Chapter 3
Mila
It feels good.
Great.
Yeah. It ’ s wonderful.
Bullshit.
I force my body to relax, making sure to press my spine into the mattress, unroll my shoulders, and widen my legs so he can fit better.
He thrusts up, trying to reach a deeper spot that is impossible for him to find.
Only one person has ever found that spot and he’s gone.
“ You ’ re so beautiful,” Dom purrs as he peppers kisses along my jawline. “ You mean so much to me. I need you to know that.”
I nod.
Words are hard to find sometimes. My confidence fled when Dash did. I ’ ve been stumbling through life.
Hell, even when I speak, my tongue trips causing me to look like I have a stutter.
I don ’ t. My heart is just so broken it ’ s hard to find the energy to say even ‘ hello. ’
I turn my head, unable to meet Dom's eyes. There, look at that; focus on Dom ’ s jacket hanging on your chair. Maybe he won't see the lie in your eyes. The truth is that I abhor my current life, but at the same time, I'm thankful Dom loves me.
I wish I could love him back.
Maybe one day I will, or perhaps I'll just stop trying, allowing myself to be the puppet they all want me to be.
I stare at the patch sewn on the front of the jacket, which shows off Empire University ’ s logo. The school is basically the same as Silverstone Preparatory. The students are largely the same, with similar goals.
No scholarship kids this time. No Jared to lie and trick his way into my life.
No Dash King.
I was right. Love is paper thin.
Dom took that paper and clutched it tight. He held onto me even though Dash threw it away.
It doesn't matter if you find all the torn pieces and tape yourself back together again. Deception runs ink-deep; its stain plunges into you, spreading so wide that you will never have a clean start again. Just blacken fibers that were once something pure and untouched.
Now, it's just dirty and disgusting.
“ Is that good, baby?” Dom gently whispers in my ear.
I nod again. I always was good at playing the roll of a doll.
At least that ’ s what I keep telling myself when he slides into me again and again. My head rolls to the other side, and I spot the bottle of lube on the nightstand. I ’ m never wet enough for it not to hurt. I never had this issue with Dash, but I had so many other issues.
“ I love you.” Thrust.
I can ’ t say it back. Dom knows it. He hasn ’ t pressured me to say it back. Instead, I arch my back and release a fake moan of pleasure.
I hate myself for this. I’m lying to my best friend, and to myself whom I lost respect for.
“ You ’ re so tight, so perfect. God, you feel so good. You ’ re so good, baby.” Dom praises me again and again. He talks more during sex than I ’ d like. When Dash fucked me, we barely spoke because our passion consumed us.
“ I need you on top; I ’ m close.” He taps my hip, then rolls us.
I… absolutely loathe this.
I hate being on top, but it ’ s the only way Dom can come. I feel like I ’ m on a stage just for his eyes. I fear one day he ’ s going to see just how fake I am.
I roll my hips as I widen my legs, trying to readjust. His hands grab my waist as he guides me up and down, back and forth, over his cock.
“ So good.” He closes his eyes sighing with relief like I’m some god that has granted him redemption.
I’m no god, nor angel.
I’m just…I don’t know anymore.
For what feels like a blink of an eye I felt alive, like I was on the mend. Then it all stopped and I broke more than I could have imagine.
I want to scream, Stop telling me I ’ m good! I feel the farthest from it.
Instead, I reach down and run my fingers through his hair as I play the role of the wanting lover who is panting for his hard cock. “ Harder, fuck me harder, Dominic.” He likes when I moan his full name. I just give him what he wants, which is me.
It’s easy. I’m used to giving everyone what they expect of me.
His eyes snap open as his lip curls up, “ Beg me.” He sits up, trapping me on his lap.
“ Make me come,” I whisper, hoping he doesn ’ t hear the tears behind my eyes.“Please.” Please erase Dash from my mind. Please make me come this time so I don’t have to fake it.
He grins, looking more monster than man, as he lifts my hips and then pulls me down onto him with a force that knocks the air from my lungs.
Ouch, that hurt. “ Yes!” I lie, feeling only pain.
I focus on it. It ’ s the agony I like to feel. It ’ s all I have felt since Dash left me so violently.
Dash was the only man who made me feel pleasure. I tried to chase that sensation with Dom, he came into my life like a knight in shining armor. He picked me up, held me for weeks as I cried, forced me to go outside, to feel the sun on my face, and laced up my pointe shoes even when I begged him and told him I didn ’ t want to dance again. He wasn ’ t trying to be cruel; Dominic doesn ’ t know how much I hate to dance. He just figured it was something I loved, and I needed to go back to living again.
Dom stayed by my side night after night until one night, he kissed me and…I kissed him back. I kept going, peeling his clothes off, taking him deep in my mouth, and pushing him for more until he was burying himself deep inside of me.
I hoped he would wash away my memories.
I still hope for that.
Iheard so many girls say the best thing to do after a man broke your heart was to move on and sleep with another.
I did, but my heart still feels broken.
Actually, to be honest, it feels worse.
“ My good girl likes it rough.” Dom pants as he ups his movements, shaking even the bed frame as he fucks me.
I wrap my legs around him, squeezing him.
“ Come for me. Come!” He roars.
I pause, hoping this time I will orgasm and that the memory of Dash will truly fade.
