41. Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-One
Margot
Sydney hands me another steaming hot cup of coffee and I mutter a thank you, not looking up from my psychology textbook. I’m trying not to panic but I truly cannot believe how far I’ve let myself fall this semester. I’m holding onto my GPA by a thread that’s getting thinner by the minute.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Margot? I haven’t seen you this focused since spring finals week freshman year.”
“A dark time for us all,” Danika chants from my doorway.
“I said I’m fine,” I reply, still not making eye contact. How could I when I need to memorize five key concepts of the mind by tomorrow afternoon?
“You’re not fine,” Danika mutters. Before I know it, she’s snatched the book out of my hands, holding it up over both our heads. If I wasn’t so angry, I would’ve been impressed by her strength–that’s no small feat.
“What the hell, Danika. Give it to me,” I yell, attempting to reach it but she’s always had some height on me.
“You want it?” Danika taunts. “Go get it.” She tosses the book haphazardly behind her into the living room. I gasp, hoping it’s not ripped. It’s a rental. Before I can go get it, Syd and Dani form a united front in my doorway, their folded arms blocking my exit.
“What is wrong with you two? I’m just trying to study.”
Danika sighs. “You’ve been locked in this room studying for two days. Have you even talked to Alex?”
A grunt of frustration erupts from my chest. “I don’t need to talk to Alex! I need. To study.” Pushing past them, I force my way into the living room.
Even though I displaced them when I barreled through, they only form the wall again on the other side of my bedroom.
“I saw him at the gym. He asked me about you,” Sydney says, her voice small.
“He shouldn’t be asking you about me. I’m fine. He knows I’m busy. It’s almost finals week.” Sydney nods but her face is crestfallen.
I pick up the book, thankfully still intact, and sigh heavily, letting it fall back down onto the couch. “I’m losing it, guys. I don’t know how I got so behind this semester but I’m struggling to catch up.”
“I know this podcast thing has kind of taken up a lot of your time,” Danika says, rubbing her hand on my back like she does when I’m not feeling well. The sisterly touches always make me feel better. “Why don’t you let us help you?”
“Help me study psych?” I ask, hopefully.
The girls laugh. Danika holds out her hand. “Hand over the study cards you’ve got in your back pocket and nobody gets hurt.”
Hesitantly, I pull a stack of completely filled index cards and place them on Danika’s waiting palm. “Atta girl,” she says. “Such a nerd,” she whispers to Sydney. I give her a hip check as we all land on the couch, Sydney grabbing my textbook and opening to the page I left off on.
After an hour and another completed stack of index cards, we decide to call it a night. I didn’t mean to ignore Alex this week but he has a tendency to make it hard to focus and I really just needed time to myself to get reoriented. Remember why I’m here in the first place.
After brushing my teeth, I lay down in my bed and pull up Alex’s contact information. I know he’ll answer me even though it’s late. At least I hope he does. I hope he’s not mad I didn’t reach out earlier.
With quiet trepidation, I hit the call button under his picture–one I took of him laying on the bed on our impromptu thanksgiving getaway.
“Sunshine?” He answers after the very first ring.
Just the sound of his voice calms my frayed nerves. “Hey, frat boy,” I sigh in contentment. He sighs, too, seemingly relaxed.
“How are you? I’ve been missing you.”
“I miss you, too. Sorry, it’s been a crazy couple of days. I just needed to catch up on some school work.”
I hear the sound of sports slowly fade away in the background until a door shuts and then silence. “And did you? Catch up?”
“Mostly. I’ve still got a few papers to write and finals to study for but I feel okay for now.”
I wonder if Alex is laying on his bed the same way I’m laying on mine. I wonder if I should ask him if he is.
“What have you been up to?” I ask instead, a little intimidated by what his answer to that other question might’ve been.
“Nothing crazy. Working out, caught up on some work myself. Oh and I’ve been talking to Kai. We’re trying to figure out a way to get him back on track, ya know.”
My heart swells. Not only that he’s helping out his friend but that he’s comfortable enough to tell me about it. “That’s great, Alex. I’m really happy to hear that.”
“Yeah, it’s good.” I can hear the smile in his voice. And the sleepiness. I’m sure he can hear it in my voice, too.
“Alex?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“I think if I don’t go to sleep in the next four minutes, I might pass out on the phone.” I laugh but it’s muffled by a yawn, only proving my point. My eyes start to shutter closed but I force them to stay open. I don’t want to miss this time with him but the exhaustion of the last few days has finally hit me all at once.
Alex laughs. “That’s okay, sunshine. You sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
My eyebrows perk up. “You will?”
