Chapter 35
Dash
Don’t you fucking move! I want to run to Mila and beg her for her forgiveness.
Respect.
I respect her even more for demanding it.
She ’ s sleeping in Damian ’ s room tonight, and I let her.
I tried to let her go when I first returned and found her with Dom.
I tried! I forced myself to think of her in Dom ’ s arms to sicken my heart, but it didn ’ t work.
So now, we will have to endure love in the depths of frostbitten shadows, shades of gray begging to be saturated by the hands of an unwilling artist who denies the palette of any color.
I refuse to give Mila what she needs.
But, I can ’ t let her go now, but I can ’ t have her fully. After all, how can I live without my heart beating in my chest—protected and not exposed?
Leaning forward, the old cracked leather chair I ’ m sitting in groans, mimicking my weary thoughts.
Then there ’ s the fucker who keeps sending me pictures of her, fostering my reasons why I need to keep my love for her secret. Why can’t she understand!
I rest my head in my hands as the cool air of the storage room I ’ m hiding in scrapes the nape of my neck. I wish it were her exhales fanning over my skin. I inhale deeply, smelling all the oils mixed with the canvases that surround me.
This all has to end before it comes spiraling apart. I need to marry her, then cage her, place her somewhere safe. A place where she can flourish without my sick devotion infecting her. I need to get her father out of the picture. I don ’ t trust him, and then there ’ s my father and his persistent hints at someone stronger than us!
I grab my hair and pull at the roots. I want to rip myself open and bleed all over the floor. I want Mila to witness that this is destroying me, too.
“ Let us help you.” Damian mutters in his gentle tone.
I glance up, having not even seen him clinging to the shadows. When did he enter?
“ Love isn ’ t a happy thing to feel, Damian.” I press my palms to my eyes, pushing until I see stars and pulsing pain. “ I don ’ t know why people praise it. It ’ s sickening, consuming, more cancerous than you can ever imagine. It’s fucking killing me! Slowly but surely.”
I drop my hands, and through blurry eyes, I tell him, “ I hope you never have to endure it. If you were smart, you ’ d leave Plain Jane alone, save yourself from the torment of this feeling.” I grab my chest, my short nails managing to draw blood.
“ We will find out who is sending the pictures.”
He just doesn ’ t get it!
“ And then the next time, you ’ ll save her too? Then the next and next. It will never stop.” I scream.
“ We all will.” Dante ’ s voice stuns me as he strolls into the room, his shiny black leather shoes clicking loudly off the concrete floor.
“ Why are you here?” I ask, surprised, as I sit up.
“ I came to check on my brother’s friend. I ’ m only here for the night before I have to return to Italy.” His every-knowing eyes look me up and down.
Yes, I ’ m filled with cracks from which emotions are leaking.
“ Initiation 101 didn ’ t kill me, but she will,” I mutter, casting my eyes up to find my thoughts more encompassed with Mila.
“ We can ’ t promise life, Dash; after all, we ’ re trained to be death, to kill. So let us kill for you. We ’ re your weapons.” Dante approaches me slowly, hands in his pocket as he looks at everything I have stolen. This room is my secret, my treasure hoard. “ We can promise to give you every added power we have to watch over Mila.”
“ I don ’ t want promises that can be broken.”
“ One day, we all will have to marry. All of us.” His eyes look around for a second time, seeing exactly what I have kept hidden on these walls, like a trophy case that fills me with sorrow instead of pride.
“ One day I will marry, and I will love her and protect her with everything I have,” his voice deepens, “ and if she should fall by the hands of my enemy, she will die knowing that I loved her, respected her, and that I will also die avenging her.”
He stops in front of me, his shadow pressing down like the hand of a deity upon my fatigued shoulders. “ Mila deserves the same. Love her and die for her,” he bends down, meeting me eye to eye, “ but don ’ t die because of her.”