38. Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Margot
They did have french toast. And scones. And croissants. And pancakes. And every type of egg you could imagine. And it’s a very good thing that Alex and I returned for breakfast because it seems as though we are the only guests at the Oceanside Inn and were then expected to devour everything that was cooked–even though it was really made to feed a small army.
“Susan, you better give that chef a huge kiss for me,” Alex says, shoving his mouth with a forkful of strawberry pancake.
Susan laughs as she refills our coffees. “Will do. I love kissing my husband, so that really isn’t any trouble.”
“You guys own this place together?”
“Bought and opened right out of college. We were just a couple of crazy kids back then but look at us now. Been up and running for twenty-five years and our marriage has been just as successful.” She smiles down at us before heading back into the kitchen.
“That’s such a nice story,” I say, wiping some stray syrup from the corner of my mouth.
“Mhm,” Alex agrees, his mouth still full. After swallowing and taking a sip of coffee, he continues, “It’s pretty inspiring.”
“Does it inspire you?”
“To open an inn? Not really,” Alex jokes.
I put my coffee mug down on the table. “No, to live out your ambitions. It seems like Susan and her husband started from nothing and they’ve built this incredible thing together. It’s just so…”
“I know, sunshine. Living out my own dreams is obviously what I’d want to do in a perfect world but the world isn’t perfect.”
“I just don’t understand why you won’t even entertain the idea of trying to figure your dreams out. Drew said it himself, he doesn’t want to go to TU. If we can help him find a college he loves with a program he enjoys on the west coast, it’ll be much harder for Oliver to get to him.”
“Margot—”
“And if you stick to your convictions and actually cut him out, you’ll be able to live out your dreams as well. This is possible, Alex. Why can’t you see that?”
He puts his napkin on the table and leans back in his chair with a sigh. “You want me to cut out the only parental figure I have left?”
“Oliver is hardly a parental figure. To him, you’re just another dollar sign.”
Alex looks at me and I realize I’ve gone too far. This is his family. His life. I need to back off before he gets really upset. Reaching across the table, I grab his hand and relax a bit when he lets me hold him.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that he doesn’t seem to give you the fatherly love you deserve. And you deserve so much.”
Alex kisses my hand. “I know.” He smiles sadly. “I know.”
With a sigh, I drop the heavy topic. This isn’t the last he’s going to hear from me about living out his dreams but for the rest of our getaway, I will keep my big mouth shut.
Seagulls caw as we walked up the boardwalk toward the restaurant. We’d spent the afternoon alternating between taking in the touristy sights and popping into little shops on the main street. When Alex suggested we have dinner in a restaurant he dined in with his family as a child, I jumped at the chance to gain another piece of him. I loved getting these pieces of his life–I hoped the puzzle would never be completed.
“Reservation under Prescott,” he said at the door, surprising me. I nudged him in the side as the host walked us to our table.
“A reservation, huh?”
Alex pulls out the chair for me to sit and then moves to the other side of the table. “You just never know with this place. My dad always makes a reservation everywhere we go, just in case.”
The waiter arrives and Alex takes the opportunity to order us a bottle of red wine to share and some appetizers.
“You know, you’ve talked a lot about your dad but are there any things that you like about him? Positive things you can say about him?”
Alex thinks for a long moment. “For my tenth birthday, he dropped Drew off at a friend’s house and he took me to the driving range. I remember I didn’t want to go at first because I didn’t think hitting golf balls would be a particularly exciting afternoon for a ten year old.”
“Fair,” I reply, chomping into a breadstick the waiter had left on the table.
“But, it ended up being one of the best afternoons I’d ever spent with him. We hit balls off the top deck and he taught me the difference between all the clubs. Then he said I was doing so well that one day he’d invite me to play with him and his buddies on the real green.”
Alex leans back in his chair with a sigh. “Still waiting for that invite.”
I place the half-eaten breadstick down on my plate. “It really kills me to see you so upset by him.”
Alex nods absent-mindedly for a moment and then seemingly snaps out of his trance. He reaches across the table and grabs a breadstick, devouring it in two bites. The waiter takes that opportunity to pour us a generous serving of wine and place our appetizers down on the table.
“Do you want to talk about your mom?”
I pause with the wine glass halfway to my mouth. “There’s nothing to talk about. She had Arden. She had me. She left. That’s all I know.”
Alex nods but doesn’t speak. He’s allowing me space to continue and I love him for that. “My dad is the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. He’s kind, funny, a true southern gentleman. From what I gathered, my mom was a selfish narcissist who wrung him out for all he was worth and hung him and us out to dry. Once his mama’s health started declining, he took extra shifts at the factory to help keep us all afloat.”
I finally take that much needed sip of my wine. I want Alex to know about me as much as I want to know about him. It’s just that these conversations are never easy to have.
“One day, my dad got hurt on the job. Some machine malfunction. Now he’s paralyzed from the waist down and needs just as much taking care of as my memaw, although he’ll never admit it. Anyway, Arden took over the work and it was agreed that since my grades were better and I got a full scholarship to TU, I’d go get my degree and then I’d get a fancy pants job in a big city and help them out at home.