“If you want me to.”
I nod, sleepily, even though I know he can’t see me. “I love you, frat boy.”
“I love you too, sunshine.” The last thing I hear is Alex humming Dream a Little Dream of Me.
“Are you ready for another question, Alex?” I ask, pulling up my notecards. Alex and I had started the recording session the same way as all our previous ones, with our signature greeting and Alex’s embarrassing antics that always make me blush.
I still can’t believe that this is our last episode ever. Once I submit this to the New York Times , we’ll have no reason to continue on. We aren’t letting the viewers know that though, still wanting them to view and comment on the videos. It also takes some of the pressure off of having to record a “grand finale.” If the audience doesn't know it’s ending, there’s no need to do anything extra for the final episode.
“I’m ready, Margot.” Alex winks at me this time instead of the camera and a warmth spreads through me. This incredible man loves me. And I love him.
“Sam K wants to know what she should do if her family doesn’t approve of her boyfriend.” It was a question we debated answering but ultimately decided it was important enough to try and tackle. Most of the questions we receive are silly or flirty but through the cracks there are some real, meaningful problems that are asking for sincere solutions.
Alex glances down at his notes but I know he already knows what he wants to say. “That’s a tricky one, Sam, I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s difficult on multiple levels. Do you take your family’s side and leave the relationship or do you stay with the person and risk losing your family? I wish I had the answers, Sam but not every situation can be judged in a vacuum.”
Alex sighs before continuing. “I feel like this probably isn’t advice you get often but, Sam, in this case, I think you need to be selfish. I think you need to put yourself first and think, if you absolutely had to choose, which choice would make you happiest.
“Who supports you more? Who helps you flourish? And who will be there for you in your darkest times? That’s the person I would pick.” Alex really has a way with words and I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to how eloquent he can be.
“I completely agree.” I wonder if his words are penetrating his own mind or if he’s just thinking about this faceless viewer. While his father isn’t giving him an ultimatum to choose between him or me, he is forcing him to do something that he doesn’t necessarily want to do. Alex should take his own advice and be selfish.
I pose another question from a viewer about pooping at a friend-with-benefits’ apartment and Alex takes off running with his advice. His smile is breathtaking as he makes a joke. His perfect smile reminds me of how his teeth grazed my inner thigh. How his hot breath coasted up my leg toward that very sensitive part–
“Right, sunshine?”
“Huh?”
“Do you agree?”
“Oh, um. Yes.” I can’t stop the blush from erupting on my cheeks and I know, based on Alex’s smirk that he knows exactly what I was thinking about. The smirk that also says he’ll be more than happy to live out that fantasy once we finish recording.
Shaking myself back to reality, I glance at the last notecard I have, ready to finally end the show on a bang.
“It’s time for our final question.”
Alex’s gaze hits mine and he nods with a megawatt smile. “Can I ask the question?”
My smile matches his. “Go ahead.”
“The question is, dear viewers, is ‘are Margot and I dating?’. To which the answer is,” Alex reaches out, pulling the notecards away and then connects his hand with mine, interlocking our fingers so there’s no room for misinterpretation. “Yes. Yes, we are.”
The instinct to shy away rages inside me but I resist, allowing myself to take pride in this moment. I deserve to show off my relationship. A relationship I worked hard for. If Danika were here, she’d tell me to take what I want and I’m finally doing it.
Giving our connected hands a loving squeeze, I turn toward the cameras again and confirm his answer with a brilliant smile. Beside me, Alex lets out a contented sigh.
“Yes, folks, I finally wore her down.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes but this time, at least it’s in a teasing way. Alex pulls our hands up and kissing my knuckles, not looking away from my eyes.
“And I’m a lucky man,” he says quietly, as if just for me.
Our fingers stay locked throughout the rest of the show and continue that way all through the parking lot directly to the car door. Alex kisses my nose before opening the passenger side door.
“Are you sure you can’t hang out? I’ve barely seen you all week,” he asks as he slides into the driver’s seat. As much as I want to spend time with him, we were coming up on finals week and I’ve been slammed with work. I need to stop shirking my responsibilities and allowing Alex to distract me.
But when I look over at him, the puppy dog eyes have me faltering. “I need a few hours to edit the podcast and work on my finals but come for dinner. We can order in.”
Alex smiles, appeased by my compromise. “Sounds perfect, sunshine.”
He pulled away from the curb toward my apartment after he all but demanded he drive me home even though I know he’s just going to turn right back around and go to the gym. The man is incorrigible, in more ways than one.