Chapter 34
Mila
“ I don ’ t know if this was a mistake.” I push back the recline button of the plane seat. One of my father ’ s guards glances at me to check that I ’ m okay. I nod, and he turns back around.
“ Shopping in New York with a limitless credit card is never a mistake. We ’ re helping the economy.” Nova chimes as she slurps up the last of her cocktail.
I was wallowing in our dorm room, pining over Dash, when Nova spotted me and targeted me as her prey. The entire weekend he had all but ghosted me, not responding to my text. I curled up on the couch with my sketchbook as I tried to draw his face, thinking about his lips on me again. We were back to this terrible pattern. I didn ’ t know how to break it. Dash did warn me, and I accepted, but I wanted more. That was always my plan, to break him and get him to declare his love for me. I had to do something to change the monotonous repetition that always consumed us.
Nova yanked me up and somehow talked me into flying to New York for the afternoon to go shopping.Of course, I had three options. Flat-out deny her, which would have been next to impossible; I could have texted Dash to tell him, but I wanted to piss him off, make him feel how I felt when he ’ d just vanish without telling me. So I called my dad and got permission, and within the hour, Nova and I were sitting first class on a commercial plane with my two bodyguards as we prepared to spend a ridiculous amount of money on designer clothes I ’ d never wear.
Four hours and ten designer dresses later, Dash finally replied to my text. Nova snatched my phone and turned it off, then we continued to shop until our flight back home.
Nova is the backbone I ’ ve been lacking, but it ’ s hard to deny Dash. At the same time, I need him to know what he ’ s been putting me through. If he will only love me in the shadows, then I will do the same until he changes his mind.
Nova shoves a drink in my hand, “ I know you ’ re not used to feeling brave, Mila, so have some liquid courage.”I take a sip, and she grins. “ If you don ’ t take a stand and hold your ground, he will walk all over you. You keep waiting for Dash to make a move, but maybe you need to make your own. You ’ re always there waiting for him, Mila. Don ’ t be.” Nova arches a brow, watching as the words sink in.
I take another large sip, “ H…how,”
“ Just ask. No more stuttering in fear.”
“ How did you get this way? You ’ re so strong and sure of your every move.” Tell me so I can replicate it.
Nova ’ s gray eyes look straight ahead. What are you hiding from me, Nova?
Her eyes darken. They are a strange yet beautiful color or lack of color, I should say. Shades of gray in all different tones. They look like the pages of a coloring book waiting for someone to pick them up and show them some love.Maybe once they were a crystal clear blue, but something happened to shock and smash the saturation out of them.
“ We ’ re going to need more drinks.” She holds her cup up and signals for the stewardess, who nods.
I watch as she blinks rapidly as if she ’ s arguing with herself mentally. Whatever secrets lie in her past are her biggest struggle, and I ’ ve seen it play out over the weeks we have shared a dorm.Honestly, I think she fights sociopathic tendencies. I ’ ve seen her have no empathy at all, but then, at times like this, she mentors me. Sure, it ’ s twisted and sinister, but it ’ s the thought that counts.
“ Someone tore me down,” Nova mutters, she stares at the ice in her plastic cup with so much hate it should melt it. “ Someone betrayed me, then burned me. They turned me to ashes,” Her fingers squeezed the cup, bending the plastic.
“ And then what happened?”
She raises the cup to her mouth and begins to chew on the ice. “ I took all my ashes, mixed them with my tears, and formed a clay. Then I sculpted myself to stand again, and then I used the memories as fuel.”
The urge to hug her is overwhelming. But I know Nova would shove me away if I hugged her. “ Is this person at Empire University?” I dare to ask.
She glances down at me, eyes narrowed and cold. They blink with a warning to tread lightly.
I swallow. “ Was it Titan?” I whisper and wait with bated breath. Nova and Titan have this whole dark delight going on. They flirt by threatening each other. It ’ s no secret on campus that Titan has marked Nova as his. No one except me speaks to Nova in fear Titan will destroy them. I should be worried, but I know Nova is likely the only woman who can handle Titan King, and she likes his twisted attention.