Dom starts to lose control. So I fake it, jerking my hips up, squeezing my inner muscles tight around him. I bury my face in the crook of his neck as tears spill from my eyes.
I ’ m so tired of living a lie, but Dom loves me, and I do love him. I treasure our friendship.
Things could be worse.
I know one day, once my battered heart has healed, my body will accept Dom and learn to love him as much as it craved Dash.
◆◆◆
“ Zip me, please.” I turn my back to Dom as I hold up my black, strapless dress. The sensation of his fingertips on my skin gives me chills. With a gentle pull, he closes the zipper and plants a kiss on my shoulder. Dom is always making sweet gestures that most girls would feel giddy about.
I press my palms against my stomach as my breath escapes me heavily. “ I ’ m so nervous,” I whisper as I try to catch my breath. Dom ’ s dorm room seems to have shrunken all of a sudden. My first art show is tonight, and to top it off, my father will be there. I ’ m hoping once he sees my work, he will be more receptive to the conversation I want to have with him at dinner.
Dash came into my life like a plague, changing every part of me. Despite his cruelty, he did mend a piece of me. When he said that cutting myself didn ’ t give me control, he was correct. It actually showed that I was losing control in every way. The dream of escape was replaced by the reality of survival. So I allowed myself to fall head over heels for my art; maybe it was because Dash gave it to me, or maybe I just loved it too much to give it up. I felt in control while making each piece. I was the artist who decided what the canvas should look like.
My art studies gave me the confidence to tell my father I wanted a BFA in both ballet and painting.He was shocked, but he allowed me to pursue it. For the first time in my life, I was doing something I wanted.
I ’ m not sure if Dom and my father realized that offering a captive a small taste of freedom is riskier than giving them a weapon. I wanted more, not an outlandish amount, but a knot in my gut told me my father might not agree to the topic I wanted to bring up at dinner.
“ It ’ s just a painting show, Mila. Don ’ t be nervous.” Dom mutters as he slips his fingers between mine. He looks down at me, and then his eyes light up. They always do when he looks at me, like I ’ m a trophy.“I want to tell your dad tonight.” Dom nods, encouraging, as he squeezes my hand.
My eyes widen. “ Not tonight, Dom.” I shake my head.
His eyes narrow but then soften as if he caught himself turning cruel. Softly, he raises his index finger and pushes my chin up so I am forced to look him in the eyes. Silence slips between us as he studies me. Dom has never hurt me, but there are some moments when I see the monster lurking. He ’ s a man raised in my world, so there has to be a demon hiding somewhere.
“ You know he ’ s dead, right?”He states with a sharp tone that rivals the tip of a long, lethal icicle.
I glance down. “ This has nothing to do with,” I gulp, “ him .”He can ’ t be dead. Just because the world hasn ’ t seen Dash King doesn ’ t mean he is dead.
“ Then say his name if he means nothing.”
I part my lips, “ I,” but my body jerks as a cold bead of sweat slides down my spine. “ I don ’ t care about Dash King, and I wish you ’ d stop bringing him up.”
“ You loved him. It ’ s okay. That was in the past.” Dom adds in a taunting manner.
This is a test. Dom does it from time to time.
“ I never loved him, Dom. He tricked me and played with my heart.”
He brushes his thumb over my lips, vowing, “ I ’ ll never do that.” Then he presses a kiss to my mouth. The only part of me that moves is my frantic chest; it stretches so painfully from my inhale that tears cloud my eyes.
“ I know.” I step back. “ We should get going. I don ’ t want to be late.” I grab my bag, and when I bend down to slip on my heels, I wipe away the tears falling so Dom can ’ t see them. I walk to the door and then glance over my shoulder; Dom is still standing there, just watching me.
“ Come on,” I flash a strained smile.
“ When are you going to tell your father?” With a firm grip, he adjusts his suit lapel, ensuring it lies flat.
I squeeze my bag tighter. “ When the time is right.” Not this again…
He strides forward. “ We need to act sooner rather than later. You know our world,” his eyes narrow, digging for the truth he wants to hear me acknowledge.
“ As soon as I graduate,” Dom begins, “ I ’ ll be married. I don ’ t have much time left, and I want you. I need it on paper.”
I snort, “ So romantic.”
“ Don ’ t be like that. ’ He grabs my hips, forcing me closer. “ Our fathers make contracts. I want the world to know you ’ re mine. Tell your dad tonight.”
I look at where our bodies meet. “ I can ’ t. Another night, I promise. I need to talk to him about something else.”
“ What?” Dom leans back looking down at me.
“ Just school.”
“ What ’ s going on here?” He sounds pissed off now.
“ Dom, please,” I push up on my toes and kiss him. “ I promise you I ’ ll talk to my father, but it ’ s better in private.”
“ I want to be with you.”
Here ’ s a man who wants to marry me and protect me. He loves me. Yet all I can compare him to is Dash, a devil. I wish I weren ’ t prone to sin.I blame it on Eve; she taught women to give in to their temptations.
I press my palm to his chest. “ I know you want to protect me, but let me talk to my father alone. Trust me. I want to be with you, and I will tell my father when the time is right. Just give me a few more weeks. We still have the whole semester until you graduate.” I tell him, but the words sound like shards of glass cutting my ears.