Chapter 10
Chapter
Ten
SUTTON
T his time when we closed, Gage didn’t demand to take me home like he has every other night. I think he could tell I needed the space.
About halfway through the day, the adrenaline high I was riding from my interaction with Ink crashed, leaving me feeling drained.
I was always the girl who stayed silent during a confrontation, only to run countless scenarios through my head of what I should have said in the moment. It was always something that was easier said than done for me.
Even the night I finally had the courage to leave Zach, I did it in the middle of the night without a word, knowing that would have been the worst confrontation of my life that I’m not sure I would have walked away from.
Logically, I knew I would have to come face-to-face with him eventually. I’m not that na?ve. I was just hoping I’d be more established and would have more resources to keep him away from me.
Instead, I’m stuck living out of a motel with a car that won’t start sitting in the parking lot. I can’t even make a quick getaway if I wanted to .
I take the same way home, wondering if I’m going to see Madame Salem again.
I won’t deny that what she said rattled me.
I’ve never been against tarot reading and all of that stuff, but I also can’t say how much I truly believe in it.
There’s no way I’ve met my soulmate and have no idea. It would be obvious, right?
Tucking my head down, I walk past the vendors, zoning out with my thoughts.
“Sweet girl.” I hear as I walk. My head shoots up, glancing around for Madame Salem. I spot her two booths back.
“Hi.” I smile as I approach her table. I feel a small amount of relief at seeing a familiar face. I’ve met this woman one time, and it already feels like she’s been in my life for years. Some people just have that allure. “I didn’t think I would see you again.”
“I thought that was you. You don’t need to cover your pretty face like that.
” She nods at the double hoods I have pulled over my head.
“I’m not always here, but I think the gods have been wanting our paths to cross again.
” Her eyes are warm as she takes me in. Her brow lowers slightly. “You seem sad, sweet girl.”
“I’m not sad,” I lie, hoping the smile I still have in place tells the opposite.
She gives me a smile laced with knowing. “You can’t fool Madame Salem, child. You might be able to school your face, but your eyes tell a story of their own. Now, tell me what has you down in the slumps.”
Madame Salem pulls out the same folding chair as last time and once again, I find myself sitting in the same position having a life altering therapy session with a woman I barely know.
I don’t know how to explain it, but Madame Salem has this aura about her.
The pull is almost like the type of warmth you wished you had growing up. It’s a motherly warmth.
“I think it’s just a buildup of life lately.
” I sigh, shrugging my shoulders. “Something expected but also… unexpected happened last night. I knew the time would come eventually. I just thought I had more time, if that makes sense. And then I had an issue with my bo ss today that made me a little upset.” More than a little, but I’m sure she gets where this is going.
“Ah, new beginnings often bring their own bunch of new challenges. Especially when it’s so fresh. In my experience, there’s always an adjustment period between leaving the old and starting the new. They tend to overlap until closure is had.”
“Is the overlap usually unpleasant?” I wince at the dread in my tone, but Madame Salem seems unphased.
“Sometimes. But aren’t all emotions unpleasant to a certain degree? Even happiness has a downfall because it doesn’t last forever.”
Are they?
“I never thought of it like that, but yeah, you’re right.”
“You need to remember that, child. And whatever the unpleasant feeling is, just know that it will eventually pass. I can feel you’ve been through hard times.
You need to remember those too, because that’s what’s going to give you your strength when you feel like you can’t do it anymore. Look within, sweet girl.”
That’s the problem.
I am looking within, and I still have no idea what my next move is.
Ravenna Heights was supposed to be the end goal.
I stupidly didn’t think I would need a backup plan from my backup plan.
I just hoped I would have had a little more time to build up more resources.
I guess Madam Salem is right about one thing, though.
I’ve survived it before, and I can survive it again.
“I also tell everyone that’s going into a new phase of life to do something that they’ve always longed to do, but whatever reason, didn’t. I believe it sets the new phase off on the right foot, even with what’s looming ahead.”
“I don’t know what I would even do.” I let out a laugh, slouching back against the small back rest.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve thought about something that would truly make me happy. I’ve been in fight-or-flight mode for so long now. The past decade of my life has been about survival.
“Look within, sweet girl. Look within,” Madame Salem repeats.
What will make me happy?
“Does it need to be a big thing?”
“It can be whatever you want it to be. No matter how big or how small.”
Well, I guess there is one thing that comes to mind.
“Would dying my hair count?” I’m fully aware how ridiculous I sound, basically asking a random stranger off the street permission to dye my hair.
Madame Salem has a glint in her eye as she examines the blonde hair peeking out of the hood. “Is that something you have always wanted to do?”
I pause for a moment, scared to admit my want out loud because the last time I did, I was met with… a less than enthusiastic reaction.
You’re so fucking stupid, Sutton.
Do you want to look like trash? Because I won’t have trash for a wife.
Good luck making anything of yourself. No one wants to hire someone that looks like they belong on a street corner.
“Yeah,” I finally answer softly, closing my eyes so I don’t have to see the disgust on her face.
“What color?”