“ I haven ’ t asked Titan anything regarding you.” I add. I want to help her, and I feel an obligation to. She ’ s like this wild cat that has been living alone. She uses her claws because that ’ s the only thing that has kept her alive. She never speaks of her past; all I know is what I googled, which told me her parents died in a helicopter crash, but like most kids here, I don ’ t think Nova was close to her parents. That isn’t what broke her.
“ Why?” Her lips press thin.
I reach out and touch her forearm. “ Because you ’ re my friend, too.”
She looks ahead as if that word pains her.
“ Was it Titan?” I ask again.
“ No.” She reaches for my drink and gulps it down.
“ If you ever need to talk about it, your secrets are safe with me.”
“ How sweet.” She hisses mockingly. There are those claws again. Like me, Nova isn ’ t used to having girlfriends; we both approach it differently. She lashes out while I keep trying to hug her.
I always try to save wild beasts because, deep down, I am one, and no matter how feral I become, I just want to know someone will save me in the end.
◆◆◆
I ’ m tipsy.
No, I ’ m drunk. Oops, that ’ s the wall. Walk straight, come on, you can do it.
"Is the hallway tipping?"
"No, that's your sanity finally taking a ride down the slide." Nova chuckles. "Don't worry, being insane is fun, and it's the perfect excuse for acting the way we do."
We drank way too much after we had our little heart to heart, and then we laughed so much I think I sculpted a six-pack from all my giggling on the plane ride home.
As I push open our door, it flies open. “ Whoops!” I stumble forward, laughing into strong arms that catch me. Icy blue eyes burn a hole in me. “ Why do you always catch me at the wrong time, Dash King?” I slump into his arms, relishing in the flexing of his muscles as he holds me to him.
“ Just let me fall… asleep in my bed so I can dream of you.” I am so tired and hungry. I should eat before I drink so much.
“What did you do?”
He ’ s pissed. Shocking, I know. I try to roll my eyes, but I ’ m so drunk I think I blink inside. “ Why do you have to speak?” I reach up and touch his mouth. “ Why can ’ t you just shut up and kiss me?”
Nova snorts as she bends over, laughing.
“ I ’ m not drunk. I ’ m tippy...tipping,” I squeeze my eyes shut. "Tipsy, that ’ s the one. Okay, maybe I am a little drunk,” I mutter.
“ Where were you?” Dash roars, hands gripping me tight, then tenderly as he checks me for any sign of injury. “ You didn ’ t answer my calls. You left the state without telling me.” He shouts.
“ My dad ’ s guards were with us,” I roll my eyes.
“ Calm down, Dashy. See Mila, I told you we should have gone home with those guys we met on the plane. They would have been a lot more fun.”
What?
Oh, you bad girl. I know what she ’ s doing. Any chance to piss off Dash and Nova will take it, no matter the cost.
“ You what?” Dash glares at me.
“ She ’ s joking,” I mutter as I pinch the bridge of my nose, fighting a sneeze. I want to laugh again, not fight.
“ You track her phone, Dasher,” Nova announces. “ that ’ s next-level creepy.”
Dash ’ s eyes turn livid.
“ Girl code required me to block all your apps and your number,” Nova smirks as she grabs a tube of lip gloss and paints her lips.
“ Dash,” Titan pushes off the wall. I didn ’ t notice him at all. I rub my eyes, trying to push away the drunken fog.
You know what, Nova ’ s right! Here I am apologizing and trying to soothe Dash when he ghosted me after the best orgasm of my life!
I step back out of his grip, raise my hand, and thank my mind for being drunk so I can have the confidence to do what I do next.
I smack Dash right across his pretty face. Damit! Shit! That stings! “ We ’ re done!” I shout as I shake my hand.
How do you like that, Dash? Whiplash.
I turn, stumble, and then right myself as I head for my dorm room.
That felt…good and bad, like taking medicine that was awful, but you know it ’ s going to heal you. Dash needs to know I ’ m not a doormat. I love him; I want him so badly I feel like I ’ m dying, but…I need more. He was right; I want more. Our hookups in the shadows won ’ t be enough because the light of the day illuminates our gaping holes, and the only way to shield ourselves from that light is to love each other so all the world can see.
Nova keeps taunting Dash. “ A job well done on my behalf. Have fun trying to handle your fiancée now.”
“ If you don ’ t make her suffer, I will,” Dash yells to Titan.