“And I want to. So, so badly, I want to help the people who have been there for me no matter what. Who have always cared for me. I need to help them.”
“That’s a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders.”
I give a small smile. “No heavier than your burden. I guess we’re both destined to take over the family business, so to speak.”
I try to enjoy the mozzarella stick in front of me, but my appetite is suddenly gone. I haven’t been thinking about my family much lately. No, I’ve been too busy running around with Alex and partying with my friends. My eye has been so far from the prize, I’m surprised I can even see it anymore.
I need to finish this podcast. And I need to win this New York Times internship competition so I finally start helping my family instead of just being a hindrance to them.
Dropping the cheesy stick, I brush the bread crumbs from my hands. Time to get back to business.
“Alex, any interest in taking a short break from our very romantic vacation to look at our next podcast script?”
He smiles widely. “There’s my girl.”
Of course I brought my laptop on our getaway. They can pry that thing from my cold, dead hands at my funeral. Even though we skipped out on most of our dinner, Alex convinced the waiter to let us cork the bottle of wine and take it with us.
“Small towns, huh,” he winked as we walked out the door with it.
Once we got back to the hotel, Alex poured us each another glass and I pulled out my computer.
“I’ve only just glanced at the comments on last week’s post so this is going to be a doozy.”
“I’m ready, sunshine.” And he was. When I looked over at Alex, he was sitting cross legged across from me on the bed, a look of determination on his face. He wasn’t even upset that I had ended our fancy dinner early to go and do work. In fact, it was his idea to leave right then and there. He held my hand the entire time we walked back to the inn. He kissed my cheek when I walked past him holding the door open. He wants to help me succeed.
“I love you.”
I smack my hand across my mouth so fast, as if the force could shift the words back into my mouth. He didn’t hear that. He didn’t hear that. He didn’t hear that.
Alex’s features morph into shock for the briefest of moments and then he smiles like he just won the most coveted prize in the entire world. “What was that, sunshine? Speak up.” Alex pulls my hand from my face and the grin covering his own gives me the confidence to repeat myself.
“I love you.”
“Finally, I’m not the only one.” Alex launches across the bed, cutting me off completely. His lips find mine in a kiss that rivals Romeo and Juliet, before the dying part. He cups my cheeks in his palms, cradling my face like it’s the most precious thing in the world. He’s kissing me and I lose track of time. He’s kissing me and he steals my breath away. He’s kissing me and I realize…he didn’t say it back.
“I love you too, sunshine. Been loving you for a while now, if I’m honest.” Alex breaks the kiss long enough to say the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard and then he leans in again and I’m lost to his emotion matching mine.
He loves me .
This beautiful, confident, sweet man loves me.
I could leave this Earth happy knowing I’ve been loved by the man who brought me out of my shell and won’t let me back in again. Alex makes me a better person and I can only hope that I do the same for him.
Our kisses turn more fervent as Alex moves his body on top of mine.
The podcast can wait.
Pulling his shirt over his head, Alex breaks our kiss long enough for the fabric to pass over his face and then he’s back on me again, his plump lips stealing my breath away. Moving down toward his belt, I slide the leather through the loops, opening the clasp and pushing his jeans down as best I can from my laying position.
“My girl is a fiend,” Alex smiles against my lips. Before I knew him, I might’ve withdrawn from a comment like that, drew back against the hidden shadows of the wall. But Alex has taught me to be bold and brave, just like him.
“Only for you.” I run my fingernails down his back. “Well, for now. I mean, I don’t even know what it’s like to be with anyone else so–”
With a growl, Alex pulls my neck up to push our lips tighter. His punishing lips draw my breath and I grin at my victory. “And you’ll never know. You’re mine forever.”
“Forever, huh?”
Alex kisses me again, softly, lovingly. “Forever.”
He pulls up my dress, revealing the lack of underwear I have on underneath and I silently applaud myself when his breath catches. Sheathing himself with the condom from his pocket, Alex sinks into me slowly, as if I’m breakable.
Intent to show him that I’m not, I hoist myself up, pushing him into me completely. Alex hisses through his teeth but allows me to take control. I move my hips up and down, up and down. Alex lays paralyzed above me, his lips on my neck, my shoulders. His arms are barely holding him up above me.
“Baby, you keep doing that, I’m not going to last very much longer.”
With a devilish grin, I move my hips faster, finding that the motion is causing sensation to build up in me as well. With a few more powerful thrusts, Alex and I both explode, my eyes pinch shut as Alex collapses on top of me, making sure to not hit me with his full weight, even in the throws of ecstasy. Alex rolls off of me, pulling his arm underneath my neck to cradle my head.
“Can you say that thing again?”
“What thing?” I ask.
“The thing you said before I rocked your world.”
