Chapter 8 Lucas
LUCAS
I’m flipping pancakes as Poppy and my nieces chat with my mom. They’re all giggling at something when Lillian walks in. She looks pale, like she lost her Christmas spirit. She’s pulled her hair back into a ponytail and she’s already fully dressed.
I feel terrible for ending things so suddenly. Even after thoughts of what our future could turn into. And how I could see myself making breakfast for her, spending Christmas together, even how we’d do the holidays next year.
Despite the sprint takeoff of our relationship, my brain white knuckled the steering wheel and slammed the breaks.
“Good morning, dear,” my mom greets Lillian with a hug and then hands her a cup of coffee. “Do you want any creamer? We have vanilla and peppermint.”
“A splash of peppermint sounds lovely,” she blows on the coffee and sits next to the girls.
“Pancakes coming right up,” I start to plate the little ones on smaller plates and the regular ones on larger plates for the adults.
“When do you think we’ll be leaving?” Lillian asks me as I set down a plate in front of her.
“The road got cleared up about an hour or so ago.” My mom states as she starts to add peanut butter to my nieces’ pancakes for them. “I’m happy to take you and Poppy into town after we eat. I need to pick up more gingerbread cookies from Sprinkles Bakery & Café today.”
“That would be fantastic, thank you,” Lillian smiles at her. She takes a bite of pancake and mumbles something that sounds like “this is delicious.” The little girls erupt in laughter over something I didn’t catch. They ask Poppy if she can stay longer.
“Mom, please,” Poppy begs in between bites of pancake.
“We’ve got to get home. Maybe another day,” she hesitantly says as she glances at me.
I don’t know what to say or how to fix whatever I seem to have broken.
I was only stating the truth. Both of us have something incredibly important in our lives, and neither is willing to divert attention.
So why not end things before they go too far?
How could I end things in the future after getting closer to her and Poppy?
That would make me more of a grinch than I already am, according to my family.
Everyone finishes breakfast, and I set about scraping and putting dishes in the dishwasher. Poppy comes over and gives me a hug.
“See you soon Lucas,” she exclaims before darting away.
“Bye, Squirt,” I wave as Lillian takes her hand and heads outside.
My mom comes over to me as the girls leave, “I don’t know what you did, but do not screw this up, Lucas William Wright.”
“How do you know I did something wrong?” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Talk to your brother. Your dad is out and about on the farm already. Tim will tell you what you did wrong.” I scoff and she continues, “I really think you two work well together. I saw the way you look at her when she’s not looking.
And,” she pokes me, “I saw the way she looked at you last night versus this morning.”
I sigh and mutter, “Okay, I’ll talk to Tim.”
She nods and heads out. I sit with a fresh cup of coffee before getting dressed and finding my brother.
I find him outside helping the other guys with some repairs to one of the fences.
Tim and I look almost exactly alike, except he’s about three inches taller with broader shoulders and a beard.
And he left the housefire without a scratch, while I have scars down my body.
“Hey, man, what’s up?” he claps me on the shoulder and takes the travel mug of hot coffee from me.
“Mom thinks I should talk to you, the all-knowing brother.” I huff.
“Having woman trouble already?” he bellows, laughing with his whole body, “didn’t you just meet?” Tim is the epitome of holiday cheer. Sort of like a blonde Santa.
“Yes,” I groan, “and I messed it up.”
“Alright, tell me what happened. Tell me everything.” I recount our date, that we shared a kiss, her car issue and my offer to drive.
I divulge how much fun I had with Lillian and Poppy yesterday.
Before dropping that Lillian and I shared the bed.
I tell Tim that everything was fine until breakfast. He asks a few questions and I try my best to answer them.
“Okay, she opened up to you. She was vulnerable and shared a lot about herself. You, in return, shared nothing.”
“No,” I think about all our conversations, “maybe.”
“You stuck to first date topics while she went deeper. Most people think sleeping together is an intimate action. Lillian probably felt like she could ask you about your scars because you had already been physically close and showed them to her without her initially asking. But,” he clicks his tongue, “you closed up and refused to talk about it.”
“I did shut her down when she asked.” I curse, “I can’t fix this, can I?”
“Do you want to?” Tim asks as he sips his coffee.
“Why wouldn’t I? I don’t want her to hate me.”
“Well, you seem like you’re okay ending things. From what you told me, you did in fact end whatever was starting to happen between you two. And,” he pauses, “aren’t you returning to your own house and job two hours away? Not sure you’re cut out for long distance.”
I shift my weight from one leg to the other. Uneasiness sits in my stomach. I still haven’t told my family about my career dilemma. I take a deep breath and let the winter air fill my lungs.
“I haven’t told you guys yet, but I’m considering leaving my job.
My boss offered me a promotion, better hours, and better pay.
But I thought by now I’d have my own practice.
I have until the new year to decide. And if I start my own practice, then I’d relocate.
I’d hate to be in competition with my colleagues. I may end up even further away.”
“You’re in a real pickle,” Tim states.
“That’s it? No actual advice.?”
“My advice, whether you choose to accept it or not, is to mend things with Lillian. Be open with her and see how it makes you feel. You’ve spent most of your life shut off. I know you’re a doctor and all that, but you need to fix yourself.”
“Okay, thanks. I think.” He tells me we have dinner plans later, but maybe tomorrow I should go into town and run the tree delivery truck for a shift.
Which gives me the perfect idea for mending things between Lillian and me.
I text Olivia to see what her schedule is like and if she can help me collect a few holiday things. Then I get to work on helping my family out.