“ I don ’ t mind pain with a side of suffering, Dasher.” Nova teases.
“ Enough!” Titan roars as I shove myself inside my room. I kick the door shut, but Dash storms inside, grabs me and throws me over his shoulder.
“ Put me down!” I punch his back. He ’ s speed walking out of the building like I weigh nothing. “ Dash, I ’ m serious. I ’ m gonna puke.” I hit his ass, then giggled and hit it again.
“ You ’ re drunk,” He seethes.
“ Doesn ’ t matter; we ’ re not together anymore until you grow some balls.” I tip my head up, piercing out at the empty campus lawn, “ You hear that? I ’ m free!” I open my arms like I ’ m flying and not caught in his snare.
He swings me forward and cradles me in his arms, looking me dead in the drunken eyes. “ Together implies you can be separated.” His eyes gleam shades of blue and hazel. Fire and ice, opposing forces. His heart and mind constantly fight. “ We can ’ t be separated,” he growls.
My heart skips a beat. I know we can never separate our hearts, but I have to separate our bodies until your heart shows itself to me, my love.
He opens the door to his car and places me inside, taking the time to buckle me in before he grabs my chin. “ You can scream and shout all you want, tell me it ’ s over, kick me out, but you ’ re mine no matter what Nova convinces you to do. You belong to me.”
My throat thickens. This is when I ’ d crumble into his arms. It ’ s a declaration, after all. It ’ s his way of saying he loves me without voicing the words.
Stand strong. If you want his heart, you have to be brave. “ And like any asset, you pull me out to play when you see fit.” My eyes water. “ Love me.” I plead, as my bottom lip trembles.
I watch his throat bob as he swallows. He ’ s so close to saying it, but then he steps back and closes the door.I lean my head against the window as we make the silent drive back to his house. Tears fall slowly down my cheeks, burning and washing away all my hope.
“ You said you could handle this, my touch in the shadow. My cruelty in the light. You started this game, Mila. Not me. I planned to leave you alone, but you pushed and pushed until I fell into you again. You did this,” Dash whispers as he shifts the car into park.
I did because I thought you ’ d bend a knee, bunker down, and fight together.
“ I won ’ t risk you. I can ’ t give you what you want. I can ’ t hold your hand while we walk across campus. I can ’ t dance with you at a charity gala. I can ’ t look at you and smile while others watch. You ’ ll be a target.” Dash admits. “ This is all I can give you. Love behind walls that keep you safe.”
“ I ’ m already a target for your destruction.” I unbuckle and then stumble out of the car.
“ Mila,”
“ No!” I cry when he rounds the car. “ Maybe I ’ m selfish, Dash,” I shrug, “ But I need you. I need to hear you say you love me.”
His jaw clenches.
“ Just say it, and I ’ ll forgive you.” I ’ d live in your cage. There, I admit it. Just say it. Just me something to hold onto!
“ Why does it matter?” He steps forward, chest strong, and proud like this is a battle he refuses to lose.
“ It ’ s the moral of the story.”
“ The moral of our story is death! I have enemies, and you will be my wife, but if they know I love you, you will always be the top target. You will never be able to step outside without looking over your shoulder.”
“ So, what ’ s your grand plan?”I exhale, my shoulders deflate slowly, like a balloon left in a corner after a party—forgotten. Lingering until everything inside of it, holding it up, evaporates.
Oh, look, it's nothing but trash littering the floor now. Eventually, he will throw me out.
“ You want people to think you loathe me, that I ’ m nothing but an arrangement. A balloon at a party, merely a decoration you care nothing about, nor did you pick it out.”
His face hardens.
Yes. That’s his grand plan.
I close the distance and tip my chin up so high I almost stumble backward. “ I would look over my shoulder gladly, knowing that you ’ re standing next to me.” My throat is so thick with emotions that it's like pushing Play-Doh through a straw—almost impossible, incredibly messy.
I look towards the house—my cage. “ I need your love, Dash, but you know what I need more.” I grab his hands and squeeze them, then abruptly let them go. I glare into his eyes, knowing this will forever change us. You can ’ t look directly into the sun without it burning, blinding, and stealing a part of your senses. “ Your respect,” I tell him, and then I turn and walk away, leaving him with a stab wound made of my words.