Chapter 7
LILLIAN
I wake up groggy and very warm. As if a weighted blanket is over half my body.
I open my eyes and see that it’s not a blanket, but Lucas.
He’s draped both an arm and a leg overtop of me.
I nudge his limbs off me so I can escape to the bathroom.
I get out from under the covers and realize I’m still naked.
Oops.
Oh well, he’s already seen me naked. I would normally try to find something to cover myself up, but I head to the bathroom to pee and maybe try to tame my hair.
I emerge from the bathroom feeling a little more refreshed and see that Lucas is sitting up in bed and now wearing a long-sleeved shirt.
His hungry eyes roam my naked body, and I’m tempted to see about stretching out our time together. Perhaps another round in the sheets.
“No fair,” I pout. “You got dressed already? How am I supposed to ogle you if you’re fully clothed?
” I come over to bed and slip under the covers with him.
“I wanted to ask last night. How did you get those scars? They seem really faint, but your tattoo works so well with them. Sort of like they’re all intertwined in this infinite and intricate vine work. ”
Something in the air changes between us, and his eyes immediately shift. He tugs his sleeve down, and I worry that I said the wrong thing.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“We slept together, Lucas. I feel like you should be able to open up to an extent. If it helps, my scar is from having a c-section when Poppy was born.”
He doesn’t say anything. His hands curl into fists, and his jaw tightens.
I sigh as I scoot a little bit away from him.
“I barely know anything about you besides you’re a doctor and your family owns this farm. Even that bit of information wasn’t freely given. If we hadn’t been snowed in, would you have even told me?” I wait for him to say the words I want to hear from him.
That even though we’re moving fast, he’s right there with me.
He doesn’t answer right away, but then he shakes his head and says, “No. I don’t think I would’ve told you.
I’m not used to dating. I work all the time.
I probably wouldn’t have told you unless we were a few dates in, if ever.
” He runs his hand through his hair. Each time I’ve seen him, he’s been so put together.
Suddenly, it sets in that today is only the fourth day I’ve even known Lucas. Thursday, we met for the first time at the bookstore. Friday, we went out on a date. And Saturday night, last night, we slept together. I’ve cried in front of him, I’ve been naked in front of him, and he’s met Poppy.
Damn. This is moving way too fast.
“You know what, you don’t need to tell me,” I state as he moves out from under the blanket. I need to slow this down. We can start slow and chalk this up to two people being lonely around the holidays. Lucas goes and picks my discarded flannel off the floor to hand it to me.
“If this is going to turn into anything,” he gestures between us, “then you need to know that I put work first. I always have, and I probably always will. Just like you’ll do with Poppy.
” He sighs, his shoulders slump, “Actually, this probably won’t work out Lillian.
I don’t know how we didn’t realize it before we got to this point. ”
I feel like someone just slapped me.
“Wait, you’re giving up just like that? We can just slow it down Lucas.” I hold the flannel shirt in my hands and tighten my fists as I ball the fabric together. The soft flannel twisting in my palms.
Before Lucas can reply there’s a knock at the door. His mom says that the girls are about to have breakfast and apparently there was a promise of pancakes.
Lucas looks at me and shrugs, “I did promise pancakes. Feel free to ruffle through my dresser for different pants. I’m sure there’s a better fitting pair in the bottom drawer. That’s my old stuff.”
Then he leaves. And I don’t know how to feel. While we were moving at an insanely fast pace, I felt as if we were moving at that pace together. That we both were all in from the first kiss. I try to stifle the tears that want to fall freely.
I decide to put my clothes on from yesterday and go greet everyone for breakfast. The faster breakfast is eaten the faster we can get home. And then I’ll let the tears fall. In the comfort of my own home. How can my heart feel so broken over something that happened so fast?