“Oh, that I’m interested in comparing sex with you to sex with someone—” Alex pinches my arm and I swat him away. We both lean on our sides to we’re face-to-face, nose-to-nose. “I love you.”
Alex closes his eyes, softly rubbing the tip of his nose against mine. “Never stop saying that, okay?” He opens his eyes again.
“Okay.”
We lay like this for a while before Alex demands I use the bathroom while he cleans himself up. After a pee and a very quick body shower, I’m curled up in my pajamas with my laptop open to the podcast page.
“Ready to dive in?”
Alex nods, running his towel through his wet hair. Alex had showered after me even though he begged for us to “save water” and shower together. As much as he may wish after this weekend, I’m really not the sex fiend he thinks I am. Alex slides into the bed next to me, placing a quick kiss on my temple before looking at the laptop screen.
The questions are mostly similar to the ones we always get. Questions about Alex’s sexual experiences. Comments about wanting to hook up with Alex—some of which include phone numbers. Even questions about me and my sexual escapades. People are disgusting.
We laugh and groan as we scroll until we come across a question that causes us both to pause.
“Are you guys dating?”
Alex looks at me. “Let’s just come out with it. I don’t really understand why we haven’t already told people. Like it needs to be some big secret.”
“It doesn’t need to be a secret but Alex, you and I are treated very differently on this campus. I’m just nervous how this news is going to be received by your…adoring fans.”
Alex sighs. “If anyone actually cared about me, they’d be happy that I’m happy.”
“But that’s just the thing. These people don’t care about you. They care about your social status. They want to be with you for the prestige it comes with. They don’t know the real you.”
Alex blinks. “What do you think the response will be?”
I sigh, pushing the laptop away. “Well, based on the comments I’ve gotten so far, I’m sure people will jump at the chance to call me a gold digger again. Also, they love to say you’re out of my league. Oh, and another good one, I’m just a charity case to you.”
“Why do you even look at these hateful, ridiculous comments anyway?”
“It’s my job.”
“It’s shit,” Alex says, taking the laptop into his lap. He types the question into our script and then types some bullet point responses. When I go to look over his shoulder, he moves the screen away from my view. “No peeking.”
I raised my hands in surrender but I knew I’d look when he wasn’t around. He knew it, too. After a few minutes, Alex closes the computer and takes his phone out, opening to instagram. I watch as he posts a new picture, taking one from the recent album in his photos and adds a simple heart emoji as the caption.
After he hits the publish button, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out to see an instagram notification. Narrowing my eyes, I look at him as I open the app but my eyes widen when I see the photo in full view.
It’s a picture of me at the beach yesterday looking out at the water. You can see my profile and my eyes are closed in bliss. I remember this moment. We had just gotten to the water’s edge and the wind smelled like salt. I wanted to bask in that moment for as long as I could. A slight smile lit up my face. I looked happy.
“You didn’t have to post that.” And tag me in it.
“There’s no reason not to.”
Alex tries to swipe my phone from my hand but I see an unread text from Jessy. She probably just wanted to wish me a happy thanksgiving. Without looking at the message, the phone drops it onto the mattress next to us. Placing a light kiss to my lips, he rests his head against mine. “I don’t want to hide the amazing person you are from the world. Everyone deserves to see you shine.”
My eyes catch him and there’s nothing but genuineness in his expression. This boy. He gives me the confidence to be more than I ever thought possible. Kissing him again, we lose ourselves in the passion of being young and in love. If only the feeling could last forever.
Because Alex whisked us away for a romantic weekend getaway, all the homework I had planned to complete got pushed to the wayside but that didn’t stop me from ensuring that Alex and I wrote our speeches before we left New Jersey. I wrote mine in record time but for me, it was easy. I’ve known I wanted to be a journalist ever since I saw a copy of the New York Times . I always found it so fascinating when people ask the hard hitting questions, the rude and uncouth ones, just to get a story. I wanted to be like that. I wrote my speech about my goal of winning the New York Times internship contest and my aspiration of being a journalist.
When I showed it to Alex, he sang my praises, of course, but I knew he was struggling with his own.
“Just tell them what you told me. That you want to be a personal trainer.”
“That seems like a cop-out,” Alex sighs, closing my laptop. He leans toward me on the bed to try and get me to kiss him but I move out of his reach.
“Uh uh, no distractions until you finish this speech,” I say, pushing the laptop toward him as I move slightly out of his way.
Alex pouts but opens it up again. “What if I write about what I’m actually going to do once I leave here.”
“You want to make a speech about working for your dad? That’s neither your goal nor your aspiration.”
Alex rubs a palm down his face. “You’re right.” He lets out a breath, pulling the screen closer to him. “I can do this.”
“You can do this. I’ll make more coffee,” I say, moving off the bed and padding toward the little coffeemaker on the desk in the room.
“Thank you, baby,” Alex says absentmindedly, his eyes now glued to a blank document. I hear the typing begin on his laptop and I smile to myself. Even if it’s not what his father wants him to do, Alex deserves to have dreams of his own.