My eyes fly open in shock to see Madame Salem smiling at me.
“Blue,” I say without hesitation.
“Bright blue, pastel blue, or a deeper blue?”
“A cross between bright and a deeper blue. I’d want it mixed in with black roots.”
“I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but if dying your hair will bring you even a little happiness, I vote do it. I think that color would agree with you.”
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding in. I don’t think I ever noticed how badly I needed someone’s approval of something I’m doing. To her, dying your hair probably isn’t a big deal, but to me it symbolizes that I’m finally free.
She’s right. I need to do this.
“Okay, yeah,” I agree with a small smile. “I’m going to do it.”
I have tomorrow off, and I have Ink’s pity paycheck burning a hole in my pocket. I know I wanted to save all of it towards a deposit for an apartment, but I think if I eat ramen until the next paycheck again, I can use the money I would have spent on better food on hair color.
It’s probably not the most responsible plan, but I deserve a little happiness, gosh dang it.
“There’s a beauty store that’s open late a few blocks away that always has a buy one get one sale going on. Check there.”
“Thank you,” I tell her earnestly. “I don’t know how you knew I needed to talk tonight, but I appreciate it.”
“Like I said before, sweet child, the gods knew our paths needed to cross. Everything in our world happens for a reason.”
I give her one last smile before I take off towards the beauty store.
I’m finally doing something I want.
There’s been nothing new from Zach.
The anxiety I had coming back to the motel last night was enough to make me feel like I was having a heart attack. The tightness in my chest didn’t ease until I was locked in my room with the dresser pushed in front of the door.
I didn’t plan on leaving the room today. Eventually, I need to actually go and look at the apartments I wrote down the other day, but for now, I need to take Madame Salem up on her advice. The cashier at the beauty store hooked me up with everything she deemed necessary for an at-home hair dye.
I thought it would feel weird spending the pity money, but once I had everything in my basket and was truly feeling excited about something, I didn’t think twice about it.
Setting the mixing bowls and product on the small bathroom counter, I get to work. Mixing the developer in with the color is so satisfying. I probably shouldn’t be doing this in such a small space, but the fumes from the dye are only fueling my excitement.
The cashier, whose name I learned was Lacy, convinced me to add some black pieces in with the blue.
She said it would add dimension and really make my eyes pop.
Apparently, guys go crazy when your eyes are bright and vibrant.
I can’t say that I’ve ever had experience in that department.
I thought I had found love with Zach. I thought he had wanted me for me, but boy was I a fool.
It soon became very clear that it was a setup between him and my dad.
Real love doesn’t exist.
I dip the brush into the bowl with the jet-black hair dye.
I pick up a decent glob and swipe it on my roots, spreading it a few inches down.
The color feels cool on my head. Once I have all of that color applied, I grab the blue and spread it on the rest of the hair, blending it where the blue and black meet.
Using my hands to make sure every strand is saturated, I clip up the ends and admire my handiwork in the mirror. Turning my head every which way.
I didn’t do too bad of a job at not getting color everywhere. There’s a little on my neck, but Lacy told me it will wash off in the shower.
It’s such a change from my previous blonde hair. I should be shocked at how different I look, but I’m not. My hazel eyes look brighter and just full of life. There’s a spark I haven’t seen since before Zach. How is it possible that version you’ve never seen of yourself looks familiar?
Setting a timer on my phone, I sit down on the bed, careful not to touch my head against anything.
Not that it would matter. These sheets probably need to be burned.
I need to continue my apartment search. I can put almost my whole check towards a deposit.
I’ve got to be able to find a small one bedroom for that. Maybe even a studio. I don’t need much.
At this point, I’ll take anything that’s not here. I need to get out before Zach comes back. I don’t know how much time I have. He’s a loose cannon.
The timer on my phone rings, scaring me from my thoughts.
The default ringer is a sound I will never get used to and will forever make my stomach sink.
Turning on the water in the shower, I let steam fill the bathroom before carefully stripping my clothes and stepping in.
The water running down my body turns black as soon as it hits my hair.
It takes a few minutes of massaging my scalp to get all the color out.
I can only see the ends right now, but it already feels like a fresh start of its own. I quickly shampoo and condition before the lukewarm water runs ice cold. That’s another thing I’ll never take for granted again—a warm shower.
Toweling my hair off before wrapping the same towel around my body because apparently housekeeping isn’t a thing at this place and there was only one towel in the bathroom, I examine my dye job.
The dark roots that fade into midnight blue make my eyes pop against the contrast. I’ve had blonde hair for so long because I was told over and over again that’s what men want. Colored hair was for sluts.
Aside from hating my hair before, I never realized how much the blonde washed me out. I look alive now. I snort to myself. How fitting, considering the old Sutton is dead.
I frown as I look around the bathroom.
I don’t have a hair dryer.
All I brought with me is a cheap flat iron I found at the thrift store. It takes a while to heat up, but it gets the job done. Deciding to give it a rest for the night, I’ll straighten in the morning before work.
I lay my head down on the pillow and for once, I feel liberated. The incident with Zach showing up here is at the back of mind.