one of my sponsors. It was kind of a two-for-one deal. Do the interview and fulfill an obligation.”
“That makes sense.” He didn’t have to explain it to me, but something about that cover intimidated me.
“Everything you said is true, but none of that is who I am. I’m the guy next door that you met on the stairs. I will always be that guy . Plus, my agent told me the other day that you’re famous. She’d seen you on the news. She follows you on Instagram. So, don’t give me that.”
That wasn’t the same thing. At all. “No one is stopping me on the street to ask for an autograph.” I looked at him again. His smile…the dimple was showing, and I couldn’t concentrate when it was there. “Can you stop with the smile? It really is distracting.”
The smile grew. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?” I seriously couldn’t think when he looked at me like that.
“No way.” He looked at me like I was crazy, but the smile didn’t go away. “Why would I give up an advantage when I’m in the middle of an argument?”
Wait. “Argument?” I didn’t like that. It sounded bad.
“ Discussion .” He picked up Mom’s chair, placed it in front of me, and sat so close that our knees were touching. “Anything else I need to know before we go pack? Any other fears I can try to knock out? Anything I should know about how things work for you?”
I leaned closer to him. “You really want to know?”
“Yes. I want to be there for you. I can’t do that if I don’t know what to expect. Lay it on me, and maybe that will help some of those fears in your head.”
He was right. I ran through a few things in my head and settled on a few key details. “Dastien wants me there early because I’m a different person when I travel. When I leave a known safe zone, it’s hard for me. You likely didn’t notice when I went into your house to help your sister, but I paused a few times. I take things in. I check things. And when I’m overloaded, I have a signal that it’s time to go. Dastien wants me to hurry so that I can find that safe space to go to when I inevitably become overloaded before dark.”
He leaned back in the chair, quietly thinking. “I already know about the signal. You pull on your ear. You did that at my house, and then everyone hustled you out of there.”
I was surprised he noticed that. “Right. It’s my sign that I’m done, overloaded, overwhelmed, and I have to leave as soon as possible.” Oh no. That sounded bad. And super rude. Wow, Samantha. Could you try to not put your foot in your mouth? “It’s not that I didn’t like your house or your family. I just?—”
“It’s okay.” He leaned forward again, reaching out for my hand. “I’m not offended. It had been intense, and you were tired. I get it. You needed to go home. So, I’ll watch for you to pull on your ear. That’s the signal. Anything else?”
I took his hand and instantly felt calmer. I just had to tell him the truth about what this would be like for me. “I might not be super with it. Or I might tune out at times. I’m not being rude. There’s a lot that I take in around the world that normal people don’t. A lot that I see that other people don’t. I feel it, hear it, touch it like it’s all in this realm, but I’m straddling two places. It gets to be a lot.”
“I know. I’ve seen what you see. I know it’s not the same, but it’s similar, right?”
“Yeah. I think it’s more intense for me because I’m giving you like a peek, but I don’t know for sure. I can’t see it through your eyes.” I took a breath, trying to steady myself. “When I go with the pack, I can’t shut it down. I have to be on . I’m searching for things. I never know what I’m walking into, and it’s always different. The cost of what I do is sometimes really high, as you’ve seen. But I’m not giving up my job because it’s not a job. It’s a calling and a moral imperative and I would be going against my ordained purpose in this life if I backed down. Please don’t ask me to.”
He gave my hand a squeeze. “I’m not going to ask you to. I’m walking into this fully aware.”
“But you might want to. No normal person would ever want to be messed up in this, and?—”
“I want to be messed up in this. I’ve seen everything multiple times, and I’m telling you I’m staying. I need you to hear me.”
“Why though?” I didn’t get it.
“You tell me why someone like me would stay.”
“I honestly don’t know.” If I could be anyone else, I would. “I have no clue. It’s the thing that’s messing with my mind the most right now. This goes back to the whole out-of-my-league thing.” I winced. “I’m a mess. I’m sorry.”
The pity in his gaze was something I didn’t want. “I understand you’re scared. You’ve had a lot of rejection and judgment. I get that you don’t trust me yet, but give me a shot.”
I chewed on my lip for a second. He was saying all the right things. “If you change your mind about this, it’s going to destroy me.”
“I’m not going to change my mind, but it might take you more than a week to believe that.”
“I want to believe it.” I knew it wasn’t the same, but I was trying.
“I know you do, but I’m not in a rush. We have time for you to get to know me, trust me, all the things.” He rose and put my mom’s chair back. And then he reached a hand out to me. “Come on. Let’s eat whatever your mom has been making real quick, and then we can pack.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yep. You go, I go. We’re a team now.”
“Because you were forced into it,” I muttered under my breath.
“No.” He bent in front of me, his hands on my knees, his face level with mine. “No way. Don’t ever think that. I had a choice. I wanted this. I want you. You’re not a burden or an obligation or anything that was forced. Fuck that, Sam. Don’t say that about us again. I don’t want you to even think it.”
Oh man. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. I’m not sorry that we’re together or that I’m your anchor in this world. I’m honored .” He rose, and this time, when he reached out his hand, I took it.
He pulled me to my feet and brushed a soft kiss against my lips. “I’m so thankful I’m here with you, and I’m hopeful that soon, you’ll believe me. I am not your ex. I’m not leaving you, and I’m not going to turn on you. I take my role as your anchor very seriously, so I’m thankful to be going on this trip with you. Everything is going to be okay.”
“In my head, I know that. But this fear…I’m just scared. You terrify me.”
He rested his forehead against mine. “That’s because you care about me. A lot. Don’t worry, I think I probably care more about you than you do about me. So, I’m terrified, too. But we’ll figure this out together. This is it. You and me. There’s no quitting us. Okay?”
I wanted that to be true more than anything.
But I wasn’t sure it would be.
He was right about one thing for sure—I needed time to settle into this relationship. I just hoped we had that time.